A/N: I spent the whole day today cursing snow and winter in general, and ended up re-naming snow into Satan's powder. So of course, I had to make a fic out of it.
It was supposed to be a silly little thing about Levi hating snow and Eren loving it. I don't know how it turned into... this.
Levi jerked as a knock on his door woke him up. He sat up straight and groaned, rolling his shoulders to loosen them up after another night spent sleeping fitfully in his chair, before calling to the person patiently waiting on the corridor. "Come in."
Immediately, the door opened and Eren came in, saluting with enthusiasm Levi rarely saw, especially in soldiers on active duty, more so, one in Eren's unique position. "Good morning, sir. Squad Leader Hanji asked me to get you so we can start with the hardening experiments."
Levi blinked a few times, still hazy with sleep, but he nodded before standing up. Feeling Eren's intense gaze, he glanced at the boy, seeing him blatantly staring at him. "What, Eren," Levi barked, not one to bask in such attention.
As if burned, Eren jumped, his face slowly turning redder and redder. "I-I'm sorry, Captain, I didn't mean to-" his eyes flickered from Levi's eyes somewhere slightly higher, before he frowned and quickly looked back at Levi's face, "I'm sorry, I'll leave now," he finished in a fast mutter and saluted again, turning around.
Levi clicked his tongue, displeased. He said in a stern voice, "Wait, brat."
Eren froze in place, mid-step, before slowly turning back around. He didn't say anything, so Levi continued.
"What is it? Just spit it out." He leveled Eren with a glare, folding his arms on his chest.
"I..." Eren started, but pausing again. Finally, he took a deep breath and looked away, as if scared to see Levi's reaction. "Sir, excuse my insolence but..." His gaze wandered downwards to run over Levi's form instead. Levi raised his brow. Was the kid checking him out now or something?
Before Levi could properly finish the thought, Eren continued, "Did you sleep in your chair again?"
Ah. So it was the wrinkles in his clothes. And his hair was probably messy, too. That's what Eren was staring at. Levi sighed, noticing Eren wince, probably regretting saying anything at all.
"Why?"
"Sir?" Eren frowned, confused.
"Why do you care? What does it matter where I sleep?"
Eren cocked his head to the side and if Levi didn't know better, he'd think it was cute. "Because it's not good for you. You need to sleep on an actual bed or your back and joints will hurt. You can't get proper sleep this was either. It's no wonder you look so tired all the time," Eren said, as if it was obvious.
And it was, Levi knew, but what was the point? He wouldn't get any more sleep in bed than he did in a chair.
There was a beat of tense silence, Eren obviously waiting for some kind of repercussion for his words. But Levi just shook his head and waved him off. "Dismissed, Eren."
"Sir!" the boy replied loudly as he scurried of.
As the door closed behind him, Levi allowed himself to let out an amused chuckle.
"Captain, look, it's snowing!"
Levi groaned at the excited voice as he huddled deeper into his blankets. "Then tell it to go the fuck away."
He could practically hear the scandalized look on Eren face at that. "No way! I've been waiting for this since last winter!"
Levi, even in his half-asleep state, had to wonder how amazing it was this boy could suddenly be so enthusiastic about something after what they had learned – and done and lost – in Shiganshina. He had noticed how gloomy and tired he looked all the time since then. Much quieter, not talking much even as the last surviving members of the Corps grew much closer with each passing day. Eren was just there, tagging along without any of his usual life. Until now.
Still, Levi couldn't agree with this. "Well I haven't."
Levi felt the bed dip as a body sat down next to him. "Why not? Snow is amazing."
Levi scowled, even though he knew the other couldn't see it. "It's not. It's cold and wet and turns into wet, dirty mush of shit on the ground, or it melts and freezes up making you scared to take a single step unless you want to make a fucking idiot out of yourself. It's the fucking Satan's powder, that's what it is," he finished his rant in a growl.
There was a beat of silence but then he heard Eren snicker. "Satan's powder?"
"Shut the fuck up."
Eren cleared his throat, but it was obvious he was still suppressing his amusement. "Why do you hate snow so much?"
Levi turned around to give Eren a deadpan look. "I spent some 25 years of my life in the shithole that is the underground. Do you really think I knew such a thing as snow even existed before coming face to face with it?"
Eren's eyes widened. "So you've never been in a snow ball fight? Built a snowman? Nothing?"
Levi just stared at Eren expressionlessly until Eren shook his head in disbelief. "So what was it like, seeing the snow for the first time?"
"Freaked me the fuck out," Levi shrugged, and paused to yawn. "I didn't know what was going on. I was already thrown off by the cold; sewage, shit, and rotting garbage tend to at least warm the place up, if nothing else. It looked shitty from the inside and then it turned to be even shittier when Shitty Four eyes dragged me outside."
"So..." Eren drew out, a grin slowly spreading on his face. "I take it your first encounter with snow was 'making a fucking idiot out of yourself'?"
Levi glared at him, and suddenly Eren shrunk back, no doubt finally remembering he was talking to his superior – somewhat friendly terms or not.
Still, Levi didn't say anything, knowing it was too late to deny it, yet too proud to admit to it. Instead he huffed, changing the subject, "What are you even doing here?"
"Oh. Right. I got distracted, noticing the snow. Historia asked for you and the Commander, sir."
"She's here?"
Eren shook his head. "No, she sent a message."
"Then tell the messenger to tell her to either come here or to go fuck herself."
"She's the queen!" Eren exclaimed, scandalized.
Levi turned back around, retorting. "Doesn't mean shit. I'm on vacation starting today."
"What?" the boy asked, confusion evident in his voice. "I didn't hear anything about it?"
"Because the date wasn't fixed. My vacation is starting the day the Satan's powder appears and it ends only after any danger of it coming back is behind us."
There was silence for a long while and Eren's disbelief only grew with each second. Levi took the opportunity to slowly drift off back to sleep.
But then the boy gasped and snapped his fingers so suddenly that Levi sat up in shock, wide awake. "So that's what it was about!" Eren exclaimed and Levi stared at him.
"What?"
"On my way here I met Han- I mean, Commander Hanji," he corrected himself quickly, "and she said to tell you that that Erwin is not the Commander anymore doesn't mean anything's changed and that request is still denied."
Levi cursed, "Fucking Shitty Four eyes," he grumbled as he got out of his bed with defeat in his eyes, throwing death glares at the window every once in a while, and then at Eren when the boy couldn't suppress his amusement.
Levi was fixing the straps of his 3DMG, when Eren spoke up in a tone completely different from before. "Hey, Captain Levi." He called, voice serious and melancholy.
Levi turned around to look at him, a questioning furrow in his brow. Their eyes met and Eren looked so sad, yet so determined for some reason Levi couldn't fathom. Yet at the same time, he realized he himself was suddenly feeling so scared; so scared to lose this man. They could all die the moment they started this mission. The moment they set foot into Marley territory. But Levi wasn't scared of death. He's seen too much of it already to care if he died. But Eren? He was scared shitless to lose him.
Eren took the last few steps that separated them and firmly pulled Levi into a tight hug. Levi couldn't breathe, Eren's long hair covering his face where he was pulled to rest his chin on the taller man's shoulder. He didn't care.
His arms automatically circled Eren's form to clutch at his back as Eren spoke in a soothing whisper into Levi's neck. "Stop worrying. It's gonna be okay. We've faced worse things than this." Levi wasn't sure if he was trying to calm down Levi or himself.
"Hey, Eren," he spoke up quietly after a while.
Eren hummed in response, squeezing tighter.
"Do you remember the day I told you how I hated the Satan's powder?"
A choked snort escaped Eren at that. "How could I forget." Levi felt Eren smile against his shoulder as one of Eren's hands buried itself in his hair.
Levi took it as a cue to continue. "Do you remember the promise you made?"
There was a beat of silence as Eren thought to that day almost four years back. "To teach you how to build a snowman?"
"Yeah. You still have to keep that promise." Don't die on me.
"I will." I promise.
A heavy silence descended on the small room as the meaning behind those words hit them both.
Slowly Eren pulled back to look Levi in the eyes as he repeated firmly, "I will."
They held eye contact for full five seconds before their lips crashed together. Willing and desperate, Levi opened his mouth immediately to tangle his tongue with Eren's but as soon as he made contact, he tasted blood.
He jumped back, startled, opening his eyes wide.
Blood.
Blood.
Blood everywhere.
He looked around frantically, looking for Eren. Not seeing him anywhere. Where did he go? He was just in front of him; where wherewhere-
"Levi!"
Levi whipped around at the scream, the blood in his body running cold.
There Eren was, lying on top of many other bodies.
A missing leg.
A missing eye.
A bullet hole in his heart.
An accusing stare.
Why didn't you save me?
Levi took a step back, shaking his head.
He felt something under his foot.
He looked down to see Hanji's eyepatch.
Why didn't you save me?
Mikasa's scarf.
Why didn't you save him?
Voices.
Why didn't you save me?
Why didn't you save him? Why didn't you save us? Why didn't you save them? Why didn't you save us? Why didn't you save them? Why didn't you save us? Why didn't you save him? Why didn't you save me? Why didn't you save him?
It was ringing in his ears.
SHUT UP!
Levi wanted to shout but no voice came out.
He clutched at his head.
Something didn't feel right.
He looked at his hands.
No fingers.
Bleeding.
Blood.
Why didn't you save him?
No, no, no, shut up, shut up, shut up!
"SHUT UP!" Levi screamed, sitting up in his bed covered in sweat and breathing heavily, looking around in panic. There was no blood, and no Eren either. How could there be? The boy – man of his dreams and nightmares had been dead for a thousand years. As was Levi. All of them were. They both knew they couldn't keep their half-assed promise to build some shitty snowman, yet they made it anyway. It was hope. Something to hold onto while on a desperate suicide mission for survival.
Yet somehow, here Levi was, living and breathing, going through a life much different than the one he had led with his past lover. He had his own apartment, a job, a car. He wasn't a soldier. He wasn't fighting tooth and nail for his life or the supposed survival of humanity. 'And what a joke that turned out to be,' Levi smiled bitterly.
Only then did he realize the ringing he heard in his nightmare was actually his ringtone. He snatched the phone from where it lay on his bedside table, not even bothering to look at the caller ID. There was only one person so persistent as to keep it ringing that long.
"What do you want, Shitty Four eyes?"
"Good morning to you, too, Levi," came the familiar voice and Levi would be lying if he said hearing it didn't settle his mind considerably.
Hanji had always had a knack for appearing when he needed her most. In either life. Even the way they found each other was like that. Levi was sixteen and just woke up from his eighth consecutive nightmare about titans, deciding he needed air. He sneaked out of the house through the window of his room and headed towards the park, all the while trying to make sense of his dreams. It was complete bullshit, just something ridiculous his mind came up with at night. Yet it didn't feel like that was it. There was more to it. Somehow, Levi just knew. But he didn't know what – or maybe he was scared to know what.
That was when he heard the distinctive sound of a spray bottle and some giggling. He stopped in his tracks, looking into the alley he was passing curiously. There he saw a girl, maybe two, three years older than himself, scribbling amateur graffiti on one of the walls. It didn't seem like she cared much for how it looked, more like she just wanted to scream something at the world, writing in big, messy letters. For no conscious reason, Levi decided to listen.
He walked closer, reading out loud. "Marley sucks dick. Eldia rules." The original text was accompanied by an array of exclamation marks Levi decided to omit in his tone.
The girl froze, apparently ready to bolt.
"I'm not a cop," Levi assured quickly, surprised himself how desperate he was to keep the stranger there. There was something about those lines that... spoke to Levi. He's never heard of anything like Marley or Eldia but somehow he knew there was an answer here.
And that's how he'd met Hanji, his best friend and first real contact with his past. He didn't want to imagine what would happen to him if he were to be left alone with his dreams. He'd probably think he was crazy.
Well, he thought he was crazy now, too, sometimes but at least he wasn't alone in his crazy. There weren't even only the two of them. Somehow, Hanji managed to find a whole bunch of people who suffered from the same kind of nightmares and over the years, they pieced together what had happened back then.
It wasn't a happy world. And there was no happy ending.
Levi guessed this life was their happy ending. There were no walls, no titans, no unknown enemy nations. No coups to be had and no suicidal missions to fail.
No empty promises to build a Satan's-powder-man.
"-vi? Leviii, are you listening?"
"Sorry, what?" Snapped from his reverie, Levi returned to reality and realized he hasn't heard a word Hanji had said.
"Levi, are you okay?" she sounded concerned. "Did you have another nightmare?" Levi winced. It was ridiculous how well she could read him.
"No," he denied resolutely.
"Okay," she sounded doubtful but didn't question him, and Levi was grateful. "Anyway, as I was saying. I need you to meet me at the park today."
Levi scowled. It was his goddamned day off. He was planning on staying in bed, and maybe on the couch, the whole day. He was not planning on braving the cold and going somewhere and staying out for hours. "Why the fuck should I, Shitty Glasses?"
"That's Shitty Contact Lenses to you." Levi could just imagine her sticking out her tongue at him and he rolled his eyes even as the corners of his mouth twitched upwards slightly. "Either way, just come! You have to! I have a surprise for you."
"Hanji, what the hell kind of surprise is this?"
"Not saying, then it wouldn't be a surprise anymore, would it," she pouted audibly.
"Fine, fine, I'm going," Levi groaned, knowing he wouldn't be able to win against her anyway.
"Great! Be there by 11, don't be late. Oh, and dress warm! Kay, bye!"
Before Levi could say anything, the call disconnected and he just sighed. Typical Hanji. Erratic, completely random, and caring in the weirdest ways.
It was still a mystery to Levi how it came to be that he loved her so much despite their pretty much opposite personalities.
Resigned to his fate, Levi finally got up to get himself some breakfast.
A few hours later, Levi stood by their usual meeting spot in the park, hands shoved deep into the pockets of his coat and chin buried in his scarf, cursing inwardly at anything and everything.
Mostly at winter and all the stuff that went with it.
It was not even December yet. Why was there so much snow already? Why was it so cold? How did some people actually enjoy this? It was all a mystery to Levi. He was just praying for Hanji to hurry up with that shit she was apparently taking and showed up already. It was 11:03 according to his phone. And she told him not to be late.
Levi was not sure what he was expecting. It was not like Hanji was ever on time.
As if all of this wasn't enough, Levi noticed snow was starting to fall again. He scowled at it unhappily, thanking the gods he had listened to Hanji and brought a beanie with him.
"Fucking shitty Satan's powder," he grumbled to himself, burrowing deeper into his scarf.
A chuckle came from his left before, "I can't believe you still call it that."
Levi froze. Slowly, he turned towards the source of the voice and when his eyes met the newcomer's, his heart stopped. He could recognize those eyes anywhere, no matter how many years passed. Hell, he had dreamed about them just this morning.
Still, Levi couldn't believe it. There was no way this was real. That he was real. So he just continued to stare and stare until the man before him started looking uncomfortable.
No, that was not it. He looked unsure. Sheepish, maybe?
"Uhm..." he started uncertainly after a while, looking away from Levi, who was still staring. "I'm sorry I took so long, Levi, I-"
"Eren?" Levi interrupted a what was sure to be a rambling mess of word-vomit in a shaky voice.
"Yes?" Eren jumped, answering in a high-pitched voice.
Levi took a step closer, then another, and another, and suddenly, he was touching the man before him tentatively, his arm, his chest, his hair wet from the slowly falling snow. He was solid. As solid as he seemed in his dreams. But this was not a dream. Was it?
"I- You... What? How?" Levi managed to force out of his throat, still not entirely believing his eyes, nor his hand that finally settled on the other's cheek.
Eren opened his mouth slightly as if to say something, before he stopped himself. A second later, he covered Levi's hand with his own and smiled gently, leaning over to rest his forehead against Levi's.
"I made a promise, didn't I?"
A/N: Not pictured: Hanji, Petra and Armin taking videos and photos of the whole thing and everyone laughing their assess off over Levi building a snowman.
I'm really scared of posting this. I'm painfully aware it's not original in any way but by the time I realized it, it was done and I didn't want to throw 5 hours of writing into the bin. But on the other hand, I know I am very biased so telling me what you think would be nice? ^^;;
(Or I can just delete it, that works too. We'll see in the morning...)