Lost Souls
By jalpari
The distance seemed to have done them good. At least she felt like it had.
While Tenzin had been on his "vacation" with Korra and his family, Lin had been able to move on from their last...encounter. She had not allowed herself to dwell on the intimate moment they had shared, on how happy and sad it had made her to feel his touch, his body, his warmth, his comfort.
Somehow, it had mattered more than the vigor that spread through her body when Korra returned her bending. As overjoyed, thankful, and relieved she had felt, her mind had wandered back to what had transpired between them just a few hours back. After a long time, Lin had experienced the serenity of drifting off into sleep in the arms of someone who cared for her.
As she caught a glimpse of him, looking on proudly, she could see the immensity of the emotions overflowing from him. Nonetheless, as she left the south pole the next day, she resolved that it was time to leave whatever that was she felt, behind. Enough.
The distance seemed to have done them good. At least he felt like it had.
The "vacation" had started off relaxing enough, at least in parts. But soon Tenzin became aware of a slight nagging feeling that kept tugging at his heart, asking for his attention. He would brush it away and it would go back to some unknown recesses in his heart. But eventually, it would be back.
He meditated. Korra needed him to be her spiritual guide. It was time to finally fulfill his destiny as the son of the Avatar and the only recipient of the knowledge of the lost air nomads.
But even in these moments of meditation, a tiny voice echoed in forgotten chambers of his mind, drawing him away from his true goal and chasing silent whispers lost in the maze of his mind. Each time he had to bring himself back to focus on the task at hand, on his destiny, on his duty.
It had always been this way since he was a child. Hours and hours of meditation, but something would gnaw at him, hold him back. All those years of learning, studying, reading every book he could find, had done him no good. He still couldn't find his way into the spirit world.
What had he missed. What was eating into his spirit, blocking him from his one true purpose.
Whatever it was then, he did not know, but he knew what it was now although he was unwilling to accept it.
Lin.
It was beginning to dawn on him that he had felt something more than sympathy for his friend that day in the south pole. And what was worse, the regret had lingered. Once something like that enters one's conscience, it is almost impossible to erase it, ignore it, leave it unattended. And now it was stuck, demanding scrutiny.
As time passed, it had become easier to divert his feelings. It was made easier by the chaos surrounding them. The world was devolving into yet another self destructive spiral. And a more severe blow had hit him when he realized that he would never be able to enter the spirit world in time. He had failed as a spiritual guide. He had to watch his daughter, Jinora, take his place to enter the spirit world and face unknown dangers.
He had been proud of her, but scared. It forced him to introspect and strive to understand why it was so hard for him to enter the spirit world even after all the training.
As events progressed, his fears came true. His daughter needed him, her soul was trapped in the spirit world. Much to his relief, they had been able to enter the spirit world through the portal. Bumi, Kya and him. There was no way he was going to let his daughter down. He may have failed as Korra's guide but he would not fail as a father. He needed to find Jinora and bring her back before it was too late.
He was willing to go to any lengths. And that is exactly what he did. He had let them be captured and dropped into the fog of lost souls. All he had to do was remain focused. He would not allow the fog to poison his mind, or his siblings'. But things had disintegrated quickly. Bumi and Kya had succumbed to their hallucinations and fears and gotten away from him. Soon enough he too could feel the effects of the fog spirit.
"You are the son of Avatar Aang", he reminded himself. "You are the hope for the future generations of air benders. The fate of the world rests on your shoulders!"
His chant turned into cries of despair.
"What if I fail?" He fell to his knees.
Then the hopes of your father die with you.
"No! I am the son of Avatar Aang. No! No!" he fell to his knees in defect. "I have failed you, dad. I will never be the man you were."
Out of the fog, a figure appeared in front of Tenzin.
"You are right, my son."
Tenzin looked up in disbelief and there, in front of him, stood his father.
"You are trying to hold on to a false perception of yourself. You are not me. You should not be me. You are...Tenzin."
Tenzin finally understood.
"I am not a reflection of my father."
"I am Tenzin."
"I am Tenzin!"
That had been it. That was it! As the fog around him cleared for brief minute, the fog in his head left his troubled mind. Everything began to make sense. Why he could never enter the spirit world. His spirit was not truly balanced, and no book could help him do that.
But more importantly, the epiphany in the fog of lost souls had made him see the errors his ignorance had led to. He saw his mistake. All his mistakes.