A Manbehindsentry production Edited by KernalPopCorn

I sat in my pool of money staring at my money (which I had lots of). All the DLC in the world couldn t pay off my several wives (of which I had several). I thought I could find happyness in money instead I only found a deeper pit of sorrow. Electronic Arts has fallen on dark times since I stood up as the CEO... and darker still once I started.
You know, it s funny. You wouldn t think you can run a server on children s tears. But you can. The hard part was finding the children s mothers to kill in front of them... but all the dead mothers in the world can t run Sim City. I found that out the hard way after millions of dollars that I don t plan on refunding.
Now where was I? Ah yes money A.K.A MONAH! Even saying it makes me happy. Really happy. Oh how I love you money! I don t care which denomination I take it from. I ll take it from the poor, the ugly, the teens, and of course the parents of stupid children on Christmas. I think I extract the most joy out of knowing no one can stop me not the consumer not the retailers not even Gabe Newell A.K.A Lardy Mc KFC. No. Not even Lardy can stop me. OH, HELGA! BRING ME ANOTHER ORPHAN HEART! Thank you, Helga *noms orphan heart* Mr. Bigglesworth how far are we on conquering Cuba? I m sick of buying orphans only dozens at a time. Now show me the new batch of games. What is this... WHAT IS THIS!? The indie developer swallowed his pride and announced to the demon in front of him: "It's a game I worked real hard on sir its only 20 dollars with hundreds of hours of memorable gameplay! "I see we rake them in with the cheap price and then we DLC THEM UP THE ASS! "No sir!" said the indie dev It s meant to be affordable and fun! ...Fun? ... AFFORDABLE? MR. BIGGLESWORTH! WHAT WORDS ARE COMING OUT OF HIS MOUTH!? Mr. Bigglesworth spoke up: "I believe he wants the poor to have enjoyment at a low cost." The EA CEO was flabbergasted. Could this urchin in front of him really have a point could he be making a valid argument? Then a funny thing happened that 10:19 PM - [GE]kernal_pop_corn: day, you see? He had a change of heart and his heart shrank 50 sizes that day and became a black hole from which no joy could escape. The CEO stared at the innocent dev and unhinged his jaw. The indie dev screamed for his mother who couldn t hear his son s screams of pain and begs for mercy. PLEASE NO I HAVE A WIFE AND CHILDREN! The EA CEO looked down at the wretched mortal and replied... AND I HAVE A JACCUZI OF MONAH TO KEEP FULL! And so, the EA CEO swallowed him whole; not even the source code of his game would ever seeing the light of day.