A/N: Okay, now I know I've left you guys hanging for the moment on "The Road to Wimbledon" and "The Beauty With In the Beast", but it'll only be until after the first of the year...not that long away:)

But as some of you may know, I usually hate Christmas time, but the last couple of days, I've been amusing myself with this little tidbit... A little Naomily, Christmas style, to help with my depression...

Let me know what you think... should I keep going? It would be a short one, so...

disclaimer: I don't own Skins, but if someone gave it to me as an Xmas gift, I promise I'd bring back Naomily the right way;)

Chapter 1: Claus and Effect

November 23, 2014 10:59 pm

Naomi sat in her office, going over the lists. She always checked them twice, even though she had never made a mistake the first time around.

But rules were rules. And Naomi Campbell learned the hard way what happened when you broke the rules around here.

She stopped what she was doing to reminisce about that first year she was here. Oh what a joyous time that had been!

Naomi shook herself out of her reverie, and got back to the task at hand. She was almost finished, when a knock sounded on her door.

"Enter!"

"Ma'am, you're needed down on the floor A.S.A.P." The curly haired young looking man stated nervously.

"Shit! What is it now, JJ?" Naomi asked, exasperated.

"Well, it's just that...well...Freddie and...,"

"Spit it out, JJ!"

"Freddie and Cook are going at it again." He managed to get out without any further stuttering. "It's getting quite violent this time."

Naomi surged up out of the chair and stormed out of her office. She blew past workers left and right, as they knew to scatter when she had that look on her face. Her black boots slapped on the wooden floor thunderously, announcing her arrival on the manufacturing floor.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?" She bellowed out, as the workers that had gathered around two young men cleared away from the scuffle. "Freddie?" She eyed the taller boy, noting the blood trickling from his nose. "Cook?" Naomi swung her gazed to the light brown haired boy, as he wiped the blood from the cut in his eyebrow.

Neither one of them wanted to answer, but they both knew it was inevitable. Naomi had a talent for making you tell the truth.

"Every year you two come to blows. Why can't we get through one Christmas without you trying to kill each other?"

"It weren't my fault, Naomikins! This funsponge is the one responsible this time." Cook stated, heatedly.

"Freddie? Is that true?" She asked him, watching as his head dropped.

"Yes."

Both of you, in my office right now!" She waited until they left the floor before she turned to JJ. "Jay, can you please get them working again? We've got a deadline to meet and I need to keep Cook and Freddie from murdering each other."

"Sure thing, Nai." He turned to get back to work when he suddenly remembered something. "Oh, Naomi?"

"Yeah?"

"Lara has asked that you join us for dinner tonight. She says that things need to be dealt with and the sooner the better." He smiled at her.

Naomi sighed, running her hand through her long blonde hair, before agreeing with him. "Fine. Yes! I'll be there, yeah?" She turned and followed after Freddie and Cook.

"EFFY? You are fighting over Effy? Again?" Naomi looked at her friends, disgust written all over her face. "When are both going to learn?"

"But, Nai-," Freddie started to defend himself.

"No, Freds. No buts! Effy fucking Stonem will never give either one of you the time of day!" Naomi stated emphatically, hoping that this year, she gets her point across. Freddie looked dejected, and Naomi felt bad about it, but it had to be done.

While Cook had only been looking for a shag, Freddie actually had feelings for the elusive brunette and while Naomi completely understood why, she knew that Effy would never commit.

"Listen, you both are my friends, and I really hate when the two of you fight." Naomi said softly, fixing her eyes on Freddie's. "We've been mates a long, long time, Freds. Some might even say too long, but...," she smirked, trying to coax a smile from him, as Cook howled out his laughter.

"Too fuckin' right, she is!" Cook added. "Listen mate, what say we all head out on the pull tonight? We can zip over to Canada or even Sweden, find us a few hotties and go mental?"

Naomi knew that look that suddenly appeared in Cooks' eyes. "Hey, dicksplash! No! That's why we're here in the first place!" Naomi reminded him, sending all three of them deep in thought.

December 24, 1984 11:59 pm

Laughter carried up and down the street, as revellers partied, spilling out of pubs and clubs, searching for the next drink. Three of those merrymakers trudged through the snow, feeling no pain or the cold that whipped around them.

"Oi, Blondie! Tell me again why we're out here?" Cook asked loudly, slurring his words. "We could be back at the room, getting cosy wiv each other."

Naomi groaned in answer because she had simply run out of words to shoot him down with, as she pulled out the bottle of vodka that she had in her coat pocket and took a drink, trying to drown out the day that had happened, actually trying to drown out the season altogether.

She hated Christmas. Her father left on Christmas when she was seven, leaving her and her mother alone. Every Christmas for the next three years, when she would write her Christmas list to Santa, she would put her fathers name at the top. By the time she was ten, she became disheartened and lost all faith and belief in Santa Claus.

She changed then, and no matter what her mother did, nothing would change Naomi's view that Christmas, and more importantly, Santa Claus, was a lie.

So, in the spirit of rebellion, she was out with her two best mates, drinking themselves into an oblivion so deep that she prayed would last until after the New Year.

"Cook, stop being a wanker! You know she's never gonna shag you!" Freddie laughed at him, winking at Naomi, making her smile.

They continued on, walking and drinking, paying no attention to their surroundings, until they came to a festive looking street, all lit up with Christmas lights.

"Ugh! C'mon guys, let's cut through the ally." Naomi stated as she eyed the scene with disgust and led them around the back of one of the houses.

They were half way down the ally when a noise from above stopped them in their tracks.

"I don't understand how he does this every year!" A voice shouted out. "It's almost like he's on speed or something!"

"Shhh! Keep it down, Cupid!" Another voice replied. "The whole point is not wake anyone up."

Naomi looked at her friends, gestured toward the roof and warned them to be quiet. 'Ha! Serves 'em right for believing in this stupid arsed holiday!' She thought to herself, as the house was being robbed. But who the fuck names their kid "Cupid"?

"Listen, Sandman, I don't care if anyone's awake or not, I just wanna go home, alright! I still don't get why we have to be here anyway?" Cupid stated forcefully.

"We're here because you slept with Father Time's girlfriend!" Sandman shouted back.

"How was I supposed to know who she was?"

"How about the fact that she's always with him? Did you ever think of that? Do you ever use that big big head of yours, or is it the little one that's always in control?" Sandman was pissed off that he was punished as well for Cupid's fuck up.

"Shh...the big guy's coming back up." Cupid said quickly. "Get over by the sleigh and wait."

Down below, Naomi, Cook and Freddie were trying to contain their laughter as they listened to the conversation from above.

"I think someone's left the loony bin in a hurry." Cook barked out loudly, causing Freddie and Naomi to laugh.

"I think you're right, Cookie!" Freddie agreed.

"OI! What are you fuckers doing up there?" Naomi yelled up, as the tree of them stepped away from the house so they could get a look at who was up there.

She saw two guys, one of them dressed in a bath robe and another one dressed in what looked like a short toga.

"What was that?"

Naomi scoffed. "Down here dickhead!" Both men scooted to the edge of the roof and looked down, finding Naomi and the guys staring back at them. "You are aware that burglary is a crime, right?" She crossed her arms and stood waiting for their answer.

"We weren't...,"

"We're not...,"

The both started at the same time, stammering in embarrassment.

Naomi was about to respond, when a big guy popped out of the chimney. "What the fuck? What the hell are you guys doing up there?" She asked again, more forceful this time, wondering how drunk she really was.

The chimney guy was startled by the sound of her voice, and lost his footing. As he started to slide off the roof, the other two rushed to help him.

What happened next shocked Naomi, Freddie and Cook almost sober.

Sure enough, there was a sleigh up on the roof, and when the two went to help the big guy, they jostled it, and it started sliding off as well.

Naomi watched as the older guy landed right in front of her with a grunt and just as she was about see if he needed help, a yelp and a scream had Freddie pulling her out of the way, as Cupid and Sandman were caught by the falling sleigh.

The result was a wooden splintery mess, as the ancient carriage clattered to the ground, trapping all three of the burglars under it.

Cook and Freddie rushed to lift it off of the men, but it wasn't looking good for them.

"What do we do?" Cook asked, stunned by what had happened.

Naomi thought for a few seconds. "We find out who they are." She said. "Freddie, grab that one," she pointed at bath robe guy, "and Cook, you grab that one...check their pockets." She said as Cook looked around the small toga for a pocket.

That left her with the big guy. She knelt down, checking for a pulse, but sadly, didn't feel one.

She rifled through the big red coat he had on, which incidentally, had about a million pockets, before finally laying her fingers on something.

She looked over and saw that Freddie and Cook had something in their hands too.

"What's that?" She asked.

Freddie looked at the card in his hand. "It looks like a business card. You?"

"Business card." Cook said, while glancing at Naomi.

Naomi held hers up, showing them. "Business card. Hmm...," she squinted in the darkness, trying to read what it said. "The Assembly of Legendary Figures...what the fuck is that?"

"Uh, guys?" Freddie called out.

"What?" Naomi watched as he read the back of the card, and intrigued flipped the one in her hand over.

Five words, written in scrolled lettering. A request of sorts. One that baffled the shit out of Naomi.

"What does yours say?" Freddie asked Cook and Naomi, confused by his card.

Cook suddenly looked horrified, as he looked down at the toga wearing guy. "No fucking way! I am not drunk enough for this!"

"What?" Naomi stepped over to glance at the card.

Another five words, same scrolling script.

"Hmm, what about you, Freds?"

He held the card out to her as he too, looked at the men laying at their feet.

"This is fucking freaky!" Naomi said as yet again, another five words presented themselves. She handed the card back to Freddie.

'PUT ON THE RED COAT' Naomi's said.

'GRAB THE BOW AND ARROWS' Was on the back of Cook's card.

'GRAB THE BAG OF SAND' Were Freddie's instructions.

"I say we just call the cops and go." Naomi stated, not wanting to get involved any more than they already were. After all, it was an accident, wasn't it? She was merely trying to stop a crime in progress, it's not her fault they slipped off an icy roof.

Freddie and Cook agreed, and they started to leave, with Naomi pulling out her mobile.

"Holy shit!" Cook cried out.

Naomi and Freddie turned to see what he was on about when the carnage started disappearing, piece by piece. But when it couldn't get any stranger, the bodies slowly started to disintegrate into dust that swirled around the spots where they had lay.

Naomi stepped closer, putting her mobile away. She realised that she still had the business card in her hand when it started to heat up.

"Um, maybe we'd better do what the cards say." Freddie suggested, as he felt the heat as well.

"Fuck it!" Cook stated. "Everything once, yeah?" He smirked at his friends and stepped over to where Cupid landed, finding the only thing remaining. A golden bow with a quiver full of arrows. He reached down and picked them up, when he felt a surge of electricity rip through him.

Freddie was just pulling a heavy golden bag from the pile when he felt the same thing that Cook had. "Whoa! That'll definitely wake you up!" He exclaimed.

Naomi stood resolutely in her spot, card burning in hand, refusing to do as it said.

"C'mon, Nai, you've gotta do it. I think we're suppose to." Cook said, trying to coax her into it.

"No fucking way! I don't know what's gonna happen."

"Naomi, do it!" Freddie said, watching as the red coat started to singe at the cuffs and hem. "It's starting to burn." He pointed to it.

"For fucks sake! Fine!" Naomi scowled as she reached down and grabbed the coat. She put it on and patted out the smouldering spots. "Happy now?"

Suddenly she felt the rush of electricity throughout her body, and while it wasn't totally unpleasant, it didn't feel like anything she had ever felt before. She started hearing voices in her head, softly, quietly and a sense of urgency filled her.

"Now what?" Cook asked, scratching his head, while Freddie shrugged in response.

That's when they heard it.

It was quiet and far off, but it was getting closer. It was the sound of sleigh bells, and snorts from large animals.

Naomi rolled her eyes as a large sleigh dropped from the sky, landing at the end of the ally and came toward them.

It was guided by a large, unkempt looking man.

"Oh fecking hell!" The stranger looked at the three of them as he brought the carriage to a stop. "And just what the bloody hell happened here? It was Cupid's fault, wasn't it? Never could trust that sleazy little bastard!"

"Who are you?" Freddie asked, feeling a pull to go.

"Who do I look like?" The driver asked.

"Well, you kinda look like my college politics teacher." Naomi was squinting at him, cocking her head to the side. "But I'm guessing you're not."

"Good fecking guess, lass." He smirked, then jumped down from the sleigh. "Father Time, at your service, but you can call me Kieran. I'm guessing you found the cards?"

The three friends nodded, too shocked to say anything else.

"Good, good...now, let's get a move on, shall we?" He gestured to the sleigh. "There's a lot of work to do, and the old man was only halfway done."

"What are you talking about?" Naomi asked, wearily.

Kieran looked at her, noticing for the first time, her defensive stance. "Oh Christ! You don't believe, do ya?"

Naomi glanced at her friends quickly. "Believe in what?"

Kieran threw his hands up in the air. "Seriously? Chris Cringle? Father Christmas? St. Nick?" He asked, watching the young girl in front of him. "Santa Claus?"

Naomi started laughing. "Alright pal, I think you've had too much to drink tonight. Do you want us to call you a cab?"

Kieran waited until she was done. "Did you guys even read those cards before you followed the instructions?"

The three of them looked confused. "Of course we read them." Naomi stated indignantly. "We're not stupid."

"Really?" Kieran questioned, "because if you had you would know what you've just taken on." He stepped closer to Cook, looking him over. "You are now Cupid." Kieran did the same with Freddie, "you're the Sandman. And you," he came to stand in front of Naomi, "are now Santa Claus!"

"Bullshit!"

"Read the cards again. Right now."

As if they were all one unit, Naomi, Cook and Freddie lifted the cards up again, looking at them really hard.

"Oh, fucking hell!" Naomi couldn't believe her eyes.

Now instead of just the five words from before, there was more written on the card.

"Is this for real?" Freddie asked. "This isn't just a big joke, is it?"

"Sorry, lad." Kieran apologised. "It's how it works."

"Well, fuck me running!" Cook exclaimed.

Naomi was speechless. It was hard for her to grasp the concept of what had just happened.

"Well, lass? What do you have to say?" Kieran fixed her with a look she couldn't quite identify.

She opened her mouth to reply but nothing came out. Naomi tried again, but still no words.

Kieran chuckled and nodded his head. "I know, it's a lot to take in...why don't we get in the sleigh, and I'll explain everything, yeah?"

He bundled the three of them up and loaded them into the carriage. With another smirk, he took off and into the night they flew.

Naomi spent most of the night believing she was still drunk, had fallen and hit her head or taken some really great drug. She couldn't come to terms with the fact that she had just become the one "mythical" person she hated with the intensity of a thousand suns.

She wasted that first year trying her best to rebel against her fate. While Freddie and Cook fell into their roles with ease, she was having trouble. She missed them and she missed her mum, of all people. After spending years trying break away from Gina Campbell, it would physically hurt to know she couldn't just pop round for a cuppa whenever she wanted.

Kieran and the other Legendary Figures took pity on her, if only for the sake of saving the next Christmas, and brought Gina to the North Pole, where they explained why after almost a year, her daughter had been missing.

And then there were the elves. Naomi treated them like kids for the first couple of months, which got old real fast. All it took was a well done riot, headed by one of the oldest elves of the group. Kieran had to take her aside and explain that she needed to pull her head out of her arse and treat the little guys with the respect they deserved. She soon started to see them for the people they were.

Freddie and Cook started spending way more time with her as well, until they just decided to stay. As long as they performed their duties, it really didn't matter where they were located.

Kieran turned out to be a huge help, slowly becoming a father figure to Naomi, something she had never really had. And she found it rather hilarious that her mum and Kieran would flirt with each other.

When it came time for the following Christmas, Naomi reluctantly embraced her role in this new life.

That was thirty years ago.

A knock on the door brought the three of them out of the past.

"Enter!"

The door opened to reveal Effy Stonem or as the world knew her, Mother Nature. Naomi watched as Freddie tensed up and suddenly felt angry.

"I heard there was a bit of a scuffle on the floor earlier." She said with a smirk.

"Oh, I bet you did. What do you want, Effy?"

"Just checking to make sure you're coming to dinner tonight. And the boys as well. It's a Legendary thing, ya know."

Naomi narrowed her eyes at the waifish woman in front of her. Remembering when the girl started after her mum, Anthea passed away. She had caused trouble for the boys from the moment she arrived, and it chapped Naomi's arse!

"Yes, Eff, we know. We'll be there. Was there anything else?" Naomi asked with a touch of frost to her voice.

Effy sauntered over to the chair next to Freddie and sat down. "No...not really."

"Then you're done here." Naomi's anger increased at the nerve of the girl. Who the hell did she think she was?

As soon as Naomi asked herself that question, Effy's eyes snapped to hers, showing the blonde that Effy heard her. One delicately thin eyebrow raised in answer, as Naomi rolled her eyes.

"Fine. I'm going." Effy stood and glared at Naomi. "I'll see you all soon enough anyway."

Freddie had been holding his breath the whole time Effy had been in the room and finally let it out after she left. "Fuck!" He whispered, more to himself, but Cook and Naomi heard it.

"You seriously need to let that go, Freds." Naomi said quietly, hoping that her friend would listen to her this time.

They spent another hour talking about daily day to day business, before they realised it was time for dinner.

They arrived at JJ and Lara's place and were greeted by Lara herself. "Hey you, glad to see you made this one." The perky blonde said with a smile, knowing how hard it was to pin her down this time of year.

"Yeah, well...you know how it goes, so much to do, so little time." Naomi smiled back at her as Freddie and Cook walk on through, leaving the two girls at the door. "Is JJ here?"

"Yeah, he just got home. He told me about what happened earlier." She whispered, and then frowned. "I just wished she would stop...,"

"Yeah, I know." Naomi placed a hand on her arm. "I wish Freddie would...,"

"I know." Lara returned with a smile. "Listen, your mum and Kieran are here already, along with Thomas and Panda's on her way."

"So it's the whole assembly then, yeah?" Lara nodded, "We've got important business to discuss, Nai. It'll affect us all here at the Pole."

Lara led her into the dining room, and she was greeted by everyone else. Panda arrived a few minutes later and they all enjoyed a nice dinner. Once they were done, everyone adjourned in the lounge.

"Alright, listen up!" Kieran called out, getting everyone's attention. "We've called everyone here tonight to discuss a very important matter. Two matters, to be exact."

"Well, let's get on with it, I've got a mission to complete, yeah?" Cook said, impatiently. He took his duties very seriously, believe it or not, something that used to make Naomi laugh at first.

"Yeah yeah, yeah...keep your knickers on, boyo! First, you and Freddie need to stop going at each other!" Kieran admonished sternly. "We can't have Legendary Figures killing each other...there's no replacements that way." He eyed Freddie getting a harsh look in return.

"Fine!" Freddie said with a pout. "Is that it?"

"Nope, fraid not." Kieran swung his gaze to Naomi. "You!"

"What? I haven't done anything." She said with her hands up.

"We know that, it's just that we have a small problem." Kieran said, almost sheepishly.

"What problem?" She asked suspiciously, knowing she's been good for the last twenty-nine years.

"It's called the Mrs Clause."

"The what?" She asked in confusion as Effy, Panda and Thomas snickered.

Lara shot them a look and they immediately stopped. "What that means, Naomi is...well, we've never had a female Santa before, and JJ didn't think anything about that clause when you took over the job, so...,"

"So...what does that mean?" Naomi was pretty sure wasn't liking where this was heading. "No bullshit, just the straight up truth."

JJ finally stepped forward, embarrassed at the mess that could be caused because of his oversight. He and Lara had been the overseers of the North Pole for three centuries, and he had never screwed up this badly before.

"The position of Santa Claus is one of family and caring an-," JJ started but was cut off quickly.

"I'm caring! And look around!" Naomi gestured to everyone in the room. "Family!" She started freaking out.

"Marriage, Naomi. The clause is talking about marriage." Kieran looked at her kindly, knowing how she was going to react.

Naomi surged up from her seat, the room starting to close in on her. 'No, no, no, no! This can not be happening!' She thought to herself, forgetting that everyone except her mum could hear her.

"But it is happening, Nai." Cook jumped up, rushing over to comfort her. "It can't be changed, Blondie."

"This isn't good, Cook. You know what it's like for me." She pleaded with him, imploring him to remember when they were in Uni. "I had barely realised my sexuality when this happened." She gestured around again, feeling a panic start to set in.

Freddie jumped up then too, wanting to make sure she was alright. He had seen that look too many times before to not recognise it. "Shh, it'll be fine, Nai...we'll get Cookie to shoot an arrow and-,"

"Nope! No arrows." Kieran piped up. "She's gotta do it on her own, we can't use our powers to help."

Naomi's eyes widened at the thought of having to meet someone. "Well, it shouldn't be too hard, right? I'll just find a girl...maybe...dating can be pretty harmless, right? That should take about a year or so and th-,"

"You have a month." JJ stated. "You have until Christmas Eve, or else Christmas as we know it will be gone.

"What?" Cook and Freddie shouted at the same time.

"She'll never be able to do that?" Freddie replied in a matter of fact manner.

"Yeah, she gets all...nervous and shit! It ain't pretty, to be honest."

Gina, who had been rather quiet throughout the whole discussion, spoke up. "I think we need to give Naomi some time to get used to this. Love?"

Everyone looked around, searching for the legendary figure.

"I knew this was gonna happen." Gina stated calmly.

Naomi Campbell, aka Santa Claus, had disappeared.

Well? What do ya think? A little Naomily? A little Santa Clause? Cookie as Cupid and Freddie as the Sandman? Come on guys, I seriously need your feedback on this one...