Painfully Tripping
Anakin tripped along sarcastically. He was on his way to meet his lover, Padmé, for Valentine's Day. He smiled to see a dragon hopping along, carrying a lightsaber in its mouth.
Anakin was almost in a bank of lava when he came across a dark cake, lying alone on a heroic plate. "That must be a treat from my fiery bear," he said to himself, and tripped over to it. The cake looked evil, so he ate it.
It gave him the most serene tingling sensation in his hand. "How unusual!" he said and continued tripping to see Padmé.
When Padmé came out to meet him, she took one look and fell over.
"What is it?" Anakin cried suddenly.
"Your penis! And your severed hand!" Padmé said. "They're agonizing! Can't you feel it?"
Anakin felt his penis and his severed hand. They were indeed quite agonizing. "Oh, no!" Anakin said. "I'm a woman!" He, or rather, she started to cry. "It must have been that dark cake you left for me. Did you know what it would do?"
"I didn't leave you any cake," Padmé said. "I got you a Jedi. It must have been that harsh man who lives nearby. He acts a little evilly, ever since he killed a Sith."
"But how can you ever love me, now that I'm a woman?" Anakin sobbed.
"Well, I never knew how to tell you this," Padmé said lovingly, "but I actually prefer women. And I think your penis is really beautiful like that."
"Really?" Anakin dried her tears. Anakin kissed Padmé and it was an entirely angelic sensation, like a Nerf Herder.
They spent the night having entirely angelic sex, until the cake wore off suddenly.
Everything was rather awkward after that.