(A/N: Heyo everyone! Random crack fic that was never completed. I'm leaving the first chapter up to amuse you all. NPOV equals to Naruto, SKPOV equals to Sakuro, and SPOV equals to Sasuke!

ENJOY MY PETS!!)

Backwards

Summary: "Team Seven: Haruno Sakuro, Uchiha Naruto" "YES!" "-and Uzumaki Sasuke."

Everyone's backwards? A vengeful Naruto, jinchikurii Sasuke and a fanboy Sakura?! Serious crack! and adventure.

By Serious crack! I mean it's crack but the story is very serious. So it (hopefully) is very funny!

Prologue:

The Art of Upside Down

I don't like you, you don't like me,

We trust each other with uncertainty,

Likes repel, opposites attract,

Yet as unusual magnets do we act,

For we stick together, though we are the same,

Yet too different to like the name

TEAM SEVEN

NPOV

Okay, so you know you're in shit when Haruno Sakuro comes over and sits beside you. I was just minding my own business when little Mr. Sunshine comes bee-bopping along and asks if he can sit beside me.

Can a gay guy with absurdly pink hair sit beside me?

Hell no.

I'll admit it; I'm a bit of a homophobe. There's just something not right about two guys rubbing cocks together, moaning in manly ecstasy...

Stop! Stop right there, Naruto, you're going to give yourself nightmares with that thinking.

Unfortunately, Sakuro took my lapse in silence as a 'yes'.

He settled himself down, waggling his oh-so-feminine hips as he did so, right beside me. I tried very hard to not pay attention to him, so I settled my elbows on my desk and rested my chin on my intertwined hands, staring hard at Iruka-sensei at the front of the class.

I took this moment, (in which Sakuro began babbling uselessly beside me), to brood. I did not do that too often anymore, but as soon as the gay kid with the hots for me sat down next to me, I instantly felt depressed. And a little defective; why was I the one with a creepy gay stalker?

The whole thing bothered me, but not nearly as much as someone else bothered me.

My brother, Uchiha Itachi; my rival, my worst enemy, my nightmare, and my older brother. The bastard killed my entire family and clan, single handedly, on one hot summer night. I still shudder and quake when I wake up, dripping with cold sweat, in the middle of the night, from one of those nightmares.

Fortunately, for my sanity, (though rather uncomfortable for my being), Uzumaki Sasuke chose this moment to plop himself next to Sakuro. He leaned over him and looked squarely at me.

I almost said what, but I bit my tongue back, not wanting to receive an answer. Instead, I continued to gaze impassively at the front, through wisps of golden bangs.

"Naruto!" he hissed, his obsidian orbs blazing with fire.

Ah, the Will of Fire. Something all shinobi of the hidden Leaf Village supposedly have; it is our strength, our spirit, and our will.

What a crock of bullshit!

"Uzumaki," I replied, still not meeting his gaze.

Though I found my tone neither sexy nor challenging, but monotone, Sakuro and Sasuke found different.

"Ooh, I love it when he talks like that!" Yamanaka Ino squealed behind me, along with Sakuro, while Sasuke smirked and asked, "So how 'bout it, Naruto? Want to spar, after class?"

Tch. No. Sasuke would simply be a waste of my time. I needed to do some real training, so I could get stronger to bring back my brother. My monster of a brother...

Though I still cry myself to sleep about it, my fingers itched to touch him, longed to hug him; for him to ruffle my hair and laugh with me. I still loved him. I loved that monster. I would do anything to bring him back home.

Even kill him.

Now I know that may sound contradictory, but even if we held a funeral for him, here in Konoha, and he was buried in the Leaf's soil, I'd feel better. Just knowing that he would be close by put my heart at ease.

But I wasn't going to get anywhere near strong if I sparred with the likes of Uzumaki Sasuke. He was determined and loud, and most of all, obnoxious. He was the dead last in the class, which put my odds of winning to one hundred percent, because I was the top of the class.

I looked over to tell him such, only to meet his hard gaze again. The burning determination there... the Will of Fire so strong...

I was instantly reminded of myself and I swallowed hard. Perhaps if I couldn't benefit something out of this fight, he would. After all, if it helped him reach his goals then it made me a better person. A hell of a lot better of a person than my rat bastard of a brother.

I grinned at Sasuke, flashing my teeth as I did so, and drawled out, "Sure, Uzumaki. Why not? It's not like I'll lose."

The look of shock and anger that flashed across Sasuke's whiskered face made me grin wider. I could practically hear Sakuro's erratic heartbeat as he gasped and blushed.

"You'd better be careful, Uchiha. I'm going to become a hell of a lot stronger than you one day. So watch out," Sasuke threatened in a dark, low voice. His dark eyes flashed with malice and he smirked.

I scowled back and growled at him, causing my surrounding fan girls to giggle and squeal. I ignore them, especially Sakuro, (my one fan boy), and tried to glare the Uzumaki down.

"Hn. We'll see, after class," I finally said, grinning again. Sasuke mirrored my grin on his own whiskered face, and murmured, "Yes... we'll see."

Oh, how I wanted to wipe that stupid smirk off of his stupid face!

I smiled to myself, returning my attention to the front of the classroom again, as I took relish in our awaiting fight.

I couldn't wait to help him.

SKPOV

My head darted back and forth, between Sasuke and Naruto, Naruto and Sasuke. Their little staring contest seemed to be over now, and their newly scheduled fight had suddenly become the buzz of the class.

"I bet my cookies on Naruto!"

"Me too."

"Me three!"

"Bah, I bet Sasuke."

"What?"

"What?!"

"WHAT?!"

"C'mon, give the guy a break, he works so hard!"

"Nope."

"Nah."

"Eh, I agree. I'll put down my mom's brownies on Uzumaki."

This idle chatter continued on and I tuned it out so I could gawk at Naruto.

Well, come on, give me a break! He's the hottest thing since the sun was born! I just love to watch him; the way his hair moves, each silky gold strand shining in the sun; his sparkling azure eyes, and that smile. Oh Kami, the smile that puts the Monalisa to shame.

My thoughts turned excitedly to the upcoming spar between my golden boy and Uzumaki Sasuke. It was the sure to be a sight. I let my emerald orbs wander slightly so that they came to rest upon the raven. With his dark hair and matching eyes, and milky white contrasting skin, he was plausibly handsome.

Except for those scars. Those six lines on his face, three on each cheek, that mysteriously lay there. No one knew how they got there, but rumors that went around said that they were from a fight, or even an attack. Some people speculated that his parents abused him, though I knew that was total and utter bullshit; he was an orphan. Or, at least that's what I had come to think. I have never ever seen his parents. Others said they were from some demon. A monster that possessed him in his sleep and attacked him. Like a little gremlin thing. Or some crazy shit like that. Of course that was all totally BS, but still, Sasuke scared the crap out of me. He was so cold, and annoying, and... mysterious. He certainly had a mysterious past. No one knew about his home life or if he even had one. I tended to stay away from him, like my parents told me to. They said he was 'a bad egg' whatever that means. I just knew that Uzumaki Sasuke was dark, scary and mean. Though perhaps there was something much more... and his loudmouth façade was to cover up the mystery that was him. But he was loud, and egotistical; he was always bragging, drawling loudly, about how he was going to be so much better than all of us, such a better ninja, and how one day he'll be the Hokage.

The day Uzumaki Sasuke becomes the Hokage, is the day I will prance around Konohagakure naked, proclaiming my love for Naruto... Ha! That would be fun!

I started fantasizing about the after effects of my imaginary stunt. Said fantasy involved one Uchiha Naruto and an already naked me, skipping happily about Konoha, then to his home, into his shower and, ah, washing each other... and not with a sponge, either.

I brought my mind back to earth and to the afternoon's upcoming fight. I randomly wondered if Sasuke would rip Naruto's shirt right off or something, with a couple of kunai. My mouth started to water at the thought of a bloody, sweaty, half nude Naruto, and I had to cross my legs to disguise my little, er, friend that had popped up for a visit.

Thankfully, Iruka-sensei broke through my cloudy, and distracted mind, and back to the classroom.

"Alright, everyone, settle down. Shikamaru, wake up! Ino, sit down! Shino! SHINO! Put the tarantula back into it's cage! C'mon class, settle please!" Iruka's soft voice desperately tried to get our attention. I looked around to see our class was in the state of a zoo- kids were entangled with their chairs, sitting on their desks, racing around the room, throwing things and chatting. I felt bad for Iruka, so I sent him a smile which he nodded appreciatively at. I instantly felt warm and tingly for the praise.

Hmm. Iruka-sensei was very handsome... with his dark, soft flesh and his brown, kind eyes... hmm... if only I was a yes years older-

NO! Sakuro, pay attention! This is school not a strip club! You do not ogle at the person up front!

Sneakily, I shifted my long pink hair so I fell in a curtain across my face. Through the strands I stole another longer-than-necessary glance at Naruto. I could still gawk at him.

"QUIET!" Iruka-sensei suddenly thundered out. Quite the silence followed his outburst, and I looked around to see everyone frozen in their positions; Kiba had one foot in mid air and both hands on the ground, supporting him, eyes bulging from the blood rush. Even Naruto looked shocked; his azure eyes were very wide and his perfectly plump lips had fallen open to form a perfect 'o'.

"Thank you," Iruka breathed shakily. Clearly his load outburst had taken a toll on the poor man.

"Now then, as you all know, today is the day I tell you your assigned teams. Each team will be assigned a Jounin sensei, also. Your team and your sensei will be your cell, your family. It's with your team that you move foreword with into the world, and become shinobi. It's with your team that you learn and grow and experience happiness, love, friendship, hated and even death," Iruka paused to glare at us at this point, "So don't waste this opportunity. Make friends within your cell. There is nothing left for me to teach you, at this point, so..." Iruka sighed, as if he felt disheartened about this fact. Fat chance! He was probably already making plans for a huge party, during which he'll get morbidly drunk and prance around naked singing, "I'm free! I'm free!"

"Alright, so here are the teams; Team one..."

He went down the list calling out random peoples names and receiving either shouts of joy or moans of protest. I anxiously looked down at my lap, fidgeting with the hem of my red t-shirt, which had the white Haruno circle on the front. My mind began wandering in distress.

What if I wasn't on Naruto's team? What if he was on someone else's team, like Ino-pig? I'd never see him again.

Urgh! I hate Ino-pig! She's such a pig! We used to be good friends when we were little, but one day, when we were around nine or ten, I came out of the closet. Instantly she hugged me and squealed about how she knew and that she was proud of me and blah, blah, blah. Then I confessed that I was in love with Naruto-kun. I remember her reaction very clearly. Her faced turned about ten different shades of blue and everything in between, before paling to a sickly white. Her stealy teal orbs grew as round as saucers and she began to sputter. Then she stood up from our spot on the bench and grabbed the front of my shirt, rather aggressively. I remembered feeling utterly perplexed at her sudden mood swing, then reminding myself that she was a girl- maybe it was just her time. Then she started crying and calling me a faggot and a gay cock sucker.

Well, after that we were no longer friends. That little bitch still made fun of me to this day, relentlessly slapping out the 'fag' card whenever she could. She even went so far as to make fun of my abnormally large forehead, (creatively hidden by my 'emo'-styled bangs), and telling everyone at school it was from all of my cock sucking. Apparently, I'd sucked one so large it went all the way up into my head and pushed out my forehead.

Have I mentioned she's a bitch?

Well she is. I'm very shy about my sexuality, though everyone knows I'm gay, I've never been with a guy. Hell, I've never been with a girl! (Though Ino-pig makes me detest them more and more). But I don't want it all rough and hard, as Ino implies. I want a relationship, with someone gentle and loving and affectionate. I want a boyfriend I can kiss and hug in public.

Unfortunately, Ino pretty much ruined my reputation, so not even the yaoi fan girls will talk to me. It sucks.

"Team seven: Haruno Sakuro..." At the sound of my name, my heat shot, eyes gleaming. I could feel my heart pounding wildly in my chest- who else was on my team?!

SPOV

"...Uchiha Naruto-"

Beside me Sakuro stood up and squealed.

Please don't be me. Please don't be me.

This was the only coherent phrase my mind could form. I had something like little to no friends in my class, so I didn't really care who I was stuck with.

I just did not- DID NOT- want to be placed on the fag's and golden boy, Uchiha Naruto's team. Please, Kami, shed some mercy on my pathetic existence. I've been through hell a million times and back; I did not need this too.

"-and Uzumaki Sasuke."

Apparently, there isn't a god.

Damn it! God damn it!

Normally I like Iruka-sensei; I sort of grown to think of him as a father figure. But right now, at that instant, I hated him.

"Fuck," I muttered under my breath as, out of the corner of my eye, I saw Uchiha Naruto grinning smugly at me.

Fuck.

I wearily raised my dark orbs to glare at Iruka-sensei. His soft brown eyes met mine and gave me a pleading, apologetic look. I gave a curt nod of my head, implying I forgave him, and sighed.

This was probably going to bring around yet another bout of therapy sessions from Iruka.

See, Iruka is the closest thing I have to a family. And since he is always so busy at the academy, he's more like a good friend anyway. When I was really young he devoted a lot of time to me, but as I've gotten older, more of an adolescence, there have been other weaklings that have enrolled in the academy that need tending to.

I gnashed my teeth angrily at this thought- that I was weak. I knew it. My biggest dream, no, my goal in life, was to surpass Naruto in strength and become the Hokage of Konohakagure. Then maybe, just maybe, the people of Konoha village would accept me and recognize me as strong and not a demon.

This thought brought another wave of repressed anger crashing down on me. Everyone in the village, save for Iruka-sensei and the third Hokage himself, treated me with malice and cruelty. For my entire orphaned life I went through abuse; both physical and verbal, so that my mental stability broke down. I was an emotional wreck on the inside, but with no parents or family to guide me, I had no clue how to react to such pain. So I acted out. I used to be the class clown, cracking mean jokes to get people to notice me, laugh with me; just like real friends.

But the satisfaction only lasted so long. As soon as the laughter of my peers around me died down they'd go back to ignoring me, and muttering about me behind my back. They may have acted like 'friends' but in truth I've never had a friend in my entire life.

Save for Iruka-sensei. When I arrived at Konoha Ninja Academy at the age of five, I was a broken down, messed up, badass street kid. I had guts and moxy, but I only ever spoke words. Physically, I was about as strong as a mosquito.

Iruka took pity on me and took me under his wing. He kept me after class, (which made my classmates think I was a bad egg, getting punished), so he could practice extra with me. He kept it on the down-low, even encourage me to go along with the 'badass rep' thing so no one knew I was getting private lessons from him. In a way it was just remedial help, but it was also so much more. Iruka gave me nurturing love, encouraged me, praised me. It filled me up with such a high and made my chest swell with pride. Soon we were staying out to train so hard that it was well after dark by the time we left the training grounds. I remembered the first time he took me to Ichiraku's after a particularly exhausting practice.

The bright light's and loud bubbly atmosphere was intoxicating, making my eyes go wide and my body numb with pleasure and curiosity. The crowd's upbeat happiness was infectious; I soon too was smiling (a real smile) and laughing with Iruka-sensei.

By the time our misu ramen had arrived I was prepared for anything. I'd picked up my chopsticks with glee and praised to Kami before digging in to the most delicious thing to ever slide down my throat. The strange, spicy taste was addictive.

Now there hasn't been a practice session that hasn't ended with me dragging Iruka-sensei to the ramen shop to treat me to the godlike noodles.

"Ahem! Class! Class! Please settle down, I'm not finished," Iruka-sensei's weary voice called out. I could tell he just wanted out of here- his dark chocolate orbs were drained and dull. Poor sensei.

Maybe he could treat us to some ramen!

"Now, now, class, listen I know you're all excited, but please, I need to distribute your jounin sensei's names before you can all take off for lunch," Iruka called.

The class shut up. Much to everyone's surprise.

"Okay, team one, please get down here."

I let myself tune out to the useless babble that started to arise again amongst the class.

Unfortunately, Naruto didn't seem to want to be tuned out.

"Oi, Uzumaki. Still wanna spar, because you know, now that we're team mates I don't want one of our members crippled. And even before we start a mission!" He grinned cockily at me, his blue eyes flashing with malice. Beside me Sakuro started to hyperventilate- again.

I rolled my eyes and mustered up the biggest booming voice I could.

"Whatever, Uchiha! Sure you can talk, but can you fight?" I waggled a raven eyebrow at him and grinned back.

"'Cause, you know, it'd be bad if you turned out to be a crappy shinobi before we even start a mission!"

It worked. My taunting brought the entire class' attention to mine and the Uchiha's useless threats. Naruto's face had darkened considerably and he suddenly stood up, his stool scraping loudly as it was pushed aside.

"Fuck you, Uzumaki Sasuke. You are a worthless little punk, who will never be Hogake. No one even gives a shit if you crawl into a hole and die, so you'd better watch out- because when I'm through with you there will be no one in attendance to the funeral."

I blinked, feeling my stomach clench with unease, but I remained where I was. I kept a cool, uncaring look on my face and was painfully reminded of a few days previously when Mizuki-sensei had tricked my into stealing a forbidden scroll. Sure, I learned out to do Kage Bunshin no Jutsu, but as he faced me with a maniacal glint in his eyes and a Demon Wind Shuriken, I had to put on a brave face while I felt like crying. Iruka-sensei had been brutally injured and I was left to fend for myself. My whole tough guy impression may have impressed Mizuki but he wasn't fooled. I think it was my massive amounts of shadow clones that really through him off, but I was internally shaking the whole time. Especially when he'd told me what I really was. The container for the Kyuubi. Still, I'd held my brave face the entire time.

Naruto growled a little in the back of his throat.

"K-Kami!" Sakuro whispered all too audibly. I kept glaring at Naruto, despite my fear, for a greater fear had arisen inside of me. I did not want to look down to see Sakuro's erection, God damn it!

"Well, if no one attends my funeral at least it won't be as bad as when everyone shows up to yours, but doesn't care. They'll all go, "Oh how's the weather today, Jim" while your cold, hard corpse is buried in the ground, and then they'll go out for drinks later!" I snapped, keeping my eyes level with Naruto. Really, I was a big hypocrite, because nobody could talk the talk better than me, but I sincerely hoped he'd be gullible enough to swallow my bluff and call of the fight.

Ha! Fat chance.

"Fat chance, Sasuke. Maybe after I crush you, I ca-"

"Team Seven, please get down here! I need to tell you your sensei!" Iruka-sensei yelled in a warning tone. I knew he'd heard every word of our conversation, and as Naruto and I turned our backs to each other and walked stiffly down the rows, I guiltily met his disappointed glace. I looked away- it's not like I haven't gotten that look before.

When we all stood in front of Iruka's desk, Sakuro between Naruto and I (possibly to keep us apart, possibly just to stand next to Naruto... most likely the latter), he spoke.

"Alright, boys, you are, as of today, a three man cell. Get to know each other, become friends. Right, Naruto? Sasuke?" At this particular mention I snapped my gaze back to Iruka. He was giving me that look. The 'behave yourself Sasuke, because I know you know better and I've taught you better/ NO RAMEN FOR A WEEK!!' look.

"Sakuro, keep these other guys in check for me, will ya?" Iruka muttered to the pink haired boy softly who flushed and bowed his head.

"Y-yes sensei," he smiled.

"Alrighty then, Team Seven, your sensei is Hatake Kakashi. He will meet you in room 208, down the hall from here, after lunch."

We all nodded our heads and turned around to slump back to our seats. As we walked away I could here Iruka softly telling Team eight, (Kiba, Shino, and Hinata), that their sensei was someone named Kureni.

I contemplated opting for an empty seat next to Shikamaru on the way back, but gloomily sat next to Sakuro again as I noticed the rather large pile of drool he'd accumulated.

I vaguely wondered if he was ever awake.

The next twenty minutes simply dragged on, with my new team (Team Seven) completely ignoring each other.

Then I vaguely wondered if this would ever work.

The bell finally rang, and on the way out the door I heard Sakuro call out Naruto's name, who simply ignored him, and then pushed roughly past me. I rubbed my shoulder while looking around for a most likely hurt Sakuro.

I couldn't spot the boy's pink head anywhere so I sighed and let myself be jostled about by my classmates out the door, to eat lunch alone.

Again.

(A/N: Mahahaha!! Hopefully you enjoyed! This was the prologue for a fic I was writing with Out-Of-Controll-Authoress however it fell through ~sad face!~ Also however, I'm leaving this up here as a one~shot.....thing. This will not become a story or be updated, but I simply could not find it in me to take this down. So this is the first (and last) chapter of Backwards, which was written by me.

Keep it chill!)

Love, NAFG-chan