Title: I Do (1/2)
Rating: M
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Disclaimer: Don't own them. Have to say, those who do own them are doing wonderful things with them!
'I do' Natalia says looking at Frank. Olivia feels her heart break and it is all she can do to stay standing, it is already too late to stop the tears from falling. She feels an ache in her chest and thinks she is having another heart attack. But through sheer determination she stays standing and manages to get through the rest of the ceremony by Natalia's side. Doris, as if through a haze pronounces them husband and wife. Frank beaming leans in and kisses Natalia possessively. Natalia lets him.
'I do' , Olivia can't believe Natalia said those words to Frank, that she has married him. Standing at the head table trying to give the newly married couple a suitable speech of well wishes ,the words stick in Olivia's throat. She looks at Natalia and speaks from the heart. She tells everyone how wonderful Natalia is and how she deserves a life of happiness. She remains standing only because Emma is looking at her and she will do everything she can never to worry her again. Frank puts his arms around Natalia and pulls her close. Natalia stays in his arms.
'I do' Frank looks victorious. He has everything he wants, does he realise he has all Olivia would ever need to be complete. Natalia pledging to be his wife. They get up for the first dance. A song begins, Olivia knows Natalia hates this song, she mentioned it once when they were in their kitchen, Natalia cooking, Olivia checking e-mails on her laptop. Natalia rises and moves with Frank towards the centre of the floor. Frank pulls Natalia into his arms and leads her around the floor. Natalia follows.
'I do' Doris looks like she can't believe she's said the words. Natalia and Frank are now husband and wife. The reception is drawing to a close. Olivia has only stayed because she knows these are the last few minutes she will ever spend with Natalia. Olivia pulls her to the side and gives her a brief hug, congratulating her and telling her she has two weeks off from work. Olivia pulls away and breaks a little bit more. She spends a moment looking into Natalia's eyes. Natalia's attention is distracted and is drawn to the middle of the floor. Frank puts an arm around her shoulders and guides her out of the room. Natalia leaves with him.
'I do' all she can see is the side of Natalia's head.
'I do' Natalia begins to fade.
'I do' Frank looks like all his dreams have come true.
'I do' her world is ending.
'I do' she can't breath.
'I do, I do, I do, I do, I do .....' Natalia's voice over and over again, never saying the words to her, always to Frank.
'I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do, I do ........
Olivia jolts awake with her heart pounding and tears running down her face. Looking over at the clock she groans, 1pm she'd only gone to bed an hour ago. She looks around the room knowing there was no chance she was going to be able to sleep tonight. At least she`s got an hour.
Walking to the window she looks out at the moon glinting off the waves as they crash against the shore. When she and Emma had moved to the west coast immediately after Natalia's wedding, she had been delighted to find this house. The idea of living in a hotel with loads of people was too much. She needed somewhere to retreat to in the evenings.
The last six months had been spent finalising a deal to buy a five star hotel in Los Angeles. She had been researching opportunities to expand into a chain of Beacon hotels and Natalia's wedding had given her the perfect excuse to pursue it aggressively. The fact that she wasn't sleeping any more than a hour at night gave her a lot of time to review documents and develop plans.
It pained her every time she got an e-mail from Natalia, who was managing the Beacon in Springfield. On those nights she slept even less. Every night she was plagued by the same nightmare. It was true what they said, remembering reality was worse than anything her mind could have come up with. Reliving the worst day in her life over and over again.
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'Hey Emma, how are you baby?' Natalia was delighted to hear from Emma. She had really missed her when they left Springfield.
'Hi Natalia, I was wondering if I could come visit for a holiday?' Emma sounded as innocent and sure of herself as any child who knows they are loved does.
'Of course you can baby, have you asked your mom?' Natalia got butterflies in her stomach at the idea of seeing Emma again, maybe Olivia would come with her.
'Not yet, I thought I'd ask you first, you know...' Emma was muttering now.
'Of course you can come stay with us baby, but you'll have to make sure it's ok with your mom first'. There was no way Natalia would encourage Emma to leave Olivia unless Olivia had agreed.
After a few minutes conversation Natalia hung up on Emma after making her promise to check with Olivia first. Natalia then finished getting ready for work and shouted 'Bye love' running out the door. She had been shocked when Olivia left her in charge of the Beacon, particularly since everything that happened, had put a huge wedge between their friendship. She thought back to her wedding day which was the happiest day of her life. It had also been one of the biggest turning points of her life.
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Olivia was shocked when Emma had asked her, if she could go visit with Natalia during her summer holidays. She had already arranged less meetings over the weeks Emma was off, as to allow her to spend more time with her and now Emma wanted to spend time with Natalia. Well, she reasoned, it made sense no-one chose her. Natalia's face flashing before her eyes paining her. With Emma's hopeful look she didn't have the heart to refuse her request as long as Natalia was ok with the arrangement.
Olivia sent an email to Natalia finalising the details, as with every other email she sent, it was brief and to the point. She just couldn't bring herself to ask how Natalia was. She was terrified she would get a response gushing about married life and how wonderful Frank was. She couldn't even bear the idea never mind the reality. She was exhausted, she couldn't face it now. Maybe at some point in the future she could manage to renew the most important friendship she ever had. But not now, now she was lost and had nothing to offer.
Over the next couple of weeks Emma talked incessantly about going to see Natalia. She kept reminding Olivia of all the good times they had when they were all living together. Emma packed every day, explaining why she was packing each item, constantly changing her mind about what to bring. As a result of all this Olivia slept even less and found the meetings she was attending even more challenging than ever.
Finally the week arrived for Emma to go to Natalia. Olivia brought her to the airport and saw her safely onto the plane. A couple of hours later she got a phone call from Emma to let her know she was at the farmhouse and Natalia had been there to pick her up. Olivia heard Natalia's voice in the background. The ache in her chest exploded and she felt faint. After hanging up on Emma she curled up in a ball on the floor and sobbed until she fell asleep.
An hour later she woke on the floor after having the nightmare again and sobbed. It was more than she thought she could handle, it was unbearable. She constantly wondered if the ache would ever leave her, would the bone deep sorrow ever ease. She supposed she had been lucky to avoid love for so long if this was what it was like. Falling in love with Natalia had been the most exciting experience that had ever happened to her. When they were living in the same house, she could dream. Now it was agonising, nothing but a nightmare.
Without Emma to distract her she worked around the clock. As the deal was coming to a close she started looking towards the next. From a couple of contacts, she had heard about another hotel that was going up for auction in San Diego. If she went after it, it would mean that they could stay living in the same house for another year, which would please Emma.
Wandering around her house, she missed Emma, and talking to her every night was not enough. She felt at a the spur of the moment she booked a flight to Springfield and packed a bag.
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