Author's Note: Hey again, guys. My other story is, well, let's face it, pretty much a bust, but I'm not going to give up on it. But, in the meantime, I've come up with a new idea for a fanfiction.
Summary: Derek is forced to help Casey out of her 'break-up-funk' by helping her get back into the dating game… but sabotage is in the air when Derek has it in for each and every guy she hooks up with.
Disclaimer: I am not, in any way, affiliated with Life with Derek or any of its characters.
Twelve Letter Word for Sabotage
1. Say, What Now?
--
"Derek, you need to take some action."
Derek looked up see two apprehensive pairs of eyes looking down at him. "Say what?"
George glanced over at Nora for approval before she gave a slight urging nod for him to continue. He leaned across the island, opposite of Derek, clasping his hands together.
He took a deep breath, "We need to ask you a favor…"
"No," came the simple reply. "No, no, no, no. You know I don't do acts of kindness of any kind, shape or form."
"Come on, Derek," Nora cut in. "It's for Casey."
He snorted, his tone sarcastic, "Yeah, I'm a goner for sure, now."
"Derek," George chided.
"Look," Derek said, resting his hands on the island as well. "If I were to do some kind of favor, hypothetically, of course, it would never be for Casey."
"She's your step-sister, Derek," his father pleaded.
"Wow, I'm putty in your evil, little hands."
Nora frowned, "She hasn't been herself lately. Ever since that whole ordeal with Max, she… -"
She trailed off, as a morose-looking Casey entered the kitchen, clad in her button-up pajamas.
"It's probably just one of her phases," Derek whispered to the two concerned-looking parents. "Watch the D-Man work his magic… hey, Spacecase!"
Casey peeked over at him from her spot at the pantry, her quirked brow incentive for him to continue.
"Have you seen my headphones?" She looked at him, questioningly. "I think it got lost somewhere in that rat's nest you call hair."
He looked over at George and Nora, wink and smirk in tow, then back at Casey. He braced himself for a, "Der-ek!" or maybe even an unimpressive comeback, but instead…
She sighed, grabbing some chocolate icing and a spoon.
"Y-you, uh… hey, better watch them carbs before your waist explodes to match your thighs," he attempted lamely, and might George and Nora add, a little desperately.
Casey exhaled through her nose exhaustedly, and gave a pathetic truce-smile, before jogging back upstairs.
Derek found his jaw hit the island counter and his eyes trail back to his parents. Their expression read, "Told you so."
"Hey," he said, regaining composure. "This is not my problem. I'm not affiliated with Casey or her menstrual stages."
They both sighed, their eyes beseeching, "Derek."
Ah, the puppy-dog-eyes. They should know better. Who're they dealing with here?
"No dice, guys. Sorry."
George raised his eyebrows, "Alright, if you won't meet our request, how about—"
"Ah, ah, ah," Derek waggled his index finger. "A bribe is out of the question…"
"Yeah? Then, what about—"
"… as are threats," he finished for him.
George pursed his lips in defeat, "Well, we tried."
"George!" Nora swatted his shoulder. "Look, Derek. We're only asking you to this one thing. We're not asking you to sit by her bed and feed her chocolate cake while she drones on and on and on. We're not asking you to buy her tissues and listen to her name a hundred things wrong with the male specimen. We're merely asking you to do one thing, a preposition, if you will. The one thing you do best…"
Derek's eyebrows pulled together, "Y'lost me."
Nora leaned across the table, her face a mere foot in front of his so that he could clearly read her, "I mean business," expression. "Teach her."
He scoffed and George shook his head in confusion.
"Excuse me?" They called out in unison.
"You heard me. Teach her," she smirked, a side of Nora never seen before. "You're so keen on getting everyone to be aware of your 'charm', 'wit' and, dare I say, 'manliness'. So, prove it."
"Prove it?" Derek repeated in disbelief. "Let me get this straight, Nora. You want me to teach Casey to be like me?"
She nodded blithely, "For lack of better words."
He snorted, "With all due respect, Nora, you're daughter is… well, she's a keener, a grubber. She's socially-inept, a klutz, I confirm, on frequent occasions. I, on the other hand, am the complete opposite. How, pray tell, do you expect me to modify… her?"
She did not flinch, but simply exhaled through her nose, "It won't be an over-night thing, apparently. All I'm –," George nudged her, gently, "– we're asking is for some of your time and a heck of a lot of patience. I just know that if, and I have faith in you, it works, Casey will be 'de-funkified' in no time, with an addition of your exceptional charm and appeal. Which we both know, however, will never compare to the real thing." She smirked and raised her brow knowingly. Putty.
Derek crossed his arms and the corner of his mouth twitched.
"I take back what I said earlier. Nora, you sure know how to persuade a guy… even if it's by aiming for his ego, which I applaude."
"So, you'll do it?"
He sighed dramatically, "I suppose. But not for her. For me; if anything, I'll be perfecting and brushing up on my gifted skill… so it could be a win-win outcome."
Nora smiled, "Derek, you're the best!"
"Yeah, yeah, don't push it," he warned, getting up from his spot at the island.
George, who remained throughout the entire exchange silently with his mouth formed in an 'o'-shape, looked over at Nora with a mix of admiration and incredulity.
Derek rolled his eyes and exited the kitchen, jogging up the stairs.
"Well," George said, finally, getting up from his seat as well. "I thought we did good."
He made his way to their bedroom, Nora on his heels, while he swallowed a laugh.
"What do you mean 'we'!?"
--
"Hey…," Casey protested, upon having Derek barge into her room and snatching the chocolate icing container and spoon out of her reach, mid-eat. She reached for it, arms outstretched.
"Ah, ah," he chastised, holding it far from her grasp. "You'll get this back when you manage to get out of this… this funk of yours."
"Funk?" She repeated, still reaching for the goo-ey dessert. "I'm fine, I swear. Just hand over the icing!"
"Casey, forget the damn chocolate!" He cried, setting in atop her dresser. "You need to snap out of it."
She pouted and attempted to give him the infamous 'cold shoulder' by picking up the creased, rumpled book in her lap and turning away.
Derek craned his neck, "He's Just Not That Into You? Casey!"
"I can't help it," she whined, tossing the book so that it landed at the foot of her bed. "I miss hi–"
"A-lalala," he plugged his ears with his fingers and cried out tonelessly, in attempt to drown out the possibility of a heart-to-heart.
"God, what died?" A confused Edwin passed by Casey's room, digging out his ear.
"Keep walking, smart-aleck, while you still have the ability to!"
Once Derek shooed him away, he turned back to Casey who was looking at him, bemused.
"Mature," she said simply.
"Yes!" He exclaimed, kneeling down by her bedside. "This is what we do. The bickering, the insults… not the pathetic little frowns and nonchalant walk-by's."
She didn't respond, just looked him square in the face.
"This whole façade you got going on, the whole 'I'm fine, I'm over it,' mask you put on at school," he shook his head. "It's got to come down one way or another, McDonald. You're not fooling anyone."
Casey frowned, "But I am fine."
He snorted, looking pointedly at the half-eaten chocolate icing, "So I see."
"Derek, honestly?" She sighed. "I just need to be alone for awhile. With Ma-… him breaking up with me-"
"Casey, you broke up with him…"
"Beside the point," she waved away quickly, "all I need is some time to sort things out in my mind. To know where I'm going and… and why am I talking about this with you? Since when do you care if I'm caught up in my pathetic pool of depression?"
"Trust me; I'm trying desperately not to drown you in it."
"Charming."
"Casey, look. I don't like you, which I'm sure you know –"
"Delightful. Did you come in here just to make me sink lower?"
"– but," he narrowed his eyes at her, emphasizing the fact that he wasn't finished, "it's in my nature to feel a little - no - less than a little amount of sorry for people, including you. Plus, to be frank, you don't hide dejection very well. And, let's face it; we're family… no matter how much I wish otherwise." He finished under his breath.
She forced a smile. "Wow, Derek. That was surprisingly heart-felt… in so many words."
"Yeah, well. Don't read too much into it, I've got my rep to uphold," he warned.
"Ay ay, Captain Venturi." Casey saluted.
"Anyway," he continued, drawing out a long, theatrical breath. "I've decided to h… he-. He-help you."
Was this some type of twisted joke? Some new way of tormenting her?
"You?" She scoffed. "You help me?"
"Yeah, I'm still getting over it myself."
"Thanks, Derek, but I don't need any help. I just need to be alone." She said, apologetically.
His nostrils flared and he scrambled up from the floor. "Fine. I'm trying here, but if you want to stay cooped up in your dismal, little world, then fine. Excuse me for caring."
She raised her eyebrows, taken aback, as he stormed out of her room. Moments passed, before the familiar stampede-shuffle of his feet was heard outside in the hallway and he reappeared, running a hand through his hair.
"You need my help, Case," he said, finally.
Casey looked down, fumbling with the corner of her royal purple duvet.
"You need my help," he repeated, lengthening each word. "No one should enjoy feeling like this, Princess. You keep burying yourself deeper and deeper into this bottle of emotions you keep building up. You can't just do that; you can't cork up your feelings and not expect them to erupt one way or another."
She sucked in a breath at the truth of these words… coming from Derek.
He could sense her bewilderment, so he added, "Which is why we need to fix you. 'De-funkify' is how Nora put it, her words, not mine."
She felt a smile tugging at the corner of her lips while glancing at him through her peripherals.
"And who a better mentor than the great, almighty Venturi?" He broadened his chest and stuck his hands on his hips for emphasis.
"So, Edwin's teaching me?" She said finally, her tone teasing.
"Watch it, Princess," he narrowed his eyes at her. "Now, before we begin, we're going to set some ground rules."
Casey raised her eyebrow, waiting.
"First off, no questioning my authority or methods. Everything I tell you, guaranteed, will be full-proof. You will do as I say when I say. Secondly, if the requirements are not met by the end of the allotted time, we will double them until you get the technique correct, along with the dates to go with it…"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa," she held up her hands. "This whole thing… you're going to 'de-funkify' me by getting me dates?"
"No, that's your job," he corrected. "I'm simply here to teach and guide."
"Derek," she shook her head slowly. "I don't think I'm ready to get back out there…"
"Silence!" He clapped his palms together, causing her to jump. "No questioning my method! And anyway, you're talking to the King of No-Commitment, here. Think of them as merely hook-ups, not relationships."
"Please don't tell me you're turning me into a whore."
"Casey," he said, seriously. "I'm certain that even I don't have the ability to do that."
She rolled her eyes, "So dates are all, then? No commitment, nothing serious?"
"Yeah, yeah," he said impatiently. "Just something to get you back up on your feet again, to get you back out there."
Casey bit her lip, indecisively.
"C'mon, Spacecase," he persuaded. "Aren't you tired of this 'goody-two-shoes' rep? Show everyone, including M –"
She sent him a glare, threatening to murder any form of existence within a twenty-mile radius.
"You-know-who," he finished delicately, along with an involuntary shudder, "how much a stupid guy doesn't mean to you. Who knows? Pretty soon, you might believe it, too."
She drew a long breath, and looked up at him, confirming that he was done.
"I guess it could work," she half-shrugged, her eyes doubting. "I mean, what do I have to lose… besides my sanity."
"That's the spirit, sis."
--
"Whoa, rewind and pause. Derek Venturi wants to help you?"
The halls of Thompson High came to a deafeningly silent halt upon hearing this revelation.
Casey nodded, urging her friend through the awkward stares and questioning glances, "Trust me; I was just as surprised as you are."
"I mean, that's tremendously generous of him, don't get me wrong," Emily said, "but it's so… so unordinary, so un-Derek-like."
"Tell me about it."
"But maybe it's a good thing." She asked, rather than said. "Seeing you so miserable, so…"
"I wouldn't say miserable," Casey muttered defensively.
"You know what I mean," Emily gave an apologetic half-smile. "So 'not yourself'. Better? Anyway, it's great he's going to help you get back out there."
"I suppose," she sighed. "You'll come with me, though, won't you? For moral support?"
"Of course, silly! I wouldn't miss it. Would it be weird if I took notes?" She asked, jokingly.
Casey laughed, probably the first genuine show of any type of happy emotion in weeks, and shoved her friend playfully.
"Casey, don't take this lightly," Emily reminded, serious now. "Derek is…, he's like, the God of Attraction. He can get any girl with the snap of his finger and here he is, practically thrusting his secrets into your hands. It's like, a privilege. No, an honor."
Casey rolled her eyes, "Please, Em."
"I'm serious," she giggled. "I wouldn't be surprised if you had every guy on you within a matter of days, Derek Junior."
"Eeyuck," she scrunched up her nose in distaste. "I refuse to be Derek's protégé. All I'm doing is accepting his little act of kindness."
"Well, that 'little act of kindness' is going to get you a whole lot of eye candy," Emily said, raising her eyebrows up and down, giggling.
A heavy hand came down on Casey's shoulder and she turned suddenly, coming face to face with Derek.
"Smelly Nellie's, three-thirty, after school."
And he was gone so fast, she was half-convinced the entire thing was a figment of her imagination.
Emily looked after him, confirming that she wasn't going crazy.
"What just happened?" Casey asked.
"Sounds like your first lesson."
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A/N: Sooo? Any good? Feedback is always, always, always appreciated. Hope you enjoyed :o)