Numb
The words appeared on the screen before me as I mindlessly typed out each word.
I felt so numb.
There was no happiness, but no pain, either. I felt nothing. No raw emotions. Just the pretend feelings I set up for the people around me, faking it all just so they wouldn't worry.
But was it really worth it?
It's not like I could help it, anyway. I couldn't feel, even if I wanted to. And I know I want to. Deep down inside, I do. I miss being able to smile sincerely. I miss laughing heartily. I even miss crying my eyes out.
Yet, no matter how much I tried, I couldn't feel a thing. Only the emptiness surrounding my existence. My lone soul, with no one to nurture it, no one to care for it. Just me, here to stand on my own and pick myself up when I fell.
Over time, barriers had formed, protecting me from the harsh world. Those barriers have fallen countless of times, being rebuilt even stronger afterwards. And now.. Is it indestructible?
No. Not yet.
There are still old cracks here and there, the scars of my experiences, created when arrows managed to pierce through the protective wall, and into my heart. Those cracks are the ones that haven't yet healed completely. The ones that let my soul seep out of my being, tearing me apart from the inside out.
My heart clenched, causing me to writhe in pain. My brows furrowed, hand clutching at my chest. Moments passed, the pain gradually coming to a stop.
My hand fell limply to my lap.
The lonely feeling in the air around me thickened, to the point where I could barely breathe. My eyes closed, mind vainly attempting to fight it off.
I sat still, as if listening for something.. as if hoping someone would come and save me from this despair. I waited patiently, knowing that one day, someone would fill my hollow heart with love.. and teach me how to feel again.
I sat back, letting myself relax into the familiar chair. Then I felt the imaginary pair of arms I've always yearned for wrap around my neck. A nonexistent warmth pressed up against me, and I breathed in a scent that wasn't there. One soft smile graced my features as I nuzzled into the arm I barely felt.. and I faded into a fitful sleep, thinking someone would be there for me when I woke up.