Shepard sighed and tossed the datapad across the desk; more mission briefings, more altercations with Cerberus. What were they up to? She couldn't figure it out. Of all the times to try and be "humanity at any cost," the Illusive Man just had to pick now? This was the one time all the races had to come together; they were doomed otherwise – truly doomed. The Reapers weren't going to take tea and wait while all the organics figured out how to get along long enough to win a war.
She was banking on Hackett finding a new lead for resources. Her own list was running thin, with only an email on a fellow Spectre's support and some ex-Cerberus scientists that Traynor thought she may be close to finding. The salarian – Jondum Bau – was a more reliable lead, so they had begun their trip back to the Citadel to meet with the Spectre. Anything that could tie people with "significant political power" to the Reapers needed to be dealt with, and immediately. The last thing they needed was politicians getting indoctrinated and enacting laws to make it easier for the Reapers to continue their slaughter.
A melodic, surprisingly emotive voice rang through her room's speakers. "Shepard, if I may intrude?"
"What is it, EDI?" Shepard looked up to the speaker with a small bit of relief. She was beginning to feel alone again. Ironic that on a ship full of good people, she was feeling alone in her burden.
"I understand that you and Major Alenko were romantically involved on the previous Normandy."
What the… Red eyebrows furrowed together. "EDI, how do you know that?"
Just when she thought the voice couldn't be any creepier in its realistic inflections, the AI managed to sound both perplexed and embarrassed. "Jeff mentioned it to me this morning. I apologize if it is a subject you do not wish to breach."
"Well, it's n–" Shepard paused. Did it really matter if EDI knew? A moment later, it was decided that it really didn't. It's not like she was bound by Alliance regulations to report them or anything. "It's okay. Why are you bringing this up?"
"I have noted a distinct behavioral change in him since receiving a message from Earth this morning."
Worry immediately flooded her body. "What…behavioral change? Is he alright?" They hadn't spoken since their confrontation after Benning, when he found out she was a biotic and she yelled at him about Horizon. It hadn't exactly ended badly, but there was a lot left unsaid and tension was higher than ever between the two marines.
EDI attempted to be placating. "He is physically fine, but I believe the correct word to describe his behavior at the moment would be forlorn."
Shit, what happened? Shepard sighed and stood up, heading straight for her room's door. "Thanks, EDI. I'll check it out."
"Shepard…" EDI called her name, questioning.
She stopped at the elevator, finger pressed against the button that would summon it. "Yeah?"
"May I observe?"
As she walked into the elevator, it occurred to Shepard that it was really convenient to be able to talk as she moved throughout the ship. "No, EDI. I know that it's second nature to you because you're everywhere in the Normandy, but eavesdropping is not polite." Her hand paused above the buttons, blinking blankly for a split second. "Uh, where is he?"
The AI sounded amused, with a little bit of…did she sound miffed? "Major Alenko is in the starboard observatory. May I ask why checking on him is appropriate, yet watching you two is not?"
"Well…" Her finger jabbed into the third floor button. "For starters, you told me something anyone who ran into him could've told me: that he seems down. You didn't read the message and tell me what was in it or anything. There's looking out for the crew's well being – which is my job as commanding officer of this ship – and then there's intruding on potentially private conversations. I'd never do that."
"I do not know if I agree, but that is acceptable logic. Thank you, Shepard. If you believe it would help, please tell him that I find him a most agreeable person, despite what Jeff says."
She couldn't help a lopsided smirk at the comment about Joker; the two men hadn't quite come to terms with each other yet. Kaidan was still pissed that Joker was the reason she died, and Joker was still pissed that Kaidan had condemned them all as traitors on Horizon. "If it comes up, I'll mention it. Thanks, EDI."
"You are welcome. Logging you out."
The elevator doors slid open and she began to march with purpose over to the observatory. A few steps before she would activate the automatic doors, Shepard paused. It wouldn't do to just barge in and ask what's wrong…he'd know she knew in advance. Better to just head in and pretend she was looking for a break. Hell, she probably did need one.
A couple more paces and the observatory doors opened. The sight she saw took her breath away…mostly with worry. Kaidan was leaning against the glass, face buried in a forearm. He always was the worst of the group at keeping his demeanor under control, but seeing him like this still concerned her. She cleared her throat quietly.
"Thought it was empty. Am I intruding?"
She got no response, but he didn't tell her to leave either. She stepped in and let the doors quietly hiss shut behind her.
Heavy silence hung between them. She slowly walked half-way across the room, boots squeaking on the metal floor. Just as she was about to ask again, his voice reflected off the glass, strained. "It all seems so calm from here, but people are going through hell in a million different ways…out there."
Shepard frowned and headed to stand next to him.
"And I want to be fighting alongside them, but…" Kaidan lifted his head to turn and lock weary eyes with her. "I want to be here, you know?"
"Sure." She had to swallow a lump in her throat; he'd never looked so broken before. He didn't look as if he had been crying, but he seemed almost haunted. Whatever that message said was bad…was it his parents? "Thinking of anyone specific?"
The muscles in his jaw tightened for a moment as he nodded. "I heard from my mom, Kaelia."
Her heart dropped. Damn.
"My dad is, uh…he's MIA. He's presumed…" He couldn't finish the sentence, gaze falling back to the window.
All she wanted to do was pull him against her, hold him; let him cry, yell, whatever he needed. But they weren't in her cabin this time. No privacy. She took another step toward him, their shoulders brushing. Shepard's usual flair for diplomacy typically failed her during the more private moments. She tried to channel Samara's tone of voice, keeping her voice as soothing as she could. "Do you want to tell me what happened? You said they got out of Vancouver."
Kaidan nodded a moment later, eyes still glued to the void of twinkling stars. She felt a small pang of relief when he stood straight to gently nudge his shoulder against hers.
"He left Mom at the orchard and reported for active duty. It's all we know, but it's, uh…it's enough. She's alone in this, now. In…" He paused, clearing his throat. "In all this."
She couldn't handle it any more. Even if they were still on thin ice with each other, even if they were in a room someone else could walk into, Shepard couldn't stand not trying to comfort him. She slowly nudged her hand against his, weaving their fingers together. She thought he would push her away for a moment, with the way his brow twisted, but then Kaidan's hand tightened around hers.
"I'm so sorry, Kaidan. But…I'm glad you told me. It helps to share this kind of thing, and reach out for support from people who care about you."
The muscles in her neck relaxed when he nodded and actually looked to her again with a sigh. "Thanks. You're right."
She gave him a weak half-smile. Anything more would feel just wrong.
"I don't know how you do it, keeping it all together like you do. Earth is always in the back of my mind, haunting me." While she expected the flash of anger in his eyes – the two of them had grown up on Earth and both were livid that their home was being systematically destroyed – she didn't expect the glimmer of respect. Did he actually respect her for pretending to hold it together so well?
If the mood wasn't so somber, she would have laughed. She 'kept it together' by bottling it all up and slowly going insane; the nightmares were getting worse every night. Kaelia settled for a sad smile and squeeze to his hand. "I get that…I really do."
Kaidan mirrored her smile. "Then you're a lot better at hiding it than I am."
"Of course I am; you know me."
They shared a secret, awkward, but slightly warmer smile instead of laughing. Since they had met, each had come to understand the way they dealt with their emotions. She tended to completely shut them down and then melt down in private; most people had no idea when she was upset. Kaidan, on the other hand, had an easier time vocalizing when he was upset, but was also much easier to read. If he was upset, even if it was tense and restrained, you could tell. Neither was healthy, but it helped them play off of each other well; she calmed him down while he drew her feelings out.
His eyes drifted back to the stars. "You know, when this war is over, there's going to be one hell of a reunion party."
"Hell yeah, there will be."
Instead of following his gaze, she watched Kaidan as he began to compartmentalize it all with humor and hope; that was what he did. His eyes didn't twinkle, but they did shine as he imagined the future the two of them were fighting desperately to ensure.
"Dancing in the streets, hugging and crying. Hell, I bet someone will try to reenact that famous picture from World War II of the sailor kissing that nurse."
The fact that their hands were still entangled wasn't lost on her. Kaelia squeezed his hand and forced her eyes to look forward, out the window. "Did you send a message back?"
"No. Not sure it'd make it. Not sure…" He sighed. "Not sure what I'd say."
"How about 'I'm still alive, Mom'? I'd probably start with that. An 'I love you' couldn't hurt, either."
Kaidan laughed that exasperated, short laugh he did when she made a point with humor. "Yeah…I guess that would be the way to go about it."
She frowned and stepped to face him, untangling her hand and placing it on his arm instead. He was as bad at lying to her as she was to him; she could tell he definitely planned on brushing it off. "Kaidan, this really sucks, all of it…but I know you, too. You'll regret it if you don't reply. Promise me you'll send your mother a message back."
"I…" He turned to face her fully, guilt and grief etched onto his face. "Alright. I will." Her heart skipped a beat when his hand reached to cover the one she had over his arm. "Thank you, Kaelia."
Kaelia nodded slowly, bright green eyes held captive by his own brown ones. "Not ideal circumstances, but…it's good to have you back, Kaidan."
Time seemed to stretch as their eyes stayed locked. Despite all the awkwardness and lingering hurt they had been dealing with, the connection was definitely still there. To hell with all of this, her mind quietly decided. She twisted her hand to press her palm against his, their fingers slowly interlocking.
She diverted her eyes to their hands; now wasn't the time for declarations. Those would have to wait for a more appropriate moment. "You know where I am, if you need to talk about it."
"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind. Thanks."
A slow squeeze later, she let go his hand and took a step back. "Make sure that message is ready to go before we dock. I'll show you how to use the Spectre terminals to send communications."
Arms twisted around his torso as Kaidan chuckled. He tilted his head and watched her. "Sounds like a great use of my new-found resources: sending messages to family."
"There are different levels of priority and besides…" She decisively stepped toward the door. "It is mission-related. You need a clear head."
The sigh that greeted her ears gave her some hope; it was the one laced with the note of snickering. "You've thought of everything, haven't you?"
She allowed herself a small, sardonic smirk as she stepped out the door. "This time."
A/N: As with most of my work, I thought the original conversation was just fantastic and wanted to flesh it out further! This one was no exception. I absolutely adored the conversation about his father, but felt that my Shepard (at least) would have encouraged him to send a response. A special thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing my stories. Your support means far more than I think you realize! It's what drives me to keep writing, knowing that others are enjoying it as well.
An extra forceful thank you to dorothytu, who continues to be an amazing beta reader for me! She points out all the insomnia-fueled errors I make and pushes me in the right direction to further my characterizations.