A/N: Tony Stark is one of the most curious characters in my eyes, and I am extremely interested in his own demons and views both of the world around him and of himself. Naturally, this makes him a very fun character to write! I decided to write something that highlighted his paranoia and anxiety, so be weary if that does make you uncomfortable. With dashings of Pepperony angst. Should I make this into an angsty story? Tell me your thoughts! I'm sorry for any faults with English, as it isn't my native language, but I tried, haha.

AN ATTACK IN THE NIGHT

Never before had Tony had the privilege of being able to lay beside a woman whose warmth and lively spirit could actually influence him, could physically render him speechless and force him to internally scold himself when impulsive and ensure self improvement, changes for the benefit of their relationship. Pepper was a blessing for him, one he'd wilfully remained oblivious to over numerous years, but which he remained blissfully thankful for with each passing day.

Or at least, he told himself that he was. He reminded himself how a healthy, clean, and pure love, with its sly, mischievous teases, inside jokes, and intimacy had felt for him between Pepper and himself; ever since this beast that lingered in his chest had decided to ravage him and claim him, in the most primal way possible, his love had mutated into something desperate and breathless—he was holding onto Pepper for dear life, and continuously felt yet another inch of her silken skin slip from his fingers as time raced by. He could not face the possibility of losing her so permanently after how she had touched his life, and touched his own mentality. Even through his turbulent lifestyle, she had remained a strong, affectionate constant, who was never too judgemental nor too condescendingly accepting towards his actions.

He wanted to be able to openly show Pepper how much he loved her, and how selflessly he did so. They had both witnessed each other at their very worst moments, their most shamelessly vulnerable, and that bare nakedness had not left him unaffected to its impact on their bond; he could trust Pepper, with his life. Did he deserve a mutual sense of that trust, though? Did she trust him at all in the way that he trusted her, despite his growing paranoia towards all of those around him who he, supposedly, could rely on? After a reckless, apathetic and disrespectful lifestyle prior to settling down, he was stunned she could view him as a man worthy of that devotion./p

p class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;"Tony glanced over to her sleeping form, nestled into the softness of her pillows, breathing easily as she rested. He admired the details of her face that he could visibly make out from being so close to her in the darkened room, but had already turned his attention to the window at the opposite end of the room. His heart was pounding quicker now, trapped like an antagonised animal, bitter and enraged as it wrestled with the cage around it.

He was losing control. Tony Stark was losing control again.

Tony clenched his fists, felt his blood racing thunderously through his veins with a torrent of adrenalin, breathing becoming progressively more challenging as the seconds slowed and ticked by with sadistic grace.

The sudden thrill that tore ravenously through his system as the panic seized his body and mind electrified him, sending him into a stunned, reeling frenzy. His breathing was ragged and constricted, the noises of his inhalation sounding partially demonic. His body became paralysed, and he noticed his vision was altered hugely. His heart thundered wildly in his chest, the pounding heavy in his ears as his eyes looked around wildly for something to focus on.

Tony barely felt the stirring beside him, as Pepper awoke, startled and dismayed, and attempted to comfort him, to guide him through his breathing. His eyes locked onto hers with a fierce intensity, clutching onto the bedsheets and feeling his breathing become even worse as he was launched head first into the depths of this panic attack.

He was going to die. He was going to die. Tony Stark was going to die. His eyes widened and he twisted slightly on the bed despite Pepper's firm slender hands gripping his shoulders, but not enough to discomfort him entirely. He barely felt her, far too invested in the apocalyptic thoughts that plagued his restless mind.

"C… Ple… Oh my G… Please…" They were breathless pants, not much above the pitch of a whisper, which only denied him of more breath. He could hear her voice clearly, but a part of him denied his body the right to follow her instructions. He felt as if his heart would give way under the colossal strain placed upon it, or that his mind would snap too far with the sheer stress, and the surge of fear that seemed to keep him alive these days dragged him down further, digging its sharpened claws into his heaving chest. His throat was closing, his throat was closing, closing, closing, and he was going to die by suffocation-

How long did it go on for? It felt like an eternity had left the pair of them while he had lay there beside her, struggling to regain any semblance of normality within himself. As he gasped and sighed and shuddered, he couldn't help but collapse willingly and gratefully into Pepper's embrace, her arms winding around him and pulling him close to her soothing warmth. His arms fell loosely around her waist, the trembles not having left him enough to clutch her close. He nuzzled into her neck, the exhaustion washing over him as the comedown hit him.

Neve before had he experienced intrusive thoughts as totalitarian as these. It was manageable, but now he felt an insurmountable guilt in his chest, a churning nausea beginning in his stomach for being so weak around the woman he adored, for caving in to the demons of his own creation. It was all his fault, it always was. He gave in, he continuously gave in. He had isolated himself more during particularly rough periods, and it was all simply some conceited, selfish, weak, nonsensical, dramati-

"Tony…" Her voice was a soft whisper, a slight crack as she said his name.

"'M… 'm okay, baby, 's'all fine, I just- just needed to breathe, see?" He held her a little tighter against him, but she pulled back in order to look at her face. Obligingly, he met his gaze to hers and tried to hide the shame from his features. With mighty effort, he cracked a wry grin that he knew she loved, and shrugged. "It's just… One of those things, Pepper. It's a consequence."

Of everything he'd ever done. The weapons dealing he had specialised in, the merciless research to design the missiles that would create the most devastating impacts on small towns, villages, filled with innocents. In those days, war was entirely a business plan for him; collateral damage could only be expected, right? And yet ever since the birth of Iron Man and the development of the Avengers, he had found himself growing guilty. He would always carry that burden, that anger-He was going to lose those who he counted as his dear, close friends, and he was going to lose Pepper. How would he survive that? It was Nature's ultimate punishment given the turmoil he had taken part in ruthlessly inflicting.

"It isn't, Tony, you can't keep lying to yourself like this-you're an intelligent man, but you're a damn stubborn one, too. You can't keep lying to yourself that this is something you can brush away, ignore, leave until tomorr-"

He interrupted her promptly, a headache developing. He desperately needed rest. "I'm fine, alright? I've seen a lot, I've heard a lot, and Hell-I've played my part in things people usually avoid or know nothing about, which helps them keep their sanity. I'm not losing mine, but I-all I need is time, Pepper."

"You can't ignore this, Tony-"

"I'm not ignoring anything, I promise. Would I lie to you?"

She did not honour him with a response; he did not demand one and cast his gaze away.

He unwound his arms from around the curves of her waist, and slid away to sit on the end of the bed, beginning to take off his watch as he looked outside. The sun was very slowly beginning to rise in the horizon, dashes of light blue illuminating and breaking through the perpetual darkness that lingered in the Heavens above them; he smirked to think of that as some twisted, cliché form of motivation, but it was true.

"It'll all go away before we know it, Pep. You don't need to worry for me, so lay back and relax, alright? I'm going to head downstairs, get some water or a smoothie or something, and I'll be back before you know it." As he reached over and placed the watch on the slick wood of the bedside table, he noticed how the tremulous quivering hadn't stopped. His breath hitched but he hid an exasperated sigh, able to feel her concerned gaze fixated sternly on his figure.

As he stood, he turned to look at her with a reassuring smile, but she did not return it. In fact, her brows were furrowed, her cheeks had drained of colour, and her eyes appeared to be both hard and unbearably soft and vulnerable at the same time.

"No, Tony," she moaned. "It won't go away any time soon, and you know that as well as I do-even if you're so reluctant to admit it. But you have to, for us. I don't know if I can do this any longer."

An icy chill he didn't recognise began to trickle along his spine, began to infuse itself into his veins. He stared at her, and the humorous light in his eyes fizzled out in sheer misery.