Minerva sank lower into the warm bath she had treated herself to that night. A glass of wine sat beside the bathtub– another gift she had given to herself. She reached her arm out of the bubbly water and grabbed the glass, allowing the rim to rest against her lips before she took a long sip. The alcohol brought a long needed relief shooting through her body, and she returned the glass, closing her eyes while she leaned back once more.
And what was the celebration for? The next day was her favorite day of the term – the last. This meant no more troublesome students knocking on her door at all hours, crying over a nightmare, no more papers to grade, and no more lessons to prepare for. The last day was of course not just a relief, but it was also an emotional one. Students whom she had watched grow up would be leaving her after seven years at Hogwarts – her cubs as she fondly called them. She had served as their motherly figure throughout their school years and would always become attached to the Gryffindors she proudly took charge of in one way or another. The night before the end of term wasn't always as much of a treat as that particular year. In fact, after seven years of trouble, her two worst behaved students would finally graduate - Potter and Black.
It wasn't that she hadn't cared for the two boys any less than she did for the rest of her students, but they had been trouble since day one. They played mindless and stupid pranks on almost everyone at Hogwarts. The only one in the castle who didn't seem to be affected by the two was Peeves. Not all of their pranks had been in the poltergeist's interest, though. The one day she would never forget was when they had led Severus Snape, their Slytherin rival, into the Shrieking Shack. Not only had it been careless, but it had angered Minerva so much she had begged Albus for their expulsion. The headmaster, however, would hear nothing of it. They had gotten detentions, of course, but their punishments nowhere matched what they had done.
There would be students that year that she would miss as well. Lily Evans had been one of her favorite Gryffindors. Despite her obvious relationship with James Potter, she had managed to earn the best grades in her year. She was kind, generous, and a friend to everyone, especially those in her own House. Remus Lupin would also leave, and although having a Werewolf attend Hogwarts had proven difficult, he was a wonderfully bright and inquisitive boy, one whom she would miss having in classroom discussions. He too had been a friend of Miss Evans.
But, all of that would be left behind after the next day. Those students would be moving on with their lives, hopefully aspiring successful paths. She wished the best to all of the students leaving as she sipped her wine once more.
A sharp knocking on her door startled Minerva, causing her to drop her glass. The glass shattered all over the floor, and she reached for her wand, muttering a spell to repair it and to clear away the small puddle of wine. She wondered who would be visiting her so late at night. Assuming the visitor to be one of her colleagues, Minerva got from the bath, dried herself, grabbed a tartan print bathrobe off of her bathroom door and muttered a drying spell on her hair, letting it fall loose. Her wavy hair was jet black, reaching just below her breasts. She looked nothing like the teacher her students knew, but she was friends with most of the Hogwarts staff, and her appearance wouldn't surprise them.
She left her bathroom as another knock came and opened the door to her chambers. Her stomach dropped when she met the eyes not of a friend, but of Severus Snape, the seventh year Slytherin.
"Mr. Snape!" she exclaimed, drawing her already closed robe tighter to her body. "What in Merlin's name are you doing at my door at this hour?"
His head, which had been bent down, rose, and their eyes met. His were as black as her hair, and hers were a deep emerald green, widening at the stare. Part of his face was hidden by the oily hair which fell over it, but she could still see the aging face on a boy barely eighteen. He had always seemed wiser and more mature than his peers, which seemed to make him an outcast amongst those in his year. Still, she didn't know much about the young boy since he wasn't in her House . The fact that he had just appeared at her door was more than startling. "I, I'm sorry to disturb you, Professor, but can we talk?"
Confused would have been an understatement to describe Minerva's state of mind, but nevertheless, she stepped aside to allow the young man to enter. "Tea, Mr. Snape?"
"No, I'm fine," he replied, wringing his hands.
Minerva moved to the small side table beside her sofa and charmed her teapot to begin making tea. "Do take a seat," she said gently, unsure of how to treat Severus Snape. It wasn't that she didn't like him, on the contrary, he was one of the smartest students in his year. She had defended him when it came to the pranks Potter and Black had pulled on him even though he wasn't in her own House. He had something rather strange about him. He was mysterious, quiet, and usually alone. He didn't seem to have many friends besides Lucius Malfoy, whom she would admittedly say she despised. The horrid Malfoy, however, hadn't seemed to soil Snape's good character – yes, he was good, she concluded: quiet and sullen, but good.
Severus followed her instructions and moved to the large couch that sat before her fireplace. He was wearing a thin long sleeved shirt and a pair of sweatpants that looked far too long for him. By that time, the water for the tea had finished boiling, and she poured two cups, ignoring his denial. Sitting beside him, Minerva placed a mug before them both and cleared her throat, unsure of what to say. "What is it that you wished to discuss with me? After all, Mr. Snape, I'm not your Head of House, and I should think that you would go to him for most things you needed."
The boy fidgeted, and Minerva suddenly wondered if she was being too teacher-like and making him uncomfortable. "After tomorrow, I'll be leaving Hogwarts, you see, and I've been given the chance to study as an apprentice at Mahoutokoro, the Wizarding school in Japan."
Minerva widened her eyes. It was rare that students were talented enough to be given an opportunity to be an apprentice, let alone at a foreign school. "Mr. Snape, that's wonderful! What will you be studying? Dark Arts?" Although he had done well in her class, Minerva knew that the Dark Arts were where the boy excelled the most. He had a passion for the subject that although strong, wasn't evil. His teachers had praised his ability to fight off dark magic and use it as well.
Snape gave her a small smile; something she wasn't used to seeing on him. It wasn't a large, toothy smile, but the corner of his mouth had twitched up slightly. He took a hold of the teacup and took a sip until he calmly replied, "Potions. They did not want me for the Dark Arts position."
Minerva nodded, also recalling that the Potions professor, Horace Slughorn, had been thrilled with the way Severus did on his exams. He was apparently the most skilled student he had had. "Ah, I have heard you have a particular skill in that field. Not many students tend to excel in that class, or show interest at all; you should be very proud of yourself."
"Proud of myself for cutting up ingredients and throwing them in a pot?" he sneered. "I'd hardly call that a talent, Professor."
"Now, Mr. Snape, you know that Potion making is far more complicated than that! I myself could never understand the subject nearly as well as I should have. It takes great patience and precision –" Minerva began.
"Professor McGonagall!" he exclaimed, slamming his teacup down. "There is no need to pretend that this is an ideal opportunity. Dark Arts is the subject I enjoy and the one thing I found myself passionate about. Pretending that I'm satisfied with not receiving the opportunity to study that subject would be foolish. However, the opportunity to study under a man as skilled as the one I will be under is quite beneficial."
Minerva stared at him for a moment. Despite his age, she always felt that she was talking to an adult when she talked to Severus. He was far wiser than anyone his own age, and he seemed to greatly value speaking well. It made him sound intelligent, and even though he was bright, it also made him all the more mature. "It sounds like you have made up your mind then," Minerva replied. "I wish you the best."
He shook his head and stood from the sofa, beginning to pace in front of the fireplace. "But there's something else that's been bothering me, and that's why I came to you. You see, Lucius is a good friend of mine, and I respect him. He knows the Wizarding world better than I do, having grown up in the Muggle world. However, I also know that his family is not the most trustworthy no matter how much money they have. It's corrupt money if you ask me. Anyways, he says he knows a man who can give me power, a lot of power. This man plans to do great things for all respectable wizards. Lucius hasn't told me what these things are, but it sounds tempting. I've never done anything great, and if this is the chance to do something great and be respected by someone powerful, how do I let this chance slip from my hands?"
Severus turned to face her, stopping his pacing. His hair fell in front of his pale face, and he looked to her, his eyes begging for support. He wanted the truth from her, her honest opinion. "Mr. Snape-"
"You can call me Severus. That's my name."
"Alright, Severus, you are an extraordinary young man, and I believe this opportunity in Japan is a great one, just as great as some idealistic man's plans to do great things. Your apprenticeship is a set chance; it will happen, and it will ensure you have a successful future. If you run off and follow this man, Merlin knows where it will lead. You may think it's a great chance, and maybe it will be, but nobody can guarantee that. And in all honesty, coming from a Malfoy, things that are great to them are not great for all wizards. These are people who are against having Muggle-Born wizards. You and I both know this is a horrible belief to have."
He stared at her for a few seconds, his eyes fully set on hers. His black eyes seemed to pierce through her skin. The stare gave her chills. "You're right, Professor. I don't know what I was thinking. I suppose I needed someone to talk me out of it. That's why I came to you; I knew that you'd give me the truth."
Minerva smiled gently for the first time, standing from the couch and placing a hand on his shoulder. "Power is an appealing thought, but one must think things through before making decisions. I appreciate that you came to me."
Severus raised his hand and grabbed hers off of his shoulder, holding it tightly in his. Surprised by the intimate gesture from a student, Minerva broke the contact, only to be met by his gaze once more. "Severus–" she began, all words catching in her throat as she continued to look deeply into the black eyes before her. Something about the way he looked at her allured her.
Slowly, his hand came back out and grabbed hers again. His was shaking slightly, and in order to stop the young man's trembling, she squeezed tightly, unsure of what she was doing. She knew that leading the boy on was wrong, but she found herself suddenly wanting him. It was true that he was a thin, scrawny boy, and his hair seemed greasy, but there was beauty there, a beauty that she had never recognized until that moment. "You know, you've always been my favorite teacher here."
Before she could reply, a pair of soft lips had seized hers, and her eyes shut. It was wrong. The whole situation was wrong, but Minerva embraced the intimacy of Severus, running a hand through his hair. Despite the way it looked, it was quite soft; as soft as the lips on hers. His hand had fallen to her waist, holding tightly. When they broke apart, neither made an attempt to pull away from the embrace.
Minerva couldn't believe what she had just done. She knew it was foolish. She knew it would be condemned if someone ever found out. She knew all of this and didn't care. It hit her then that she would miss this boy and during all of his school years, watching him grow up, she had looked at him as more than a student. When she would help him with a spell, or slightly brush past him, it had made her feel the way she felt at that moment. She wanted him as more than a friend, more than a student. There was tension between them and always had been. Both had ignored it. Minerva herself had hidden it away, the way she did all of the emotions she considered idiotic. She was a practical woman and didn't allow emotions such as lust stop her from performing everyday activities. She didn't harp on things or let them bother her. It seemed that she had buried these lustful thoughts away so deeply she had convinced herself they didn't exist. It wasn't until that moment that they had come back, and she had a feeling that now that she had acted on them that they weren't leaving. Letting him go was going to be heartbreaking. "We can't do this," she finally said in a shaky voice, still gripping tightly to his hand, her head down in embarrassment.
Severus took a hold of her chin and raised it for her to look him in the eye once more. "After tomorrow, I won't be your student anymore. This could turn into something good, that is, if you feel the same way."
"You're eighteen, I'm far from that age!" she exclaimed, hesitantly breaking their embrace and walking to her couch once more. "That meant nothing."
"It meant nothing?" he asked angrily, the anger apparent in his voice and his flushed face. "Tell me again that you feel nothing between us, and that you haven't felt tension between us in the classroom." Snape moved right beside her, capturing her lips once more.
Her instinct was to deepen the kiss, take him right there, let him touch her, love her. But, her mind told her to stop, and so she did. Minerva pushed him away. "I can't do this! You have a future, a life ahead of you. You'll forget me once you begin your life."
"Forget you?" he asked bitterly. "Forget the woman whom every time she walked by me in class gave me chills? Forget the first woman to ever treat me like a human being? Forget the woman who believes in me? How the hell am I supposed to forget you?"
"You can't have those feelings for me! I'm at least twice your age." Pulling her robe tightly together, Minerva walked towards her chamber door, gripping the doorknob. "I suggest you get some rest for tomorrow. It's an important day for you."
Severus shook his head and walked towards her, placing his hand over hers. He was making soft strokes against her hand, and Minerva wanted to melt right where she stood. She closed her eyes as her stomach flipped. "Are you still going to deny the tension between us?"
Swallowing hard, Minerva opened her eyes again, finding herself looking into eyes that were filled with an emotion she hadn't seen since her affair with McGregor, the Muggle she had fancied right after school. He wasn't lying. Severus Snape, the seventh year Slytherin, wanted her. And she found herself wanting him, too. "Yes," she whispered, hoping that he would leave. She couldn't condone an affair with a student.
He nodded, drawing her face closer and into another kiss. This time Minerva didn't fight away, but instead she allowed him to gently press her against the door as the kiss deepened. His hands were beginning to wander, a little lower as the moments passed. They found their way to her thighs, caressing the material of her robe, and then moving to rest on her behind and pull her closer. Something told her that this was what she wanted, and he was the one who could satisfy her, but her head told her that his actions had gone too far. That was when Minerva pulled away."I'm sorry, Professor McGonagall," he said as he gently caressed her face.
"I shouldn't have allowed this to go where it did." Minerva walked back towards the couch, running her hands through her hair and secretly across her lips. "You must leave. This is against at least three school rules for both staff and students."
"You should wear your hair down more often," Severus replied from behind her. "You look stunning."
"Please leave, Mr. Snape," she persisted. "Please."
After a few seconds passed, she heard a slamming from behind her. Turning to face the now empty room, a tear slipped down her cheek. She had wanted him, and she was harboring feelings for him. The practical Minerva knew that such an affair was risky and would surely end sooner than it began. Sending him away was hard, but deep down... she knew it had to be done.
The entire student body began towards the carriages, all of them saying their goodbyes. The seventh years were the most tearful, hugging tightly to friends they had known since they were eleven. These were friends they had grown up with and become adults with. It had been a long, long time since Minerva had graduated from Hogwarts, but she could still remember the emotion brought on by leaving people who had become her family over seven years. Couples, such as James and Lily, were exchanging a last kiss and then holding even tighter than the friends did to one another. Each year, it made the staff grow a little emotional as well for they too had been teaching these children for seven years. They had seen them grow from the smallest children to adults with strong goals to reach as they moved on in life. What the students wouldn't realize on their last day was that their professors watched every move they made and could figure out who were friends, who were enemies, and who harbored feelings of young love for one another. There would, however, always be a new group of students with new problems and new relationships to track.
Amongst the hundreds of students hugging and crying, one lone boy stood in the very corner of the crowd. His head was buried in a map of some sort, and he wasn't talking to the one friend she knew he had. His black hair was covering his face, but from far away, Minerva could sense the tension from the way his shoulders hunched. Cursing herself slightly for staring, Minerva removed her eyes from him for a moment as her friend Poppy had come from behind.
"Always a sad day, isn't it, Minerva?" she asked, placing a hand on Minerva's shoulder. "Of course, there are a few of them I won't miss."
Turning to face her friend, she chuckled. "I agree. There a few of my own I'm not exactly upset over."
"Do I hear Minerva McGonagall disapproving of one of her own cubs?" Poppy smiled slightly.
"Sitting in detention with them every other night is not exactly something I will miss," Minerva replied. "They're good kids deep down, but they've caused enough trouble for the entire school put together." Minerva knew Poppy knew exactly who she was referring too. Potter and Black. After they had failed to be given proper punishments from their prank of Severus, Minerva had gone to Poppy in her rage, venting her anger at Albus.
"I understand." As silence fell over them, and Minerva found her eyes finding their way back to the lonely Severus. She stared at him for a good few minutes, her eyes tearing as she thought of the night before. "Minerva!" Poppy exclaimed from behind her.
"Y– yes?" Minerva stuttered, turning back to her friend.
"Is there something bothering you?"
"No, I'm fine," she insisted. "But I do need to have a word with one of the students. I'll see you in a minute." Without another word, Minerva broke from her conversation and began towards Severus, making her way through the large crowd.
When she approached him, he didn't look up or even more at her presence. "Mr. Snape, may I have a word with you?"
Slowly, he dropped the map from his face and looked up. "Is there something I need before I leave, Professor?" he asked in a bitter voice. Minerva cringed as his eyes pierced through her, the anger apparent. He wasn't rude when he spoke to her, but Minerva knew that it was going to be a lot harder to get through to him then she'd believed.
"I want to talk about last night –"
"And what is there to talk about? You have denied the fact that you have feelings for me even though you lead me on. If this is the truth, then I looked like a fool, and that's pretty final, wouldn't you say?"
The words hurt. They didn't hurt because he had said them in a bitter and angry way, but they hurt because they were true. She had denied that she had feelings for him even though inside her, emotions had raced when they had kissed. She had made him look foolish for being turned away. And she was sorry, but she wasn't sure that she could convince Severus that she was.
Then it dawned on her. The truth. The only thing that might make up for her actions was to simply tell him the truth.
"Severus," she began, hesitant to go on. "I apologize for my actions last night. You confronted me with something that I have not even allowed myself to think about." As a large group of students passed him, Snape turned to leave, but she grabbed his arm desperately. The uncharacteristic action must have taken him aback, for he turned to face her with wide eyes. She knew that now she had his full attention. "But, you were right. I do have feelings for you, strong feelings. And I did feel something during your years as a student, a feeling of want. Last night was the first time I let myself realize it. I try not to let myself be bothered with silly emotions like lust. When you said that you returned those feelings, I admitted it to myself that I wanted you. I just wasn't ready to admit it to you."
There was a long period of silence between them. He simply stared at her, his eyes lustful. "What does this mean now?"
The witch sighed. "You're off to begin an exciting life with an apprenticeship under a successful Potions Master. In a few years you'll have forgotten about me and met a beautiful young woman. Right now, you may think you have feelings for me, but you have your entire life ahead of you to meet women much more desirable."
"And if I don't forget the way I feel about you?"
"Don't be silly, Severus, you'll –"
"And if I don't forget?" he asked sternly.
"You will," she replied quietly. "You will forget. Besides, age does matter, and things couldn't have worked out between us. Student-teacher relationships are never a good idea." Minerva patted his shoulder gently. "Goodbye, Severus. It's been a pleasure getting to know you, and I believe you will do great things. I hope we meet again."
The young man nodded. "I better be going. Thank you for everything, Professor McGonagall."
"Minerva," she found herself correcting him. "As of today, you are not my student."
"Goodbye, Minerva," he replied. As he turned away, she swore she saw a small smile tug at his lips, but she decided it was just her imagination.
Composing herself with a deep breath, Minerva watched Severus walk away until he couldn't be seen anymore. A few tears slipped her eyes as she saw the boy for what she believed the last time. For the first time since Dougal McGregor, she wanted someone and that someone wanted her back. And she had just said goodbye to him.
She began back towards the castle, wiping at her eyes as more tears followed the first few. Avoiding others as best she could, Minerva bumped straight into Poppy. "Minerva!" she exclaimed. "I've never seen you cry on the last day before!"
Shaking her head and forcing a painful smile, she waved her friend away. "I'm not crying, don't be silly. The breeze is stringing my eyes." With that said, Minerva walked briskly past Poppy, covering her mouth as not to sob. Why she was becoming so emotional and so unlike herself was a mystery. Sure she was sad about Severus leaving, but it hadn't been love between them; it had been sexual tension. They weren't close, and they hadn't even been friends. And yet, there she was crying for no real reason.
When she entered her private chambers, Minerva allowed the sobs and tears to escape her for a few short moments, but after a brief release, she composed herself to get ready for Albus's end of term celebration he held each year. It would be a long summer.