I'm pretty excited since this is my first EVER one-shot! yay! yay! yay! yay! yay!

Time to get serious here...

WARNING: Rated T for suicide.

Dear Austin Monica Moon,

This is my letter to you, I'm sorry I didn't say all this sooner.

I remember when I first met you, and you stole my song 'double take', but you know that. What you don't know, is along with the song, you stole my heart. And things got worse after that.

I remember when we first hugged, it was so amazing. I felt so safe in your arms, I wish we could've stayed that way forever. I wanted to stay in your arms, you holding me.

I remember when you told me how much I meant to you. You made me feel so special that day.

I remember when you brought me on the Helen show, and I trashed the place. You told me not to worry about it, and we laughed for weeks, I love your laugh so much, it's amazing.

I remember when you danced with me at Trish's quinceaneras, instead of singing for that club owner. I went to sleep with a smile on my face, thinking of you.

The she came along...

I remember when you first met her, you said she was the most beautiful girl you'd ever seen. I felt so ugly and worthless that day. I wish I could be as pretty as her. Then maybe you would like me like her.

I remember when you asked her out – again. She finally excepted. It took you 4 tires to get her to say yes. I would've said yes in a heartbeat. But you never liked me that way.

I remember when you told her you loved her after your concert, on stage, in front of everyone. I went home and cried all night, you went to her house and lost your virginity. She kept talking about it for weeks. I faked a smile and laughed, congratulating you.

I remember when she told you to stop singing and to get a 'normal' job. You haven't sung since. And I haven't written a sing since. If I can't write for you, then I wont write at all.

I remember when we turned 20, and you told me you proposed to her, she accepted. I knew it was the end there. We argued that day, some hurtful things were said. I yelled at you and called you so many things. I told you to 'get out of my life', I haven't seen you since. I miss you so much, Austin.

So now, 2 years later and I'm holding the invitation to your wedding, your's and her's wedding. I always knew this day would come, no matter how much I didn't want it to. I prayed for it not to come.

I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can go. I don't know if I can stand there while she finally gets you, at last. It hurts so much to know I'll never have you. I'll never have like she does.

Your wedding was today. I went, for you. You looked so handsome in your suit. The smile on your face made my heartbreak even more, I love to see you happy. But, it hurts to see you happy with someone else. We apologised to each other, forgave and forgot, but the connection between us was gone, it felt empty between us. I sat down and waited, you smiled at me a couple of times, and I faked a smile back while holding a supportive thumbs up.

Then she came in, wearing that perfect dress. She looked beautiful, and you looked the happiest I'd ever seen you. I wish I could make you that happy. But I can't.

I left the wedding early. I left while you were saying your vows. You stopped speaking when you saw me leaving. The look of disappointment on your face while you watched me leave, it killed me. I so sorry, I didn't mean to let you down. I wanted to be there for you, I really did. But it hurt too much. To watch you look at her with so much love in your eyes, it sent me over the edge. That was when things got too much.

I'm so sorry for this...

By the time you read this, I'll have left this world. I'll be gone.

I never really understood why someone would want to commit suicide, why they would want to take their own life. It seemed stupid. Now I do.

Pain and Heartbreak can make us do stupid things. I always thought suicide was a way out, the easy way out. Maybe it is. Maybe that's why it seemed so appealing. I knew the hurt and pain would stop after I took those pills.

Please don't hate me for this Austin. I wanted to be there for you, I wanted to watch you grow into the amazing man you are now. But I missed it all. I just hid away from the world and grew into this pathetic, lonely girl.

But, now you have her. I hope she gives you everything, because you deserve so much more than that. You deserve the world.

Tell Dallas I'm sorry I rejected him. He just wasn't you. And he deserved so much better than me. Not the mess that I am.

Tell Trish I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I pushed her away when all she was trying to do was help me. I'm so thankful for everything she did for me. And I'll miss her. I'll miss her daily update on her new job. I'll miss her anger issues and loudness. But most of all, I'll miss our wonderful friendship.

Tell Dez that I'm proud of him, for the fact that he finally told Trish how he felt. I'm proud of him and Trish. And I'm sorry I wont be able to attend their wedding. I wish them all the happiness in the world

Tell my dad that I love him. With all my heart. And now I'm finally with mom. I hope he understands. Please take care of him Austin.

Tell Sammy that I don't blame her. I know she loves you back. And tell her to take care of you, to love you like I did.

Okay, Austin if I could write forever, I would. I would do anything for you. Please, I have some favours to ask.

1. Sing at my funeral; I know you haven't sung in years, but it would mean so much so much to me.

2. Spend your life with Sammy and don't hold back on anything. Who knows maybe if I admitted my feelings to you sooner, It might have been me on that altar with you. Maybe.

3. Be happy, be the happy, crazy, childish Austin that I love and adore.

4. Start singing again, as a career. Don't let anyone stop you. I know you love Sammy, but you also love singing. And you shouldn't have to stop something you love. And I miss your wonderful voice. I know you miss singing, I can tell.

5. Believe me when I say...

I love you. I love you more than you could ever imagine. I really should've told you all this sooner. I just couldn't word it, now seemed like the best time.

You are truly amazing. Just pure perfection. Don't you dare ever change Austin Moon! Your perfect the way you are.

So, I guess this is a goodbye. I'll see you again soon, I'll make sure of that. I really don't want to leave you like this. But I have to. I can't take the pain any more.

Live your life, I'll always be watching over you.

So, this is my letter to you, I'll miss you, I'll miss you so much. And I love you, forever and always.

Goodbye.

Love, Allyson Marie Dawson. X x

Jeez, I've never written anything that morbid in my life...