Disclaimer: I do not own Spike, no matter how much I wish I did. I do not own the song either that belongs to Jimmy Wayne. And if someone wrote a story similar to this and I didn't read it, I'm sorry for stealing your thunder.
Summary: When Angel was sent to hell Spike didn't blink, but William cried.
The moment I saw him, I knew. I knew that Angelus would be the person that would teach me. As much as I love Dru, I have to be honest, there's no way the crazy bint could teach me to be a vampire. But Angelus, his whole presence spoke of power and wisdom, from that moment on I was in love with him. Now don't jump to conclusions, I'm not a poof. I just loved him as one would a savior, gods know I worshiped him. He was like a father to me, he took care of me and we all know he punished me when I was being insolent or if I was just being...well, me. But there were times when I wondered if he loved me as well. Even though I doubted it, I still couldn't help the urge to please him.
He can't remember
The times that he thought
Does my daddy love me?
Probably not
That didn't stop him
From wishing that he did
Didn't keep him from wanting
Or worshiping him
After Angelus got a soul, he left. I saw him about one year later. It was right after I killed my first slayer, and it was when I first learned that he had gotten a soul. Darla forgot to mention that little fact when she came stomping home the night, it happened. We, Dru and I, assumed they had a fight and Angelus needed some time to cool off. I never told anyone, but before Angelus left for the second time I asked him not to go. Okay, a bloke needs to be honest, I begged and pleaded with him to stay, but we all know how that turned out. He left.
He guesses he saw him
About once a year
He could still feel the way he felt
Standing in tears
Stretching his arms out
As far as they'd go
Whispering daddy
I want you to know
I love you this much
And I'm waiting on you
To make up your mind
Do you love me too?
However long it takes I'm never giving up no matter what
I love you this much
I even told him that I loved him that night. I confessed about how I worshiped him, about how I would always love him. I took a risk and asked him if he loved me back, if he ever felt the same. I'll never forget what he said, "I can't love something so vile, so . . . disgusting." I know it was the soul was talking, but to hear your savior, your god utter such words, in any situation, hurts. And for the first time since I'd been turned, I cried. I stood in tears, while he left us, again. That's when I started to hate him. I was no longer, William, the fledge in love with his sire. No, I was Spike, the slayer of slayers.
He grew to hate him for what he had done
'cause what kind of father
Could do that to his son?
So when Angelus came back, you can only imagine how happy I was. When I first learned of the news, I was ecstatic. But all the time with the soul had changed him, he was not the Angelus that I loved. He was crazy, more sadistic than before, and that's saying something. He was worse to Dru than way back when, so the moment I healed I went to the slayer. We struck a deal, Dru and I would leave Sunnyhell, and Slutty the slayer would deal with Angelus. She sent him to hell. The moment it happened, Dru woke up screaming from the pain of losing her sire, and I . . . well, I didn't even blink. While comforting Dru, I silently cursed Angelus for everything he'd ever done to hurt us. But inside, the part of me that was still William, cried. The fledge inside that yearned for his sire's love, cried for the loss of the only father he ever knew.
He said 'damn you daddy'
The day that he died
The man didn't blink
But the little boy cried