Author's Note: My first non-Shungiku Nakamura fanfic. Exciting.
Getting older was proving to make things more difficult. Living with Soubi got harder everyday. My feelings stopped being simple a long time ago. He was still the same Soubi I had met a couple years ago. I wasn't the same Ritsuka though. The love I had for him now was different. I didn't just want the warmth and safety he made me feel. He pretty much had my heart without knowing it. I only let myself think about it when he wasn't here. I really loved him though.
I chose him over Semei...if he hadn't realized by now he never would. I'd let him know tonight. I'd been more and more depressed lately about this whole situation. Nothing could really help me, not even the presence of the friends I finally managed to hold on to. Sometimes I was happy and other times I was miserable. It was taking it's toll on my body. I laid on the couch Soubi usually slept on. He'd been sleeping on the couch for awhile now. I would tell him to stay with me. I could smell him everywhere. There was no escape. Now that it was summer I had even more time on my hands.
I closed my eyes and fell asleep breathing his scent in, thinking about him. His laughter. His face. I wanted it all. I'd only been sleep a little while when I heard Soubi come in with Kio. I wanted to hit him. I needed to talk to Soubi, but lately he'd been around more than ever. I was getting tired of it. From what I saw he was Soubi's only friend so I couldn't say anything. I peaked over the couch. Soubi was staring at me and smiling like always. I could feel my cheeks going red and saw his face turn from happy to confused.
All I could do was look at him and think things I'd never thought I'd think about a person let alone a grown man. I was only a little kid. Soubi only accepted me because Semei had told him to. He only said he loved me because he had to. I would make him love me. As always Kio offered me a lollipop. I always said no. This time I took one. I slinked back down on the couch and stared at the tv.
"Just because you keep looking doesn't mean it's going to turn on." Soubi looked amused, but I could see the worried expression lurking.
"I don't want to watch it anyway." I looked at the screen quietly while Kio talked. I could see from the reflection in the tv that Soubi was watching me.
"Kio. I think Ritsuka doesn't feel very well. Maybe we should hang out tomorrow." Kio looked over at me. I just stared back until he looked away.
"Aw! Come on!" Kio sometimes reminded me of a two year old. He whined more than anyone I knew. I didn't mind Soubi having company and all it was just Kio that sort of annoyed me. I really don't know how some people are put up with. I guess that might not really be who Kio is though. Everyone can act happy. His act didn't convince me, Soubi probably didn't want to get involved in more problems.
If Kio left I could tell Soubi how I felt, or at least try to. Kio was finally kicked out after promises of lunch tomorrow while I sat on the couch trying to find my voice. "Ritsuka, you've been down lately."
"I've been thinking about how I felt lately. About everything...about you." He just looked at me for awhile. I had to finish what I was saying. "I'm the one who is always staying with you now. I shouldn't be the one in your bed and maybe I can help out more." It was a start.
"Ritsuka, I enjoy you being here. You don't have to do anything you don't want to." I didn't stop him when he put his hand over mine.
"Waht I'm trying to say is...I like you Soubi and things aren't so awkward anymore. Now that I'm older...I've had time to get to know you. I know Semei ordered you to do certain things...but I love you." I was too afraid to look at him now.