I shouldn't even be thinking of when I left, but I am. I'm thinking of you.
You seemed as if you didn't care. I didn't either. I only thought I did, but it meant nothing -then. Now it's haunting me like a poltergeist, throwing memories like knives into my head. You stared at me, blank eyes and blank soul. I always thought I could read you. Then again, I was always wrong.
Back then I fantasized what life would be like with you in it. I mean, of course you were in my life... just not with me. I imagined back then what it would have felt like if I had thrown away everything I had, and everything I was, for just one taste of you, to be in your arms. I would have done that, you know. I would have done anything just for you to say those words to me.
I was sure I'd fallen for you. Completely. Every insult you gave, I bent it into a compliment somehow. And you had so many of those compliments to give. And now that I look back, yes, I had fallen for you. Fallen for you so hard that you were all that kept me living.
I wonder, if I had said anything, where you and I would stand. Where we would be. Would it have still ended up like this? Me without you, you without me?
I wonder.
Sometimes I think I wonder too much. That I'm obligated to everything that's in my life now, and my remedy is wondering. Pretending.
But it's all I could, and can do around you.
You may have cared for me. Might have been just as smitten with everything about you as I was, just with me. But maybe that's only because I convinced myself right now that you did.
I wonder.
If all those times I'd spent alone, touching myself and thinking of you, it could have you touching me and you thinking of me. Every day I would wonder and dream just as I do now, that it's your touch that's drives me, every brush against my shoulder and every pat upon my back.
Yes, I wonder.
But I suppose it's no use wondering, now. I've already left. Left what I was, left everything I knew, left... you.
I took something with me, though.
"You all right, Harry? We're almost home." He said to me, sitting here on the train. He's putting his arm around my waist and laying his head on my shoulder, lovingly and gently, as if I were going to break. I probably would have, had it not been that you can't haunt me anymore..
His hair smells like the sun. It shone like the sun. It's fiery red and nothing at all like yours. Yours glowed like silver under the moon, and like the moon under the sun. I've always loved that about it.
"I'm so glad you decided to come home and be with me." He says again, with a blush that matched his hair. "You're the greatest thing that's ever happened. Thank you... for making me happy, Harry."
I have Ron. I should be as happy as he is. I am.
I only wonder how much happier I would be if I were with you.
You seemed as if you didn't care. I didn't either. I only thought I did, but it meant nothing -then. Now it's haunting me like a poltergeist, throwing memories like knives into my head. You stared at me, blank eyes and blank soul. I always thought I could read you. Then again, I was always wrong.
Back then I fantasized what life would be like with you in it. I mean, of course you were in my life... just not with me. I imagined back then what it would have felt like if I had thrown away everything I had, and everything I was, for just one taste of you, to be in your arms. I would have done that, you know. I would have done anything just for you to say those words to me.
I was sure I'd fallen for you. Completely. Every insult you gave, I bent it into a compliment somehow. And you had so many of those compliments to give. And now that I look back, yes, I had fallen for you. Fallen for you so hard that you were all that kept me living.
I wonder, if I had said anything, where you and I would stand. Where we would be. Would it have still ended up like this? Me without you, you without me?
I wonder.
Sometimes I think I wonder too much. That I'm obligated to everything that's in my life now, and my remedy is wondering. Pretending.
But it's all I could, and can do around you.
You may have cared for me. Might have been just as smitten with everything about you as I was, just with me. But maybe that's only because I convinced myself right now that you did.
I wonder.
If all those times I'd spent alone, touching myself and thinking of you, it could have you touching me and you thinking of me. Every day I would wonder and dream just as I do now, that it's your touch that's drives me, every brush against my shoulder and every pat upon my back.
Yes, I wonder.
But I suppose it's no use wondering, now. I've already left. Left what I was, left everything I knew, left... you.
I took something with me, though.
"You all right, Harry? We're almost home." He said to me, sitting here on the train. He's putting his arm around my waist and laying his head on my shoulder, lovingly and gently, as if I were going to break. I probably would have, had it not been that you can't haunt me anymore..
His hair smells like the sun. It shone like the sun. It's fiery red and nothing at all like yours. Yours glowed like silver under the moon, and like the moon under the sun. I've always loved that about it.
"I'm so glad you decided to come home and be with me." He says again, with a blush that matched his hair. "You're the greatest thing that's ever happened. Thank you... for making me happy, Harry."
I have Ron. I should be as happy as he is. I am.
I only wonder how much happier I would be if I were with you.