I watched her cry as she packed her bags. She wouldn't let me stop her. Next thing I know, the parts of the apartment she used to fill up with her things, were now empty. Completely empty and lifeless. Every day I hoped she would be back, but she hasn't. I want Mikan and nobody else.
For almost five years of being together almost every single day, she was leaving me. Her body seemed to be standing beneath my doorway of emptiness.
I didn't think she could break me apart and take the half of my heart, but she did.
There seemed so much love in her and all I could do and want was to follow her, wherever she was going but I just couldn't.
There were too many people, too many things, too many obstacles in the way that I couldn't follow her.
She didn't complete me but she made me incomplete. There were so many things I needed to hold me together and she took one foot with her.
And I just couldn't hate her for that.
I sat on the chair that faced the mirror where Mikan usually fixed herself. I stared at my face, eyes completely swollen from tears that hardly ever shown itself. It was the first time I felt completely heartbroken.
I fell hard for her trap, feeling that we wouldn't really leave each other but we did. I thought that after days of conditioning myself of the coming break up, I wouldn't feel bad about it, but I couldn't feel anything else but pain.
I was sitting on a bed, no longer mine, without her beside me with her usual long auburn hair beside her as she rested her back on the three pillows that caught her.
She was an angel disguised as loneliness.
She was the only one who could make me stop crying yet she was the one making me cry.
She was full of insanity that kept me sane and awake so I'd stay within reach with reality.
My family was never really in my reach, and now the most important person in my life left me completely incomplete.
I need her. I need her voice, her touch. I need every bit of her before I become lonelier than I already am.
There I was, thinking I could sleep without her. Then again, I'm sleeping with my half-self, begging for a miracle.
A miracle that only she could make. A miracle that was possible, if only she would think again.
Maybe in the end, it wasn't good to keep my feelings to myself. I had stopped crying but I feel like I want to cry more, feel sorry for myself that I ended up like this, a perfectly helpless boy that only she and a miracle could save.
For the first time in my life, I want people to feel sorry for me and help me because that's what I need.
No more coffee drinking late at night. No more insensible talks. No more insane laughs at night. There was no one with me who can keep me laughing like she does.
I'm 20, old enough to stand up alone. But I just couldn't, without her. She was my emotional patch; she was the one keeping me together.
No more Mikan to go home to everyday and pour my frustrations to.
At this moment, I didn't know if I could make it without her. I never really attached myself to anyone but her. I wanted no one but her.
A knock woke me up from my bed of melancholy.
Mikan stood on the other side of the doorway, eyes pink, tears streaming down her cheeks. She was flushed, bags on hand. She still looked breathtaking. It was insane.
"Please," she whispered. She didn't have to say please. I took her bags, all of it, and let her in.
[END]