A/N: I am far too old to be watching Recess, let alone write a fanfic about it, but why should a little thing called age stop me? Oh, and more notes for this fic are up on my livejournal (link in profile).

Disclaimer: I do not own Recess. Simple enough, no?

Looking Back

Forth grade. Man, those where the days. Back in the days of King Bob, when the school day seemed never-ending and out biggest worries were Principal Prickly and Miss Finster, or maybe the occasional threat of cancelling recess. Things have changed a lot since then, though I'm not really sure when the changes started.

Guess things really started with The Fire. See, for fifth grade me and the gang got put in Finster's class. It was really bad, but we got through alright though, 'cause we had each other. Least we did until half way through the year, then disaster struck.

I can remember what happened as if it were yesterday. We were learning about fractions, I can still here Finster's scratchy voice speaking in my head to this day. TJ raised his hand and asked to go to the bathroom. Old Finster gave him the pass, said he better be back in ten minutes or it was detention. Fifteen minutes later the fire alarm went off, TJ still not back. Miss Finster started grumbling about how 'Detweiler's gonna get it this time', and we all filed out, pushing and shoving thinking it was a drill, only to stop in complete shock when we got into the hallway.

The place was full of smoke.

Instantly people began panicking. The whole scene still haunts me. The Ashleys started screaming, huddling together. Randell tried to hide behind Miss Finster, some other kids were trying to get back into the classrooms and a couple were trying to find their way through the smoke. Then some moron had the bright idea to yell 'we're all gonna die' at the top of their voice.

Students began stampeding. Cornchip girl got crushed, near trampled to death. We found out later that she had severe damage to her lungs from the smoke, and lots of broken bones. Upside Down Girl and Swinger Girl began hyperventilating, and Hustler Kid tried to get back to his desk to save his merchandise. And the screams... The screams. They were so loud you could barely hear anything until the coughs began.

Kids were choking on the smoke. Almost all of us did. A couple stayed conscious, but not many. I passed out.

Next thing I remember is waking up in hospital. We were told nearly no one (those who did got out through the windows) got out during the fire, and that it was a miracle that the firemen got as many people out as they did – nearly half the school. Most of us had bad lung damage, and a few teachers didn't make it. But the thing that shocked us most was when we found out what happened.

Turns out only two people had been outta class when the first was started: TJ and Kirsten Kurst. The week before TJ had pulled a prank on Kurst, and she decided to get revenge. On everybody.

The day of the fire she cut class after recess. Apparently when TJ left for the bathroom she trapped him in there, like a rat. Next she started a fire outside the bathroom door. From what we know, she probably fled at that point outside, where she blocked all the exits, trapping everyone in the school.

More than half the school died in the fire, but a few names stood out to us all – Finster, Grotke, Lunchlady Harriet, Guru Kid and... TJ Detweiler. Me, Vince, Gretchen, Mikey and Gus were in shock. When it sunk in we were all devastated.

I suppose that was when we really started drifting apart, though it didn't really start happening until halfway through the summer. See, none of us made much of an effort to stick together, the sight of one another reminding us too much of TJ. Gus kept us together for a few months, saying he didn't want to lose the only friends he'd ever had. Then his dad got re-assigned to somewhere in the Middle East. We weren't sure exactly. After that things really began falling apart between us.

I suppose without TJ there to hold us together we really had nothing in common. I think we tried to stick together for Gus's sake, but when he had to move we really had no reason to be around one another any more. We each went our separate ways.

I guess I'd better tell you what happened to each of us in the four years since Gus left. I do occasionally still talk to him. Not very often since it costs way too much to have a phone conversation and neither of us really use computers. He is doing great though. Apparently he's as tall as his old man now, and doesn't need his glasses any more. That's about all I know about him.

Next person to leave our little group (since we still stuck together a bit, though we didn't really speak) was Mikey. He really wasn't comfortable around us after TJ burned in the boys' bathroom. Not sure why. Could be because I was so violent still, and Vince was so competitive it went completely against his nature. Least with TJ and Gus still around things was even more or less, and he could express himself around us. But we started snapping at him when he sprouted poetry and he just stopped hanging around us. Now he's a major part and the drama club and friends with Hustler Kid... Francis as he's been known since the fire. We know he feels guilty, that he should have helped people out the windows like how he got out, maybe not even have gone back for his merchandise so he gave up hustling for good.

Gretchen went next. Think she was one of the hardest hit by TJ's death. In sixth grade after a couple she said she wouldn't go outside for recess anymore 'cause everything reminded her too much of him, from Old Rusty to the cheesebox, dodgeball wall and the kindergarteners' pen, all of which survived. She stayed in the library after that, spending all her time with Katie Janes or the Library Kid as we knew her then. Now Gretch's the president of the science club, chess club and math team. She's the top student in our grade, as it's always been and probably always will.

Then it was down to me and Vince. The two of us... we didn't last too long on our own. We got on one another's nerves pretty quickly, just didn't have anything in common really, besides a couple of sports and even those we argued over. Then we split, about a week after Gretchen went into the Library. Vince went and spent all his time either playing sports or cooking. By summer he was in Paris learning everything about cooking, like he'd been offered before after the soufflé test. He only comes back to celebrate holidays, and for summer, and I haven't spoken a word to him in a couple of years.

And now we're down to me. I guess I've changed the most, though Gus is really the only other one of us who has. I remember being a brash, harsh 11 year old, wearing steel-toe capped boots, red and orange tights, a red dress, leather jacket and orange hat, my hair up in pig tails. Now I'm completely different.

After our group split I wandered the playground aimlessly for a few days. I beat up some of the kids I came across because they looked at me funny. Then... I hid out in the cheesebox for like a week's worth of recesses, where eventually Ashley Q found me. They weren't like they were before. I ain't sure if they changed because of how the fire affected them, if they seemed kinda because I hadn't gotten along with anyone for weeks or a combination of the two, but somehow I became an Ashley.

It isn't as bad as it was in forth grade, you know? When everyone found out my first name, which hadn't been used since kindergarten and they tried to force me into being like them. Now they helped me put myself back together. I hadn't gotten over TJ's death at that point and it was obvious to everyone. But in the process I became more like them. I'm not sure when my reasoning was at the time, but it felt right somehow, like I was becoming who I was meant to be.

Now, if you'll believe it, I'm in my Freshman year of high school, I'm known only as Ashley S., a cheerleader and going out with Robert Delaney, or King Bob as everyone knew him. I still talk to Mikey and Gretchen when I see them in classes and if I pass them in the halls, but that's it. We've completely drifted. I don't think anything could change that.