TITLE: Only in my mind.
AUTHOR: Sagadog
EMAIL: sagadog@hotmail.com
CLASSIFICATION: S, A, R (Harm and Mac)
RATING: PG-13.
SUMMARY: Mac is leaving for Australia to marry Mic.
Will Harm get a chance to stop her before it's too
late?
SPOILERS: None
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters are mine, nor
will they ever be, please don't sue, please :-).
1700 ZULU
HARMON RABB JR.' FLAT
Harm was looking out of the window. This was going
to be the worst day in his entire life. It wasn't
the first time she had left. All the other times he
had hoped and believed she would return to him
eventually. Maybe not to *him*, but at least to JAG
and their friendship. This time was different, this
time she was leaving for good. She was going to
Australia to marry Mic. He hadn't understood fully
what it would mean when she had told him the other
day, in fact, he wasn't sure he could comprehend it
now.
He took a deep breath, he found it difficult to
breathe. It *had* been ever since she told him.
Just by saying those few words she had taken an
invisible knife, drilled it deep into his heart and
twisted it around, she had taken away his will to
live, but there was nothing he could do about it.
Sure, he could tell her how he felt, that he wanted
her to stay with him for eternity, but she had made
it pretty clear that she was not buying any
sentimental crap about how he was going to lose his
best friend. She had told him that if he couldn't
say anything nice she didn't want to listen to him.
How could anyone say anything nice about Bugme? How
could she expect him to just accept that she was
walking out of his life as if she was walking out
of Beltway Burgers? Besides, he was never eloquent
when it came to emotions, just look at what
happened in Australia.
The day she told him she was leaving to marry Mic
he had been the one to cry. Not at JAG, he could
never do that. After all, he had always tried to
keep a professional distance to everything that
went on at the office. Bud had been all over him
when he came out from Mac's office. He had probably
had a look of Doomsday on his face. It had been
Doomsday. It wasn't until he came home the tears
had started falling and not ceased until a few
hours before work next day. He had called in sick
that day unable to face the others and everything
that would remind him of her. He couldn't face her
either. He hadn't showed up at work since. He just
couldn't return to JAG where everything would
remind him of her.
Bud had stopped by last night to talk to him, but
he had pretended he wasn't at home. Bud hadn't
given in and had borrowed a key from his landlord,
let himself in and found him in one big mess. Bud
hadn't said anything, had just been there for him
and told him not to worry about work till he had
gathered all the pieces that held the figure of
Harmon Rabb together again. He had even suggested
that Harm could go up and see his grandmother. As
if that was going to help, he was losing not only
his best friend, but the love of his life. He had
just been too much of a coward to tell her, and now
it was too late to change her mind about marrying
Bugme, but he could at least tell her that he was
still there for her if she needed a friend.
It was time to get going, they would be leaving for
the airport soon, and he wanted to take her there,
wanted to tell her what a big mistake this all was.
He just didn't know if he could do it. He would
have to if he didn't want to spend the rest of his
life in this black hole he called his world. He
really had to do something. He would have to get
going if he wanted a chance to take her.
1730 ZULU
SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
Harm pulled up and got out of the car. It was as if
it wasn't him who was there, but merely a shadow of
him. As if someone was here moving his feet because
suddenly he found himself in her apartment not
knowing how he had got there.
"Hi Harm. What are you doing here?" Mac was
surprised to see him outside her door; he had told
her he was ill, but she hadn't believed him.
Besides, he was supposed to meet them at the
airport.
"Uhm, I was just wondering.. Can I take you to the
airport? I really need to talk to you." The hurt
look in his eyes was almost too much for her.
"Sure, Squid, I'll just tell Mic that you're taking
me." She took his hand and gave it a light squeeze.
It brought tears to his eyes but he fought them
back hoping that she hadn't noticed.
"H'lo, mate." The sound of Mic's cheerful voice
penetrated the wall he had build up around himself
to shut out every single emotion he had. Tears were
close to falling again, but he fought them back, he
didn't want to give Bugme that satisfaction.
"What can I do for you, mate?" He put an arm around
Mac.
"Uhm, I just, ehhh, can I take Mac to the airport?
I ehhh.. Just.. want a last chance to ummm to spend
some time with her." Very eloquent there! He was
ready to turn around and leave and just forget the
whole thing.
"Sure, mate. I guess I can spare her that little
while now that she'll be mine for the rest of our
lives." Mac saw the pain in Harm's eyes as he heard
Mic's words. Was there something he hadn't told
her? Why was he taking this so hard? It wasn't as
if they were never going to talk again, he had
promised to come down for the wedding in a few
months.
Harm tried to smile as Mac found her coat. Then
they were on their way
^^^^^^
Neither of them said anything on the way to the
airport, soon they were at there and had parked the
car.
"Sarah, I" His voice failed him. Great, now that
I've finally got the courage to tell her, then my
voice abandon me.
"Yes??"
"Sarah, I" he took a deep breath. " I hope that you
know what you're doing here. All I want is for you
to be happy, and to be honest, I don't think that's
what Mic's making you. He's not the right kind of
guy." Tears were in his eyes again. Stop it
Commander, he told himself, only wimps cry.
"Harm, that is something *I* have to decide, and I
happen to think that Mic is just right for me." Or
at least, that's what I have to settle for when you
can't get your six in gear and do something. I've
wanted *you* to rescue me so many times, but now
it's too late. I've quit my job, moved out of my
flat and Jingo's already in quarantine. All ties to
my old life have been severed. She couldn't tell
him what was on her mind. She wanted to so much,
but she just couldn't.
"Ok, if you think so. I just want you to be happy."
Before he knew of it he had pulled her into his
arms and leaned his head on her shoulder as the
tears came running. Her arms went around him to
comfort him the best she could. She was not going
to give into him, then he could have said something
earlier on. But there was no doubt left in her mind
that he loved her. He would have to tell her,
though, or it would be no good. She was not going
to beg him.
"I'm sorry." He pulled back and wiped his eyes. The
pain that shone from him cut through her bones and
she wanted nothing more than to tell him everything
was going to be alright, but she couldn't. Couldn't
give into him like that. She was tired of being the
one who always came running to him, if he wanted
her to stay he would have to ask her.
Harm looked at his best friend. It was time to move
on. He didn't want to, but there was nothing he
could do, she had made her decision. He leaned
forward and planted a kiss on her cheek before he
got out of the car.
He took her hand as they walked towards Check-in.
Mac just let him, she didn't want to let go of him
either. She let her fingers intertwine his and gave
his hand a squeeze.
1830 ZULU
THE AIRPORT
Mic hadn't arrived yet, so they had a few more
moments alone, but neither said anything. They both
had so much to say to one another, but they
couldn't find the words.
"This is ridiculous. We're going to see each other
again in a few months, and we can call or write
emails until then." Mac tried to pull herself
together and ignore the pain she felt rush through
her when she thought how long it would be.
"Mac.. there's so much I want to tell you, but I
just can't." He was trying the best he could.
Damnit. Here he was, just about to lose her, and
still, he couldn't let go. He knew he was ready to
let go and love her fully, the way she deserved,
but his words failed him. Great, Australia all over
again! He thought as he gave her a quick hug.
At the same Mic arrived. Just the sight of him was
enough to bring Harm to the boil, but he kept up
the poker face he was wearing. For her. He didn't
want to start a fight. Bugme wasn't worth it, she
was, but she would never forgive him for starting
an argument just before she was to leave.
"Sarah, luv, I'll just go check us in. I'll be
right back. Why don't you say goodbye to the
Commander in the meantime?" He kissed her cheek and
went to check in.
"I guess this is it, then." Mac looked up at her
best friend as she took a deep breath to calm
herself. 'It's only for a short while' had become
her mantra within the last few hours.
"I suppose it is." Harm took both her hands in his
rubbing them gently.
"Hey Sailor, keep in touch, ok?"
"Sure Ninja girl."
Both stood looking at each other not wanting to let
go.
"Sarah. Come on, luv. It's time to go. Be a big
girl and kiss the Commander goodbye, the plane
won't wait for us." Mic's voice was happy and
cheerful, he was finally going to get her away from
Harm.
"You go ahead honey, I'll be right there." Mac
snapped at him annoyed with his interruption.
Mic found it wiser to just do as she said and leave
her some privacy. He'd actually prefer not to know
how Mac said goodbye to that annoying man. He
headed for the departure area.
"Well, Harm, I have to get going. I'll call you as
soon as I get there, ok?" She stepped closer into
him. He let go of her and moved his hands up to cup
her face.
"I'll miss you Sarah." Tears were in his eyes as he
leaned closer to her and kissed her on the lips.
She immediately let go of his hands and wrapped her
arms around him as she deepened the kiss
passionately.
Harm felt her give into the kiss, felt her tongue
wrestling with his, and let out a groan as he let
go of all the emotions he had tried to hold back.
The touch of her, the smell of her, it was driving
him crazy. His hands found their way to her hair to
draw her even closer.
Mac felt her knees go weak and had to use Harm for
support. He felt her leaning on to him and wrapped
his arms tightly around her.
"The flight to Sydney is now open for boarding."
The voice on the loudspeaker pierced their ears.
They had to let go now. Mac was still trembling
from the kiss. This time it was her he had kissed,
not Diane. Why couldn't he have done that before?
They both stood with their eyes closed as they
enjoyed a last embrace.
"Goodbye, Sarah. I'll miss you." Harm held the
woman he loved so much close for a last time.
"I'll miss you too, Sailor, but we'll see each
other again soon." Her voice sounded lighter than
she felt. It was as if darkness started to surround
her.
Harm felt his heart beginning to crack, yet still
holding itself together. He took a last look at her
misty eyes.
Mac looked at him, hoping that the pain in his eyes
had vanished, it hurt her to see it knowing that
she had caused it, but it was still there. He
looked as if he was burning up with agony inside.
"I'm sorry Harm." She said and held her hand up to
his face for a last time. Then she leaned forward
to plant a light kiss on his lips.
She turned around and started walking towards the
gate. It felt as if her legs were made out of
concrete. They were so difficult to move. She
didn't turn back knowing that if she did she could
never leave him.
Harm watched her walk away, walk out of his life
not looking back. He felt his heart beginning to
break apart. It had become silent around him,he
didn't even notice the light. All he could see was
Mac walking away, walking away with his life.
"Goodbye Sarah, I love you," he whispered as she
pushed the door to the gate open and he felt the
last of his heart and life fall apart. The crashing
sound when it hit the bottom was shattering. He
turned around and walked towards his car like a
zombie.
When she reached the door to the gate she turned
around to look at him for a last time. He had
turned around to walk away. To walk out of her
life. She knew that if she got on to that plane she
would not only be flying to Australia, she would
also be flying away from everything she loved, her
job, her friends, her flat, her sailor.
Hm, that was why she had agreed to move to
Australia with Mic in the first place. She was
tired of waiting around for Harm. Each day that
passed without him saying anything was like a
needle in her heart, and she knew she couldn't take
it much longer. That was the reason for leaving.
She had to if she wanted to remain sane. Tears
filled her eyes.
"Goodbye Harm, I love you."
The door was heavy and she had to use all her
strength to push it open. Mic was waiting for her
on the other side.
"What took you so long? Couldn't let go?" Mic
sounded annoyed.
"Hey, that was my best friend I had to say goodbye
to. It was harder than you think!" She was angry
and hurt. How dared he say such a thing?
The stewardess turned to see who was yelling. She
could see by the look on the woman's face that she
wasn't happy about the trip she was going on.
A thousand thoughts went through Mac's head at
once. What was she doing? Was this going to make
her happy? Leaving everything behind?
Her feet moved automatically towards the plane. Mic
had their tickets. Before she knew of it they were
in the plane looking for their seats. Who was she
kidding? She couldn't do this. Harm loved her. He
hadn't said it, but she knew it. And she loved him,
not Mic. What was she doing onboard a plane to
Australia when her life was here? When the man she
loved was here?
"Mic, wait a minute." She took a deep breath, she
knew what she had to do. It was the right thing to
do, but that didn't make it any easier. She knew it
would break his heart. "I'm sorry. But I can't do
this. I can't go to Australia with you."
"What?" There was surprise in Mic's voice, but when
he saw the tears in her eyes he went on."We can
live here if you want to, you know that."
"Yes I know. But I don't want to. I'm sorry Mic,
but I can't marry you. It's not you I love." She
took off the ring as she spoke. Mic stood there
paralysed as she gave him back the ring, turned
around and walked out of the plane.
1900 ZULU
ON THE ROAD FROM THE AIRPORT.
Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she sat in
the cab. The driver didn't say anything, just drove
as fast as he could. The young woman was obviously
in great distress and had to be where ever it was
she was going as fast as possible.
What was she doing? She had just left Mic on the
plane to go hunting for Harm. Was she out of her
mind? Desperate? Definitely desperate, desperate to
get to him and tell him how much she loved him, and
how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with
him, whether he wanted her to or not.
It felt like ages before they reached Harm's place.
But finally they were there. The cab pulled up
outside his building. She got out and paid the
driver. There was no light on in his flat, but his
car was there, so he had to be home.
She still had the key, he had asked her to keep it
as a memory of him. She had taken it out of her
pocket just after she had paid. As usual there was
an out of order sign on the lift. Never had there
been so many stairs up.
She tried knocking but there was no reply. He had
to be inside, though. She let herself in.
Harm was standing by the window. He didn't seem to
have heard her enter. She took of her coat and hung
it up behind the door before she moved towards him.
"Oh Sarah, why did you have to leave? Why couldn't
you stay here with me? I don't want to let you go.
Please, come back to me." Harm was talking to
himself, and obviously hadn't noticed her come in.
"Harm! *No* *don't*!" He was holding a bottle of
vodka in his hands looking fervently at it as he
unscrewed the cap.
"You, of all people should know that getting drunk
won't solve the problems." Harm was in his own
world, he heard her voice in his head. It was that
voice he replied to, not her. "Yes Mac, I know. But
now you're not here to help me, to hold me, and
there's nothing left for me to live for. I know
that this is what you'd say." He said without
moving an inch.
To Mac's surprise he still didn't seem to notice
her. She went over and grabbed the bottle out of
his hands. There was no reaction. "Harm, it's me
Mac." She put the bottle on the table and went over
to him. Still, no reaction; it scared her.
"No, it isn't. It's just a dream, you're on your
way to Sydney with that annoying, no-good Bugme."
Tears were in his eyes by now.
"I know, Mac. It was something that you had to do.
You had to go, you have gone left me here on my
own. Oh, it hurts so much. Why can't you be here
with me? I know I'll hear you all the time, see you
everywhere and smell you for the rest of my life,
but it won't be you, you won't be here." His
emotions got the better of him, his legs gave away
under him and he fell to the floor. He didn't care,
didn't want to get up and face the loneliness that
was now his life.
"Harm!" Mac saw him falling and ran the last few
feet to get to him. He didn't get up so she threw
herself down beside him.
"Harm, Harm, talk to me." She was scared out of her
living daylights.
He sat up and seemed to see her, but still didn't
react. She leaned up against the couch and tugged
at his sleeve. He moved closer, she pulled him
close he leaned into her and gave away to his
tears. But he still didn't seem to notice that she
was there in person and not just in his head.
^^^^^^
He didn't know how long he had been sitting on the
floor leaning up against her, but the tears had
stopped long ago, and now his head ached.
Correction, Commander, he thought, you don't know
how long you have been sitting up against her in
your head. She's not here, she's in Australia with
Bugme.
"Oh Sarah, why did you have to go? Why did you have
to leave me? Don't you know how much I love you?
How much I need you?" Unconsciously, he put his
arms around her. It felt as if she was there. Was
she? She couldn't be, could she?
She woke up when she felt his arms wrapping around
her. Her inner clock told her that she had been
asleep for almost three hours. Two hours fifty-four
minutes and thirty-three seconds to be exact. He
had eventually stopped crying and had fallen
asleep. She lifted her hand to stroke his face, he
caught it and kissed it.
She looked down and into his eyes. He was there, he
was back with her.
"Mac, is that you?" He couldn't believe his own
eyes. She nodded, too emotionally upset to trust
her voice.
"But, but, you're supposed to be on your way to
Sydney with Bugme."
"I couldn't do it. I couldn't go with him and I
can't marry him. You were right, he wouldn't make
me happy."
"Are you sure?" He didn't believe his ears either.
"Yes, Harm, I am." She looked at him and caressed
his face as she watched a smile appear on his face.
He caught her hand and kissed it again.
He put all his weight on his elbows and reached up
to kiss her lips.
Mac closed her eyes as she kissed him. This was
where she belonged, not in Australia. She felt his
tongue exploring around her mouth and let out a
joyful sigh. Harm heard her and couldn't help
laughing. He stopped kissing her and pulled her
tight as he kept laughing. He was too happy to
stop. They rolled around on the floor holding each
other tight.
"I love you, Sarah." He said as he lay on top of
her cupping her face in his hands.
"I love you too, Harm." She pulled his face down to
kiss him again. His hands started playing with her
hair.
The kiss grew more passionate. Mac let her hands
draw circles on his back before she pulled his t-
shirt up and let her hands slide under it. Harm
rolled most of his weight over on his side as he
pulled at her shirt to get his hand under it. She
stopped him and rolled away from under him. She
smiled as she slowly unbuttoned the shirt while
Harm lay on his back looking hungrily at her. She
took it off and crawled over to him.
"Harm, I love you."
"I love you too, Sarah."
It wasn't until much later they left the living
room to go and take a shower.
1600 ZULU
HARM'S FLAT.
Mac woke with a happy feeling. At first she didn't
remember where she was, but then she felt Harm's
arm around her and remembered everything. What a
night. The shower had just been a warming up. Thank
God it was Sunday and they didn't have to get up
and go to work. Then she remembered; She had no
work to go to, no flat either for that matter. She
felt Harm stir beside her and turned around to look
at him. He was so handsome, her Flyboy. She smiled,
got an arm free and touched his face lightly,
careful not to wake him up. But he wasn't sleeping.
He was lying there, enjoying having her so near.
"Morning Sarah." He said, opened his eyes and threw
her a flyboy-grin.
"Good morning, Sailor." She leaned forward and
kissed him lightly. Morning breath was a killer.
"Did you sleep well?" He pulled her closer and
kissed the gap in her neck.
"The best sleep I've ever got."
"Great" he said planting kisses all over her neck.
His hands were all over her.
"You are just insatiable, aren't you?
All the answer she got was his mouth on her breast.
It wasn't until much later they got out of bed.
THE END
AUTHOR: Sagadog
EMAIL: sagadog@hotmail.com
CLASSIFICATION: S, A, R (Harm and Mac)
RATING: PG-13.
SUMMARY: Mac is leaving for Australia to marry Mic.
Will Harm get a chance to stop her before it's too
late?
SPOILERS: None
DISCLAIMER: None of the characters are mine, nor
will they ever be, please don't sue, please :-).
1700 ZULU
HARMON RABB JR.' FLAT
Harm was looking out of the window. This was going
to be the worst day in his entire life. It wasn't
the first time she had left. All the other times he
had hoped and believed she would return to him
eventually. Maybe not to *him*, but at least to JAG
and their friendship. This time was different, this
time she was leaving for good. She was going to
Australia to marry Mic. He hadn't understood fully
what it would mean when she had told him the other
day, in fact, he wasn't sure he could comprehend it
now.
He took a deep breath, he found it difficult to
breathe. It *had* been ever since she told him.
Just by saying those few words she had taken an
invisible knife, drilled it deep into his heart and
twisted it around, she had taken away his will to
live, but there was nothing he could do about it.
Sure, he could tell her how he felt, that he wanted
her to stay with him for eternity, but she had made
it pretty clear that she was not buying any
sentimental crap about how he was going to lose his
best friend. She had told him that if he couldn't
say anything nice she didn't want to listen to him.
How could anyone say anything nice about Bugme? How
could she expect him to just accept that she was
walking out of his life as if she was walking out
of Beltway Burgers? Besides, he was never eloquent
when it came to emotions, just look at what
happened in Australia.
The day she told him she was leaving to marry Mic
he had been the one to cry. Not at JAG, he could
never do that. After all, he had always tried to
keep a professional distance to everything that
went on at the office. Bud had been all over him
when he came out from Mac's office. He had probably
had a look of Doomsday on his face. It had been
Doomsday. It wasn't until he came home the tears
had started falling and not ceased until a few
hours before work next day. He had called in sick
that day unable to face the others and everything
that would remind him of her. He couldn't face her
either. He hadn't showed up at work since. He just
couldn't return to JAG where everything would
remind him of her.
Bud had stopped by last night to talk to him, but
he had pretended he wasn't at home. Bud hadn't
given in and had borrowed a key from his landlord,
let himself in and found him in one big mess. Bud
hadn't said anything, had just been there for him
and told him not to worry about work till he had
gathered all the pieces that held the figure of
Harmon Rabb together again. He had even suggested
that Harm could go up and see his grandmother. As
if that was going to help, he was losing not only
his best friend, but the love of his life. He had
just been too much of a coward to tell her, and now
it was too late to change her mind about marrying
Bugme, but he could at least tell her that he was
still there for her if she needed a friend.
It was time to get going, they would be leaving for
the airport soon, and he wanted to take her there,
wanted to tell her what a big mistake this all was.
He just didn't know if he could do it. He would
have to if he didn't want to spend the rest of his
life in this black hole he called his world. He
really had to do something. He would have to get
going if he wanted a chance to take her.
1730 ZULU
SARAH MACKENZIE'S APARTMENT
Harm pulled up and got out of the car. It was as if
it wasn't him who was there, but merely a shadow of
him. As if someone was here moving his feet because
suddenly he found himself in her apartment not
knowing how he had got there.
"Hi Harm. What are you doing here?" Mac was
surprised to see him outside her door; he had told
her he was ill, but she hadn't believed him.
Besides, he was supposed to meet them at the
airport.
"Uhm, I was just wondering.. Can I take you to the
airport? I really need to talk to you." The hurt
look in his eyes was almost too much for her.
"Sure, Squid, I'll just tell Mic that you're taking
me." She took his hand and gave it a light squeeze.
It brought tears to his eyes but he fought them
back hoping that she hadn't noticed.
"H'lo, mate." The sound of Mic's cheerful voice
penetrated the wall he had build up around himself
to shut out every single emotion he had. Tears were
close to falling again, but he fought them back, he
didn't want to give Bugme that satisfaction.
"What can I do for you, mate?" He put an arm around
Mac.
"Uhm, I just, ehhh, can I take Mac to the airport?
I ehhh.. Just.. want a last chance to ummm to spend
some time with her." Very eloquent there! He was
ready to turn around and leave and just forget the
whole thing.
"Sure, mate. I guess I can spare her that little
while now that she'll be mine for the rest of our
lives." Mac saw the pain in Harm's eyes as he heard
Mic's words. Was there something he hadn't told
her? Why was he taking this so hard? It wasn't as
if they were never going to talk again, he had
promised to come down for the wedding in a few
months.
Harm tried to smile as Mac found her coat. Then
they were on their way
^^^^^^
Neither of them said anything on the way to the
airport, soon they were at there and had parked the
car.
"Sarah, I" His voice failed him. Great, now that
I've finally got the courage to tell her, then my
voice abandon me.
"Yes??"
"Sarah, I" he took a deep breath. " I hope that you
know what you're doing here. All I want is for you
to be happy, and to be honest, I don't think that's
what Mic's making you. He's not the right kind of
guy." Tears were in his eyes again. Stop it
Commander, he told himself, only wimps cry.
"Harm, that is something *I* have to decide, and I
happen to think that Mic is just right for me." Or
at least, that's what I have to settle for when you
can't get your six in gear and do something. I've
wanted *you* to rescue me so many times, but now
it's too late. I've quit my job, moved out of my
flat and Jingo's already in quarantine. All ties to
my old life have been severed. She couldn't tell
him what was on her mind. She wanted to so much,
but she just couldn't.
"Ok, if you think so. I just want you to be happy."
Before he knew of it he had pulled her into his
arms and leaned his head on her shoulder as the
tears came running. Her arms went around him to
comfort him the best she could. She was not going
to give into him, then he could have said something
earlier on. But there was no doubt left in her mind
that he loved her. He would have to tell her,
though, or it would be no good. She was not going
to beg him.
"I'm sorry." He pulled back and wiped his eyes. The
pain that shone from him cut through her bones and
she wanted nothing more than to tell him everything
was going to be alright, but she couldn't. Couldn't
give into him like that. She was tired of being the
one who always came running to him, if he wanted
her to stay he would have to ask her.
Harm looked at his best friend. It was time to move
on. He didn't want to, but there was nothing he
could do, she had made her decision. He leaned
forward and planted a kiss on her cheek before he
got out of the car.
He took her hand as they walked towards Check-in.
Mac just let him, she didn't want to let go of him
either. She let her fingers intertwine his and gave
his hand a squeeze.
1830 ZULU
THE AIRPORT
Mic hadn't arrived yet, so they had a few more
moments alone, but neither said anything. They both
had so much to say to one another, but they
couldn't find the words.
"This is ridiculous. We're going to see each other
again in a few months, and we can call or write
emails until then." Mac tried to pull herself
together and ignore the pain she felt rush through
her when she thought how long it would be.
"Mac.. there's so much I want to tell you, but I
just can't." He was trying the best he could.
Damnit. Here he was, just about to lose her, and
still, he couldn't let go. He knew he was ready to
let go and love her fully, the way she deserved,
but his words failed him. Great, Australia all over
again! He thought as he gave her a quick hug.
At the same Mic arrived. Just the sight of him was
enough to bring Harm to the boil, but he kept up
the poker face he was wearing. For her. He didn't
want to start a fight. Bugme wasn't worth it, she
was, but she would never forgive him for starting
an argument just before she was to leave.
"Sarah, luv, I'll just go check us in. I'll be
right back. Why don't you say goodbye to the
Commander in the meantime?" He kissed her cheek and
went to check in.
"I guess this is it, then." Mac looked up at her
best friend as she took a deep breath to calm
herself. 'It's only for a short while' had become
her mantra within the last few hours.
"I suppose it is." Harm took both her hands in his
rubbing them gently.
"Hey Sailor, keep in touch, ok?"
"Sure Ninja girl."
Both stood looking at each other not wanting to let
go.
"Sarah. Come on, luv. It's time to go. Be a big
girl and kiss the Commander goodbye, the plane
won't wait for us." Mic's voice was happy and
cheerful, he was finally going to get her away from
Harm.
"You go ahead honey, I'll be right there." Mac
snapped at him annoyed with his interruption.
Mic found it wiser to just do as she said and leave
her some privacy. He'd actually prefer not to know
how Mac said goodbye to that annoying man. He
headed for the departure area.
"Well, Harm, I have to get going. I'll call you as
soon as I get there, ok?" She stepped closer into
him. He let go of her and moved his hands up to cup
her face.
"I'll miss you Sarah." Tears were in his eyes as he
leaned closer to her and kissed her on the lips.
She immediately let go of his hands and wrapped her
arms around him as she deepened the kiss
passionately.
Harm felt her give into the kiss, felt her tongue
wrestling with his, and let out a groan as he let
go of all the emotions he had tried to hold back.
The touch of her, the smell of her, it was driving
him crazy. His hands found their way to her hair to
draw her even closer.
Mac felt her knees go weak and had to use Harm for
support. He felt her leaning on to him and wrapped
his arms tightly around her.
"The flight to Sydney is now open for boarding."
The voice on the loudspeaker pierced their ears.
They had to let go now. Mac was still trembling
from the kiss. This time it was her he had kissed,
not Diane. Why couldn't he have done that before?
They both stood with their eyes closed as they
enjoyed a last embrace.
"Goodbye, Sarah. I'll miss you." Harm held the
woman he loved so much close for a last time.
"I'll miss you too, Sailor, but we'll see each
other again soon." Her voice sounded lighter than
she felt. It was as if darkness started to surround
her.
Harm felt his heart beginning to crack, yet still
holding itself together. He took a last look at her
misty eyes.
Mac looked at him, hoping that the pain in his eyes
had vanished, it hurt her to see it knowing that
she had caused it, but it was still there. He
looked as if he was burning up with agony inside.
"I'm sorry Harm." She said and held her hand up to
his face for a last time. Then she leaned forward
to plant a light kiss on his lips.
She turned around and started walking towards the
gate. It felt as if her legs were made out of
concrete. They were so difficult to move. She
didn't turn back knowing that if she did she could
never leave him.
Harm watched her walk away, walk out of his life
not looking back. He felt his heart beginning to
break apart. It had become silent around him,he
didn't even notice the light. All he could see was
Mac walking away, walking away with his life.
"Goodbye Sarah, I love you," he whispered as she
pushed the door to the gate open and he felt the
last of his heart and life fall apart. The crashing
sound when it hit the bottom was shattering. He
turned around and walked towards his car like a
zombie.
When she reached the door to the gate she turned
around to look at him for a last time. He had
turned around to walk away. To walk out of her
life. She knew that if she got on to that plane she
would not only be flying to Australia, she would
also be flying away from everything she loved, her
job, her friends, her flat, her sailor.
Hm, that was why she had agreed to move to
Australia with Mic in the first place. She was
tired of waiting around for Harm. Each day that
passed without him saying anything was like a
needle in her heart, and she knew she couldn't take
it much longer. That was the reason for leaving.
She had to if she wanted to remain sane. Tears
filled her eyes.
"Goodbye Harm, I love you."
The door was heavy and she had to use all her
strength to push it open. Mic was waiting for her
on the other side.
"What took you so long? Couldn't let go?" Mic
sounded annoyed.
"Hey, that was my best friend I had to say goodbye
to. It was harder than you think!" She was angry
and hurt. How dared he say such a thing?
The stewardess turned to see who was yelling. She
could see by the look on the woman's face that she
wasn't happy about the trip she was going on.
A thousand thoughts went through Mac's head at
once. What was she doing? Was this going to make
her happy? Leaving everything behind?
Her feet moved automatically towards the plane. Mic
had their tickets. Before she knew of it they were
in the plane looking for their seats. Who was she
kidding? She couldn't do this. Harm loved her. He
hadn't said it, but she knew it. And she loved him,
not Mic. What was she doing onboard a plane to
Australia when her life was here? When the man she
loved was here?
"Mic, wait a minute." She took a deep breath, she
knew what she had to do. It was the right thing to
do, but that didn't make it any easier. She knew it
would break his heart. "I'm sorry. But I can't do
this. I can't go to Australia with you."
"What?" There was surprise in Mic's voice, but when
he saw the tears in her eyes he went on."We can
live here if you want to, you know that."
"Yes I know. But I don't want to. I'm sorry Mic,
but I can't marry you. It's not you I love." She
took off the ring as she spoke. Mic stood there
paralysed as she gave him back the ring, turned
around and walked out of the plane.
1900 ZULU
ON THE ROAD FROM THE AIRPORT.
Tears were streaming down her cheeks as she sat in
the cab. The driver didn't say anything, just drove
as fast as he could. The young woman was obviously
in great distress and had to be where ever it was
she was going as fast as possible.
What was she doing? She had just left Mic on the
plane to go hunting for Harm. Was she out of her
mind? Desperate? Definitely desperate, desperate to
get to him and tell him how much she loved him, and
how she wanted to spend the rest of her life with
him, whether he wanted her to or not.
It felt like ages before they reached Harm's place.
But finally they were there. The cab pulled up
outside his building. She got out and paid the
driver. There was no light on in his flat, but his
car was there, so he had to be home.
She still had the key, he had asked her to keep it
as a memory of him. She had taken it out of her
pocket just after she had paid. As usual there was
an out of order sign on the lift. Never had there
been so many stairs up.
She tried knocking but there was no reply. He had
to be inside, though. She let herself in.
Harm was standing by the window. He didn't seem to
have heard her enter. She took of her coat and hung
it up behind the door before she moved towards him.
"Oh Sarah, why did you have to leave? Why couldn't
you stay here with me? I don't want to let you go.
Please, come back to me." Harm was talking to
himself, and obviously hadn't noticed her come in.
"Harm! *No* *don't*!" He was holding a bottle of
vodka in his hands looking fervently at it as he
unscrewed the cap.
"You, of all people should know that getting drunk
won't solve the problems." Harm was in his own
world, he heard her voice in his head. It was that
voice he replied to, not her. "Yes Mac, I know. But
now you're not here to help me, to hold me, and
there's nothing left for me to live for. I know
that this is what you'd say." He said without
moving an inch.
To Mac's surprise he still didn't seem to notice
her. She went over and grabbed the bottle out of
his hands. There was no reaction. "Harm, it's me
Mac." She put the bottle on the table and went over
to him. Still, no reaction; it scared her.
"No, it isn't. It's just a dream, you're on your
way to Sydney with that annoying, no-good Bugme."
Tears were in his eyes by now.
"I know, Mac. It was something that you had to do.
You had to go, you have gone left me here on my
own. Oh, it hurts so much. Why can't you be here
with me? I know I'll hear you all the time, see you
everywhere and smell you for the rest of my life,
but it won't be you, you won't be here." His
emotions got the better of him, his legs gave away
under him and he fell to the floor. He didn't care,
didn't want to get up and face the loneliness that
was now his life.
"Harm!" Mac saw him falling and ran the last few
feet to get to him. He didn't get up so she threw
herself down beside him.
"Harm, Harm, talk to me." She was scared out of her
living daylights.
He sat up and seemed to see her, but still didn't
react. She leaned up against the couch and tugged
at his sleeve. He moved closer, she pulled him
close he leaned into her and gave away to his
tears. But he still didn't seem to notice that she
was there in person and not just in his head.
^^^^^^
He didn't know how long he had been sitting on the
floor leaning up against her, but the tears had
stopped long ago, and now his head ached.
Correction, Commander, he thought, you don't know
how long you have been sitting up against her in
your head. She's not here, she's in Australia with
Bugme.
"Oh Sarah, why did you have to go? Why did you have
to leave me? Don't you know how much I love you?
How much I need you?" Unconsciously, he put his
arms around her. It felt as if she was there. Was
she? She couldn't be, could she?
She woke up when she felt his arms wrapping around
her. Her inner clock told her that she had been
asleep for almost three hours. Two hours fifty-four
minutes and thirty-three seconds to be exact. He
had eventually stopped crying and had fallen
asleep. She lifted her hand to stroke his face, he
caught it and kissed it.
She looked down and into his eyes. He was there, he
was back with her.
"Mac, is that you?" He couldn't believe his own
eyes. She nodded, too emotionally upset to trust
her voice.
"But, but, you're supposed to be on your way to
Sydney with Bugme."
"I couldn't do it. I couldn't go with him and I
can't marry him. You were right, he wouldn't make
me happy."
"Are you sure?" He didn't believe his ears either.
"Yes, Harm, I am." She looked at him and caressed
his face as she watched a smile appear on his face.
He caught her hand and kissed it again.
He put all his weight on his elbows and reached up
to kiss her lips.
Mac closed her eyes as she kissed him. This was
where she belonged, not in Australia. She felt his
tongue exploring around her mouth and let out a
joyful sigh. Harm heard her and couldn't help
laughing. He stopped kissing her and pulled her
tight as he kept laughing. He was too happy to
stop. They rolled around on the floor holding each
other tight.
"I love you, Sarah." He said as he lay on top of
her cupping her face in his hands.
"I love you too, Harm." She pulled his face down to
kiss him again. His hands started playing with her
hair.
The kiss grew more passionate. Mac let her hands
draw circles on his back before she pulled his t-
shirt up and let her hands slide under it. Harm
rolled most of his weight over on his side as he
pulled at her shirt to get his hand under it. She
stopped him and rolled away from under him. She
smiled as she slowly unbuttoned the shirt while
Harm lay on his back looking hungrily at her. She
took it off and crawled over to him.
"Harm, I love you."
"I love you too, Sarah."
It wasn't until much later they left the living
room to go and take a shower.
1600 ZULU
HARM'S FLAT.
Mac woke with a happy feeling. At first she didn't
remember where she was, but then she felt Harm's
arm around her and remembered everything. What a
night. The shower had just been a warming up. Thank
God it was Sunday and they didn't have to get up
and go to work. Then she remembered; She had no
work to go to, no flat either for that matter. She
felt Harm stir beside her and turned around to look
at him. He was so handsome, her Flyboy. She smiled,
got an arm free and touched his face lightly,
careful not to wake him up. But he wasn't sleeping.
He was lying there, enjoying having her so near.
"Morning Sarah." He said, opened his eyes and threw
her a flyboy-grin.
"Good morning, Sailor." She leaned forward and
kissed him lightly. Morning breath was a killer.
"Did you sleep well?" He pulled her closer and
kissed the gap in her neck.
"The best sleep I've ever got."
"Great" he said planting kisses all over her neck.
His hands were all over her.
"You are just insatiable, aren't you?
All the answer she got was his mouth on her breast.
It wasn't until much later they got out of bed.
THE END