A/N: As you can probably tell, this is my first fanfiction. For some reason, I randomly came up with the idea of Monica & Chandler breaking up and having to rebuild their relationship when they're slightly older, wiser and more mature. Don't get me wrong, I love how their entire relationship played out on the show (obviously!) but sometimes I think a few of their issues were unresolved, e.g. Chandler's insecurities, particularly with Richard, the fact that Monica considered going back to Richard when she thought Chandler wasn't prepared to give her what she wanted (understandable to an extent, but still) and the fact that Chandler almost bailed on their wedding. I do think the writers never directly addressed these issues because they were easily fixed in a pretty self-explanatory way - they loved each other, and at the end of the day, that's all that really mattered. However, I do think they must've spoken about these things at some point during their relationship, so I guess this story is a way of dealing with them.

The first chapter is a prologue set during the scene where Rachel is trying to distract Monica and ends up telling her they 'can't find Chandler…'s vest' (except in this, it really is Chandler himself). The next chapter onwards will have a time jump, set about two years later, and each chapter will switch between POVs, at least for now whilst they're apart. Please read + review to let me know whether you like the story and if I should continue or not. Please note that I'm still experimenting with writing style, so that may evolve slightly over the course of the fic (if I continue) and be very different in any upcoming fics I post. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters. Not a single one.

Prologue

Monica.

"Honey, listen. When I tell you what I'm about to tell you, I need you to remember that we are all here for you and that we love you."

What? Monica's heart thumped in her chest as she listened to what Rachel was saying. Something wasn't quite right; in fact, for the past day or so, both Rachel and Phoebe had been acting strange, but she couldn't figure out why. Her stomach churned as all the possible scenarios of what could go wrong flooded through her mind. Perhaps there was something wrong with the venue? The catering? Had Joey not been able to get off work?

"Ok, you're-you're really freaking me out," she stuttered, her eyes pleading with Rachel to tell her the truth. She was under enough stress as it was without her best friend and maid of honor being dishonest with her.

"We can't find Chandler."

Monica's heart sunk as she tried to process Rachel's response. She could see Rachel searching her face for any kind of reaction, but all Monica could do was blankly stare at Rachel as if she held all the answers.

"What?" she whispered softly, so quiet to the point that she wasn't sure whether Rachel had heard her. Rachel apprehensively took a couple of steps towards Monica and tucked a loose piece of hair behind her ear, her eyes full of sadness and sympathy.

"I'm so sorry, honey. He's gone."

Monica began shaking her head rapidly, confusion laced in her eyes. She was in denial over Rachel's words – surely there had been some sort of mix-up? Maybe he'd just left temporarily, to buy some milk, or something.

"No, no, no- Rachel! He can't be gone… What do you mean, gone?! We're getting married today! I mean, what could be so important that he'd blow off that?" she scoffed, her voice a couple of octaves higher than any level-headed person's voice should be.

Rachel's eyes were now looking anywhere but at Monica. Monica thought she could she a few tears brimming at the surface as she bit her bottom lip, evaluating what her next words would be.

"Mon- he just took off. He left, and he's not coming back," she replied. Monica stared at Rachel incredulously. She couldn't quite believe what she was hearing. She always knew that Chandler had commitment issues - it was practically on the advertising poster for him - and yet, she'd assumed that when they got engaged, he'd been ready. At the very least, she expected that he would've backed out long before the big day if he was having any doubts.

"Are you serious?" her voice wavered. Rachel nodded slightly, her eyes fixed on the ground, unable to speak any words in that moment.

"No…" she snapped, "no! You're lying… tell me this is just some dumb prank!" She was almost shouting now, and her voice cracked as she attempted to keep her emotions at bay. She failed. All at once, Monica collapsed into heaps of sobs on the floor, tears streaming down her face as her whole body shook. Rachel knelt down on the floor beside her, holding her and stroking her hair, but said nothing, as she knew no words would make her feel better in that moment.

"I can't believe it…" she was whispering again, "he just… took off?"

"I'm so sorry, Mon," Rachel sighed. Moments passed, although how long she didn't know. In reality it was probably just a few minutes, but to her it felt like hours. Rachel continued to comfort her, rocking her body back and forth as she cried quietly. She was still in shock and half in denial, but she knew deep down that Rachel was right. He was truly gone.

Suddenly, Ross and Phoebe came barging through the door. They stopped abruptly when they saw the scene unfolding in front of them. They gaped slightly at Monica – they were clearly shocked and not expecting to see what they were. This led Monica to believe that either they didn't know what had happened with Chandler, or that they had tried to take extra measures to avoid her finding out.

Silence ensued, until Rachel spoke, "I had to tell her."

Ross simply nodded as he joined Monica on the floor as Rachel stood up to join Phoebe, who was now pacing in the living room. They engaged in a quiet conversation, and Monica observed Phoebe getting heated whilst Rachel tried to calm her down.

Monica glanced up at her brother.

"How did this happen?" she asked, although she knew he wouldn't know any more than she did. If Monica, the person who knew and understood Chandler better than anyone else in the world, didn't see this coming, then the others had no chance.

"I don't know, Mon," she sighed as he held her in his embrace. "I really don't know."

"Do you know where he went?"

Ross shrugged, "I know no more than you do. All I know is what he wrote on the note. Phoebs?"

Phoebe and Rachel were snapped out of their conversation and walked over to Monica and Ross, handing over the note. Monica read the four small words he'd written over and over, and felt her heart break into a million pieces.

Tell Monica I'm sorry.

The simplicity and finality of what he'd written struck her. There was no long explanation or way of making sense of the situation; he'd clearly wanted a clean break, no questions asked. Monica had calmed a little since the others had arrived, but once again, she found herself trying to control her loud sobs as she clutched the note to her heart. It made his leaving real for her; up until now, she could write it off as a simple misunderstanding, but seeing the note made his actions crystal clear.

He was truly gone.

They all crowded around her, squeezing her hand, stroking her hair and holding her. They were trying to comfort her as best as they could, but it wasn't enough.

"Why?!" she cried, her voice cracking. "Why would he do this to me? I thought he loved me… I thought we were in love and happy and… was it me? What did I do?" She asked hysterically as Ross gently kissed the top of her head.

"It wasn't you, honey," Rachel replied, her voice gentle as she tried to make Monica see what was so clear to the rest of them. "He's an idiot. He wasn't ready, or at least, he thought he wasn't… he freaked out. But anyone would be lucky to have you and if he can't see that, that's his own fault."

Ross nodded along as Phoebe stroked her hair in an attempt to soothe her.

"He's going to pay for what he did, Monica," Ross started, Phoebe making sounds of agreement whilst Rachel gave him a look of warning as to not make Monica more upset than she already was. "I don't know how, I don't know when-"

"Don't hurt him," Monica cut in quickly. Despite what Chandler had done to her, the idea of him being hurt killed her inside. She could take her own pain, but the idea of Chandler suffering made her nauseous. "Please, Ross, just… Promise me you won't hurt him."

Ross seemed hesitant at first, but softened at Monica's desperate look.

"Fine. I won't hurt him," he replied. Monica breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you," she said quietly, offering a small smile that she didn't mean.

xxxxx

Hours passed and the group had decided to stay at Monica's apartment that evening, watching her favourite movies and cooking her favourite meals - not that she could pay attention to the screen or stomach any food. Chandler was all she could think about.

"Hey, how you holding up?" Phoebe asked later than evening as she shifted up next to her on the couch. Ross and Rachel had both shared the arm chair and fallen asleep in it. Joey, who'd joined them a few hours earlier, was in the kitchen, consuming everything in Monica's fridge and his eyes glued to some Playboy magazine.

"My fiancé just left me on the day of my wedding. How do you think I'm holding up?" she fired back. There was anger and malice in her tone, but she didn't care.

"I'm sorry," Phoebe responded regretfully. She hadn't meant to aggravate her – she genuinely cared and wanted to know whether she was okay.

"No, I'm sorry," Monica replied, fiddling with the engagement ring on her finger which now made her feel like she was being stabbed in the heart rather than filling her with joy like it used to. "It's just- I'm not okay, Phoebs. I'm devastated. I thought he was the love of my life," she said, her eyes feeling with tears for what felt like the billionth time that day. "I love him so much. I just don't get it," she sniffed, tears flowing.

"I know, Mon. Hey, if it makes you feel any better, I always knew you deserved more. Seriously, he was never good enough for you-"

In shock over Phoebe's words, Monica stood up, staring down at her. Her eyes were filed with anger and shock at what Phoebe had said. If that wasn't the most insensitive thing you could say to someone in this situation, she didn't know what was.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" she squeaked. "I deserve better than someone who's good, sweet, funny and adorable and has the kindest heart?"

When Phoebe didn't respond, she raised her voice a little more. "You know, you have always put Chandler down. All of you," she said, Rachel and Ross now awake due to the sheer volume of her voice. "Well, except maybe you, Joey," she continued, a little quieter, to which Joey gave a smug smile, which made Monica roll her eyes even more. "Did you ever consider that it was you that made him run away? That it was you who made him doubt his ability to commitment, or think he wasn't good enough for me?"

The whole room was stunned into silence over Monica's outburst. Rachel was the first to reach out to Monica, now standing beside her.

"We may have been a little harsh on Chandler, but he knows we love him-"

"Does he?" Monica retorted, raising her eyebrows.

"Yes. And at the end of the day, he made this decision, Mon," Rachel said, her tone careful. "He chose to walk out on you. He only has himself to blame for making that decision."

Deep down, Monica knew Rachel was right. She nodded softly as the truth of her words sunk in.

"You're right, Rach. I'm sorry guys. It's just so hard."

A collection of "that's okay" and "we understand" came, but Monica wasn't listening. She soon headed off to bed, but she spent the night tossing and turning, unable to sleep as thoughts about Chandler buzzed through her mind. She cried on and off, in an endless cycle of being struck by immense pain and too numb to cry any more tears. She knew that this was how her nights to come would be, instead of filled with love as she had anticipated.

It wasn't going to be easy. She didn't know how she was going to get through it but she knew somehow, she'd have to. She was Monica Geller – she didn't get destroyed or broken by such emotions. She was the one who provided the support instead of needing it herself. On top of that, she never gave up or quit, no matter how much she wanted to. She wasn't going to be defeated, not even by the man who had been her rock so many times before. This time, instead of being the one to comfort her when she felt like this, he wasn't there. He was the one making her feel like this. That thought racked her mind and crushed her heart all at once until at some point she drifted into a fitful and uneasy sleep, too exhausted to stay awake any longer.

A/N: Hope you enjoyed! And thanks to simplymondler with the line divider help :)