A While
AN- I've been trying to write differently, from different perspectives and what not. The past month I've been writing short tidbits like these, so please bear with me till I'm in full mode again. Harshness is not appreciated but constructive criticism is :)
Updated-P.S. This first part is in form of say... a letter or just very organized inner thoughts. I have also revised this a little since I first put it up on the site, a few days ago, so no weird jumbled mumbled nonsense for the most part. Thanks for reading.
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Winter has returns for a ninth time; your death still hangs low in the air. Everyone tells me I shouldn't pity myself so. But I should, shouldn't I? I find myself questioning the ties to everyone... I think you were a light of hope, and once you burned out I lost every chance to happiness.
You said "It'll be alright now." I believe it barely... You aren't here for me. You went and died for us all. I would kill off every one of the people you saved to be with you. Hell could rain all its horrors on me and I wouldn't flinch. I have an appetite for what will never come again...
-Cloud.
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"Cloud."
"Cloud."
I was in a flower field, with Aerith. I peeked with one eye open. "It's been a while, hasn't it?" Her voice was like music to me, even after all this time. She was knelt over brushing the hair out of my face.
"Mm." Was all I could conjure, and shut my eyes. Every couple years she comes to visit me like this... I don't know why.
I can't describe it well, but I can smell her… the flowers, earthly and heavenly. Words cannot describe completely...
"How have you been?" She asked, her tone full of hope and curiosity.
I sighed, my eyes still shut. "Grey." With what time I had with her I wanted to indulge entirely, not seeing so much made it possible... it wasn't just her beautiful face I died to know again, it was her voice. The way she moved around and how you could tell when she was happy or sad. Everything...
"Grey?" The womanly figure laughed. "That isn't true, is it?" She stroked my cheek; I knew she was looking at me with a smile.
The only thing that gloomed me over during these times was her cold body. Her fingers were like ice. Her knees were dug in my sides too. I held back a shiver.
My throat was closing a little. "It is." I swallowed; no matter if I felt or heard her she was still dead.
"Why grey?" She chimed. Her fingers traced to my chest, moving in a circular motion.
With a bit of a smirk I replied. "Without your light, it's grey." I knew she stopped smiling at that remark.
"It doesn't have to be grey." She whispered.
"Yes it does." I wanted to shout to the world! "It always does!" So I did. I could barely stand the cold emanating from her. I wanted to cry my life away in a pool of lava. Burning and searing my skin and throat, perhaps I would...
She huffed heavily. "I'm here now." She took her hands away, and scooted farther from my body.
It was still cold, nothing helped. "No you aren't." I retorted maliciously.
"If you looked, you'd see." A small smile reappeared in her voice.
My anger was growing like a flame. No water to put it out. "I won't. You never stay long." I was defiant like a child to his mother.
Her smile stayed, and she plucked a flower. "I can't." She placed the lily on my chest, and pats my arm reassuringly.
"I need you." I pleaded. My eyes are stinging, even shut.
I wanted her to sing in agreement, but she never does. "No you don't." She argued.
"..." I needed the silence. I needed to think I was hallucinating and she never rejected me. That she never existed.
I need all these things, but never receive them. "..." I feel she teases me like this, or maybe trying to encourage me.
I could never pretend she didn't exist, so I opened my eyes. "Are you leaving now?" I gave in for the thousandth time...
She was the worst drug to me...
"Yes." My eyes stung again, but I didn't shut them. I was so foolish to believe there's any hope.
She sat beside me again, she picked another flower and smelled it. "When will you be back?" I asked unconsciously, trying to think what that one flower she held smelt like.
"I won't be." She answered. Breathing heavily, why did she breathe? She was dead. Cold… and dead. She should have returned as a corpse bloated with water. She chuckled softly, almost as if hearing my thoughts. Perhaps she was had more of a morbid humor than I ever thought…
I shut my eyes again. "I'll be grey..." I was almost considering begging, crying like a whelp and holding her for dear life.
A moment passed; and I reached for her, grabbing one of her freezing hands as strong as I could. "Love will make it better again." She stared me straight in the eye. I missed them so much.
I knew she wasn't talking about her love... or maybe not even romantic love...
I wish I was dead too. "How do you know?" My voice had a hint of trembling in it.
"From experience." She laughed. As if there were any humor in it.
"What?" My voice stopped the trembling, now a hoarseness with a tinge of anger. I loosened my grip on her, reluctantly.
My eyes traced the sky; there was no sun, but my eyes still hurt looking up. It was invisible. I raised my free hand to block it out. She leaned over me. "It doesn't matter anymore. Just remember."
I smiled softly, I would understand later. "... I always do." My comfort to her.
"Even if it will be a while?" She let go of my hand, and my eyes adjusted to the invisible sun so I let my hand fall on the flowers.
"Always and forever." I said. I meant it too.
I touched her cheek. "Goodbye." She held my hand once more, and closed her eyes with a smile.
"Goodbye..."
I felt risen and sunk. Sad and happy. And shortly thereafter I prayed.
...
I never saw her again, except in my dreams...
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Something I came up with rather quickly, not meant to be very significant :''l R&R please?