My third fic is FINALLY up and running! Hooray! I didn't mean for it to take so long, but I have been really busy and mentally stressed out. My goal is to get most of my fanfiction on the site before school starts up again in a few weeks. I have five or six more I have to type up, so if I can accomplish that, then kudos for me! Anyway, this is a short reflection on how Juri feels about the whole Shiori/Ruka relationship. As strong as Juri seems, her weak point is her love for Shiori. Juri is one of my favorite characters of all time, so I just loved writing a fic, which delved into her thoughts and feelings. It's kind of angry and depressing, so I don't think I'm going to dedicate it to anyone. It was such a wonderful release to write this sort of thing. Let me know what you guys think! I hope everyone likes it!
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"You see, you just have to give up. Because there really are no such things as miracles.."
~*~
Tarnished Existence
Orange curls cling to my damp neck as sweat pours down my back. The sun streaming down from the heavens burns through my flesh, and I shut my hazel eyes to block out the intensity of the light. Despite this warmth however, I am cold. Blue flames lick themselves through my frigid veins. My movements are sluggish, slow. I don't taste food anymore, so I've stopped eating. My body aches and throbs, so I've stopped sleeping. The light has faded from my eyes. I am the only one who knows. No one sees how it is with me, even you don't know. Especially you. It's your fault, my love. It is because of you that my soul is slowly decaying. It is because of you that I am dying quietly; submissively. I love you. I always have, I always will. Nothing else matters to me anymore. You don't reciprocate those feelings. Your heart belongs to another, to him. Not a day goes by without you gushing about him to me. You're killing me, you know that, right? You talk about him as if he is a god. My long hair, my milky-white body, my small breasts; how could these ever match up to the perfection of him that you describe so avidly? He has finally acknowledged your presence in his life, and you cry with the sheer joy it brings you. I never have been able to move you to tears in that way.
Do you remember when he first kissed you? I do. You ran to me and told me that it was the most beautiful thing that you had ever experienced. You never say things like that about me. Do you even remember our first kiss? When you told me what had happened between you two, I felt like I was being stabbed. You were covered in the blood of my pain, but didn't notice or even care. You think of him when you awaken in the morning. You think of him when you are happy and when you are sad. You even think of him when you're in my arms, deep in the thick of the night. Tell me darling, do you ever think of me? This is my tarnished existence. I will never be first in your heart. You will never love me, I know that now. You asked me once what I thought of him, this man that you care for. I shrugged the question off, told you it didn't matter. What would you think if you knew I hated him? I want to slam him against a wall over and over. I want to cut him into a million pieces and scatter them across the world. I hate him. I hate him because you love him and not me. I hate him because you will never react so emotionally to the things I do for you. I hate him because while I would give my dying breath for your love, he seems apathetic to recieve it. Despite the hatred I bear for him, he makes you happy... happier than I ever could. And truly, none of this is your fault. All you did was fall in love. It just wasn't with me. So here I sit, paralyzed in this webbed cocoon of melancholic frigidity, dying in the brilliance of your love for him. I hate myself for being so weak. I love you...
~*~
"You see, you just have to give up. Because there really are no such things as miracles.."
~*~
Tarnished Existence
Orange curls cling to my damp neck as sweat pours down my back. The sun streaming down from the heavens burns through my flesh, and I shut my hazel eyes to block out the intensity of the light. Despite this warmth however, I am cold. Blue flames lick themselves through my frigid veins. My movements are sluggish, slow. I don't taste food anymore, so I've stopped eating. My body aches and throbs, so I've stopped sleeping. The light has faded from my eyes. I am the only one who knows. No one sees how it is with me, even you don't know. Especially you. It's your fault, my love. It is because of you that my soul is slowly decaying. It is because of you that I am dying quietly; submissively. I love you. I always have, I always will. Nothing else matters to me anymore. You don't reciprocate those feelings. Your heart belongs to another, to him. Not a day goes by without you gushing about him to me. You're killing me, you know that, right? You talk about him as if he is a god. My long hair, my milky-white body, my small breasts; how could these ever match up to the perfection of him that you describe so avidly? He has finally acknowledged your presence in his life, and you cry with the sheer joy it brings you. I never have been able to move you to tears in that way.
Do you remember when he first kissed you? I do. You ran to me and told me that it was the most beautiful thing that you had ever experienced. You never say things like that about me. Do you even remember our first kiss? When you told me what had happened between you two, I felt like I was being stabbed. You were covered in the blood of my pain, but didn't notice or even care. You think of him when you awaken in the morning. You think of him when you are happy and when you are sad. You even think of him when you're in my arms, deep in the thick of the night. Tell me darling, do you ever think of me? This is my tarnished existence. I will never be first in your heart. You will never love me, I know that now. You asked me once what I thought of him, this man that you care for. I shrugged the question off, told you it didn't matter. What would you think if you knew I hated him? I want to slam him against a wall over and over. I want to cut him into a million pieces and scatter them across the world. I hate him. I hate him because you love him and not me. I hate him because you will never react so emotionally to the things I do for you. I hate him because while I would give my dying breath for your love, he seems apathetic to recieve it. Despite the hatred I bear for him, he makes you happy... happier than I ever could. And truly, none of this is your fault. All you did was fall in love. It just wasn't with me. So here I sit, paralyzed in this webbed cocoon of melancholic frigidity, dying in the brilliance of your love for him. I hate myself for being so weak. I love you...