A/N - So recently my sister showed me this video of David Castro (the actor for Raphael Santiago in the TV series 'Shadowhunters') and I couldn't help but think of what Simon might do if he saw it. The universe is a little AU (as in, the situation is pretty chill) which is why somethings are altered. Raphael is head of the New York vampire clan, and... that's pretty much it.

Enjoy!

These characters do not belong to me. The link to the music video Simon refers to (it actually exists) is below.

watch?v=JDQhhdC1ZPo

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"I HAVE SEEN GOLD."

"I HAVE SEEN THE STUFF OF GODS."

"MY EYES WILL NEVER BE THE SAME."

Clary poked her head through the door. "You okay?"

Simon beamed. "Look at this," he said grinning. "This is the stuff of-"

"-gods," Clary sighed. "I never should have introduced you to that series. Anyways, what are you watching…" she trailed off uncertainly, staring at Simon's screen. "Justin Bieber - ugh, hate that guy - Beauty and the a Beat cover 16 year old David Costro… is it just me or does that look shockingly like Raphael? Santiago?"

"Because that, my dear Watson," Simon said looking abnormally smug, "is Raphael. He always told me he went through a teen stage when pop music first became a thing, but this is beautiful. I will never be the same."

"Is he any good?" Clary asked doubtfully. "I'm pretty sure that's just a random guy that looks a lot like Raphael. Raphael doesn't sing."

"Or does he?" Simon thundered dramatically. "I need to show this to Raphael. Can you imagine the blackmail material?"

Clary hit the unpause button, and listened the first couple minutes. The dancing came in, and Simon and Clary exchanged glances.

"Well," Clary said shrugging. "I'm emailing this to our friends. Do you think Magnus will be able to convince Raphael to dance at their wedding?"

"Who cares?" Simon whooped as he walked away. "Can you imagine what will come out of this? Fray, get your head in the game. He might stop calling me weird nicknames-" Clary snorted, "-he might even start being friendly-"

She stiffled a noise that sounded a lot like a giggle. Simon shot her a glare. Clary grinned sheepishly.

"Lewis, I think the day he starts being friendly to you is the day he announces the beginning of his eternal courtship to you. As in, that probably isn't going to happen anytime soon."

"Not without this video!" Simon cheered. "It might actually happen with this video! The opporunities!"

Clary rolled her eyes, but Simon had already left the room.

"I need to see your leader," Simon told the buff guy outside Raphael's door. The man stared at him amusedly.

"And you think you can see our leader because? Why? Go away little vampire," he jeered, and the door swung open.

Raphael raised an eyebrow at Simon.

"Come in, daylighter," he said sighing. "Let's see what shadowhunter nonsense you can plague my ears with this time."

The door slammed shut, and Simon took out his phone. Raphael's eyebrow became more pronounced, and he began to speak again. "I understand that-"

"No," Simon said slowly. "Behold the secret of the universe."

"If you don't stop wasting my - what is that?"

The video played, and Raphael stared at himself with horror. He watched as he put headphones on. He was frozen with shock.

"Yes?" Simon asked delicatly. "I believe you asked me to stop wasting your time? I have a couple requests."

"Get out." Raphael snapped. "Out! Out! Out!" Putting both hands on Simon, he began steering the other boy straight out the door. Simon held onto the door for a little longer, before falling. Damned vampire strength.

The door slammed shut, and the guard looked at him bemusedly. "What the fu-"

"I'LL SHOW MAGNUS!" Simon yelled. "I'LL SHOW THE WORLD!"

The door swung open and a glass vase sailed through. He rolled and the vase shattered to pieces. He ignored it.

"SING FOR ME! SING FOR THE WORLD! DO YOU HAVE ANYMORE?"

"GET OUT OR I'LL KILL YOU!"

"I'm already dead," Simon sang as the guard vampire hauled him away slowly. The door peeked open, and Raphael glared at him as he was pulled away. "I died when I became a vampire, I died from laughter when watching this video, and I will die a third time when I show this to your vampire friends. Do you think they'll laugh?"

The glare Raphael gave pure murder.

Simon left Hotel Dumont cheerfully.

Jace would cry.