Chapter One

Disclaimer: …We don't own FMA… *sigh* Will you give us at least a timeshare on it, Hiromu?

A/N: Hello~! Tigrette-of-Fire and Mangagirl135 here, wreaking havoc on the world of FMA! In which we bend the laws of the universe, cause strange things to happen, and support Royai! We hope you enjoy what our insane minds came up with!

By the way, this is a crack fic. Just thought you should know.

War: OOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH ~!
Roy: *Pokes head out from behind wall* Yes?
War: *Evil grin*
Roy: *Runs away*
War: Goddamnit, they always run.

Death: *goes up to Roy* OH RO-OY!
Roy: Holy ***! *runs*
Death: CHARGE! *Chases* *brandishes weapon*
Um, let's say it's Grumman: *walks in* *sees chase* *walks right back out*

War: *sneaks up behind Roy* Oh, Roy-boy! ^^
Roy: *Scared face* You again?
War: OH NOES! DON'T RUN!
Roy: *Runs*
War: GODDAMNIT, ROY!

Death: *walks in to a room whistleing
Roy: YOU!
Death: OH! Glad you're here Roy!
Roy: *runs...again*

War: I *huff* finally *huff* caught *huff* up to *huff* you, Roy.
Roy: Holy s***, how the f*** do you keep finding me, you freaky b****? (I can just tell Roy has a potty mouth.)
War: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Roy: *backs off slowly*
War: *grabs Roy's arm*
Roy: *looks at me like I have a death wish when I get a bullet implanted in my skull*
Riza: Are you okay, sir? *looks concerned*
Roy: Yes, ah, thanks Hawkeye. *blushes at being saved*
War: So, what'd I miss?
Roy: HOLY S*** YOU'RE A HOMUNCULUS! HOMUNCULUS, HOMUNCULUS!
War: Uh-huh. So?
Roy: ...You're evil.
Riza: *Puts a few more rounds in my skull*
War: Would you quit that? It hurts.
Riza: Looks at me strangely*
Roy: *Goes to get gloves when he realizes I have them* ...You stole my gloves?
War: Yep.
Riza: *Puts a few more rounds in my skull*
War: THAT HURTS, DAMNIT!
Roy: ...You're evil.
War: No.
Roy: Yeah! *Whines*
War: No, actually.
Roy: Uh-huh!
War: NO! *Smacks the back of Roy's head and get shot once more*...Screw it all. *to Riza* Shoot me again and I'll force him to live out his worst nightmare.
Riza: *Falters*
War: *To Roy* Are you going to come with me or not?
Roy: *Thinks* ...No.
War: *Evil smirk* Then I'll put her through HER worst nightmare. *jerks head towards Riza*
Roy: ...Fine, I'll go. *Pouts*
Riza: *gapes* SIR!
War: Nuh-uh-uh. Fire that gun again and Roy-boy here lives his worst nightmare. You know what, give me the gun. *takes gun* *To Riza* You stay here; Death'll come get you shortly.
Roy: YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HER?
War: *looks at Roy strangely* No, Death is my fellow homunculus...
Roy: What's your name, then?
War: War, why?
Roy: *Mutters* And you said you weren't evil...
War: Why I aughta!

(A few moments later…)

**Walls seem to seal off all doorways**
Death: *seems to walk through wall to enter the room*
Riza: Who are you? *aims gun*
Death: Well, you met War right? I'm the one she mentioned. I'm called Death, but if you find that weird you can call me... uh... Ione. Yeah, let's go with that.
Riza: You just came up with that, didn't you?
Death: Yup! Hey, where does Roy keep his extra gloves? I want some!
**all furniture vanishes**
Death: *seems to sit on nothing* Well, you see, Riza-chuui, we good homunculi have only one mission! *Alters position on "nothing" to do that laying-sitting thing cats do* So anyway, admit it!
Riza: admit what?
Death: Admit you're in love!
Riza: I'm not in love!
Death: Yes you are! Don't go saying that! You'll break his heart! *starts crying dramatically*
Riza: *starts backing away*

A/N: MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And so it begins….. Chapter two will be up soon(ish). Drop a review if you have time!

-Tigrette-of-Fire and Mangagirl135