The Arrangement
Written for the VAMB 2016 Secret Drabble exchange for malezita who requested J/C and provided the quote about gravity.
Many thanks to PiOneOneZero for betaing and to Cheile for her encouragement while I was writing.
"You can't blame gravity for falling in love, Kathryn," Chakotay says while Kathryn fastens her uniform jacket and runs her fingers through her hair. He is sitting up in bed, arms behind his head, sheet pooled around his bare hips, looking far too smug for her liking.
"This isn't love, it's mutual satisfaction. That's all. It won't be repeated," she responds, but Chakotay is not dismayed by this pronouncement. In fact, a dimple appears as he gives her a smile and runs his eyes up and down her body.
Well, she reflects as she exits his quarters and walks to her own, she can hardly blame him for not believing her. After all, she tells him it won't be repeated every time she leaves his bed. This is the sixth time she's told him, but now she means it. He deserves to be snubbed and put in his place. Falling in love! What a ridiculous thing to insinuate. She tells him every time that it is only about mutual satisfaction. The captain and first officer can't be in a relationship; it would be too complicated and it could never work. Using each other to scratch an itch, however, is a different story. The perfect arrangement, she told him the first time. Just this once. And now it's been six times and he has mentioned love. She doesn't quite understand what he meant by blaming gravity, but she's sure it's unacceptable and she's done with him. She has choices after all, Michael Sullivan or any other hologram she can program and control. Yes, she means it this time. No more Chakotay.
She holds firm to her resolution and keeps all interactions with Chakotay to shared areas of the ship or spaces that belong to her—the bridge, the mess hall, her ready room, her quarters. She is utterly professional with him and he reciprocates, although she strongly suspects he is laughing at her on the inside. But then Prixin arrives, a bittersweet holiday for a captain and crew so far from their homes and families, a reminder of everything they don't have.
However... the sting doesn't seem as sharp this year for some reason. The first night of Prixin is so lovely. Tuvok gives the traditional salutation and the crew mingles late into the evening, just enjoying each others' company. Kathryn eats Neelix's fruit compote and joins in the conversations, her heart bursting with love for her crew. At the end of the evening it feels right to follow Chakotay into his quarters and tell him how grateful she is to be in the Delta Quadrant with the best crew and first officer any captain could ask for. Chakotay expresses similar sentiments, adding that he and the crew are incredibly fortunate to be led by the finest captain Starfleet has ever produced. It's inevitable; they are in Chakotay's bed in moments. It's the perfect end to the perfect evening until Chakotay ruins everything.
"Stay," he says, holding her against him when she starts to get up. "Stay the night. I'll make you breakfast in the morning."
"Breakfast? No!" She pulls away from him and gathers her clothing. "This is not a breakfast situation. This is only about-"
"Mutual satisfaction, I know." Chakotay sighs. "Quit lying to yourself, Kathryn, and face the truth."
"It was the fruit compote. I told Neelix not to ferment it for so long." She dresses while Chakotay watches her from the bed and shakes his head.
"Now it's the fruit compote's fault?" She opens her mouth, but Chakotay speaks before she can. "This won't be repeated again. Save your breath, I already know."
Kathryn returns to her quarters, disappointed with herself and with Chakotay. She shouldn't have given in and he shouldn't have overstepped himself. This could be such a nice little arrangement, if only he would behave. Well, no more Chakotay. She means it this time.
Once Prixin is over, Kathryn asks Tom to begin running Fair Haven once more. She could have done it privately, but Chakotay needs to learn a lesson. Michael Sullivan lost his allure long ago, nevertheless, she makes the effort to enjoy his company. When she has the holodeck to herself however, she deactivates Michael and works on reports alone at the bar. Chakotay is no longer laughing at her on the inside. Good, she thinks. He's getting the message.
Weeks pass and Kathryn lies in sickbay, staring at the gray ceiling and realizing that he truly has gotten the message. He wasn't there when she woke up. He held her hand on the bridge before she left to be assimilated, but he wasn't there when she woke up. He makes quick visits once a day to report on the state of the ship, to deliver PADDs, to make jokes about the dirty carpets he hasn't cleaned yet, but his eyes never meet hers.
Kathryn is released from sickbay and walks slowly to her quarters with Chakotay accompanying her. She is so relieved to be home and to be healthy and whole once more. There have been other times when she was prepared to die, but this was the worst. Assimilation is a living death. To be mutilated and lose control of her own mind is the stuff of nightmares. She stands in her living room and trembles, imagining what their fate would have been if they hadn't succeeded. Imagining who she would have lost. Is losing.
"Kathryn, hey, it's all right," Chakotay whispers and she's in his arms. He takes her to her bed and he's gentle with her, mindful of her pain, so tender and loving.
"I already know," he says in the morning when she wakes up. He is already dressed and is pinning on his rank bar. "It's the Borg's fault this time. Don't worry, I'm going."
She's trembling again, but she manages to get the words out. "No, don't go." He pauses at her bedroom door, his back to her, waiting. "It's not the Borg's fault this time. It's yours." He turns to face her and she wills herself to say the words. "I love you," she whispers. "I love you, but it scares me. It means I've lost control. It means I've made myself vulnerable."
"But you've finally admitted it and now I can tell you I love you." Chakotay comes back to her, taking her in his arms. "I promise we'll figure out how to make it work together."
And she believes him because together they can do anything.
The End