Today, I got sick of waiting for the queue in the cafeteria, so asked a kid at the front of the line to buy my meal. Because his shirt had some Harry Potter shit on it, I said, "Don't make me spell you." The boy went "Locomotor Mortis". I laughed, and then my legs cramped up, and I couldn't move and fell. I googled it. Guess what the spell does? FML.
9/2/2010 at 12:21pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, my friend convinced me to prank the wizard boy in school. I pretended to be a tom and left the best prank call I've ever made on his voicemail. After hanging up, I realised I'd forgotten to click 141. AND that I'd called from my home phone. AND that every bloody person in this place answers with "Pendragon Residence" instead of "Hi". FML.
9/8/2010 at 6:39pm – misc – by Arthur (man) – England
Today, the wizard boy looked at me weirdly during econs class. I ignored him and tried to be more haughty and classy than usual. I tripped over nothing and landed splayed at his feet. FML.
9/15/2010 at 11:03am – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I asked my cousin if she wanted to Skype with me while she went to Italy for her hols. After telling her that it'd be free and showing her how it worked (which took an hour) she said, "I'll only be gone a few months... You're not worth it." Then she called her friend in Italy and asked if she wanted to Skype before she left for the airport. FML.
9/26/2010 at 10:12pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I SMSed my cousin before she left for Italy. I told her I'd forgive her for her earlier mistakes, I missed her already and hoped to see her soon. The wizard kid answered and asked me (politely, the bastard) to stop stalking him. When I asked my cousin, she said she'd switched their numbers before leaving and hoped I'd get lucky. Bitch. FML.
9/27/2010 at 4:26am – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I started laughing when I found out that wizard boy's name was Merlin. For real. He went "Petrificus Totalus" and I tripped on air then fell flat. This is becoming an ugly habit. FML.
10/3/2010 at 3:56pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, after clearly telling Merlin that in no way was I stalking him, nor did I like him, because I was a normal, straight British boy, he was silent. Then I noticed my teacher standing behind me, obviously having heard the entire conversation. She paired me with Merlin for the next project. Apparently, she took offense at me calling myself "normal" and "straight" in the same sentence. She's lesbian. FML.
10/7/2010 at 10.28am – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, my friend got into my Twitter, found pics of me when I was drunk and half-naked at his birthday bash, then sent them to merlinwithoutmagic. FML.
10/11/2010 at 1.15am – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I was in my dorm, singing to a nine-year-old's song about whipping hair, with the accompanying actions, and didn't hear the door open. I did hear when Merlin, along with the entire corridor's occupants, started laughing. FML.
10/15/2010 at 1.17pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me through a Facebook post on my Wall. While we were in the same room. FML
10/21/2010 at 12:37pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I went back home to visit my seven-year-cousin, Mordy. He asked me why I was sad. I told him that I liked a particular fish, even though there were others in the sea. He smiled, then asked me if my rod was long enough. FML.
10/24/2010 at 4.34pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, when I went back to my dorm, I saw a creature come running to me. On instinct, I kicked it. Then, I realised I'd just kicked my new roommate's pet hamster. FML.
10/24/2010 at 11.58pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, my roommate took revenge for everything I did (which I didn't do, but my friends do) by locking me in the bathroom. I had a test this morning. FML.
11/1/2010 at 1.11pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I stayed up through the night studying for a test that makes half our final grade. I made it outside the testing room an hour early and took the time to study more. I was shaken awake by Merlin asking me if I thought the test was easy too. Over a hundred students had passed me without waking me. FML.
11/12/2010 at 2.54pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, my dad visited my dorm and gave a half an hour lecture on how messy it was and how I needed to take responsibility, because how was I going to clean up after him if I couldn't do it for myself? FML.
11/21/2010 at 7.53pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I went to the dorm and saw a note on the fridge saying, "Stop drinking, you'll kill yourself before the exams", by Merlin. I was touched, but more in need of a drink. Opening the fridge, there was another note. "As my partner, I can't take that risk." He'd drained every bottle. FML.
11/29/2010 at 2.42am – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I went to the airport to pick up my cousin from the airport with Mordy. He read a sign, and thought it'd be funny to yell, "You have a bomb in your bag?" Both of them left me there to deal with security while they went for food at Macs. FML.
12/1/2010 at 4.41am – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, my friend brought me to a gay club as a joke. I got drunk, then hallucinated that I saw my father there. Then I got a jug of cold beer thrown on me, cleared my head, and realised it wasn't a hallucination after all. FML.
12/9/2010 at 2.13am – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I found out Morgana, my cousin, put up my name on Craigslist as a man seeking a man. I'm afraid I'll find my father's number in one of the missed calls and messages I've gotten. FML.
12/10/2010 at 3.43am – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I was at the gym and heard two girls talking to each other. The first one said, "There aren't any cute ones around now." Then the other went, "It's like everyone's turned fugly or gay." FML.
12/16/2010 at 8.25pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
today, i'm drunk n in love wit my roommate.
12/19/2010 at 5.29am – love – by arthur pendragon (man) – England
Today, Merlin told me that he might break up with his girlfriend of months, Gwen. He saw the happy expression on my face then backed away and changed his mind. FML.
12/23/2010 at 8.41pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, Merlin sat me down and made me watch the song "If You Were Gay" on Youtube. Then, as a Christmas present, my Father bought me an entire gay club. He thought it'd be a way to come out to me. I thought it was a way for him to show his acceptance and came out. He's still shouting. So far, Christmas sucks. FML.
12/25/2010 at 11.35pm – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I sent merlinwithoutmagic a 'Bad Report Card' on LJ. In return, he sent 'Mistletoe'. Then he sent 'Milk And Cookies', saying that Mistletoe was directly under it and he'd clicked it accidently. FML.
12/28/2010 at 4.45am – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, I told Merlin I liked him. He ran away. FML.
1/1/2010 at 12.07am – misc – by Anonymous (man) – England
Today, Merlin came into my dorm and kissed me. He then said he'd slipped Amortentia into my meal that first day. MLIA.