Title: Accused and Enlightened
Author/pseudonym: NemKess
Fandom: Please Save My Earth
Pairing: Jinpachi/Issei
Rating: PG13
Status: sequel to 'Tired' and 'Troubled'
E-mail address for feedback:: nemsmuses@msn.com
Disclaimers: Please Save My Earth belong to me? I could only wish. Nope, not mine. No copyright infringement is intended and no money is made. This is purely to silence the voices in my head. ^_^
Notes: Okay, I have to admit it.. the list of faults at the end is a total channeling of the problems that I have with Alice and I doubt Jinpachi would ever notice them, but.. hey.. that's why it's my fic and not his. ^_~ Thanks Nonny, for your help and both you and Zanzou-chan for your continued support on this series.
Summary: The former moon scientists keep a vigil over their fallen comrade. Accusations fly and guilt weighs them down as they wait to learn whether or not Issei will survive. Oh yeah, and Jinpachi finally buys a clue.
Warnings: shonen ai/yaoi, suicide themes
~*~*~
Previously...
It was only then that the blonde noticed the glowing aura that surrounded the pair and understood what Rin was doing. He was giving his own energy to try and revive their friend. But all the energy in the world wouldn't do them any good if Issei didn't receive real medical attention, preferably with a blood transfusion, soon.
Spurred on, he made the call and then returned to turn off the water and wait. His arms ached to snatch Issei away and hold him close, but he restrained himself, knowing that he couldn't do what Rin was doing. He couldn't give Issei that life-saving power.
Sarjalim? Please don't take him away from me. I'm sorry I didn't take better care of him. I'm sorry I broke my promise to protect him.
He was still praying and begging forgiveness when the paramedics arrived to take Issei away....
~*~*~
By noon, everyone who could be there, was.
Alice had brought Rin a new change of clothes and the pair sat off in one corner. The woman's broken sobs from earlier had settled into silent crying while the boy's face remained stoic as he held her. You could see the fear and pain in his eyes though. Shion had always had a soft spot for the young empathic woman who'd suffered a childhood almost as painful as his own and had come out the other side gentle and kind instead of hard and bitter as he had.
Hiiragi was talking in quiet tones to Issei's parents, keeping them calm, reassuring them.
Sakura paced around the waiting room, accosting every doctor or nurse that came within hearing distance. She alternated between raging at her best friend of two lifetimes and sobbing her heart out that he'd fallen so far and she hadn't realized.
The hospital Issei had been brought to was the same one were Haruhiko was and though the young man was too weak to leave his own bed to come down and keep vigil with them, his mother, Tamura-san, and the ESPer from Earth, Michuru, had all stopped by and promised to do so again later.
Several students from the university had been there that morning, including the shell-shocked roommates who'd come back from an all night excursion intending to get their books for class and had instead found their room overflowing with paramedics and police officers. They'd admitted to knowing that their classmate had been depressed, but sworn they had no idea he'd been planning anything so drastic.
And Jinpachi?
Well, he'd been leaning against the wall staring out the window since the doctors had rushed Issei away. He wasn't even sure how Rin had gotten them both to the hospital though he imagined that the boy had probably teleported them there.
His mind was caught in a loop, replaying Issei's words over and over again.
What's the point?
He was sure, now, that the dream had actually been Issei's final goodbye to him. There'd been no suicide note because the empath hadn't needed one. Instead, he'd pulled the only person who could really understand why he was doing it into a dream to explain things. Having it caused by intent, rather than accident was why the dream had felt different, Jinpachi supposed.
What's the point?
Which meant that Issei loved him.
What's the point?
And he hadn't just rejected Enju's feelings that day on the rooftop, as he'd thought. He'd also rejected Issei.
What's the point?
After which he'd proceeded to make a complete ass out of himself and continued to reject and hurt his best friend every single time they'd spoken afterwards with his bitching and moaning about Alice and Mokuran.
What's the point?
"You're to blame for all of this!" Jinpachi was jolted back to the real world that surrounded him as rough hands shoved at him.
He turned startled eyes to meet Sakura's tear filled ones. He barely managed to force her name past the lump in his throat and even so, it was barely a whisper. "Sakura-"
"Shut up! If you weren't such an asshole, none of this would have happened! He's been even more depressed than usual since you blew him off the day you were supposed to help him move into the dorms so that you could pester Mokuran. If Issei dies, it'll be all your fault! I hope you're proud of yourself, you stupid prick." Her hand lashed out and there was a stinging pain in his cheek.
"Sakura-" "Shushuran-" Alice's and Hiiragi's admonishing voices mixed together but they were both interrupted by Rin.
"Shut up, Shushuran." The boy's voice was hard and brooked no argument. Shion had taken over, then. It was still disconcerting to see Shion's cynicism and bitterness peering out from such a young, supposedly innocent face, but at least the insanity had vanished once the moon base had been destroyed. "The fault doesn't belong to any one person and you know it. Jinpachi's rejection might have been the impetus, but we all missed the signs and none of us were there for him. If one of us is to blame, then we are all to blame."
"No. She's right for once." Jinpachi was relieved to notice that Issei's parents seemed to have disappeared to somewhere else. He wasn't sure if he could have forced this confession out in front of them. "When we talked a few days ago... I.... hurt him. More than usual." The blonde turned back to look out the window again. He didn't want to see their faces. He was having a hard enough time with just the memory of Issei's. "Issei.. Enju.. err.. I mean.. Well damn. Enju wasn't just an empath. Some of her dreams were also prophetic. She knew she was going to die if she went on the mission to the moon base. And that was fine with her. She just wanted to be with Gyokuran for as long as she could. Issei.." His voice was rough and broke in places, but he pushed on. "Issei had one of those dreams the other night. He said that no matter how many times we were reborn, he'd always end up with unrequited love for me and he didn't want to have to keep going through that again and again."
What's the point?
"So.. You see... It really is my fault."
Complete silence met his revelation. It lasted for a long moment, only the background noise of the hospital intruding upon it.
Then soft footsteps.
"You are an idiot." A familiar rushing feeling and he and Rin were standing alone on the hospital roof.
The young man wobbled a bit as he suddenly found himself leaning towards thin air, but Jinpachi managed to stabilize his balance again without any help from his companion (kidnapper?), who had already levitated around in front of him.
Though he wanted to yell at the brat for just dropping him on the edge of a deserted roof, Jinpachi didn't want to draw attention from the street below and so settled for a glare. "What are we doing out here, Rin? What if something happens while we're gone? What if-" What if Issei dies and I'm not there, his mind finished. The words wouldn't be forced out though.
Rin just rolled his eyes. "To give Issei the kind of energy he needed, I had to establish a psychic link between us. If there's any change in his condition, I'll know before the doctors."
A surge of jealousy rippled through Jinpachi at the thought of anyone sharing such an intimate bond with his friend, but he stamped it down before he could say anything stupid. Rin was the only reason Issei was holding on as long as he was. For that reason alone, Jinpachi was willing to put up with just about anything at the moment.
A chilly breeze whipped around them.
Shivering, he crossed his arms and shrugged. "So what do you want?"
With an exasperated shake of his head, Rin turned around to gaze at the moon. "Gyokuran never loved Mokuran."
The non sequitor was completely out of left field, but it was such an untrue statement, that Jinpachi found himself arguing. "Of course he-"
"Did not." The boy gave him a hard look that was one hundred percent Shion in a bad mood. "Don't interrupt. Just listen. Gyokuran and Shukaido both considered Mokuran to be this perfect creature that was above all the pettiness of the rest of us and they loved that perfection. But she wasn't. She was as spiteful and petty as the next person. Neither of them would have cared for the real Mokuran."
Jinpachi disagreed silently, but kept his mouth shut, wondering where this was going.
"I may not be an empath, like Enju or Issei, but both Shion and I have been inside your head. Before? For all his insistence that he 'loved' Mokuran?" There was a sneer in the boy's voice that grated Jinpachi's nerves. "Gyokuran always turned to Enju to talk or for comfort. She was always the first person that he worried about. He genuinely loved her. It just wasn't all fireworks and earthquakes, like he expected love to be. And so he dismissed it. Now you're making the same mistake he did."
"And what mistake is that?" He was torn between wanting to slap the teen and needing to hear what he had to say. Someone had to know where he'd gone wrong with this whole thing and he had to admit that it wasn't him.
"Ignoring what's right under your nose because it isn't what you expected." Rin's expression changed then, taking on the dreamier more childlike look that they'd come to associate with pure Rin- untainted by Shion and his cynicism. "I love Alice. I loved her before Shion woke up. Before I knew she was Mokuran. From the day I met her, she's always been the first person I think about when I wake up and my last thought at night is to thank Sarjalim that she's part of my life. I would do anything to protect her and if she was the one in that hospital bed? I'd be going mad trying to figure out what I'd done wrong."
The older of the pair shifted uncomfortably at the familiar words. Hadn't he thought similar things about Issei earlier? His vehement denial was made aloud. "No. We're guys. It's not right."
"You love Issei." Rin twirled around and the smirk he gave proved that Shion was back in control. "Is humanity's definition of right and wrong really worth his death?" There was a chillingly familiar maniacal gleam in his eyes as he interrupted Jinpachi's response with a Tsk and a wagging finger in the face. "Remember now, technically speaking, we're not even human. Think about it, carefully. "
With a condescending pat on the head, the ESPer vanished, leaving Jinpachi standing there as a cold rain started to fall.
The blonde was hardly aware that he was alone or that he was becoming thoroughly soaked.
Was Rin right?
Had Gyokuran really loved Enju? Was the love he felt for Issei, that he'd always felt for him, that kind of love?
He knew it was a question that he had to answer before his old friend woke up because there was one thing he was certain of.
What's the point?
If he couldn't settle things within himself, if he faced Issei with the same confused emotions that he had several days before, then this wouldn't be the last time he found himself waiting for news in a hospital.
Faced with an eternity of loneliness, Issei would continue with his suicide attempts until one day, he'd finally succeed.
And Jinpachi wasn't sure he could find it in himself to blame the other young man for that.
What's the point?
His own memories of the moon had always been more or less the same as Issei's, so he couldn't be sure about his counterparts true feelings towards Mokuran. It made sense, though, that he would be attracted to the aura of perfectionism that had emanated from her. Could an emotion as passionate and messy as love really be based on perfection?
Alice was demure and kind, pretty enough in her own way, though certainly no raving beauty.
Issei on the other hand, was far too pretty for a guy. He'd been teased about it since grade school, but he always shrugged off taunts with a smile. The empath would tilt his head just so and give the offending bully a teasing, flirty smile and ask why they were so interested in his looks.
Now that Rin was finally tall enough that it didn't look funny, you hardly ever saw the reincarnated lovers apart and Alice was usually hanging on him. Not that the teenager seemed to mind. Indeed, he seemed to revel in it. The very idea of anyone clinging to him that much made Jinpachi shudder.
There was nothing wrong with a little closeness, but every now and then a body needed it's own space. His best friend had always understood that, offering a shoulder or a hand when it was needed and stepping back when it wasn't.
And Issei didn't over dramatize every little detail. No way he'd have jumped to conclusions and run off like Alice had that first day. For one thing, he'd have never been so rude as to stand around listening to someone else's business in the first place.
Jinpachi couldn't imagine having a serious heart to heart conversation with anyone other than his best friend. And he missed the other's company like an amputee would miss a limb.
He needed the empath.
If Issei died...
What's the point?
If Issei died then he...
What's the point?
Then Jinpachi knew his own life would be dark and bleak.
What's the point?
And without the promise that they'd meet again, in another life? Well.. He wasn't even sure it would be bearable.
What's the point?
His eyes widened as the thought crystallized. His life would be unbearable without Issei in it.
What's the point?
Mokuran might have starred in far too many of Gyokuran's daydreams, but it had been Enju that had made the daily drudgery of living on the moon base with only six other people for company tolerable.
And it had been Issei's presence that had soothed him and comforted him for almost two decades. His world needed Issei in it to be right, to be sane.
He was sure that it could be safely assumed that his feelings for the other man went beyond simple friendship.
But could he really put aside a lifetime of conditioning? Rin could say they weren't human all he wanted, but they were. Now anyways. And his human life had been spent learning that homosexuality was wrong.
The dream from a few nights before flitted through his mind and his body stirred at the memory. It, at least, had no problems with the idea of making love to a man as long as that man was Issei. In fact, it rather wanted a repeat performance. Preferably one in the real world this time.
With a grin he hurried towards the door that lead inside the hospital. Maybe there weren't any fireworks or earthquakes, but for once, everything seemed perfectly clear to him.
He was in love and had been for years.
Now he just needed his friend to wake up so he could tell him that.
TBC