Different Lives, Different Outcomes
Disclaimer: I don't own the Naruto characters, Masashi Kishimoto does.
"Fire in the hole!" – Speaking
'I will rule the world!' – Thoughts
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Depressing Naruto 01
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"Team 7 will be Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, and Uzumaki Naruto. Your jounin instructor is Hatake Kakashi." Umino Iruka called off and the reactions had interesting results. Sasuke glared at the pink spore who was squealing in his ear at such a high volume that Akamaru and Inuzuka Kiba clamped their hands over their ears. Those reactions were pretty normal except for the last member of the team, one Uzumaki Naruto. Instead of seeing the good in people Naruto just saw the depressing facts.
"So..." Naruto commented in a depressing tone that all those around him could see a dark cloud forming above him, "I'm stuck with a broody-obsessed avenger who's probably gay in that he never took any of his fangirls aging from six to fifty-five to bed to repopulate his clan like he said he would and a bubblegum-abusive fangirl who has a hard-on for duck-butt but doesn't train to impress him, and instead diets which will kill her and her teammates for her stupidity. Lastly, my instructor is a one-eyed scarecrow that reads porn in public and is notoriously late by three to four hours. In those hours he either acts out his fantasies with shadow clones or visits the memorial stone. I wonder how this team will work."
"Like you're any better Naruto-baka!" Sakura screeched.
Naruto snorted, "Of course not, I'm always depressed and wish I could die. I write down scenarios of lives that I could have lives which would be better than this one. I wonder how long my list will be before I die?" Naruto pondered with his head tilted to the side while the class just gapped at him.
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Meanwhile with the jounins and the Hokage watching through the crystal ball
The Hokage shook his head with a sigh at the child.
"You've got a rough team Kakashi! I'm so glad I'm not you," Sarutobi Asuma said as he smacked Kakashi's back while laughing.
Kakashi was a little depressed himself and kept muttering, "Is this karma?"
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Back with the new genin
After the depressing and blunt comments from Naruto, Iruka finished calling off the teams before signaling a thirty minute lunch break and to report back to be introduced to their jounin instructors. Naruto didn't know what to do with his break since he had no lunch, so he just sat in the classroom and updated his What My Life Could Have Been book he always carried around. The page he was writing on had this list:
43) I could be adopted by a big blue cat that had little spindle-things in the end of a braid from head hair and we could live on a planet that's free
44) A talking snowman could have been my best friend and I wouldn't be so lonely
45) I could be a lost prince to a nation
46) I could be from another planet and was sent away for safety by my father in a rocket and adopted by a childless couple
47) My father was a God and he recently found out wanted to interact with me
48) I could be flung into an alternate dimension where my parents are alive and my counterpart is dead and they don't care that I'm there because I'm still their 'son'
49) My parents are brought back from the dead from an enemy and my parents are awesome by fighting against the enemy instead of me and lives with me forever more
The thirty minutes were up and the students were trickling in slowly, followed by Iruka. Many teams didn't have to wait long for their sensei's to show up, just between five to ten minutes. The only team that was not picked up within that timeframe was Team 7, who waited for three hours and the only thing their sensei said was, "What a depressing bunch. Meet me on the roof."
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"Now that we established that I'm your sensei, let's introduce ourselves. Your name, likes, dislikes, hobbies and dreams for the future."
"How about you go first sensei," commented Pepto-Bismol.
"Okay. You know my name, my likes...my dislikes...hobbies...my dreams," Kakashi giggled, "Your turn red."
"My name is Haruno Sakura, I like-" insert insane giggle, "I dislike Ino-pig, my hobbies are-" que look to Sasuke with a giggle, "my dreams-" insert high-pitched squeal! There really wasn't much to be said from her. Sasuke didn't care except for a little annoyance, Kakashi thought 'fangirl' and Naruto just kept his dark cloud alive.
"Okay, you next darkness."
"My name is Uchiha Sasuke. I have no likes and many dislikes. My hobby is training." Here he stops to glare at nothing. "I don't have a dream but an ambition, to resurrect my clan and kill a certain man." Sakura squealed again and muttered, "So cool!", Kakashi thought 'flight-risk' and Naruto just smiled a little creepily.
"Next sunshine!"
Naruto stared blankly, "My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I like..." He thought a bit and tilted his head slightly, "thinking up better lives I could have had. I dislike...how they don't come true. My hobbies are making a list of those lives and daydreaming. My dream...is hoping that my cloud doesn't rain."
His last sentence prompted all three other members to glance at his cloud above his head before staring at him to see if he was serious...to which he was.
Kakashi clapped his hands together with an eye-smile. "Now that we're all introduced. Come by training ground three at six in the morning for your real test to become a genin. And remember to not eat breakfast, you'll throw up." Finishing with a smile he left in a poof of smoke.
Seeing no other reason for being there, Sasuke left without a word with Sakura following him like a lost puppy and asking for a date. Naruto kept staring at the spot of his sorta-maybe not-sensei before he sighed and jumped off the roof hoping it would kill him. But it didn't...'unfortunately' he thought.
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AN: Please review! There will be more coming! :)