Measuring Affections

(Renesmee)

"Are you alright, Nessie?" he asked me, his dark eyes filled deep with concern.

I sighed. "Yeah, I'm fine." I lied, horribly for sure. If I was anything like my mother, I wouldn't pull a lie off around Jacob. And as soon as I glanced back up at his cheerful face, I knew I was right.

He was looking down at me with an amused smirk. I blushed.

"What's going on, Nessie?"

I looked back down at my feet that were dangling on the edge of the cliff. For some odd reason, he had brought me to the spot that my mother had learned to hate ever since she had jumped off. Aunt Alice had seen Bella jump and immediately believed it was a suicide attempt. My dad believed it as well for whatever reason and almost killed himself as well. This cliff was a dreadful place for my family. Almost like a bad omen. But one thing was different: Jacob was there when my mother had jumped off and-to my enjoyment-he was with me at the same spot, sitting right next to me. Maybe with him there, all bad luck would totally disappear. I could only hope.

"Ness?"

I shook my head, trying to rid myself of the stories. "What?" I asked.

"What's going on? You seem a little too quiet."

I grinned. Either he was tired of hearing his own animated voice or he was confused as to why I wasn't showing him what was on my mind. But only I knew why I wasn't willing to show him anything, and I wasn't ready to share that reason.

For months after my fifth birthday-which could really be considered my fifteenth- I had realized how amazing Jacob's friendship with me was. And suddenly, I wanted it to be more. Something that involved the unfailing devotion that I saw in my family. My mother and father were a perfect example of such devotion. My dad had waited for her for over eighty years before finally setting eyes on her. He had waited for her kiss; had waited for her hand to rest in his. Nothing could be more romantic.

My grandparents, my aunts and uncles. All of them were in love and I had to sit around and watch. Every movie I watched contained some form of romance and even the books I read swam in love lost and love gained and even love lost once more.

I took a deep breath before saying: "I was just thinking."

"Well of course you were thinking." he chuckled, his sparkling teeth showing behind his full lips. He winked. "But what about?"

"Why'd you bring me to this cliff?" I asked.

"Well…" he murmured, his voice trailing off slightly. "I come here to think quite often."

"About my mom?" I said without thinking.

He looked at me, one thick eyebrow raised. "I used to."

"Used to?"

"You know the stories, Renesmee." he sighed.

I nodded. "You really did love my mother, didn't you?"

He didn't answer, but his silence was an answer enough. I suddenly felt a terrible pain in my chest. I had never felt it before, but I knew exactly what it was.

I can't be jealous of my mother… I thought, shock filling my mind.

"Do you wanna leave?" Jake asked abruptly, taking me out of my self-evaluation.

I nodded. "Yeah, I think that'd be best."

The drive back to my house was quiet; too quiet. But I didn't know what to say, and Jacob seemed frustrated, almost angry. I knew not to make him angry, even though he was an expert at controlling his fury, but my father had told me to be careful nonetheless.

In record time, we made it to my house and he pulled up close to the front porch. I smiled at the familiar sight of the large white mansion. I slipped my hand down to my buckle to free myself, but found another warmer hand already there.

I looked up and Jake was looking at me intently. "Nessie?" he whispered.

I gulped down a huge lump in my throat and felt my cheeks grow warm. "Y-yeah?" I said weakly.

He stared at me for a few seconds and then suddenly grinned, his burning hot hand slipping out from under mine. He had undone my seat-belt. "See you tomorrow. Tell your family hello for me, ok?"

I nodded as I opened the door and jumped out in one swift movement. As I bounded up the porch, Jacob honked the horn and I looked back. He waved and I waved back. Then he pulled away, vanishing among the trees.

I looked down at my feet and frowned. My Jacob…

"Your mother called him that once." said the velvet voice of my father.

I looked up, still frowning. "Don't tell me that."

He chuckled, wrapping his arm around me. "Oh, dear, its ok."

I shook my head. "You don't get it!"

"Believe me, I know more than you think." he grinned as he tapped his forehead.

I rolled my eyes. "Darn you and your mind reading." I grumbled.

He hugged me closer to him. "Nessie, your mother loved Jacob dearly. But when she measured her affection for him and her affection for me, they were both completely different. She knew very well that her love Jake wasn't enough to satisfy either of them and that she'd only hurt them both in the long run." he sighed, thinking back to the tough times he had endured before he won the fight and my mother's love. "I know its hard to understand, but your mother never meant to hurt Jacob the way she did."

"He still loves her, doesn't he?" I asked. I braced myself for the bad news that I figured I would get.

"Not so much anymore. Something has gotten in the way of his love for Bella."

I looked up, astonished. "What?"

"Let's just say that he's finally measuring his affections…" he answered and then walked away, his crooked smile spreading across his face.