Mr. Tickles

Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing.

Dear Sirius,

I have some bad news for you. Your cat, Mr. Tickles, died yesterday. You were incredibly sad and you were so inconsolable that you couldn't even write to yourself. Your cat, unfortunately, ate three of the Hogwarts turkey dinners on Thanksgiving. I hope that when you read back on this moment when you are old and crippled that you will remember yesterday as the worst day that you ever walked on the Earth.

With much love to myself,

Sirius Black

Sirius grinned down at his entry. It was the first time he had grinned since yesterday when he found out that his cat, Mr. Tickles, had died eating three of the Hogwart's Thanksgiving turkeys. Mr. Tickles had been a great cat. He was loyal, trustworthy, and the best part was that he was not a black cat. He was a yellow cat.

James walked over to Sirius and patted him on the shoulder. He peered over Sirius's shoulder to look at Sirius's diary entry. "Padfoot, what the crapping hell is that?"

"It's my man diary," Sirius said casually before stuffing it under his mattress. "And you'll never be able to read it because you have no idea where I keep it."

James nodded, sensing that Sirius was being serious, not realizing how stupid he sounded. "Right. I just wanted to catch up on you. How have you been?"

James sat down on Sirius's bed next to him. Sirius had a pile of used tissues next to himself and a bottle of water next to his bed. "I've been crying a lot." He took the bottle of water, tilted the bottle, put his fingers at the mouth to catch some water and smeared it all over his face. "Can you tell?" He sniffed and then grabbed some tissues. "OH, MR. RICK- I MEAN TICKLES!"

James stifled a snicker. "You sure sound depressed."

"You know me better than anyone, Prongs," Sirius said, fake-blowing his nose. "Where are Moony and Wormtail?"

"Off putting nifflers in the Slytherin Common Room," said James causally. "Then they're planning to turn Snape's hair orange or something. Nothing special."

Sirius nodded and coughed. "I think I might be dying."

"How come?" James asked.

"Because I'm crying all the time, and I had to blow my nose and I coughed all in like, one minute."

James stayed silent for a couple seconds. "Pads, you have issues."

"That's what I told Marisa last night when she said I was hot when I cried," Sirius said, taking the water bottle again. He noticed it was almost empty. "Hey, Prongs, do you think that you could get me some more water? I wanna cry."

"Pads . . . you know what? Sure, I'll be back with some water."

"Thanks, bud," Sirius said happily. "I knew I could count on you!"

----- ------ ----

Later that night, James (being so cleaver) summoned Sirius's man diary to himself. He grinned down at the cover, which said in big letters, Sirius Black's Man Diary.

He flipped to the first page.

Dear Myself,

Today, you (being Sirius Black) saw a girl in the Common Room writing in a diary. When you saw her sign her name at the bottom, you (being Sirius Black) had an absolutely brilliant idea! You said to yourself, 'Sirius Black, why don't you have a diary of your own!' And look where your 16 year-old self is! Writing in your own diary!

James put the diary down and snorted. Sometimes, it amazed him how retarded his brother-like friend really was.

A/N: This is my third story today and I think I'm going crazy. I will not be surprised at all if this is not funny in the slightest.

Love,

-- Eternal Love LJ

R/R!