Stand by for another breakdown. Another little loss of control, each time more frustrating than the last. It built, like static, clinging to his every movement. He fairly crackled, some days. Like today. His calm, measured steps echoed on damp wood, even as the ropes and piles burned with energy. Energy he couldn't reign in, but wouldn't let do more than spark.
'Wouldn't do t' burn th' dock, now would it?'
Even his thoughts were sarcastic and snide. Contemptuous.
'Merde. I've been round these folks too long now. Thinkin' words like 'contemptuous'. That ain't me.'
He sighed, a whisper in the whipping wind off the lake. Swallowed, like the rest of him.
Powers swallowed by his own inability, he was unable to control them. Impotent.
Life swallowed by angst, by too many teens and too many fucked up people living in one place. The mansion fairly shook with the verbal battles waged each day.
Some days, Remy sighed, it wasn't worth the trouble. He could hear faint sounds of laughter and angry yells. Life. But not his. He wasn't really a part of that life anymore. Not quite a loner, either. Ever since his last, and with any mercy, final breakup with Rogue… He had no ties. Storm… She still had a hard time with facing him alone for long periods.
And that hurt, her inability to look past mistakes and forgive. No one asked her to forget, but he did ask her to forgive. He carried enough guilt for the Morlocks, she needn't be burdened with it too.
He lifted his hand, watching the pinkish light race all around it. He wondered sometimes, what it would be to simply turn all this energy, all this power, into his own body. Would it be freeing, death? Or would it be terrifying? Some days all he wanted was to find that out. To fill to bursting with his own innate power. To look at the world in hues of pink, through blue eyes.
He'd always dreamed of blue eyes.
"Penny for your thoughts."
Heavy footsteps coming across the dock. The smell of Cuban cigars cloying and yet familiar. Remy glanced to his right. Logan stood there, chewing a cigar and staring at the water. Two inches between them and the edge of the dock. Seven between the two of them, shoulder to shoulder.
"Ain't nothin' much worth hearin, Logan."
"Lets hear it anyways."
"Why you doin' this? You ain't said more'n three damn paragraphs t' me in th' past. You ain't the cuddly sort."
Logan looked Remy in the eyes, staring unflinchingly into red-black depths.
"I think we got more in common than you'd know."
Remy broke the contact and stared at the water again. The slow ripples on the surface, the deep blue of the water. He was quiet for a few minutes, but Logan never prompted, never urged.
It was nice,
"I can't keep it all in, you know? It keeps on comin' out an' out an' out. One more lecture on how I need ta keep trying to control my powers, an' I t'ink I might just blow the whole damn place."
He sighed. But Logan only nodded, his placid expression unchanging. Remy looked to the sky, eyes closed against the intolerable brightness of the sun.
"Some times, I just lay there in bed, wonderin' is this ain't just some dream, some fantasy an' I'm still on that ice, dyin'. Can't figure out if it's a bien dream, or if it's a nightmare. An' all I want ta do is take all that power that keeps just leaking out of me, and shove it back in… let it build inside until it just…"
He made a fist and then opened it, palm up. Logan was silent for a few moments, and then he sighed.
"Pardon, mon aami. Why don' you go back to th' celebration. I be there in a bit, oui?"
He smiled his most handsome smile. But Logan only looked at him with those inscrutable blue eyes.
'Never noticed they were blue before…'
"Think I'll stay. Always hated Saturdays with all those brats. 'S quiet here. Nice, some times, ta have a bit o' company ta keep ya from thinkin' too much."
A shared smile, and both men looked back out to the water, enjoying the silent companionship.