Disclaimer: I do not own TMI or any of its characters.
Summary: Alec and Magnus and their 'lasts'.
Alec
It is Alec's last phone call, but he doesn't know that. His hands are shaking ever so slightly with the emotions he is trying to keep under control. He gets the man's voicemail, just like he had expected to, and even if he hadn't thought he would actually get to speak with Magnus, it still hurt to know he was being ignored.
Magnus had loved him right?
"You've reached the voicemail of Magnus. I'm either too busy or you are too unimportant (that hurts) for me to answer, but leave a message and I may or may not get back to you."
"Hi, Magnus," Alec's voice shakes too. "It's Alec . . . again. I know I shouldn't be calling you anymore and I know you're probably waiting for me to just stop . . . and this is the last one I promise (he meant last call to him not last call ever but life's funny like that). They're saying this is it, that it's the real battle with Sebastian, not one of those diversions he's been using. Have you heard about those? I always wonder if you have. I wonder if you'd come if you thought I was in trouble, the way you used to no matter how mad I made you."
Alec pauses to clear his voice and wipe his eyes.
"I guess not though, because you probably did hear about them and just didn't come. That thought used to upset me but I get it, I really do get it now. I don't know if it's because . . . if it's because everyone keep saying that we're all likely going to die soon or what but I really do get it now Magnus. I get how scary death is. I've always thought this was the way I would die and I've always accepted it but then you came along and things changed. I don't want to die, I really don't but more than anything . . . if something does happen I don't want to die without telling you this."
Alec pauses once more, the lump in his throat making speaking difficult.
"I love you so much Magnus and I've said it a lot but I just want you to know that I mean it, I mean it and it hurts sometimes because I don't think you believe it. I want you to know that . . . the meetings with Camille were never about making you mortal or any of that, even if at one point I did consider it. It was stupid and immature and selfish and I'm so fucking sorry. I just . . . I wanted to know more about you. She told me things you didn't and it was so stupid . . . and I'm just really sorry. That's all I can say I guess because I can't change anything, just like you said. Love doesn't change things."
This next part was the hardest, but Alec did his best to keep going. He had to say this now or he never would he knew.
"I –I hope you find someone good for you. Someone better than me. That thought used to keep me up at night but I get loneliness now, not the loneliness I felt before you but loneliness of not having you. I don't want you to feel that and I hope you move on and find someone great and immortal and who isn't irrational and petulant and self-conscious all the time. I hope this sounds sincere because I mean it Magnus, I really really do. I just want you to be happy Magnus.
Alec pauses once more, wondering if he should say anything else. He didn't.
"Goodbye Magnus, I love you."
Alec hangs up and wipes the tears from his eyes. He is geared up and ready for the battle. He doesn't know it, but it'll be his last.
/ / / / /
Magnus
It's Magnus' last cigarette, though he doesn't know that. Or maybe he does. He is Magnus Bane after all and all of the things he does or doesn't know are a mystery to anyone but himself.
He is sitting in a Downworlder bar, nursing a bright green drink, as bright and colorful smoke drifts around him (even the smoke coming from cigarettes is colorful because plain grey smoke would be oh so mundane).
To some, the thick smoke surrounding him would be overwhelming but not to Magnus. To him the smoke is just thick enough to pretend even if it is for just one second. Because with smoke so thick surrounding him he can pretend that the person sitting beside him isn't a brown eyed, brown haired vampire who looks permanently sixteen, but a blue eyed, black haired Shadowhunter. He can pretend it's Alec and that he has a few wrinkles that are to be expected of Shadowhunter in his mid-thirties. He can pretend that Alec didn't die almost two decades ago and that they never broke up and there isn't a voicemail that haunts his dreams last night. A voice cracking with the words 'I love you' before a click signals the end.
The end of so many things.
Eventually though, the smoke clears and he snuffs out his cigarette.
Magnus has to stop pretending. Because there is a vampire teen next to him and not a thirty five year old Shadowhunter, and Alec is dead. And Alec's voicemail still haunts him in his sleep, though he hasn't had that phone in over fifteen years. So Magnus finishes his drink and leaves the bar because nothing can take the pain away.
Magnus dreams that night and for once it doesn't turn morbid or sad, it's actually rather pleasant and Magnus hasn't had a pleasant anything in a long time.
He dreams of blue eyes, that impossible dark shade whirling with so many emotions and dark hair and pale skin. He dreams of awkward movements and poorly timed joke and a love that even an immortal can only experience once in a lifetime. Magnus warm hand takes Alec's cold one (and the hand doesn't go limp the way it did when Magnus help him while he died) and they go off together, somewhere Magnus hasn't seen before but Alec whispers to him that it'll be okay and Magnus trusts him.
Magnus doesn't ever wake up from this dream, and to be honest he didn't really want to.
/
Ergh, not sure I feel about this but it's my first fic, so I tried! I also have this same story but with Simon/Izzy and Clary/Jace if anyone is interested.
Please read and review (good or bad)!