The Journey West Through the Boughs and Alleyways of Insanity
Chapter One: I'll Not Tolerate Your Insanity!
Sha Gojyo
"I wish to join the American Cheerleading Society." Yes, this is how the unfortunate series of events began. Hakkai swerved, narrowly missing a random mangroove disguised as a hooker.
"You what?" He asked Sandy, er Sanzo.
"You heard me. I wish to join the American Cheerleading Society. " I blinked.
Genjyo Sanzo
"Don't look at me that way!" I yelled hitting Gojyo with my fan. I snickered when he choked on his beer he had been drinking. He glared at me for this.
Sha Gojyo
"Damn you! Stop making me spill my precious beer!" I growled angerly, taking off my pants and sucking the beer out of the cloth. Just then, Hakkai looked back to see me sucking on my pants with a happy look on my face. Hakkai - remembering me sucking on something that had been in Hakkai's pants - turned bright pink and veered off the road into a ditch. Then he turned aroung and glared at me.
"NOT IN FRONT OF THE TRANSPORTATION!"
"It's Sanzo!" cried Sandy.
Contemplation Time
Moment of contemplation. Chaos. Suddenly Goku screams out, "How many mangrooves can groove if a mangroove could groove on the dance floor? None!! They can't groove you dumbass! How dare you ask me such a quotion!!"
Everyone went silent. You could here the hypothetical crickets chirping in the background.
"What the hell is wrong with you!?" Goyjo yells at Goku as he kicks him angerly.
"It was the VODKA!! I SWEAR!!"
"Who gave him beer!?" Hakkai yelled as he go the jeep back on the road.
"It wasn't me!"
"I....It's Saaannzoo!!" Sanzo whined through tears.
"Don't make me turn this jeep around!"
"Saaannnnzzzooo!!" Sandy wailed.
Sha Gojyo
After that confusing piece of information, I sighed, leaning on Hakkai's shoulder.
"When I couldn't get a certain brown-haired person into my bed, I wanted to join the American Cheerleading Society too. But here's some words of wisdom from me."
"That's not many words," Goku snorted.
"I'M TELLING A STORY!" I yelled, waving his beer-bottle in a threatening maner." I sighed and attempted to tell my story again. "One day a tomcat was crossing a railroad track when he realized part of his tail was stuck in the track. And so he wipped around to pull it loose. Only now his head was stuck. Then a train came around an took his head clean off.
"The moral of this story," I said grinning as I patted Hakkai's rear. "Never lose your head over a piece of tail."
Genjo Sanzo
"Rightttt," I said. Not sure what Gojyo was getting at. "So what is your point? Other then that Hakkai is your bitch," Gojyo's eye twitched.
"Just because you can't get Hakkai here into your bed doesn't mean you have to resort to drastic measures," Gojyo said watching in satisfaction as I nearly swallowed and choked on the cigarette I had popped into my moth while Gojyo was talking.
"Wow I didn't think you could use so many big words," Goku said popping sushi into his mouth.
"Shut up you stupid monkey!" Gojyo yelled stealing some of Goku's food.
"Hey that's mine you perverted kappa!" Goku yelled back trying to grab his sushi back.
"Stupid monkey!"
"Perverted kappa!"
"No, I'm not!"
"Yes, you are!"
"No."
"Yes."
"No."
"Yes."
"Yes."
"No."
"See I told you!" Gojyo shouted triumphtly. A string of curses could be heard and two distinct thwaps as my fan connected with both of their heards.
"Both of you shut up now before I kill you both!" I yelled looking pissed.
"Now there's the Sanzo we know," Hakkai said humming happily.
"This is coming from the man who wants to join the American Cheerleading Society," Gojyo said snickering.
"At least I don't sleep with a teddy bear named Mr. Merfrafradite tea-time!" I drawled.
"How did you find out about that!" Gojyo said in a panicked voice.
"Oh, I have my ways," I said evilly.
Sha Gojyo
HOW DID HE FIND OUT ABOUT THAT!?!? I blinked nervously, shifting in my seat. Underneath the seat, Mr. Merfrafradite lay until I used him for the next evening. I can't help that I like smal furry things! Hakkai knew this, and brought me a pair of pink furry handcuffs. I absolutely adore those things. Hakkai snorted, trying not to laugh out loud at me, but did a pretty shitty job. Goku, on the other hand, was laughing his ass off.
"Mr. Merfrafradite?! God Gojyo! HA HA HA!" I gritted my teeth angerly. I may not have a fan, but I do have... this! "OW! SANDY! Gojyo hit me with a mangroove!!!" Goku whined. WHACK! "OW! Hakkai! Sandman hit me with the fan!" WHACK! "Ow! Hakuryuu! Hakkai hit me with Gojyo!"
"Watch the hair, damnit! The hair!!!"
"Gomen nasai, Gojyo."
"OW! GOJYO! Hakuryuu hit me with a rock!!!"
"Dear god, you really do whine a bunch, don't you monkey?" I muttered, lighting a cigerette and blowing smake in his face.
"THAT DOES IT!" Goku screamed at me. He lunged at me, and before I knew it, he had gotten my pants down to my ankles and had sprayed hair spray on my legs. Then Goku brandished the lighter.
"No! NOT THE LIGHTER!" I screamed. FWOOSH!
"AAAAAAAAAAAARRRHHHHHHH!"
"Goku! Do you want to die?!!" Salmenella, er Sanzo growled, pointing his gun at Goku. "I don't want to hear the Ero Kappa's screams!"
"Gojyo! Are you alright?!" Hakkai exclaimed, turning around to look at his "master".
"Goku burnt all the hair off my legs!" I howled, tears coming to my eyes.
"Just think of it as waxing," Sandy muttered. Sandy.... I think that's his name at least.
"Hey! My legs look pretty good! Hakkai! Feel!!" I exclaimed marveling at these new wonders. Hakkai stroked my legs muttering "soft, very smooth..."
"Well, looks like we'll be camping out again," Hakkai said, smiling brightly. I grinned pervertedly like I always do. Secretly, I was hoping to share a blanket with Hakkai, if you know what I mean. You... don't know what I mean?! Oh, children these days. Back in my day, we didn't have dirt, we had rocks. The dirt later. That's what's wrong with you kids today! You never work for anything! In my day, the price of bread was a chicken! Durring my inner monolouge I heard...
"What's he going on about rocks?"
"Ignore him Goku, he's an idiot."
"Now, now Sand-Sanzo, that's not very nice."
Well, I guess my inner monolouge wasn't as 'inner' as I had hoped. Wait a minute...
"DAMNIT HAKKAI! WATCH TEH ROAD!" I cried. Hakkai turned aroung and swerved, narrowly missing a hitch hiking mangrove disguised as a hooker and sitting on a penis-shaped rock. (We have a lot of those, ne?)
Genjyo Sanzo
I clung to my seat as Hakkai swerved on the road. Desperatly wanting to hit Hakkai but I was afraid he would crash and kill us all. Just then we ran over over a mangrove dress as a hooker. I look back on this now and realized... oh shit Goku took my fa. I'm gonna kick his chibi chimp ass! Oh wait, where was I?
Sha Gojyo
"Sandy-er, Sanzo looks deep in thought." Goku commented, sitting in my lap so I had to look down to see him properly.
"It doesn't happen very often, so let's let him do his thing." I muttered back. WHACK! WHACK!
"OW! Damnit!"
Trailer Intermission
Hakkai pulls Sanzo's gun out and shoots everybody, then dances around calling out "I'm Free! I'm Free!"
End of Trailer Intermission
Sha Gojyo
Hakkai roused himself from his fantasy. Before them, a sign stood saying:
----- The Ghetto Inn
Where you dance
To the Side Burn
Funk all evening
Akbar's Death-----
Traps, Not to be
confused with Akbar's
Inn.
"So," I asked running my hand through my hair, then suddenly realings that hand held the lighter. "Shit! So, which way?!" I exclaimed trying to put my hair out, that now looked like the Olympic torch. When the flames finally subsided, I had short hair like Kanren Taisen, like he did when he saved Hakkai.
"So, which way author?" Hakkai asked, look up at the sky.
A/N: Okay first chapter done! I know its a little random and insane but most of this is being done in French class. This is co-authored with my friend Yami. She is writing as the point of view for Gojyo and I Sandy. I even have blonde hair to match. Anyway lots of OOC. The whole mangrove thing is a joke from the Saiyuki story we did last year. I'll post it up the full version later. If you would like to read the first chapter its called The Not So Journey West.
Please R/R!