Will You?
Rating: pg;13 (t)
by: lilkagome
All that ever amounted to anything was the pain he made her feel. The only ever truth, was that her love was real.
I didn't want to think about it anymore, my heart just couldn't take it anymore.
She was always there, always by my side, even when I had called her annoying, even when I had left her passed out on a bench, she had just kept coming back, even now she did, even with her broken heart she found the strength to stand before me, and open even more to me, though it was almost hopeless on her part.
I had come back a year ago, now both at the age of eighteen. I don't remember the first thing she had said, and I admit I don't really care to. She was only an ally, only a partner. She was so close to being everything, and yet that only made me think of her as nothing yet again.
I knew why this was, but I didn't want to change it, for that was what kept me away. It was the only thing to distance myself from her, to save her from myself and my fate, although both my brother and Orochimaru are now dead and gone from this conscienceness. I wouldn't see another precious friend die before me again.
I stepped cautiously into the training pit, knowing full well she would be there this morning. I sighed as he saw her thrust her arm at another jounin, her face contorting into something other than pain as her eyes dialated.
Her chakra was depleted yet again, as every day she had practiced all night, perfecting yet another jitsu. Her heart rate was speeding, I could tell by the throbbing point in her neck. Once more she tried to force her feet beneath her, to stand again and continue her training.
Once again she fell limply to the ground, her eyes darkening as she fought to stand again. She pushed herself, ignoring the pleading from the jounin for her to rest. She pressed her hands to her chest as her eyes moved to me, trying to move all the more as I stared down at her.
"Pathetic." Was all I could say, the only word which could come forth from my mouth, and I was more ashamed of myself than ever before. A tear, it rolled down her cheek, threatening to take with it my pride.
She stood, finally her fatigue being outweighed by her will. He stared down at her as she glared at him, whipping away the tear from her now emotionless face. She moved before me, her hand fisting as she looked me in the eye.
She brought back her fist in a minute, her fist making contact with nothing but air as I caught her wrist in my hand. I watched her eyes turn blank; their glassy glimmer turning into clouded mist. She pulled back her arm, stumbling, and waving off any help I or anyone else offered her as she stumbled out of the training grounds.
So I had done it again, I had taken all her dignity and broken again her will, sometimes I wondered if all I ever wanted was to make her like me. I watched silently as Naruto glared at me, his face disapproving as he trailed after Sakura.
I started to move, my training underway as I thought once more on how much she had changed, mostly due to what I had done to her, said to her, or forced her to do. She was like a puppet when it came to me, always moving wherever I asked her, obeying only as a string tugged her in a certain direction.
I had made her who she is, and who that is I will never know, because I will not let myself to know that person. I watch her change, her face growing more beautiful and more stolid as I push her to hate me, to loathe me as I have wished for so long.
I watch her as a wolf, always stalking it's prey, waiting to say what will bring the next day. I know she hates it, she hates how I stare, her heart telling her always I am there. I know that she fears me, knowing I'm the one who holds her strings, forcing her to intently watch me as I make my moves, only hoping not to get torn apart as I force her to move in two directions at once.
She wouldn't have let me die, she wouldn't have left me with Orochimaru, and yet she wanted out, she wanted away from me now, even though she still loved me she feared my abilities on her heart. Her soul was broken now, her heart unable to attain the only thing she was vying for.
I was done, I walked back to my home, my hands shoved deep into my pockets yet again as I made my way past the Yamanaka flower shop, my eyes not lingering for too long on the various colors of spring flowers covering it's shelves and entrance.
That's when I saw her, she stood before the large sakura tree, her eyes cast down as she stepped closer, her hair now a deeper shade of red as the rain started to pelt her head, dripping down her delicate nose, her eye lashes collecting the tiny droplets as she smiled for once this week.
I almost felt myself slip, almost wanted to run, almost wished I didn't breath more air inside my lungs. What had I done? She was… Everything. I almost fell, almost lost control as I watched her let a tear go, her eyes bereft of any possible emotion. For once I saw her. She was real, for once in my life I let myself feel.
"Sakura…" I whispered, my body being reighned into coming closer as I came to stand beside her. She didn't look over, didn't really need to anyway. She knew already who I was, I could tell by her perpetuating frown. She looked at me, her eyes cold as she stared, never moving for fear of me stepping away.
I almost pitied her for wanting to try, for wanting to hold to me even after I had hurt her to such an extent. I watched her sigh, her breath visible in the chilling air. She stood like that for but a moment, never wanting to face again me running from her, and yet she couldn't take it, and I knew it.
"Sasuke…" She nodded, her face placid as I stepped closer, my arms coming to fold behind her back. She didn't hope, couldn't hope, and so I did it for her. I pushed her forward, making her come in contact with my chest. Something sparked in her eyes, she cried out, pushing me aside as she ran off, her feet splashing mud upon her uncovered ankles, the slushing noise the only thing heard for almost three minutes.
I laughed at myself, almost cynically in a sense. She wasn't anymore alive than I was, and I had done it to her. She was the only thing, the only one. I had killed; murdered the only love I had ever been bestowed.
I watched her until she reached the door, her hands coming to turn the knob, and that's when I turned, closing myself off yet again to her pain, and walking away from the games I had played on a heart that was too burdened.
I knew she would leave, like every time before, like all those other instances, I'd seen her cry before. Like all those times I told her, I'll love you that much more. It stunned me how much I had lost, in the course of my life, I had lost a family, a friend, and my happiness.
I had sold my life for pride, and in return gained nothing at all. Now I stood before my own door, my senses telling me to go back, and yet I couldn't, for some reason my heart didn't want to feel the pain of being shunned yet again.
"Aishiteru." She stood behind me, her breath coming in short pants, her eyes shining like never before, and her smile once more on her face. I couldn't believe it, and almost didn't.
"Sakura…" It was as if I touched her she'd disappear, she seemed so serene there, standing as she was, but it wasn't long before she was in my arms, her body crushed against my own.
What I had done was forgotten. I promised myself then I'd make it better, I promised myself I'd never let her be hurt again. I promised her my heart that day, and she offered hers in return.
Now I can only say this; "Will you stand by and watch her die? If you do, will you wonder why?"
-Shimekiri-
A/N: I am back finally, hope all of you like this one, it's different from anything else I've done before, so I really want reviews. R&R!
Ja
LK