Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any of its affiliates. Anything that you recognise is property of its respective owners. Any relations to persons living or dead are purely coincidental.
Base/s: Bleach
Title: Love Me Cruel
Summary: "I live for you." She whispered, tears leaving tracks behind on her cheeks. He smiled, sad and bitter. "You may live for me, but we both know that you would die for him."
Music used for inspiration: 503 – Angels and Demons Soundtrack, Ending Credits - Batman – The Dark Knight Soundtrack, Jasica Yeh – Sad Romance, and MOST IMPORTANTLY: Right Here Waiting – Richard Marx
A/N: This is IMPORTANT. I love HitsuRuki. But! This came into my head and I just had to write it down. Don't flame me on topic choice, but on writing ability please. I also have nothing against Ichigo, I actually like him so no flames there either. I tried to keep them in character but... I don't know if I did a very good job.
READ THIS!
Liten to this when reading. it works really well! Take out the brackets. www(.)youtube(.)com/watch?v(=)gIuotFZnBtk
He walked with heavy steps through the streets of the Seireitei. He didn't look as to where his feet were taking him, trusting that they would lead him to no harm. His head was bowed and his face thrown into golden shadow by the setting sun.
A warm breeze lifted his white coat and brushed his hair against his cheek. He made no move to brush it aside.
He had tried everything to put this feeling aside, to stave it off as long as he could. He had brought the issue up with her on more than one occasion. She had said he was being silly and jealous and not to worry.
But he did worry. He missed her. He missed her so much that the ache in his chest stopped him from sleeping at night.
The lump in his throat made it hard for him to swallow as he looked up to find that his feet had stopped and he looked out over the gold drenched sight of the Seireitei at sunset.
He chocked and tried to fight back uncharacteristic tears. This was their spot. Their favourite place to go and to simply be in each others presence. Maybe they would talk, maybe they would just stay silent and watch as the sun went down, unaffected by the chill that would set in soon afterwards.
But no more. He could barely remember the last time they had sat on this patch of grass, her in his arms as he gently listened to her breathe.
He didn't know how long he spent standing on that hill. It was well after dark when he turned and left.
Unable to help himself, he looked back one last time at the stage of so much happiness glazed in second best silver by the moonlight.
His breath caught in his throat and he hurried away.
He had asked for leave for a few hours from the Head Captain. He hadn't explained but given the reason of 'personal issues'.
To his mind, so used to giving clinical ordered labels to everything, it suited the situation just fine. To his heart, it just felt wrong.
He had asked for a few hours. He was given a day.
When he arrived in the world of the living, he picked up his gigai from Uraharas shop with cold detachment. The proprietor received a simple nod of the head and a dead stare when he tried to make conversation.
He left the store and walked, dragging his feet along the dirty pavements of Karakura Town.
He didn't know where she would be. He had an inkling, but pushed it down as far as it would go.
He rang the doorbell and waited for an answer. His ears picked up shuffling and the sliding of a chain from its housing. The door opened and the figure of Orihime Inoue came into his line of sight.
She drew a breath in surprise but her face lit up in a smile as she greeted him.
He was blunt, more so than usual and, perceptive girl that she was, Orihime picked up that something was wrong. She didn't pry after the first question was answered with silence and a look so sad she almost shed a tear. He tried not to show it, but it crept through the cracks anyhow.
He had asked where she was, and in a stroke of luck, she was in the garden behind Orihime's apartment.
The ginger haired girl led him quietly out and left without a word. He had thanked her. Not with words, his throat wouldn't co-operate even if he had wanted to speak, but with a simple look. She had given a small smile and a bow and gone inside. He knew she would probably try not to look, but curiosity would overwhelm her eventually.
He walked slowly to where she sat on the grass, her back to him, reading a book.
So engrossed was she in her reading, and so quiet was his approach, she didn't notice he was even there. His heart wrenched. There had been a time when he would try to sneak up on her, using all his skill when she was distracted and she would still turn around and give a breathtaking smile.
But she didn't turn around.
He opened his mouth to speak but nothing would come. He tried again.
"Rukia." Her name. Her beautiful name.
She gave a start and turned to see him standing there. She didn't smile, she just looked confused.
"Toshirou?" She asked, as though she needed to confirm who it was. "What are you doing here?"
He drank in her face, her hands and her little feet bare in the grass.
"I-" he started but then stopped. He struggled with the words. He wasn't like this, he would be struck speechless! But right now, he didn't much care.
"What is it? I have to go soon, I'm visiting Ichigo."
His heart twisted painfully. Some of his anguish must have shown on his face because Rukia looked at him with concern.
"Toshirou? Are you alright?"
He sighed and sat himself beside her and gathered her up into a fierce hug.
She was surprised but she relaxed into his embrace. But as he held on, she tried to get loose.
As she struggled against his strong grip he whispered in her ear.
"Stay."
"But-"
"Please."
They stayed like that for a long time. His embrace relaxed into a less possessive hold on her and she snuggled into his chest. He rested his chin on the top of her head. He relished the moments and tried to commit every feeling to memory.
As they sat together, Orihime was opening the door to another visitor who was wondering why his guest was late. He asked the same question as her previous caller, but his answer was far from what the other's had been. A frown and a few irritated curses graced the glass doors, slightly open, that lead to the garden. Ichigo stopped when he saw the two entangled together. He growled softly to himself.
Jealousy burnt its way through his veins and tinted his vision. He wished it was him holding Rukia, his arms around her and his words that caressed her ear.
He watched, seething yet unmoving as Rukia stood. He felt some sort of savage glee when he saw that it was her who moved away first. The guilt followed immediately after. Toshirou was his friend, he shouldn't feel like this. But he did, and he couldn't even blame it on his Hollow, Horse hadn't spoken a word since Orihime had opened the door.
Toshirou quickly followed suit. Her lips moved and he was surprised that he could hear every word through the crack between the doors.
"Toshirou, I really have to go! Ichigo is waiting for me. I'll see you later alright?" she smiled and kissed him on the cheek. She made to leave but his hand grabbed her arm. She turned, and indignant look on her face.
"Honestly, let me go. I'm late!" she scolded, the only one to be able to get away with such a thing.
He felt the warmth of her arm through the cardigan she was wearing seeping into his hand.
He recovered his voice.
"Rukia." He said. "Do you love me?" he asked, looking imploringly at her. Her face showed her shock and confusion at the question. She softened.
"Of course I do. Now I'm making Ichigo wait, I need to go now."
He sighed as he let go of her arm. She caught the noise, her eyes narrowed.
"Toshirou, what, may I ask, is wrong with me going to see Ichigo?" when the look on his face gave her her answer, she frowned.
"Honestly Toshirou, stop being so jealous! Ichigo is my friend. Don't you understand that?" she almost pleaded, although anger laced her voice.
"I do understand Rukia. It's just... we both know it's not true anymore." He said, this was hurting more and more with every passing second.
"What isn't true anymore?" she asked, her face scrunched up in that adorable way she had.
"You don't love me like you used to." His words were so sad, yet so accepting. He had tried to fight, tried to ignore, but nothing could hide what he already knew.
Standing by the door, Ichigo stood still. He felt slightly wrong for intruding on such a private moment but he couldn't pull himself away.
"You don't love me like you used to."
He drew a breath when he heard his friend sounding so utterly sad, so completely broken, he almost didn't feel the thrill of hope.
Rukia might be his! He could have her at last!
But not like this. Never like this. He would suffer through unrequited love as long as it took it it meant he could avoid something like this. He would never want to be with her if this was the cost. Nothing was worth this.
Toshirou looked at her face, shocked and in denial. She would realise soon enough. She couldn't keep it hidden forever.
"What? No! That's not true, you know it isn't! I love you and only you!" she cried, protesting.
"Really? Only me?" He said, bitterness on his tongue. "Tell me then, when was the last time we spent time together?"
Seeing she was about to speak he cut her off.
"I mean more than exchanging a couple of words. When was the last time I got to kiss you? Properly kiss you? When was the last time we went to our spot to watch the sun go down? When was the last time we just sat together and enjoyed each others company?"
She opened her mouth but no sound came out. She lifted a hand to her lips as her eyes began to moisten.
"I- I don't know." She whispered.
"Two months Rukia. Two months since we went to the hill and watched the sunset like we promised we would every time we could." He said.
"You could have come to visit me!" she said, not ready to give up yet.
"I did." He said. His voice was dead, as if reciting from a script. "Every time, you were too busy. Just about to go to visit Ichigo or already there. You know, I waited for you. On your birthday."
She looked confused, not understanding the significance.
"I promised you I would make your birthday special, remember? I waited for you to come to the place we had agreed on but you never came. You were at Ichigo's, celebrating there." He gave out a laugh that had no humour in it. "I waited so long they told me to leave. You came a few days later." He squeezed his eyes shut. "You know what else was special about your birthday?" he didn't wait for her to respond. "It was the day we told each other we loved each other six years ago." He watched her eyes widen in realisation. He wanted to stop now, he was hurting her too much. But he couldn't.
"There was something else special about that day." She looked at him in askance, her eyelashes shining with moisture
He closed his own eyes before they could release the tears there and reached into his pocket.
He heard a strangled sob as she set eyes on the velvet box. He handed it to her and she took it with shaking hands.
She fumbled when opening it and she chocked when the ring glinted in the sunlight. Her small body shook and her face was red and her eyes puffy. He thought she was still beautiful.
He lowered his eyes, not being able to bear the look of guilt on her face.
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm so sorry. I do love you, please, you have to believe me!" she all but begged.
He felt his own eyes grow moist despite his efforts to keep them from doing so.
He couldn't speak. He shook his head.
"But... but... I live for you." She whispered, tears leaving tracks behind on her cheeks.
He smiled, sad and bitter. "You may live for me, but we both know that you would die for him."
She swayed on her feet. She looked so fragile standing there he couldn't help but reach out to her.
He cupped her face in his hands. She stared at him with those violet eyes of hers he so adored, framed by black lashed sparkling with tears.
He kissed her. The kiss was long, tender and bittersweet. He poured every feeling he had into it. He broke the kiss and wrapped his arms around her. He hugged her for all he was worth. She hugged him back. He could feel her tears seeping through the material of his shirt. He whispered into her ear. One last time.
"I love you."
She cried harder.
When he finally drew back, he caressed her cheek.
He smiled at her, sad and loving.
He wanted to say something. Something profound that would tell her everything in a word. But nothing came. So he walked away. He heard her call out to him.
"W-wait! T-this is y-yours." Her voice broke on the last word. In her hand, reached out to him was the velvet box.
"Keep it." He said to her. He saw she was about to protest. "It wouldn't feel right giving it to anyone else but you. Keep it."
She hugged the precious box to her chest.
He turned again and walked away. The tears on his face flowing freely now. He walked through the door to Orihime's apartment he paused and addressed the seemingly empty room.
"Take care of her."
Then he opened the front door and stepped out. There was a click as it closed again and there was silence. Silence save for the sound of one woman weeping in the garden, holding a little velvet box to her heart.
Ichigo didn't feel hope. He didn't feel happy nor did he feel triumph. He felt hollow, and a soul crushing guilt that twisted his stomach. He stood, in the shadow thrown by the curtains, stock still and breathing shallow.
He didn't want this. He felt stupid for his earlier wishes.
He finally answered the man who had walked out of the door.
"I will."
But not as well as you.
End
Quite possibly the most depressing thing I've ever written. Even more so than Guardian and C is for Closure! Please give me feed back!