Alright all this one is a short story. I read somewhere that Oliver's notebook would make Felicity forgive his lie so here goes. I hope you enjoy. I look forward to your reviews. Hold on all, this will be a great ride.
#####OQ#####
"Oliver, man, stop hitting the dummy, your hands are bleeding now. Oliver, can you HEAR ME? Listen to me," John yelled at him.
"I don't care anymore." He punched the dummy harder, aggressively, his knuckles a mass of bruises and bleeding freely as he completely embraced the pain, reached for the pain.
"STOP, you're destroying your hands." John reached to touch him, and he jerked himself back and away, gasping deeply, his fists up in a clear fight stance, as he took a swing at the man, at his friend, roaring the words, "Don't touch me. Don't you dare touch me." And he swung again.
Dig ducked and evaded his punches while stepping swiftly back and as he held both hands palms up at him.
"Easy! Throttle back, Oliver. Rein in, man. Look around. See the lair. It's John. Calm down."
His breath came in ragged gasps, sweat poured off of him in buckets, and he realized he didn't know how long he'd been punching the dummy.
Dig said quietly, "Here, let me take a look at your hands, at least let me wrap them up. You're bleeding everywhere. What the hell are you doing punching the dummy like that without wrapping your hands up?"
"I don't care. My hands will be fine. Leave me alone, John. I don't want them wrapped. I want them to hurt." And he turned and attacked the bag again leaving blood stains with each punch.
"Oliver, you're losing it. I want you to take a step back right now and look at yourself. You're standing here bleeding. Look at the blood on the dummy. Take a real look at yourself, at what you're doing to yourself. You need to rein the rage in."
"No, I can't. I've already lost it, lost her. It doesn't matter anymore. I'm leaving, John, tomorrow. I'm done. She wants me gone. And I'm listening." With a vengeance, he laid into the dummy again as the pain fed the rage in him.
"Oliver! STOP! You're out of control. Get control. You're destroying your hands. You have to STOP, and I mean now."
"I don't care." But he forced himself to close his eyes for an instant, forced himself to stop hitting the dummy, as his body shook and trembled.
When he opened his eyes, John stood before him, his massive arms crossed in front of his broad chest, with an eyebrow arched before he said, "Can we talk about this? You're leaving? Oh, now that's a good idea. Run from your problems, that'll win Felicity over."
"There's no winning her over. John, it's been six weeks. We've buried Laurel, and I've killed Merlin for her, just as she asked me to, and Hive's scattered to the wind and gone. The mission's over and now that we don't have the mission, she won't even attempt to talk to me. She informed me today that we've nothing more to discuss, right before she called security and had me escorted out of the building, out of what used to be my company, out of what started as my father's company. Now, she's told me repeatedly to leave, and I'm done. I'm going."
He couldn't stop himself, and he attacked the dummy again, hitting it over and over, harder and harder, again and again, the blood from his hands staining the cloth red as he welcomed the pain.
"Oliver, think about your hands. You're trashing your hands. You have to STOP! And you just need to give her a little more time."
Grabbing the dummy, he held on tightly, trying to stop hitting. "Time's not helping. She's cut me off cold. She won't take my calls, and won't read my texts. Not only that, she's got an automatic reply now that says some unkind words if I e-mail her. I've tried to write her, and she ripped my letter up. She didn't even read it but threw it in the trash in front of me, before she turned and walked away. She hates me."
"I heard about the food you cooked," John said softly.
"Yeah, at least she gave it to Curtis to take home, since she refused to eat a bite of it and told me the next time I graced her office, she'd have security remove me, and she made good on her threat today. She had me escorted out."
"Listen, you know Felicity's angry with you. You hurt her deeply, and she's just lashing out. You need to wait her out, Oliver. Give her a little more time."
"I'm done waiting. No more waiting, John. I'm going crazy here. Today she not just threw my flowers back at me, but she chunked the fern I gave her months ago at my head." He returned to punching with gusto, not caring that he left his blood on the training dummy with each punch, not caring he could be breaking bone, then something in his left hand popped, and he clutched the dummy again, trying to make himself stop.
"I saw the poor plant sitting in the corner over there."
"Yeah, you think you could take it after I leave?"
"I'm not much of a plant person."
"Then let it die."
"Bitter today are you?"
He released the dummy and gave it one last jab as he looked down at his bleeding hands, knowing he had to stop or risk permanent damage, but that didn't mean the pain didn't feel good, that didn't mean he didn't want to keep going and going and keep hitting the dummy.
"She's told me repeatedly that we're," he swallowed hard, then inhaled sharply before he said the words, "over, that she can't do this anymore, can't do us. She doesn't want me anymore, John. And sometimes it's time to stop trying and that's what I'm doing. I've made a decision, and I'm going to move on."
John scrubbed his face with his hands and said in a sharp tone, "You two are making me crazy, Oliver. She's still livid and mad as hell at you, and you're clearly running in self-destruct mode right now, which isn't helping."
"I'm not."
"You are and I'm worried about you. You look like hell. When's the last time you slept? Or how about the last time you ate? Why don't you come home with me? Lyla cooked tonight. You can play with Sara. She's a real joy right now."
He walked over and picked up a bottle of water off the desk, uncapping it, he chugged it down, then said softly, "I know Sara is and thanks for the offer, but no thanks. And don't worry about me, my body can go a long time without food but only about three days without water. I'm still hydrating, which means I'll be fine. I'll eat later."
"I don't suppose you'd like to tell me how you know that? Or should I just guess the life boat or the island?"
"Experience."
"See that answer right there, is what infuriates her and me about you." Dig pointed a finger at him. "You won't share the past with her or with me. You side step it, then you say something like you just did. That's one reason she's angry with you. The fact you don't trust either one of us enough to tell us the truth, and that's why you're going to lose her."
"Have lost her is the correct tense. And there's no future tense for us, not anymore. It's completely past tense. I've already lost her." Oh how his heart ached with the words and his bleeding hands fisted again, but he forced himself to say, "Hey, but I'm glad you stopped by, since it saves me a trip. I needed to tell you I'm leaving town, and I wanted to say goodbye. You've been a true friend to me, and I'll always be thankful for that."
"Seriously? You're leaving? Now? You can't be mean that? You're just going to give up? If you leave then your relationship with her will be over. You'll really lose her."
"I've already lost her." He shut his eyes for an instant as his chest ached. "I can't stay here anymore. I did the watch her and don't touch her thing for about three years, and I'm not watching her move on this time. I can't. I'll hurt the next man that touches her. I'm leaving this place."
John narrowed his eyes at him. "And just where would you go? Back to the island?"
He ducked his head. Looking down at his bleeding hands, he flexed his aching fingers. Wincing, he turned and walked toward the medical bay with the words, "No, I can't go back there. She's been there more than once. I'm thinking more like Russia and then Africa. I've got skills people could use. I could still make a difference."
Dig followed him. "You're telling me you're going to become a mercenary? Get paid to kill people. No way could you do that."
"I don't care if they pay me. I don't need much. I'm low maintenance. And, I'm thinking fighting against the people doing the genocide. But I'll need money, so first I'll go back to the fight clubs in Russia. I'm still Bratva." Carefully, he clinched his teeth as he ran cold water over hands, embracing the pain that tormented him, while the pain felt good all at the same time.
"Fight clubs? When did you do fight clubs?" John leaned against the sink beside him, and he refused to meet his eyes, instead watching the blood run red down the drain. As the minutes lengthen, John said, "AND?"
"Alright, about the third year after the shipwreck, I fought. Trust me there's a lot of gambling money underground. I would win. It'd only take a few fights, and I'd be set for months."
"You've seriously thought about this haven't you?" John breathed out sharply then ask with a frown, "Are these fights to the death, Oliver? They are aren't they? I can tell by your face. You're talking about illegal bare knuckles fighting aren't you? Jesus, you're toughening up your hands."
He ducked his head, knowing John was right. Carefully washing his aching hands, he embraced the pain as he watched the red water flow down the drain, and the memories of fights and death washed over him.
"I'm right aren't I? Answer me, Oliver. You're talking about going back into the darkness, aren't you?"
"I belong in the dark and yes."
"Man, listen to yourself? Yes, they're fights to the death or yes, their bare knuckled? Why don't you just say I'm hunting someone to beat me to death, and if that doesn't work, then would you please put a bullet in my head? That's your plan isn't it? Man, think about what you're doing. You're making plans to die."
"Well, maybe, I want to die!" He spat the words at him, at his friend, a man he knew had his best interests at heart. "Get it. I took your advice. I reached for her, and for an instant, I got to be happy. I got to dream. I got to plan for a future."
"You could still have a future. Oliver, use your brain and think."
"No, not anymore. What I have now are memories. For little while, I had your life, John, a soul mate, a home, a happy place to go to at night, and maybe, someday, we could've had a child together."
"You still could."
"No. I don't get kids. I've accepted it. Look at my first son. Even though I found him, to keep him safe, I sent him away. Jesus, my own mother hid from him from me, paid his mother to hide from me. She knew I didn't need a child."
"Oliver, that was not your fault."
"I know but what matters is now is as normal, I hurt her. This breakup is my fault caused by my own stupid choices, and as normal my world's gone, burned to ashes, again." He flexed his fingers and considered attacking the dummy again after he applied the bandages.
"I know that." John said quietly. "But if you would just give her some more time. I know the two of you can fix this. Please, give her a few more days. Let me try to talk to her."
"NO, don't you dare talk to her. Do you think she's going to take me back just because I'm leaving when she's told me repeatedly to go and leave her alone. I don't think so. Don't you dare call her."
"She doesn't mean it." Dig said quietly.
Searching through a drawer, he hunted for something to put on his busted hands. "Yes, she does, and I'm doing nothing but hurting her by staying. I see it in her face whenever I try to talk to her. I want her to be happy, to move on. If I leave then she can, and stop worrying, John, I'll survive. I'll do what has to be done. I always do. But what I won't do is stay here and watch her move on. I can't do it. And things will get better if I go. She'll be fine if I go."
"That's just about what you said before Ra's put a sword through you and kicked you off a mountain. You saw how well that worked out for you."
He reached for a tube of antibiotic salve . "That's different."
Then painfully, he applied salve to his busted and bruised flesh.
"How? You're still trying to commit suicide."
"Thanks for the vote of confidence, but no, I'm just going away."
"Look, I understand you're losing it. When Lyla and I got divorced, I felt such raw pain that I returned to Afghanistan on a third tour, and, yeah, I know some days I became reckless. I've been there, done that. But, she's been angry with you before. You need to wait her out. If you hang, she'll come around."
"She's never been this mad before. And I can't keep doing this. I mean it. I'm gone. How many times am I supposed to let her kick me until I get the picture that we're over? I've accepted she isn't going to forgive me this time. And it's time to let go."
He reached for the gauze and Dig said, "At least let me help you wrap up your hands."
"Thanks, but no, I need the practice." He swallowed thickly knowing what he planned, knowing the dark world he planned to step back into would probably spit him out dead. Shaking his head, he sloppily wrapped up his hands. "No one can help me now. And I don't want any help."
"You're giving up. Where's the man who never gives up?"
"Sometimes you need to know when it's time to quit, to understand you can't fix everything. I broke us and that's the way it is." His heart contracted in his chest, as he sighed deeply, finishing up the bandages.
"Please think, Oliver. Give her a little while longer, you two can still fix this."
"NO MORE. I can't fix it. I've tried everything from staying away, to flowers, to cooking for her, and she doesn't want anything from me anymore. She's thrown everything I've done back in my face. She's shut me out. And what's worse is, she wants to hurt me now and knows how to turn the knife. I can't keep going back for more pain. I'm done. I'm leaving and that's the long and the short of the story."
John scrubbed his face with his hands before saying, "Both of you give me a headache. Okay, , listen up. I'll help you here. I talk to Felicity. She cried on my shoulder when she left you. You betrayed her by not trusting her. I mean Malcolm knew about William before she did, and even after you knew Malcolm knew, you still didn't tell her. You do realize that twice in the last year Malcolm Merlin had known something she didn't because you excluded her? What did you expect? Her to embrace you? Sometimes, you're stupid, man. "
"I'll give you that mistake and it won't happen again. He's dead this time. Thea had him cremated, and she's shattered his ashes to the wind. He's not coming back, which means I can't choose to make that stupid mistake ever again."
"But that doesn't change the fact that you could have told her about William without Samantha knowing. That's another thing that cut her to the core, if there's one person who's always kept your secrets, it's been Felicity Smoak and not only did you not trust her to keep your secret, but you lied to her for months."
"I know and I knew the moment she found out, she'd leave me. I've known for months I've been living on borrowed time."
"Well, it would've been better if you'd have told her a lot sooner. But no, you waited until you got busted out by Darhk, the guy who kidnapped your boy and took her legs. And let me mention that is another time you were not at your best, and yeah, she's lying to you too. She's still holding a grudge about you not coming to see her during her time in critical care. I swear sometimes you're as bright as a burnt out light bulb."
"Watch it. I'd love a good fight right now."
"It's the truth and you know it, just like you know Felicity needs to believe that you trust her."
"I know that but how? I've racked my brain and still don't have an answer."
"Oliver, you need to open up to her, share your past with her and share the bad with her. Maybe if you could be weak once and lean on her, it could make the difference. You know you need to open up and show her the bad. Let her see the dark inside of you."
He looked at the floor. "I would but I can't get the words out of my mouth, John. They won't come out. I've tried. It's not happening."
"Well, think about it, and make sure you stop by before you leave. If you're serious about leaving, please come and talk to Lyla, let her find you work. I'd feel better if someone had a clue how to reach you, and then maybe you won't end up in an unmarked grave somewhere."
"Thanks, I'll consider it, John." Then he reached out his hand and his friend carefully shook his bandaged hand.
"Good, Oliver. But I want you to think about going back into the dark, truly think. It's not you anymore. You're better than that. Promise me, man, you'll think hard?"
"Of course."
Then John turned on his heel and walked away.
But he knew he'd already turned the fork toward the dark, and there would be no going back. He'd lost the best part of himself, since he'd lost her, lost her light, and his path once again lay shrouded in darkness, and he had only a few things left to do before he walked away in the morning.
#####OQ#####
"Felicity, he's hurting himself. You've punished him enough. Please, give him a chance. Talk to him."
"John, I haven't even started punishing him. And he asked you to call me didn't he? Well, it's not going to work."
"NO, he asked me NOT to call. This is totally me talking because YOU need to think about him leaving, about him being gone forever. I know you're angry with him, but are you sure you and him are over?"
"I've spent weeks thinking about what a train wreck we are, and YES we're officially over. Remember I gave his ring back weeks ago, and he's still a self-centered liar, who never learns from his mistakes, and I'm just lucky I didn't actually marry him. "
"Where's the woman who loved him, Felicity? Don't you care that he's hurting himself? That's he's losing it? That he's lost his way?"
"He killed my love with his lies. And hurting himself is his choice. A bad one like normal, but that's Oliver. Just stop trying to turn this into my fault because this is not my fault."
"I didn't say it was your fault."
"Darn right it's not. God, he's an idiot sometimes. Now, I mean it, John, let him go because I have. I'm done with him. I've told him repeatedly to leave me alone. I went so far as having him removed from my office today, and the next time he shows up, I'm going to have him arrested for stalking."
"I'd have never believed you could hurt him like this, that you could be this mean. You know he has problems. How can you treat him like this? How can you hurt him like this? Where's your compassion gone?"
John's soft words tugged on her heart strings, but she gripped her phone tighter and stood a little straighter as she made her words crisp, "AWAY! And they're his problems now, not mine. Six weeks have pasted, he needs to move on. I have! Laurel's funeral has been over nearly three weeks and it's getting easier each day. And it helps that that's something else that's his fault."
"Felicity! Don't say things like that. Laurel made her own choices. It's not Oliver's fault she chose to go up against Malcolm alone."
"That doesn't change facts. If he'd choose to kill Malcolm, instead of just taking his hand off, Laurel would still be here."
"Felicity, you know you don't mean that. Please stop lashing out and think about him. He's lost right now and on a path to self-destruction. He's going to."
She interrupted him with the words, "To leave me alone. Now, why don't you call Thea and discuss him with her. She says the same things. But what both of you need to understand is that it's no longer my responsibly to watch him, to care what happens to him. I QUIT THAT JOB. WE BROKE UP!"
Exhaling sharply, her stomach in knots, she added, "And you can tell him that he should listen to Taylor because she's right 'we are never ever, ever, ever, getting back together, like ever.' Have you heard that song, John? If not go ask Google and listen to it, since you're not talking me back into listening to anymore of his lies. Now, enough is enough. GOODBYE!"
And she hit the end button, knowing she meant each word. That song had become her fight song, the one she played when she weakened and wanted to read his texts, the one she blasted when she weakened and wanted to answer his calls, and her brain whispered to give him another chance.
"No more chances, Oliver. I'm a grown woman," she said out loud, walking toward her apartment complex. "I'm over you. You doesn't get to hurt me ever again. And, I'm not letting you back in."
Yet, John's words nagged her, as she walked up the stairs toward her apartment, and she tried shrugging his words off.
Who cared if he did something foolish?
It's not my problem, she told herself. But she knew she hadn't been civil to him in weeks, not in the limo when she'd asked him to kill Merlin, which she knew he'd done, not in her office, which she had had him removed from, or in the lair.
No, she didn't want to give him any kind of chance to tear down the walls she'd erected around her bruised heart.
Oh, she knew he'd tried his best to break down her defenses, as he'd come with his peace offerings, with his home cooked food and his flowers, and she savagely sent him away, even thrown his fern at him today. And today had been the worst since she'd had him escorted from the building, and she hadn't felt good about it, but she's warned him, and damn the man didn't know how to listen to her.
How many times could one man not listen to her?
Or lie to her?
"Speak of the devil and he shall appear," she said, rounding the corner. Breathing out sharply, her words were piercing as razors as she looked at him. "You've got a lot of nerve coming here. You truly want arrested don't you?"
And she reached for her phone.
His head snapped up at her harsh words, his face worn and drawn, as he leaned against what started out Laurel and Thea's apartment door, and now although unspoken, the apartment belonged to Thea and her.
Her eyes raked over him, taking in his desperately unhappy face. Her face probably reflected the same pinched look as his, since she'd spent all these long weeks where she'd barely spoken to him, six long weeks of sleeping alone, six long weeks of watching his sad lost eyes whenever he looked at her, and she knew neither of them seemed able to cross the great chrism that lay between them.
And she had a problem, a major problem, since she no longer wished to cross that divide. No, she wanted to stay angry with him. She'd wanted to hurt him, and whenever he got near, she lashed out at him, and today she'd already crossed swords with him and to find him in the hall made her grit her teeth and want to punch him, to truly hurt him.
Her tone cold, she found herself saying, "What are you doing here? Oh, I know, you've come to clean out Laurel's closet and room. Her mom promised she would but hasn't shown up. And Thea and I have just shut the door, and we pretend she's gone on vacation. It hurts less than remembering that she's currently lying in her grave, dead at Malcolm's one hand. Hey, isn't that one on you too? If you'd have killed Malcolm instead of taking his hand off, Laurel would still be alive."
He looked like she'd struck him as his face grew stone cold.
Oh, yes, her anger hadn't cooled, if anything it'd grown and her hurt still lay like a lead weight in her chest, choking her, and yes, she wanted to hurt him, wanted to lash out, and he made it easy for her.
Yet, she refused to meet his eyes, knowing her cruel words caused that terrible pained look in his deep blue eyes. It didn't matter that, yes, he'd deserved it, that, yes, she'd wanted to cut him to the quick, to hurt him the way he'd hurt her, but his eyes still pained her, his sad hard face still hurt her heart, knowing she'd caused him to regress to the days they'd first met.
Yes, he possessed such sad eyes, such miserable blue eyes, and she steeled herself to look at him as her chest contracted painfully, and she found herself wanting to comfort him, but instead she reached for her anger, knowing if she didn't, she would reach out for him, for her body wanted him. And that fact fueled her anger even more.
"You're a slow learner today. Do I need a restraining order? I thought we cleared this up earlier. I want you to go away, Oliver. We can't go back and there is no way you're part of my future."
"I know."
"I'm no longer a part of your team."
"I know."
"We BROKE UP. Now are we clear where we stand? Repeat after me, there is no longer, anything, any part of our relationship that points to us being a US!"
He whitened and pressed his lips into a hard line, before he said, "Okay, I understand. But can I have a couple minutes. Just two minutes of your time?" His voice came out hard and flat.
"What part of this have we NOT covered lately?" She ticked off the facts on her fingers. "Let's see, Barry knew, Thea knew, fracking Merlin knew and you didn't tell me. Normal Oliver, lying to me. Normal Oliver, leaving me out of the circle, yet again. How many months did you lie to me, keep secrets from me?"
"I've tried to explain why."
"Just stop. I don't want you to explain. Why don't you get that? I can't listen to another lie come out of your mouth. Now why do you not understand that I need space?"
"It's been six weeks now and trust me that's a lot of space."
"And how long did you keep that secret from me?" She raised her hand and waved her pointer finger. "Let's see, did you lie to me two or three months? Why don't you come back in two months? Or better yet, Oliver, don't come back at all. Why can't you understand we're never getting back together? We're over. I'm done. I can't do this anymore. We are FINISHED!"
"Okay, I know you're angry with me. You've made that crystal clear repeatedly, and I'm not asking you to talk to me. But could you listen? Could you give me two minutes of your time, please."
She sighed and said, "You're darn right I'm angry with you, and I want to hurt you and you're making it easy because you keep coming back for more. Now, step aside. I'm tired and I'm NOT DOING THIS for the second time today. Are you going to make me have you arrested? Because I will if you don't stop stalking me."
This time he flinched before he said in a strained voice, "Two minutes and I'll go away. I need to say this, to do this. I'm going crazy here. I have to make one last effort to make you understand."
"Then just say whatever new lie you've thought up and get it over with. You know you're just like my father, a liar. And, as usual my mother's wrong. She thought you were a good one. Come on, justify lying to me. Samantha wouldn't have ever known if you would have told me. We both know I keep your secrets. So, let's hear you justify keeping secrets from me after everything we've been though in the last three years. I dare you."
His face tightened and his mouth formed a straight line before he said, "I deserve that, and you're right, I can't. But I need to say this to you. Please, give me this one last time. Just two minutes? Please, let me talk."
Sitting her purse on the hall floor, she crossed her arms in front of her chest and narrowed her eyes. "All right you have exactly two minutes."
Uncrossing her arms, she reached for her phone in her purse, looked at the time. "Go."
He scrubbed his face with his hands, and she noted the sloppy bandages on his hands, but she refused to ask what he'd done to himself, as she shoved down Dig words that he'd hurt himself.
No, she wasn't going there.
"I wanted to tell you about William, but I knew you were going to leave me when you found out about my son. You'd already done it once just before Vandal Savage killed us. And Barry warned me that he'd time jumped and that when you mess with time it doesn't end well, which I took to mean that what had happened would happen, and I knew you would leave me."
"Time travel? Savage killed us? What are you talking about? Again something I didn't know? Truly, Oliver, YOU'RE NOT HELPING YOUR CASE HERE!"
"Yeah, right, forget the crazy stuff that just came out of my mouth. You can ask Barry for the details later, but that's not my point. Right now, what's important is that I knew you would leave me when I told you about William, and I foolishly repeated the same stupid mistake. I chose not to trust you."
His eyes became bright and he blinked repeatedly. "And I've always trusted you, Felicity, and you're right I'm still lying to you. I've always been . . ."
Oliver's voice broke before she watched him swallowed hard. "I'm afraid . . . truly afraid if you knew the things I've done you would see the monster inside of me, the animal, that if you knew about the dark parts of me that I'd lose you forever. You're right that I can't share the bad stuff. I can't lean on you. I can't be a true partner because I don't know how. But the idea of losing you forever paralyzes me."
She wanted to reach for him but held back, reaching for her anger instead, with the words, "You should have thought about that before your lie. And your point, Oliver? I've always known you don't want to include me in your past. I know it was just another way of lying, now my legs are getting tired of standing here. Do you think you can you finish this up?"
"Do you need to sit down? You should have said something about your legs being tired sooner. I'll move but I want you to know I'm proud to see you up and walking. Bless Curtis, that man's a genus."
"Yes, he is and this little piece of tech in my spine is going to save Palmer Tech and help a lot of people in the process." She looked down at her phone. "Your two minutes are over. And you can go away now because nothing you've said has changed anything. You haven't changed, and you're still trying to charm your way out of this and it's not working. Leave me alone. I want you to GO!"
Again he winced, but she refused to give in to the guilt, knowing she'd purposely hurt him, as she warred with herself, for she'd missed him, but she knew she couldn't take him back with the way things were between them.
"Felicity, I've racked my brain trying to figure out how to prove to you that I trust you, how to make it up to you for lying."
"You can't, now I mean it. Get out of my way."
She bent and picked up her purse.
"Wait, I want you to understand why I have problems trusting, why I can't open up. I don't know why I keep making such stupid mistakes but I do. But I need you to know, to understand about me. I want you to know what's goes on in my head sometimes. Here take it. I'm trusting you with my words, with my notebook. Please read it."
Reaching under his arm, he handed her a green book that she recognized, one she's seen him write in before.
"I'm not good with words, not like you are and this is all I have to explain why I'm like I am, and if you don't want to ever speak to me again, I'll understand, and I'll stay away. I promise you. But I want you to read it."
"No, I don't want it."
She tried to hand the book back and both of them let go at the same time, and the book fell to the floor with a solid plop.
And for an instant their eyes connected.
Oh, the things that man could say with his blue eyes, as her stomach dropped, and she wanted to forgive him, wanted to reach for him, but a tiny voice nagged that he hadn't changed, nothing had changed, and she straightened her spine and stopped her hand from reaching for him.
As she watched, his frowned deepened, his eyes slammed shut before he reopened them, and he gave a slight nod before he said softly, "Then throw it in the trash, throw it away. I don't need it any more. Goodbye, Felicity."
Something about his tone made her pause, since it reminded her of when she'd first met him. He had been cold and resigned, and she wondered if she'd just missed something vital.
Watching, she saw him swallow hard, give a large sigh, before he turned on his heel, his arms wrapped around his chest like he had a chill, before he walked away, leaving her looking at his broad back, with a lump in her throat.
She seriously considered leaving his notebook in the hallway, considered leaving his book where it lay, while thinking it would serve him right. Yet, her feet refused to move, refused to walk away and leave his book in the floor, for yes, she couldn't stand leaving his book in the floor. She realized that the green notebook belonged to a man with few belongings, which made it even more significance since it became even more of a puzzle.
And yes, she hated puzzles. Yet, she loved solving puzzles, and she had always considered Oliver her own personal puzzle.
One of the reasons she loved him, nagged her mind.
Shut up, she told herself, we're never getting back together again.
"I'm not going to read you. This is just another ploy." She told the book lying on the floor. Yet, slowly, she bent down and picked up Oliver's green notebook and unlocked the door.
The apartment empty, she looked at the book in her hand. She could count the number of times she'd seen his book on one hand, on one finger actually, and for all she knew he'd wrote recipes in it. Only once had she'd come home and found him in the bed writing, and when she tried talking to him about his notebook, he'd shrugged her questions off with the words, "Just jotting some ideas down," and had quickly turned the moment into a sexual encounter.
Now, she realized he'd been running a diversion to stop her from asking about the book.
Turning the green book over in her hands, she comprehended that come to think of it, that'd been the last time she'd seen this book in his hands. Yes, his green notebook had disappeared like smoke, and she hadn't thought about the notebook since.
No, things like Darhk ruthlessly taking her legs, Oliver's terrible betrayal, then thankfully getting her legs back, and the constant struggle to not forgive him, to remain angry with him, had occupied her mind. But here in her hand, she held the notebook he'd been secretive about, and he'd given it to her.
HMMM?
What had he said?
"I'm trusting you with my words, with my notebook."
And she frowned as she opened her bedroom door and then threw the green notebook on her bed and exhaled sharply, as she thought did she want to know?
Did she want to forgive him?
NO, she thought bitterly, and she turned the light off in her bedroom, shut the door, and ordered delivery.
Frack Oliver Queen.
I'm not going to read it.
Yet, she knew she lied.
#####OQ#####
Now what did you think? I look forward to hearing from you. And yes, this will be short story, and I will finish it in hopefully about 6 chapters. Would love some input. I write for reviews you know.
And as always thanks for the read!