No Future
A/N: I don't own anything to do with Rookie Blue; if I did Jerry would still be alive! Please read and review!
Every clink of a beer bottle made her feel sick, every pitying smile, and every worried glance. They were feeling it too she tried to tell herself, this is everyone's way of grieving but none of that seemed important in comparison to what she was going through. Never again, would she hear his voice, never again would she see his face, never again would he tell her he loved her and never again would he plan their future, because, there was no future for Jerry.
Yes, she could dial his phone and listen to his voicemail. Yes, she could look at pictures of him. Yes, she could play back in her mind all the times that he told her that he loved her. And yes, she could open the manila folder and read through the descriptions of all the houses he had wanted to look at. It hurt her to breathe when she read the descriptions and the main thing that all the houses had in common was that they all had four bedrooms, one for Jerry and herself, one for Leo, one being the office and the last one, the last one was what made another little bit of her die each time she thought about it. The fourth bedroom was for their future child. Future being the key word, because there was no future for Jerry, the fourth bedroom would stay empty; the fourth bedroom would never be occupied by their new baby because there was no baby. She felt a tear role down her cheek but made no move to wipe it away, after all – what was the point?
Life with Jerry was simple and easy, there were no hardships. They were soul mates, two peas for the same pod, a team and maybe even a family. The tears grew stronger as she thought about how she was going to tell Leo that the man who was the father role in his life was no longer with them. How do you explain to an eight year old that his mother's boyfriend didn't leave them by choice unlike his biological father? Traci smiled as she remembered how Jerry told Leo that he was going to marry his mom. Leo was so excited. The young boy was finally getting his family. Within a week all of that hope for the future was gone. There was no future for Jerry.
The memories were coming at her so fast it took her a moment to remember where she was. The Penny was quiet and that made her feel uneasy. The Penny was supposed to be a place where the day no longer mattered, it was supposed to be a place where the officers could drown there sorrows or celebrate their successes; none of that was happening. Traci knew in her heart that things would never be the same, but she couldn't help but hope that any second now Liam would walk over and place her apple martini in front of her and say, "This is from the guy at the bar," Traci would then turn and smile and Jerry before he winked and joined her at her table. He had been doing that since she became a rookie, but not anymore. How does she go from that? How does anyone of them go from that?
Future – it was a strange concept. It means something beyond tomorrow, but that was the thing – for Jerry there was no tomorrow, it was over for him. She thought about what her own future entailed, without Jerry she had no plans. Last week she had promised to become his wife, that made her plans their plans, it made his plans her plans, Jerry didn't have any more plans. All that Traci's future promised was sad looks and pitying smiles, over the next few weeks she would have to cancel her wedding, she no longer had her groom, she would have to sort out Jerry's stuff and she would have to restart her life. She didn't want that to be her future. She just wanted Jerry; it didn't seem like too much to ask. But she couldn't have a future with Jerry, she was all alone to raise Leo and get on with her life. Another tear rolled down her face and she started to come to terms with what she had been thinking all evening, she couldn't have a future with Jerry because there was no future for Jerry.
A/N –Thank you for reading, please review and let me know what you thought! – C x