You don't know what your power has done to me
I want to know if I'll heal inside
I can't go on with a holocaust about to happen
Seeing you laughing another time
You'll never know why your face has haunted me
My very soul has to bleed this time
Another hole in the wall of my inner defenses
Leaving me breathless, the reason I know
That I am stricken and can't let you go
When the heart is cold, there's no hope, and we know
That I am crippled by all that you've done
Into the abyss will I run
Stricken- Disturbed
I've seen her everyday this summer
Twice-a-day.
In the morning, her filthy baseball hat lies on the ground, hoping to be filled with something.
In the evening, she wears it tightly on her head with her long matted hair tangled beneath it.
She was always in the same place, her back pressed against my apartment building, the lump of her black Labrador companion lying next to her. She called the dog Minnie, I named the woman Mickey.
Mickey wore an almost threadbare flannel jacket and faded black jeans, on her feet were a pair of thoroughly worn black high-top Converse. On top of clothes that Mickey wore was a layer of dirt, mostly noticeable on the knees of her jeans, her bruised and cut hands, and in smudges across her face.
Mickey was there everyday, I never gave her anything.
Never slipped a single coin into her hat though I could obviously tell she needed it, never gave her a friendly smile. I would simply look at her as I walked past her, wondering why someone would let themselves go like this, punish themselves to a life like the one she had. Mickey never saw me looking at her; she kept her eyes trained on her hat, as if only by looking at it, it would bring her what she needed.
I've seen him everyday this summer.
Twice-a-day.
In the morning, he would step out of the revolving door of his apartment complex. He was always perfectly shaven, not a hair on his head out of place, wearing a suit that probably cost more than I had ever had in my lifetime.
In the evening, he would walk by with his shirt untucked and his tie loosened, but his hair was still meticulously in place.
I could always tell that he was looking at me, even though when I tried to catch him he was always conspicuously looking away. I'm a car wreck, you know, you shouldn't look but you just can't help it.
I had named him Mr. Suits because in my head I was tired of calling him, him, and Mr. Suits seemed to be a good name for him.
He never gave me anything, its not like I expected him to, most people didn't. When the sun went down I usually only had about five dollars with which I would buy a sandwich and a bottle of water for me and Minnie to share.
Mr. Suits always looked at me as if I were trash, a sub-human who shouldn't exist. Did he think I chose this life?
I step out into the brisk November in New York morning with a tight grip on my cup of coffee and make my way down the front stairs and onto the sidewalk on my way to work. I glance over to where I know she will be. Its forty-four degrees and cloudy, yet there she sits. Mickey has Minnie sitting in her lap with her jacket zipped up around both of them. The dog is so large that it almost looks like it is the one wearing the jacket. Mickey has her legs tucked underneath her and her arms pulled inside of the jacket, obviously cold. Despite the biting weather, her hat is still resting in front of her. She leans her head against Minnie's back and turns her face in my direction. Now usually I can look away before she ever looks up, but this time, for the first time, she catches me.
Mickey has brown eyes.
Beautiful brown eyes, unlike the brown dirt that covers her. I stop for a moment as I am entranced by her gaze. I watch as her eyes shift to my right hand. Anger flashes in her warm chocolate eyes, her eyebrows furrow and her nostrils flare. Is she angry with me? I look to my right hand to see what had gotten her so defensive, my steaming cup of coffee, its warmth being wasted into the frigid air. I take a sip of the coffee as I walk past her. It burns down my throat and the heat radiates throughout my body.
"Get a job and you can have coffee," I say over my shoulder to her. I hear Minnie growl in response.
I hate him.
As he walked away all I wanted to do was sic Minnie on him. How could someone be so calloused? I know we're in New York and it's not exactly the capital of niceness, but to be outright mean to someone? There was no need for that.
It is so cold. I spent the night hugging Minnie to me, trying to keep her and I warm, but we both shivered the night away. I had to find someplace for us, sure there were homeless shelters, but they wanted to know too much, too many questions with answers I couldn't give them. I am trapped.
The clouds dissipate by mid-day and the sun is allowed to warm up the city. I unzip my jacket and let Minnie out to go for a stroll. I don't know what I would do without her, I've had her since she was a puppy, and she has always stuck by my side. I take my jacket off and lay it out to soak up as much of the sun's heat as possible.
I see Minnie trot back in my direction with something large hanging out of her mouth. She sits obediently in front of me and drops an enormous rat at my feet. She nudges the dead rat with her paw as an offering to me.
I smile and pat her head, "It's all your's, baby girl," she nudges it one more time as a last chance, "Go ahead, Minnie." She grabs the rat in her mouth as she moves to my side and devours it.
"Mommy, look!" a little girl says as she passes us, "Look at the cute doggy!" she steps closer to Minnie which causes her to snarl, protecting her food.
"That's disgusting, Sarah, get away from her," the mother snaps.
"Dogs have to eat too, lady," I say, defending Minnie.
"I know, I was talking about you, bum," she snatches her daughter's hand and walks away.
The dog killed and ate a rat. Not just a normal rat, a huge, mutant sewer rat. I'm pretty sure that four turtles are crying over having lost their master. Nasty.
I am eating lunch with some friends and colleagues at the deli across from where Mickey sits. She has not seen me, luckily. I had been thinking about what I had said to her all morning and I came to the conclusion that it was the most dicktastic thing I had ever said to anyone.
"What's got you spaced out?" my friend Emmett asks.
"Nothing," I say as I continue to stare at Mickey. I had to figure out some way to apologize to her. I didn't want her thinking that I was mean or a bad person or some shit like that.
"Why are you staring down that bum across the street?" he questions.
"She's not a bum!"
"Whoa, sorry man."
Why was I staring at her? Why did it matter if I was rude to her this morning? I had been ignoring her ever since she showed up, never letting her catch me looking at her. Why was today so different?
I look across the road and find her eyes boring back into mine, twice in one day. A car passes by, breaking the connection we shared. I look once more in her direction, she's staring up at the sky with her lips moving, saying words that I can't hear. I wanted to know what she was saying; I wanted to know about her, why?
"Back to work!" Alice's voice tears me away from Mickey. I gather my trash, a half eaten sandwich and a bag of chips and throw them away.
Mr. Suits threw his food away.
Not just a few scraps of food, almost a whole sandwich, and a bag of chips. Does he know that many people are lucky to have half of that? That I would have done just about anything to get that food that he just carelessly tossed away? And then the staring, what was up with that? He was really beginning to creep me out; maybe I need to find a new place to stay. I really don't want to leave right here, there is a good flow of people throughout the day and I've been getting more money than I ever had anywhere else. Damn it, why did Mr. Suits have to ruin this for me? Minnie bumps her nose against my arm, I pat my lap and she curls up over my legs. I lay my head back against the wall and close my eyes.
I wake to Minnie shivering and licking my face. The sun is setting and the temperature is dropping rapidly. Shit. I reach for my jacket that I had laid out earlier and find that it isn't there. Who steals a jacket from a homeless person? There is no way I'll survive tonight with out my jacket, all I have on is a thin cotton t-shirt and my hat. I hug Minnie tightly to my body, "I love you, Minnie," I whisper to her. Minnie whimpers and pressed her cold, wet nose to my cheek. I know she loves me as well.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Mr. Suits jog past us and enter his heated building. Bastard.
Tears begin to fall from my eyes only causing ice-cold rivers to sting my face.
Its thirty fucking degrees. I wish I would have driven to work today; I now have to walk home in this ridiculously cold weather. I pull my coat tightly around me and walk as fast as I can, then I see Mickey. Her jacket is gone, who would steal a jacket from a homeless person? She is holding on as tightly as she can to Minnie, but they are both shivering uncontrollably. She'll die out here in this weather.
An unfamiliar feeling washes over me, I want to protect this woman, I need to protect her. The thought of her dying makes my heart cease up. I jog past her and stumble up the stairs as fast as I can. I race to my apartment and find the thickest blanket I possibly can.
I make it back outside to find Mickey violently shivering, her eyes are squeezed shut and I could tell she had been crying, her quivering lips had turned blue. Minnie wasn't fairing much better.
I crouch down beside her, "Mick-, uh, Miss," I remind myself that her name isn't Mickey. Her eyes pop open at the sound of my voice.
"What?" she croaks.
"You need to come inside," I wrap the blanket around her, her shivering slacks just a bit.
"With you?"
"Miss, you will die out here, please come inside," I offer her my hand to help her up. She ignores my offer and stands up on her own, still holding Minnie. Her body is dwarfed by the dog's size; Minnie had to weigh about seventy pounds.
That's when it hits me, she wants to bring the dog with her, "My apartment doesn't allow pets."
"Well, if she can't come, I'm not either. I can't leave her out here," she says sternly. Would she seriously risk her life to stay with the dog? She hands me my blanket and resumes her place on the ground, shivering. Yes, she would.
"Okay, we can sneak in the back entrance," I relent. She stands once more with Minnie in her arms; I am astonished by her strength. She follows me down an alley into the back entrance of the complex. We make it to the service stairwell when I hear her talking, "Minnie, can you walk? Momma can't carry you much longer," I turn around and see the dog actually nod its head. She sets Minnie down and they continue to follow me up the stairs.
We finally reach my apartment. I hold the door and Mickey and Minnie enter. I've got to find out her real name, calling the woman Mickey just seemed childish now. It was apparent that she was no child.
I turn on my artificial fireplace and go to the kitchen to fix two mugs of coffee. Mickey stands timidly by the door with Minnie in front of her acting as her guard.
"You're not going to do anything to me, are you?" she asks. Do anything to her?
"Um, no," I say, unsure what she was implying.
"Good," she replies. She walks over to the fireplace and lies down in front of it, Minnie curls up beside her.
The coffee is done and I pour two cups. I walk over by the fireplace, "You know that stone is pretty uncomfortable," no response. Then I realize that she has been sleeping on stone for awhile, at least this was warm stone, "Here, I poured you some coffee," I try again, still no response. I move to get a better look at her face, her eyes are closed and her mouth is slightly parted, a light snore escapes her. I smile.
She is safe, she is asleep.
Hello Everyone! I hope you enjoyed this, let me know what you think by leaving a review. I am going to continue Adventure, but while writing it this story line popped in my head and I decided to run with it. Thanks for reading!