"Ruh roh, Raggy!" said a raspy voice in the dark.
"Like, am I in yet, Scoob?" said a voice obviously in the throes of puberty.
"Roh reah," moaned the raspy voice again.
"JINKIES!" Velma said, as she walked in unexpectedly, abruptly turning on the lights.
"Zoinks! Like this isn't what it looks like!" said an exasperated Shaggy. He quickly pulled out and caught his girthy cock in the unforgiving zipper of his corduroys. "Argh! Uh… I was just, like, teaching Scoob here how to play leap frog."
"Reah," Scooby vigorously nodded his head. "Reap rog."
"Well… uh, anyway, we've got another mystery on our hands. Let's get the gang together and pile in the Mystery Machine," said Velma, awkwardly changing the subject.
Scooby's ears drooped in shame. "Rell, rat reast Rappy didn't ree…"
"Oh, Scoob, no one cares about that filler character," exclaimed Velma.
Just as she was about to turn around, expecting them to follow, Velma caught Shaggy out of the corner of her eye lighting up a white, phallic object.
"Like, uh, this is for my glaucoma… yeah…" said Shaggy, unconvincingly. "Here's, like, the doctor's note and everything." He pulled out a crumpled receipt from Zoinkies, Adult Novelties and Videos. It was then that Velma noticed the wall dildo suction-cupped to the wall by Scooby's purty mouth.
"Oh, that," said Shaggy, following Velma's gaze. "That's, like, uh… Scoob's new dog toy."
"Reah," jumped in Scooby. "Rog roy."
"Hey, gang!" piped in a new voice. "Let's all get in the…. Oh fuck! What is that?!" A disturbed Freddy entered the room and Daphne followed after and gasped in accord.
"Ew, like, that is so gross, Shaggy." Daphne shot the fuckin' hippie a dirty look.
"What?!" said Shaggy, exasperated. "It's just a roach."
"No!" said Freddy. "We mean the monster behind your zipper's teeth."
Shaggy grabbed a magazine with BOOBIES on it and covered his junkasaurus rex.
"Anyway… like… how 'bout that mystery, Freddy?" said Shaggy, praying to every deity his peabrain mind could recall that his friend would take the bait.
"Oh, right!" Freddy exclaimed. "Well, get this. Old man Withers's prized rooster went missing some time today, and the county fair is tomorrow."
"Wait!" interrupted Shaggy. "Like, you don't mean the cock he was so cocksure was gonna win the animal pageant, do ya Fred?"
"I'm glad we're on the same page, Shag. Now, let's all just walk away from whatever this is and never bring it up again."
"Reah! Rood irea, Reddy!" agreed Scooby.
"Like, there's just one problem, gang," said Shaggy, visibly anxious.
"What?!" the gang said in perfect unison.
"Like, I've got the prize-winning cock right here." Shaggy giggled as he pointed to the fatty full of fun in his pants.
-fin-
Author's Note: Ramrod here! Hey hey! Just doing this for shits and gigs. Mature rating, obvi 😉