The Lake
Description: Three years after they return home, Peeta proposes to Katniss at the by the lake in the woods.
I feel no need to hunt as I once did. I think the beef and chicken we buy in the market is so much tastier than squirrel. However, I do love to hunt the occasional wild turkey or venison every now and again. Most of the time I just go into the woods to hike, reflect and be alone.
More and more often Peeta joins me. Peeta has come a long way not being scared of the woods. Many people still don't venture there, believing the old propaganda of dangerous things lurking there. Peeta tells me to take my bow with me, even though he knows I rarely hunt anymore. He wants me to have it for protection. I also carry a knife. Peeta carries his knife into the woods too. I know he scared of wolves. They seem too much like mutts to him.
Sometimes we have picnics. But most of the time we find a spot to sit and reflect. I think Peeta has gotten used to my silence.
I think that's why he works in the bakery in town. So he can talk to people, since he doesn't get much conversation from me. He's quite the celebrity down there. The owners of the shop must think he's an absolute goldmine. And he once accused me of not knowing the influence I have!
The shop set up a little frosting section by one of the windows. People love to see him frost cakes and cookies, especially the children in town. I know the women in town watch him too. It makes me jealous, but I would never tell Peeta that. Sometimes I go and watch too and blow kisses at him through the window. I let the reaction to my public displays of affection be the signs the other women need that he is not available.
When he's not frosting, the shop owners have him out front, catering to customers. I know he loves chatting with people and kids especially. He brings in such a good business, the shop owners pretend to not notice Peeta sliding free cookies to the kids.
He works only a few hours a day. He says he likes the work, but never wants to run a bakery. He just wants to do the fun stuff he says. We have enough money. Our Victors salary is gone. But we rented out Peeta's house and live off of the rent there. I also get a disability check from the government. Dr. Aurelius set it up for me. Who would want me as an employee though, knowing I once took out my old boss. I laugh at the notion. But, I know I'll probably never be able to hold down a job like Peeta does. I'm too unstable. I can't take orders. Schedules bother me. But even Peeta has his lapses. Sometimes he sinks into a deep depression and won't work for weeks.
Today, I want to take Peeta to the lake in the woods. It's a hot day and I thought we could cool off in the lake. I've never taken him there before, yet I have gone there many times.
I meet him at the bakery. He's busy in the window frosting a cake. I knock on the window.
He looks up and I point to my watch. It is past his quitting time. He waves for me to come in.
"I'm almost done," says Peeta adding roses to the side of his cake. I try to admire his work, but the roses make me wince. I feel almost guilty that I can't watch him do his handy work, while there are women drooling outside.
"Want to go for a hike after you're done?" I ask.
"It's so hot, Katniss. I don't think I could handle a hike in the woods," he says.
"I'll take you somewhere cool. I know you'll like it."
"Alright," he says.
It is a warm summer day and we could defiantly use a cool swim. I wonder why never wanted to take Peeta there before. I guess I thought it was my father's place and didn't want to overshadow those memories with new ones of Peeta at the lake. But I know now that Peeta is my family. It's taken me three years to realize that. Now, I'm nervous. I hope he likes the lake as much as I do.
Peeta buys some bread and fills up a bottle of water to take on our hike with is. He puts it in his bag and we head out to the gate in the fence. Peeta had them install it for me. It's no longer a forbidden place.
It's a long walk. I can tell he's a bit skittish since we are venturing far into the woods. He is also sweating profusely. He stops to take a long drink of water.
"Where are we going," Peeta asks.
"You'll see," I say.
"Why the secrecy?"
"Oh… you've never been there before, so I want to see your reaction," I say.
After an hour or so of silence, we come to the clearing in the woods. The lake is below us. The sun is so bright and so the lake is almost silver in its reflection. I pull Peeta through the trees so he can see the view of the lake.
"Wow. It's so big," says Peeta.
I take off down the hill for the waterfront. Peeta follows me.
At the lakes edge, I take my shoes off. I want to go in for a swim. I soak my feet. It's cool, but the day is so hot, I know I'll get used to its temperature.
Peeta stands at the edge, not bothering to take his shoes off. I wonder why.
"Peeta, come in with me," I gesture.
"What is this place?" he asks.
"My father used to take me here as a kid."
"So is this how you know how to swim?" he reminisces.
I nod, solemnly.
He pulls back and looks melancholy. I think he's thinking about the Quarter Quell. "Sorry, I mentioned that," he says.
"No, it's okay. I was just thinking about my dad, is all."
"Oh," he says understanding my mood of sadness now. "I wish I could have known your dad. You know, known what he would have thought about me. If he would have thought I was good enough for you."
I let out a snort.
Peeta looks at me with is eyebrows scrunched together, knowing that's not a normal response for me.
"You kind of remind me of him," I explain. I let out an exasperated sigh and say loudly "I think he would approve" as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.
"Really?" he brightens.
"Oh yeah," I assure him. "Both of you are romantics. Actually, I think he would probably like you better than me," I laugh. But I know it's true.
He pulls my arm to get me out of the water to where he is standing and closes the gap between us slugging his arms around me. "I'm glad," he says with reverence playing with my hair.
I sigh into his arms, knowing I need this. I'm happy for the new and happy memories of this lake.
"Wanna swim?" I ask, look up at him in his arms.
"No," he says. "I'll just watch you."
I back away. "All righty then," I say and start to strip.
I take my shorts off slowly, then my shirt. I seek a glance at Peeta, feeling very self conscious. It melts away, when I see him gaping, taking in my appearance. We've been naked before. But only at night and in bed. Not, in the sunshine for all my scars and burns to be seen.
That gives me the courage to go on even further. I strip off my underwear and bra. I used to swim naked in the lake many times before. Only alone though.
Peeta steps forward, taking me in, with his mouth hanging open.
I coyly smile "I don't mind, if you see me," I say, using the same words he said to me in the Hunger Games when he was in his underwear.
"I don't mind either," he laughs.
"Pity, you don't want to swim," I say and lunge into the cool water.
I swim until I have no breath left to ward off the cold against my skin. I surface to find Peeta hastily trying to take off his shoe. He looks so funny there trying to balance on one foot and grudgingly pull on his shoe on the other foot.
I just laugh and send a splash his way. He is momentarily distracted from his shoe to look at me in the water. Then he looks down to pursue his shoe with a new furor.
He has one off and does his next shoe. It's easier this time.
He takes off his shirt and flings if off toward the shore. He looks at me while he takes his shorts off. I'm momentarily distracted… just treading water looking at him.
He smiles coyly. Damn, he's got me. Guess I am staring. Then he drops his shorts and underwear at the same time, all the while watching me. I guess he likes what he sees on my face, because that causes him to walk in the water. The coolness catches him off guard and he slows and grimaces. We have been so spoiled having hot water in our district. Cold water baths are a thing of the past in the new District 12.
When he is finally not able to walk any longer, he begins to doggy paddle. I know it's a struggle for him. He doesn't have a floatation belt, like he did in at the Quarter Quell and there is that artificial leg to deal with. But he still pursues me… doggy paddling into the deep water.
When he finally reaches me, he grabs on to the sides of my arms pulls me closer to kiss me. He forgets to doggy paddle and we both go underwater. He releases me.
When I come up for air, I see him struggling to keep his head above water, coughing.
"Smooth, huh?" he asks when he stops coughing.
I laugh and give him a quick peck on the lips. He moves forward to keep his lips on mine, and then gives up, instead focusing on keeping his head afloat.
It's just like we were back in the Quarter Quell as I teach him how to swim in the water. I know it was under dire circumstances then, but I look back on our time in the water with such fondness. I almost begrudge it, but it's one of my happy memories of us together. It's probably the moment when I started to really fall for him, to further my mission to keep him alive and to hope that he'll have all the happiness in his life.
I push it away in my mind. He couldn't have all the happiness in the world if he's with me. I'm too damaged. So, damaged, I can't let him go.
After several minutes of this, Peeta declares, "I'm tired, Katniss. I can't swim anymore." He doggy paddles toward the shore and stops where he can stand. I swim after him and tread water where he stands. He's taller than me, and I can't yet reach where he stands.
"There, much better he says," and grabs me and kisses me. I hold on to him, and kiss him back. The kissing takes on intensity. His breath is ragged. He's tired from all the swimming, but doesn't want to stop kissing me. He's almost as rough with his kissing as he is with his breath.
My legs entwine around his waist.
Peeta momentarily freezes as he realizes our bodies are so close together, naked.
I hadn't meant to egg him on… just provide some leverage for me in the water.
Then he pulls my body even further into his and deepens our kiss. He wraps me into his arms. One is under me supporting my frame against him and one around my lower back and his hands snake up my back and through my hair to support my head.
He backs up slowly, walking backwards towards the shore. When we are partially out of the water he turns and carries me to shore, all the while kissing me. He feels so strong and powerful, holding me, carrying me, kissing me. I feel so safe in his arms.
Then drops to his knees and deposits me on the shore, halfway in the water, half way out.
He leans over me kissing my lips then moves on to my neck. His hands travel up and down the sides of my body as if trying to memorize its dimensions. Then his hands slow down and linger on my breasts. When I start to moan, he stops.
"I'm sorry," he says sheepishly. Then he looks around the perimeter of the trees and says "I forgot where we were."
He backs up a little, but we are still in an indecent position. "I do love it here, Katniss. Thanks for taking me," he says.
"Do you love it?" I say with such giddiness. I am really so glad he loves it here. That it can become our place.
"I love it. And I love you. So much," he confesses. "You make me so happy. I feel as if my heart is about to burst."
And my face falls.
That's when his body freezes up as if he has reviled too much. He is no longer smiling or looking at me with love. He backs off and sits up and sighs. Great, Katniss. Way to suck all the happiness out of his life. I don't deserve him.
I want to ask him to come back to me. To say the words I love him. To shower him in I loves you hoping to take away his pained expression. I've said I love you before and watched as he light up. I wanted to explain away my adverse reaction. Not saying it's because I don't love him. But to say that I love him so much I'm too scared to be happy. He's the one thing left in my life that gives me joy. That I'm so scared he will be taken away from me again. But my words aren't as effective. So I think of the only thing I could do to get him back to me. I bury my fingers into the mud at the bank of the shore and throw my handful at the side of his head.
He turns around, stunned.
I know I probably have the biggest, goofiest grin on my face. I always did have good aim.
"Now, you've done it," he says then lunges on top of me. He is sitting on top of my hips, but supporting most of his weight on his legs. He looks at me in this vulnerable position, just begging for my next move.
Oh… not so effective at hand-to-hand combat, my dear. My body is pinned but not my arms. I take another fistful of mud and lob it at his head again. A bit of splatter goes in his grinning mouth and he uses the back of his hand to spit it away.
I laugh and laugh.
He grabs my wrist and pulls my arms over my head pinning me down with his hands and now his chest. Ever the gentleman though, he angles his weight off to the side so I don't feel the full impact of his weight. His body is pressed into mine. He's breath tickles me. I am vulnerable, but protected. God, how I love this man.
His expression of mischievousness turns even more serious. "You do, love me, do you?"
"I do," I say. But that is not enough for him to hear. He just stares at me intensely, deciding if he wants to believe me or not.
"Does my love for you scare you," he finally asks.
"No," I answer, quickly and surely, matching his intensity.
He stares at me. His eyes wander down my body, deciding what he should say next.
"Marry me," he asks.
"What?" I breathe, stunned. I know what he said, but yet I do not understand the words.
He clears his throat and looks deep in to my eyes and pauses to say "Now that I know I have your father's blessing," his eyes dance at the mention of my father "Will you marry me?"
His mention of my earlier comment about me knowing my father would love Peeta has me giggling. I stop when I realize this. Did I just giggle?
"You can't be serious," I breathe. I think of an argument why he can't be serious. I come up with what I think is a good one and blurt out "You don't even have a ring!"
"Oh, but I do," he says. Then he lets go of my arms and his body falls to the side of mine. He props himself up on his elbow and says "We'll I have one in mind," he says so intently.
"So you have gone ring shopping?" I say almost flippantly.
He sits up. His back is now facing me. He starts to scoop water into his hands and wash the mud off the side of his head. When his hair is thoroughly clean of mud he turns to me and says "I haven't been shopping, Katniss." He looks at the ground and admits "I thought the pearl I gave you would be the best ring setting." Then he raises his head to the sky exasperated and groans out "But, I couldn't have possibly taken it from you and mounted it before I even had the courage to ask."
No, I guess he couldn't. It is one of my prized possessions. I think the pearl would make a good ring setting. That way it will always be with me.
I sit up and scoot next to him, our shoulders, side by side on the bank. "I guess you have given this some thought," I say.
He looks at me with a pointed look of "duh."
"Oh," I moan.
"It's what people do, Katniss, when they are in love. They get married," he says so simply.
I wish it were that simple. I wish we didn't have the weight of Panem on us. Our country is free. It's a struggle, but we are free. But even I know how volatile the situation is. We could always go back. There could be another Snow or Coin among us. Peeta and I could once again be pawns in their political games.
"But what if I lose you?" I whisper. "What if they take you away from me again?"
"They," the mysterious and elusive "they." I don't know who "they" are, but Peeta puts his arm around me as if he understands.
Peeta and I have had this discussion many times before. He assures me they have tried many times in the past and they haven't taken us yet. He promises me we are free, that our people are stronger, that the people won't let the old government happen again. He assures me we won't let it happen again. I want to believe it would never come to that.
But he does not voice any of these arguments. Instead he says softly "Would it hurt less if we weren't married."
Oh, hadn't thought of that. Hadn't thought my aloofness toward the government, the people of District 12 and of course Peeta would make it hurt any less. I ponder that for a while before Peeta begins to talk again.
"You don't have to answer now," Peeta concedes. "Just know that you are my entire world and I want to love you until you and I die of old age."
Dying of old age. After all the murders I have seen and committed, that's a very comforting thought. If that is truly to happen, I do want Peeta by my side. For now, I am happy Peeta has given me an out, at least at this moment. I don't have to answer now. I do need some time to think about it.
Now, on to my other concern. "Peeta?"
"Yes?" he asks.
"But, did I have to be naked when you asked," I laughed.
He smiles nudges my shoulder. "That's your fault."
Authors note:
Oh come now, you couldn't believe Katniss would say yes at Peeta's first proposal. I think it would require years of conversation, bargaining and begging on Peeta's part to ever get Katniss to say yes.