A/N: Meant to post this over a month ago but then life happened. Hopefully, I'll be more active on from now on! This is another one written from a prompt on instagram. I don't own Harry Potter, Rowling does. Reviews make my day – seriously, ask any writer, artist or creator of anything, feedback is beyond encouraging! Hope you enjoy it!
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In the end, McGonagall blamed Dumbledore. Actually, in the beginning she blamed Dumbledore as well, and most of the middle. There was a brief moment when she blamed the marauders, but this faded rather rapidly.
It happened in May 1975, when the marauders were solidly in the second half of their fourth year, and quite near enough to fifth year to sympathise with the frantically stressed OWL students. Enough to think that it was high time for a major, school wide prank in order to lighten up the mood. What happened though was not exactly a prank. This was why McGonagall blamed Dumbledore. He was the one who randomly decided it was time to encourage the fifth and seventh year students by giving an inspirational speech. He was the one who told the entire hall of students to 'aim for the stars'. He was the one who told an entire hall of students that included the Marauders to 'aim for the stars'. Couldn't he have said 'reach for the stars'? If he had done so, it's likely that the speech would have passed perfectly peacefully, had the ten minute effect that most such speeches have and then been forgotten. But he didn't. He said to aim for the stars, and James Potter, never one to pass up on a perfectly good opportunity, picked up a handful of mashed potatoes and well, aimed for the stars. More specifically, Sirius.
Sirius of course surprised no one at all by grabbing a handful of mushy peas and retaliating with interest. Unfortunately not all the peas hit James, a good deal also hit the third year next to him, who gave an indignant cry and tossed a handful of carrots at him at the same time as James flung another handful of potatoes. It escalated. Rapidly.
Five minutes later the hall was in as much chaos as Minerva McGonagall had ever seen it, which was saying something. It was a seething mass of students and food. Gryffindor and Slytherin were in a full out pitched battle with everything from chicken legs to rice pudding sailing through the air. Several groups of Slytherins were working in teams, some shielding while others lobbed food. The Gryffindors were just going all out to throw as much as possible regardless of how messy they got in the mean time. Meanwhile the Hufflepuffs were sneaking around with platters of food launching surprise attacks with great success, managing to vanish before people noticed them and leaving others to take the blame, keeping the food fight going very successfully. The Ravenclaws had built a catapult and were flinging whole chickens and entire bowls of potatoes across the room at anyone who looked even remotely clean.
The marauders were waving their wands around making legs to bowls and plates and cups so they could sneak around peoples legs and then fly up at peoples faces. Remus was making half of them invisible until it was too late. Lily Evans had charmed what looked like a massive potato monster with legs and arms to fling food solely at James Potter, while Potter had abandoned his original target in favour of teaming up against Severus Snape. Sirius Black became the first student to climb on top of a table to get a better vantage point to throw food, quickly joined by dozens of other students. Filch was screeching in the corner but no one was paying him any attention at all. The prefects weren't even attempting to regain order. Three Professors had already joined in the food fight. Remus Lupin had made a snowman shaped monster of vegetables and mashed potato that flung anything it could get and was trying to counter Evans monster. Peter Pettigrew was enchanting bowls of butter to grease the giant mid-air food slide Sirius Black had made. The ghosts were lining up among the candles in the roof providing a running commentary. Any hope for a winding down and end was shattered as Peeves arrived, whooping with glee. The food platters were still refilling. The Ravenclaws had built their seventh catapult and were organising volleys, backed up by dozens of students using their wands and hands.
Then suddenly, silence spread over the hall in a wave from the point where a custard cream pie had just made contact with McGonagall's face. Everyone looked at the Professor. Then, almost in synchronisation, everyone looked at Dumbledore, who was just lowering his hand. Then everyone looked back at McGonagall as the pie slid down her face and dropped to the floor in slow motion. Everyone looked back at Dumbledore, then back at McGonagall. The hall held it's breath. The ghosts stopped commentating. Even Peeves stilled. McGonagall pulled out her wand. A few students took a step back. She waved it.
The entire staff table turned into mushy peas. And lunged at Dumbledore, who went down in a spray of green gloop. The rest of the Professors lunged for ammunition. The hall exploded back into chaos. Potatoes, curry, pie, tart, and every kind of vegetable imaginable flew through the air and found something to splatter on, frequently not the intended target. There wasn't a soul in the room was could be called clean if you squinted. Filch had run off howling promises of dire revenge. Peeves was almost crying with joy. Students had become so mixed that it was almost impossible to tell which house they were all from, robes having been long covered in food. House barriers were breaking down. Teams and magic had turned into a every-man-for-himself al- out-war with wands abandoned in favour of just grabbing food and smearing it in somebodies face. Lily Evans was observed dumping a bowl of mashed together butter, peas, and custard down a struggling James Potters neck, with a look of heartfelt satisfaction on her face. McGonagall had managed to get two blocks of butter and a chicken wing lodged in Dumbledore's beard and had covered him head to toe in peas, potatoes and curry. More than a few of the Professors were utterly unrecognisable. Hooch was one of the exceptions, she had somehow found a broom from somewhere and was dive-bombing students with mountains of casserole. Some enterprising Slytherin first year was holed up in the corner with a camera and a plan to sell the photos afterwards. The Gryffindor table had been turned on it's side to provide some shelter to hide behind and attack from. A gloop covered James Potter had sneaked up behind Snape and was now kneading carrots into his hair and announcing he was improving the smell, and unsuccessfully trying to see through the bowl of yellow curry Snape had upended over his head just before being restrained. Complete and utter carnage reigned.
In the end the food fight slowly drew to a close, mostly because the supply of food was not really inexhaustible and even the house elves eventually ran out of food to send up, and it wasn't quite as much fun when you had to scoop up old ammunition. So fifteen minutes after new ammunition stopped arriving, the fight began to slow, and then eventually to stop. Dumbledore announced that no one could leave until the hall was clean, to spare the house elves who had already had enough extra work, and everyone used cleaning charms until the hall resembled something like it's usual self.
And so, in the end, McGonagall blamed Dumbledore for the Great Food Fight of '75. She later informed him that if he ever said the words 'aim for the stars' again in whatever context, she would curse him to never taste anything ever again. She did however buy a photo of the mushy pea wave crashing over Dumbledore, complete with the stunned look on his face. It went with the photo of herself with a pie sliding off her face that a cheekily grinning Sirius Black presented her with. The Slytherin with the camera made a killing. Pretty much everyone bought at least one photo. It was rumoured that Lily Evans had framed her photo of James Potter trying and failing to shelter from her potato monster. McGonagall saw no reason to disbelieve the rumour.