Garfield's very existence was a burden to himself and those around him. The only joy that saved him from his pit of withering and self-decay of thoughts, was lasagna. Lasagna was everything to him… Garfield had no idea why he had such a fond liking to the cheesy meal of goodness. All that he could recollect was that he always loved the dish, not remembering the first time he had it.
Unaware to Garfield he had been eating lasagna since birth. When he was first conceived in some back alley of a restaurant the only food Garfield's mother could get ahold of was the lasagna that restaurant would throw out. Did he enjoy this meal to this day because it was his very first of meals? Or because it was a subconscious connection to the mother he had lost long ago?
"Garfield you LAZY CAT. Get up, you've been asleep for ages!" Jon complained with his hands folded in sassy matter.
"Fuck you Jon you don't understand the pain in my life. The dread that Mondays bring to me. I want to end my very existence." Garfield shot back. Jon laughed.
"Your pain amuses me you wretched beast. Get up now before I swat you with the newspaper." Jon threatened if Garfield refused to stop sleeping.
"LISTEN TO ME YOU PONY FUCK. I've spent the whole night listening to you on the phone with your pathetic attempts to win over Liz Wilson with your even more pathetic flirting. I'm going to go back to snoozing and if you DARE test me one more time you will face the true extent of my wrath you disgusting individual, Jon Arbuckle." Garfield insulted. Jon went to his room to cry. And that's when Odie started to bark.
"You incessive scoundrel of a god, shut your dirty damn GOB or else I will shut it for you." Garfield seethed in a harsh tone.
"Borf!" Odie barked. The day went on as usual. Time took forever to move on, but at least it moved on unlike Garfield. Garfield couldn't recall what his mother even looked like, but he stilled missed her, unable to grasp what love meant. He would often settle himself on the window sill to watch people passing on by. He watched as they mingled and shared love, love that Garfield was unsure if he had ever experienced himself.
Later in the day.
"Odie! Garfield dinner time!" Jon called. Odie raced over to the kitchen while Garfield moped over there. His eyes were a bit shut but that didn't matter. Jon placed their food down and Garfield's eyes widened.
"What's this?" Garfield questioned.
"Spaghetti." Jon answered.
"Listen to me, and listen to me real close you mother fucker you. You're going to give me some lasagna, not this shit." Garfield said in a dark voice.
"You have gone against me for the last time Garfield. While you were busy rambling I have been charging up to reach my final form. Good luck trying to defeat me while you're still in your base form you mangy cat!" John said, his shirt ripped off by just him flexing. His bulging biceps and well cut triceps would intimidate anyone, anyone but Garfield!
"Jon, you delusional fool. How have you come to the conclusion that you will be able to best me in combat. Little did you know that I have been preparing for a day such as this to deal with your insolence you deprived virgin." Garfield returned with malice in his voice. He threw several photographs which fell to Jon's feet. He bent down to pick one up.
"No! THIS CAN'T BE! You slept with Liz the love of my life!?" Jon screamed tears streaming down his eyes.
"That is correct Jon, don't you ever forget it. And if you tantalize me again I can do it again with her." Garfield said enjoying Jon's tears. "Let this be a lesson to you Jon, now go make me some lasagna. I won't ask again." Garfield warned. Jon scrambled all over the kitchen to make some lasagna for the big G.
He of course got what he wanted and ate everything on the plate.
"All in a days work." Garfield said to himself. "It is now time to kick Odie off the table." Garfield announced.
"DON'T YOU DARE GARFIELD! I HAVE HAD IT UP TO HERE WITH YOUR SHENANIGANS! NO MORE LASAGNA IF YOU KICK HIM OFF THE TABLE!" Jon screamed loudly.
"Not this loser again. Jon, for the last time you will not do anything because you are a broken man who has outlived his happy days. Jon I love you, just kidding I don't just like Liz doesn't love you." Garfield commented, Jon went back to his room to cry some more.
"Wait a second. This feeling I have, it's – it's love. Not because I love Jon sweetly, but because I love watching him suffer! The hole in my heart has been filled! Starting tomorrow I shall commence annual torment against Jon, only this time it will be to a more severe extent." Garfield realized and stated. The cat spent the rest of his days happily, even on Mondays.
Not only did he awake himself he became a human hunter, opening his very own shop. Teaching other cats how to find love in making their owners suffer. His store thrived. He and Odie came up with the name of the store. Wanna hear the name? Cat may snooze. The end.
Author's note: This is not only a parody off of Garfield but off of my own work because it is usually depressing as of recent. Garfield meme videos are old but they're still funny to me and a few others and that's all that matters. For those of you who didn't get the title and ending it's a joke off of Devil May Cry 3's title and ending. Come to think of it, I should make a Devil May Cry story. It's right up my alley.