To: William Block
From: Massie Block
Subject: FWD: Message to all students
This is Mr. Miller, your English teacher! I would just like to announce that participation in our Letters to Briarwood project is MANDATORY! Participation in this project counts for FIFTY PERCENT OF YOUR SEMESTER GRADE! That is more than your final!
I know you guys think that Briarwood is "scary" and that they tend to have more arrests, piercings and students on the wellfare program than us, but this is a chance to DIVERSIFY! I have held this project for over five years now, and the results have always been amazing! So please, give Letters to Briarwood a chance! You will make friends, and realize that Briarwood is just like you! Most importantly, you will learn how to write letters, a dying art! This is a fun, fun project, and I will not drop it, so please, stop sending me e-mails and spiking my coffee!
(If you do not participate, you will most definitely fail this class.)
- Mr. Miller
Daddy! Are you seeing this atrocity? They are making us write to Briarwood, you know, that school that you always told me to stay away from? The school with the chain-link fence? The school with the principal who was an ex-convict? I can't write letters to them.
In case you're not understanding, I will create a vision for you. So, I write a letter to Briarwood. Mr. Miller makes me put my ADDRESS and FULL NAME on the envelope. Briarwood Boy asks me to meet him. I say, "Hell no." He tracks me down and rapes me, or even worse, steals my car. Are you seeing the absolute catastrophe waiting to happen?
Please stop this madness. I will e-mail you the list of "penpals" we're getting; can you run a background check on all of them?
Much love,
Massie (:
PS. How's Europe?