Her eyes were moving under her eyelids rapidly. Her pulse was racing. It was that dream again. She had let everyone believe they had stopped years ago. It was easier that way and Michael never mentioned them. So she never brought it up. Fighting their destiny seemed so easy for the rest of them but Isabel was reminded every time she closed her eyes. Real relationships paled in comparison to the one in her dream.
Bolting upright, she gasped for air. The others barely noticed anymore. Her sleep issues had been cause for worry in the beginning but after months of living on the run and sharing buses and hotel rooms, they were used to it. Placing her hand on her chest, she tried to slow the rapid beat. She looked around the dark room. This place only had one vacancy so they all had to cram into the tiny space. Max and Liz shared one bed, Michael and Maria in another, she was on a cot, and Kyle was sleeping on the floor. Isabel took a deep breath. She contemplated going back to sleep but with the start she just received, she wouldn't be sleeping again any time soon. Her gaze went back to the couples. Max was spooning Liz. Even in their sleep they couldn't help being disgustingly cute. Then she moved to Michael and Maria. He slept on his stomach facing Isabel and Maria was curled up next to him.
Her mind flashed back on the dream she just had. She couldn't forget that look of need in his eyes or his joy when holding their son. He had once told her that those dreams were the happiest he had ever been. At the time she was terrified things were changing and didn't want to push. She hated the idea of a life already being plotted out for her. He felt the same way. They both clung to their human companions as though they were life rafts keeping them from drowning. When Alex died, it was like her life raft was gone and she drifting. She wanted to reach for Michael but he had made his choice very clear when he chose to stay… for her; for Maria. Years later they were still together. They had broken up several times but he always went back. In his own way, Isabel knew he loved Maria and she would never think of doing anything to rob him of that love. Even if it meant a lifetime of waking up in cold sweats.
Pulling the blanket back, she got up. The room was stifling; not from heat but from things left unsaid. She grabbed the room key and went outside. Leaning against the second floor railing, she gazed out at the cheap motel's parking lot. It was a bit cold but at least she could breathe out here. She felt tears stinging under her lids begging to burn little trails down her face but she held them back. Behind her, she heard the door to the room open. She glanced over her shoulder into the eyes of the last person she needed right then; Michael. "Hey." He said quietly and she turned away. Swiping a hand over her face, she changed it from flushed with tears back to the flawless pale she was famous for; back to the Ice Queen. Michael leaned against the rail next to her. "What are you doing up?" he asked. She chuckled sardonically. "Is that a joke?" He made a face like he wanted to say something but didn't. "It's getting worse. It used to be just a couple of times a week but now… What is all this, Is? Why do you wake up every night?" She looked over at him from the corner of her eye. She wanted to ask him why he didn't wake up every night. Was simply being with Maria all he needed to have restful nights while she was doomed to be on the next cot over waking up every few hours?
Michael sighed loudly when she didn't answer. "If this is about Jesse, don't worry. Things will calm down soon and then we can go to Boston." He tried to reassure her. The tears came back. "No. Michael, that's not… Even if we go to Boston it would only be so that I could give him the one thing that I couldn't in this marriage. A chance at a normal life."
Michael looked dumbfounded. "You're divorcing him?" She nodded silently as the tears streaked her face. "I've thought it over," she started "and decided that he didn't deserve this life. That I love him but partly because of the way he used to look at me before he knew. I'll never get that look back." Michael didn't know what to say. She had fought so hard for that marriage to happen; he was more than a little surprised to see her give it up. Isabel didn't give up on anything. He put his arm over her shoulder.
She wanted to lean into him, close her eyes, and pretend that her life wasn't shit. That she could find love like the others but she didn't. Instead she shook his arm off her and moved away. She could see him get defensive. "Dammit! Isabel, what is it?" he bellowed. Isabel looked around, terrified he had woken people up. "Will you keep it down?" she whispered sharply. "Then talk to me." He said quieter.
He just wasn't going to let it go. "Fine! I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of always being some pathetic fifth wheel while you and Max flaunt you happy relationships. I'm tired of fighting off Kyle's puppy dog antics as he tries so desperately for me to feel something for him. Maybe it would be easier if I could but I can't. I am tired of fighting so hard against a destiny that looks way better than my actual life. While you both sit there with you human love and make it look so easy." She took a deep breath and turned. Things were going to get awkward again. Isabel was beginning to think she would never get her best friend back.
Michael stared at her in disbelief. He was most likely confused by her confession. She had never told anyone any of this. Max would have freaked. Maria and Liz would have seen her as a threat. Kyle would have pouted. And Michael would look at her the same way he was looking now.
"Say something." She whispered looking away. He just stood there, running his hands through his hair. She turned to look at him, growing angry. "Dammit! Say something or I am going in." But he didn't know what to say. With a frustrated deep breath, she turned to go inside but he put an arm out to stop her. "I just…" he struggled "How long have you felt this way?" She looked down and murmured "A while." Michael started to pace. "Before Jesse?" he pushed on. She turned back to the rail and rubbed her hands over her face. "Before Alex, I think."
Michael's jaw dropped. "What?!" he said loudly only to repeat it again softer. "Jesus Isabel, that was over 3 years ago. You never said anything." Fresh tears traced over the tracks of the ones that came before. "What could I say, Michael? Honestly. 'Oh hey! By the way, I'm still having dreams about our life together and it's ruining every relationship I could ever hope to have. So how's Maria?' We both decided that destiny was not for us. Just like Max did. I'm not a princess any more. You are not my fiancé. And you love Maria. You stayed here for her. I get it." By the end of her outburst she was sobbing. It was unfair of her to tell him all this. He was with Maria. He did love her. She made him feel normal. Isabel only reminded him he was a freak. Even so they had a bond; one that human love couldn't sever. They protected each other. Michael even seemed jealous whenever she was with someone else. She'd never forget how he attacked Jesse. He'd said it then that Isabel was his. At the time, she was angry but now it was all she could think about. That last glimmer of hope that Michael really felt that way.
An array of emotions played on his features as he paced. His fingers roughly slid through his thick hair as he tried to work it all out in his head. "Wait! You still have the dreams?" he asked obviously confused.
She was humiliated. Isabel almost wished he would just leave already. Get on with ignoring her so that she could forget everything she just said. "I…" she shook her head. "Not really. I was angry and feeling alone. Jus…just forget it." She lied but he wasn't buying it. He knew still got the dreams. She got them all the time. For a split second, he almost looked happy about that but then he went back to pacing. She turned, with her back to the rail, and slid to the ground. Her bare feet and silk pajamas did nothing to protect her from the cold concrete but she didn't care. She buried her face in her knees and wished that she could be invisible. Or better yet, that she could happy. Michael swallowed hard as he looked down at her. She looked so small and for a leggy creature like Isabel, that was quite a feat. Her now blond strands rustled as the wind picked up, making what was a bit chilly more like cold.
He couldn't have been thinking clearly when his hand moved to her head and stroked her hair. It was such a familiar motion. However, Isabel's breath caught in her throat when she felt it. Her heart began to flutter as she looked up through tear soaked eyes. His hand moved to her cheek as he lowered himself to one knee. His eyes seemed to question what he was doing. If he were smart he would have stood up and went back to bed holding Maria tightly and trying to forget what Isabel had said. Instead he bent lower and brought his lips to Isabel's. Her eyes were wide as she watched his approach but she didn't move away. When their lips finally touched, she came to her knees and slid her arms around his neck. He moaned as he pulled her into him, blocking the wind and surrounding her in his warmth. What started as a soft kiss became something more heated and primal. She could feel him pressed against lower stomach and matched his desire with her own.
It was unreal but before she let things get too far, she breathed against his mouth "No Michael. Not here." He reluctantly pulled back a bit still holding her. Neither of them could catch their breath. His hands traveled over her silk clad curves as he seemed to decide what to do next. She could only cling to him and wait. Standing up, he took her with him. They were too far gone to just go back to bed. Taking her hand, he led her barefoot down the stairs and to the bus. Michael didn't have the keys but Maria was the last one in there and had a bad habit of not locking it. He slid the side door open and helped Isabel inside. Her thoughts were going a mile a minute but she would sort them out later. At the moment, she couldn't think any further than the feel of his hand on her skin or the way his mouth tasted.
Getting in himself, he shut the door and virtually attacked Isabel. She moaned loudly as he tore at her pajama top revealing her breasts. Breathing hard, he took a moment to just appreciate the view before crushing her mouth with his. She sighed when he finally brought his hand up to touch her. She wanted him so much but not like this. "Michael" she gasped leaning into him. This was going too fast and suddenly Isabel panicked. What were they doing? Did he really want to be with her or was it an alien thing? What about Maria? What about all of them? Groaning unhappily she pulled her mouth from his and looked at him. "Michael, what are we doing?"
When she pulled away, he tried to move his mouth over hers again. However as she spoke, she could almost see the light change in his eyes. He was still breathing hard and looking at her when he suddenly pulled the door open, jumped out, and slammed it shut. Closing her eyes, Isabel sighed. Part of her was telling her that she should have stayed quiet, but she knew she had done the right thing. Everyone would be hurt and upset if things progressed between her and Michael. Still her heart hurt and her body ached with needs she knew she wouldn't getting.