A/N: So some of you may have read my other Holby fic about Hannah and Hanssen, well this is kind of a different take on the character of Hannah - well she's actually a completely different character who just happens to share the same name! I kind of had this idea running through my head at the same time as writing my other fic but I put this one off until the resolution of the Gaskell storyline. So I'm working on bringing that other fic to a close (I say that, it will probably keep going for a long time!) but I wanted to start this one in tandem so it doesn't fall too far behind with everything.

I hope you enjoy this story and I always value feedback so please take just a few seconds to leave a review, even if it's just to tell me you're enjoying the fic! It means the world to me as a writer just to know when people are enjoying my writing so please let me know.

Chapter 1

The death of Frederik had left a hole in Henrik's life that he knew he would struggle to fill. He had never let Frederik know how important he was to him, how proud he was of all his accomplishments, because that wasn't the kind of father that he was. Now Frederik was gone and there would never be the chance for Henrik to tell him anything. On top it all Sara had taken Oskar away from him as well so he wouldn't even have the chance to be a grandfather, he was alone again.

The only consolation he had ever known was to throw himself into his work, so that was what he did. When his biological family was taken away from him he leaned on his Hospital family and they supported him completely. He blamed himself for what had happened but nobody else seemed to blame him. He couldn't work out whether that brought him comfort or more shame.

Roxanna and John were good to him, he was glad that they were there or else he was unsure that he would have been able to cope at all. He tried not to lean on them but he always knew he could go to them should he need someone. It didn't stop his days dragging on and his nights being lonely though. He had never minded being alone before, but now everything seemed so much colder and darker. It was like he had never truly known loneliness before, only now.

January was drawing to a close and Henrik was struggling to hold things together. Every day felt like he was slipping further and further away from himself and into that oblivion he feared so much. He was waiting for some kind of light to guide him out. He thought about this as he sat at the nurse's station and stared into space. He was aware that he was doing it but he couldn't seem to drag himself out of it. His mind was wandering and drifting farther and farther away...

'There's nothing wrong with me! Just give me some paracetamol and send me on my way and I'll be fine!' a female voice snapped him back to reality and his eyes fell on a young woman who was in the bed closest to the nurse's station. Nurse Chiltern seemed to be trying to calm her down but she was batting away his arms and protesting. Hanssen took a deep breath and stood up, it was time for him to assert his authority again.

'It's better that you just let us check you out so we can make sure you're definitely alright.' Lofty said with a pleading gesture and the woman leaned forward before groaning and grimacing in pain as she fell back against the pillow.

'See, you're in pain and there's a reason for that so we need to find out what's causing the pain. There could be something seriously wrong.' Lofty explained and the woman looked up at him and rolled her eyes as Hanssen approached the bed.

'Abdominal pain in the lower right quadrant, indicative of appendicitis but there's no distension of the stomach, no temperature and no further symptoms. At best it's most likely onset period cramps or constipation.' she said and Lofty paused, looking confused.

'You sound like you know what you're talking about?' Hanssen asked and she jumped a little as she hadn't noticed him before. She looked at him with a suspicious look.

'Yeah well I'd hope so, I did the full medical school run.' she explained and grimaced in pain again.

'You trained?' Lofty asked and she nodded.

'I wanted to be a surgeon once upon a time.' she said with a small smile and Hanssen inwardly groaned - doctors, even potential ones, always made the worst patients.

'What happened?' he asked and she shrugged.

'Life?' she suggested and he gave her his best, clipped smile before picking up her notes.

'Well, Miss...?' he scanned her notes for her name but she beat him to it.

'Wilde, Hannah Wilde.' she informed him and he nodded, returning his gaze to her notes quickly.

'ED sent her up with suspected appendicitis, she collapsed on the high street.' Lofty explained and Hannah glared at the wall opposite. Hanssen took this opportunity to scan her and make any deductions he could.

She looked to be quite young still, if she had completed medical school then it couldn't have been very long ago she definitely wasn't yet thirty. She had shoulder-length, dirty blonde hair and a face heavily made up with heavy eye-liner and wine-coloured lipstick. In her ears she wore simple, gold hoops and a nose ring in her left nostril. She wore tattered jeans and a black leather jacket with red boots. She looked like she had seen better days.

He completed his scan with a quick review of her medical history which noted past admissions to the ED for drug abuse and self-harm issues. She had been admitted to the psychiatric team once but never showed for sessions so was discharged. Hanssen sighed as he looked at her again and he knew that the tough bravado she was putting on was exactly that, a show.

'Well, Miss Wilde, the quicker we find the problem, the quicker we can let you go.' Hanssen explained to her and she nodded and pouted slightly, not deigning to respond to him again.

'Would you mind if I had a feel of your abdomen?' Hanssen asked and Hannah made a gesture to show it was fine so Hanssen placed the notes back in the holder at the end of the bed and applied some sanitiser to his hands. Hannah lay back as Hanssen checked over her stomach and sure enough, she was right and there was no distention to suggest appendicitis.

'Alright, well we'll do some bloods and an ultrasound to make sure it's nothing more serious than cramping. Have you been eating well recently?' he asked and she looked away.

'Might have missed a meal here or there.' she muttered and Hanssen and Lofty shared a look. She was very skinny, they doubted it was the odd meal she was missing.

'When was the last time you ate?' Hanssen asked and she shrugged.

'Maybe a couple of days ago.' she said before blushing suddenly and looking up at him defiantly. 'Look, I'm not gonna sit here and be judged so if you don't have anything else...' she trailed off and Hanssen bowed his head.

'Nobody's judging you.' he assured her before turning to Lofty. 'Did the ED do bloods?' he asked and Lofty nodded.

'FBC's, U&E's and glucose.' he said and Hanssen nodded.

'Repeat them please and I would also like a urine analysis. We need to ensure this isn't just a nutritional issue.' He said and Lofty nodded.

'And the ultrasound too?' he asked and Hanssen nodded before turning to leave.

'Do you have anyone we can call?' Lofty asked her as he began to help her to remove her jacket. She shook her head and blushed slightly again. As she removed her jacket Lofty noted old scars on her forearms from where she had self-harmed in the past; her right wrist had a small tattoo on it with two stars and a large star adorned her left shoulder. Her left forearm was covered with a tattoo which read 'and yet I smile' and she had a semi-colon tattooed onto her left wrist. He pointed to the phrase on her left arm with a smile.

'I like that.' he said and she gave him a small smile back, he decided this had broken a small wall between them and ventured on. 'Are you sure you don't have anyone we can call for you, mum or dad?' he asked and she stiffened slightly.

'No, I don't have anyone.' she said quietly and he sighed as he realised his mistake. He handed her a gown with the instructions to put it on before drawing the curtains around her and returning to Hanssen at the nurse's station.

'She's something, isn't she.' Lofty said to Hanssen who pretended to be absorbed in another patient's notes.

'Hmm?' he asked.

'Hannah? I mean, I'm a little worried. Do you think it could be related to drugs? I noticed old track marks on her arm.' he said and Hanssen looked up at him.

'We'll know more once we get the results of the blood test. If it is drug related then we'll find the issue and deal with it.' he said and Lofty bowed his head.

'Right, sorry. I'll go and sort those bloods then.' he said and disappeared, leaving Hanssen to go over the notes. The more Hanssen tried to put Hannah from his mind the more a niggling feeling worked at the back of his mind. He couldn't help but feel like there was more to her story and he knew that it wasn't his place to investigate it but he couldn't help but feel like he should try and make more of an impact where he could.

He watched as Lofty drew back the curtains on Hannah's bay and he observed her face as he took her bloods. She corrected his placement of the cannula and seemed to be genuinely knowledgable about medical terms. Hanssen couldn't help but wonder what had caused her to leave the path of becoming a surgeon, and what had happened to her since.