Author's Note: Just a short crack drabble of the TLTW gang. If I ever started talking about falling off clock towers or people in black coats stalking me, my friends wouldn't be all, "lolz we must search the town to help Francy!" They'll be more like, "holy crap, girl, what the hell are you on?" So I got inspired to write this. I mean, what if Hayner, Pence, and Olette were more like my friends?
Oh, right. Slight spoilers if you never played or haven't beaten KH2. Don't hurt me, please. XD;;
Through Thick and Thin
"Ugh... where am I?"
Roxas opened his eyes, feeling groggy. He was sleeping? But... when did he fall asleep? And why did his head hurt so much? The boy attempted to rub the sore spot on his head, but for some reason his arms wouldn't move. Panicking, Roxas realized that he was bound to a chair.
"What's going on?" he yelled, struggling with the ropes.
"Look, Pence, he's awake," a cheerful voice said.
Olette? It couldn't be. To his horror, the mentioned girl was sitting on a couch across from him. So he was at the Usual Spot? Wait≈his friends tied him up!
"That's great," Pence replied. "I was wondering if Hayner had hit him too hard."
Roxas gasped. "What are you guys doing!"
Pence bitch slapped him. "Sorry, Roxas, but this is for your own good."
"M-my own good!" the blonde repeated, not able to believe what was coming out of the boy's mouth. "Knocking me out, tying me to a chair, and slapping me is for my own good?"
"Well," Olette began. "You see, Roxas, we're worried about you. You've been acting kind of... weird lately."
Looking at his two friends in fear, Roxas tried to speak as calmly as possible without attempting to strangle the two. "What do you mean, 'weird'? What are you talking about?"
Pence and Olette quickly exchanged glances. "You keep saying that people in black coats are stalking you, Roxas," Pence explained. "And that some girl in white watches you undress, and she draws naked pictures of you and a redheaded guy≈"
"They do," interrupted Roxas.
"Not only that, but you dream about some guy with a big key. Roxas, not only are you not well in the head, but you're probably gay, too."
"... What?"
The brown-haired girl sighed. "Guys with big 'keys', drawings of you having... erm, intercourse with a man, having a conversation with some random girl while 'falling off the tower'... Roxas, all the signs point to it."
"Where the hell did you get that idea!" Roxas yelled out in disbelief.
"Well," Pence looked thoughtful. "Hayner suggested the gay theory. He seemed hopeful, actually..."
"Roxas, he said that you'd probably be in denial about this," Olette said, her eyebrows furrowing together in worry.
"Who said what? Hayner?"
"The guy who's picking you up. Dr. Notanzeem, I think," answered Pence. "He and Hayner should be here soon."
"... You're giving me to some guy? What the hell?" Roxas stared at the pair.
"Don't worry, he's perfectly alright," Olette said happily. "Hayner met him in a chatroom."
"... You're giving me to some guy you met in a chatroom?"
Pence rolled his eyes. "It'll be fine, Roxas. It's not like you're a member of some secret organization or anything."
"Right," agreed Olette. "And it's not like you're the other half of the boy with the giant key, or the only way to awaken him or anything."
"... You guys seriously need to lay off the sea salt ice cream."
The two erupted in laughter at that comment as if it was the most hilarious thing they ever heard≈it probably was. "That's... funny," Pence croaked inbetween spurts of laughter. "But you're still going."
And at that moment, Hayner entered the room followed by DiZ. Roxas stared in disbelief. "No... that's one of the guys that's after me! You can't give me to him."
Hayner merely shrugged. "Roxas, this is Dr. Notanzeem. You're going to go away with him for awhile, okay?"
DiZ≈er, Dr. Notanzeem≈gave the trio a look that clearly told Roxas that he thought they were all retarded, before turning to the blonde. "I'll be taking you to my super, secret lab... I mean, center for people with special needs. Don't worry, I'll take good care of you, Sor≈Roxas."
Roxas could only emo as his so called "friends" handed him over to Dr. Notanzeem's assistant, a creepy guy with a tan who was definetely not Riku. They then teleported with Roxas Matrix-style to their secret lair that's totally not the abandoned mansion.
Olette bit her bottom lip, not phased by their strange departure. "This is an ice cream moment." But before she could magically summon them out of nowhere, Hayner broke down and started to sob on her shoulder.
"I promised myself that I wouldn't cry," he wailed. "Why couldn't I be the guy with the big key? Why?"
"Do you think we did the right thing?" Olette asked, patting the crying Hayner on the head.
Pence nodded. "He's in a better place now."
Meanwhile, Roxas was seriously screwed.