I decided to write this one shot to have a break from the 'Cold Feet' fanfic I've been writing. The idea came to me when I was in the middle of writing a chapter for 'Cold Feet', so I decided to write it before I forgot about it! I hope you enjoy it and please review :)
The cold wind made Alex shiver as she climbed the last step. She took a deep breath to calm her nerves and proceeded across the rooftop with urgent certainty. As she reached the railings, Alex made a conscious decision not to look down just yet. She grabbed the railings, pulled back and hoisted herself over onto the narrow ledge, still not looking down. The midday sun was beating down but Alex still felt like ice.
Her hands were behind her, her knuckles turning white with the force of her grip on the metal bar. Her breathing became faster, fear and apprehension starting to kick in. Alex looked to the street below; it was surprisingly empty for the time of day but Alex quickly shut out mundane thoughts as she focused on the task at hand. She couldn't help but think about how Sam felt when he had been standing on this rooftop all those years ago.
Alex had spent a total of 4 days back in reality before resorting to this. She had spent that time trying to figure out how she had come back after being told that she had died here. She also spent that time thinking about everything she had left behind by returning.
Alex's thoughts were interrupted by footsteps behind her and, as she turned, she was met by a sight that nothing could have prepared her for. In a line and heading towards her, was Leyton, Keats, Summers and a very familiar clown. Her heart pounded as they grew closer. Alex waited for them to speak, but they never did; they simply stared. As she turned back to face the fall in front of her, another surprise was waiting for her.
On the building rooftop opposite her, stood DCI Gene Hunt, surrounded by Ray, Chris, Shaz, Sam and Annie. They smiled at Alex: a silent approval of what she was about to do. Alex took one final look behind her, to look at those who had tried to destroy her. Their expressions had not changed and Alex watched as they faded away.
Alex turned for the last time to face the drop. Her team continued to watch in anticipation, willing her to hurry up. Alex closed her eyes and whispered "Gene" into the wind. She loosened her grip from the railings and allowed breeze to gently blow her forwards. As Alex hurtled towards the ground, she found herself smiling and began to laugh, knowing that she had won.
Her body slammed into the concrete, making crunching noises where her bones had broken. She had landed chest-first, her face on its side and her eyes frozen open. A young girl walked over to the body cautiously. The girl dropped to her knees beside Alex in despair as she realised it was her mother. Molly screamed and wept uncontrollably at the sight that would be imprinted in her mind until the day she died.
Alex sat bolt upright, realising that Molly's scream had become her own. She was in a cold sweat, chest heaving and head throbbing. These sorts of dreams had become a regular occurrence since the night Alex had entered the Railway Arms. Nelson had given her a room above the bar, similar to the situation at Luigi's, until her permanent arrangements were decided. Even though it killed her, after every nightmare, Alex would open the curtains and look out at Fenchurch, wondering where Gene was and wishing she could get back out there.
Alex didn't understand what her most recent dream meant: she was too tired to work her psychological magic, especially on herself. Most days, Alex never ventured down to the pub. She still couldn't face the others, mainly because they just reminded her of Gene. She wouldn't have made very good company anyway as she was stuck in her own melancholy. She also feared that, if she spoke to Nelson, he would give her bad news. Alex wasn't sure what constituted as bad news, but the thought of anything more happening to her struck her with fear and despair.
The sound of Molly's scream still haunted her, playing out as background noise in Alex's room. Alex knew that it would take time, but the feeling of loneliness consumed her and would not leave: it was exhausting to feel so low all of the time but she was beginning to dread falling asleep.
It was the end of an era, but Alex had hoped that it would also be a new beginning. Now more than ever, Alex felt like she was in Limbo, even though technically she had just left. All she could do was wait for something to happen: Alex was used to making things happen for herself and so time seemed to have stood still in her anticipation.
Alex's feelings became an abstract blur and eventually felt numb. Replaying everything in her mind wore her out and Alex mentally pushed stop on the tape. She lay back down, exhaling a sigh which turned into a yawn. Alex's eyelids quickly became heavy and impossible to keep open. She gave in to their demands and soon fell, thankfully, into a dreamless sleep.