Disclaimer: I do not own Sons of Anarchy, it's owned my the amazing Kurt Sutter, FX and everyone else who has the money to kick my ass in court if I don't have this up here. I do however own Taru, her horse and just about every other random that pops up in the story. This has come from the depths of my sick, insane, twisted, depraved mind and my madness fuel's it to keep going as do all my lovely fans that keep reading and reviewing.

Takes place mainly just before, during and just after season 3. Belfast here we come. =D

Death is in Love with Us – H.I.M

I know it hurts too much
I know that you're scared
I know you're running out of trust
Wishing you were dead

In your misery
You're not alone
So come share your tears with me
And witness it all go wrong

I know it and I feel it
Just as well as you do, Honey
It's not our fault if death's in love with us oh oh
It's not our fault if the reaper holds our hearts

Date with the Reaper

=Taru's P.O.V=

A skeletal hand protruded from the darkness, a black robe sleeve encircled around the arm, a 6ft scythe glinted from beside him. I took his hand and hauled myself to my feet. "What happened?" I asked.

"You're dead" His voice was a low raspy growl as he swung his scythe, the blade ripping through my jugular sending a torrent of blood forth. I dropped to my knees hands to my neck as I tried to stop the bleeding, as I tried to save myself.

"I don't want to die" I managed to spit out, blood streaming from my wounds and from the corners of my mouth.

"Then you must save yourself" He stated, that same low raspy growl from before as he turned away leaving me to bleed to death in the darkness.

I fell flat to the floor, vision wavering as I struggled to breath, my hands still clasped over the wound, tears in my eyes as I watched the Grim Reaper walk away from me. His words still echoing in my head as I closed my eyes letting myself go.

I woke with a start, fingers flying up to my throat, a blinding white light piercing the curtains that had been drawn open. I panted softly swinging my legs over the side of the bed and let out a soft sigh. At least I'm alive. I fingered my neck finding nothing but sweat slick skin under my touch. I need a god damn drink. I stood wearily and shuffled towards the kitchen barely paying attention to my surroundings as my body ached and protested at my movements.

I trudged slowly up the hall, the bottoms of my track pants catching under my feet as they clung loosely to my hips, my tank top hanging askew off my shoulders. I watched my feet shuffle and yawned rubbing at my eyes as I entered the kitchen.

"Morning"

"Morning" I mumbled still wiping the sleep from my eyes as I headed to the fridge and pulled it open.

"Sleep alright ihana?"

"Ihana?" I mumbled inaudibly and blinked staring into the fridge with a furrowed brow. I felt my lungs constrict and whipped around to look at the person who had spoken to me before my eyes went wide. "You," I choked out my words. "You're dead"

"Nice way to greet me this morning Myrsky but how can I be dead when I'm sitting right in front of you?"

I backed up as Niko stood and came around the counter towards me. "You're dead," I felt tears prick my eyes. "I held you in my arms while you bled out waiting for an ambulance," I stated backing away from him. "You died right here," My body began to shake as I backed over the spot on the kitchen floor where I'd held Niko as he'd died. "You can't be alive" I hit the opposite counter and ran my eyes over him in fear that this was all just a bad dream and that I would wake up any second in my own bed back in Charming.

My heart beat faster making my head pound and chest hurt something vicious as Niko kept walking towards me, hands outstretched in a calming manner. "Myrsky you need to calm down" He murmured trying to sooth me over.

"You're dead" I felt the tears begin to run down my cheeks, the pain almost unbearable in my chest, my body beginning to ache like someone had crushed me with a ten ton truck. I clutched at my chest as I slid down the doors of the cupboard behind me.

"Myrsky, I need you to calm down," Niko knelt down in front of me, worry in his eyes. "You need to calm down and listen to me ok?" He reached out to touch my hand, his touch as cold as ice. "Can you do that?" I struggled a nod, head pounding, vision blurry and white noise beginning to buzz in my ears. "Myrsky your body's been damaged," I looked up in fear. "It can't handle the stress you're putting it through right now, you need to calm your heart otherwise you'll end up in bed with the reaper"

I felt the fast thudding of my heart under my hand; I couldn't slow it even if I wanted to. "Why am I here? Why aren't I in Charming?" I managed to spit out as my heart began to beat faster, my head thumping along with it.

Niko sighed softly and hung his head. "You're in a coma Myrsky," He murmured before tipping my chin up. "Jimmy O'Phelan put you in that coma by staging an accident," His bright emerald eyes were hard and angry. "This was the only way your mind could keep you alive while your body recovers"

I collapsed back against the cupboard doors. "Am I dying?" I winced at the sound of my voice, it sounded weak, scared.

"No, no, no" He quickly leant forward drawing me into a hug. "You're not dying Myrsky," He smoothed out my hair as he held me to his chest, my tears soaking the front of his shirt as he emitted a heavy sigh. "At least not yet"

I felt my heart jump into my throat. "What? What do you mean not yet?" I pulled back searching for the truth in his eyes.

"I mean that you don't want to die ihana, you're only just hanging onto your life by a thread because you want to survive"

I exhaled slowly, body shaking heavily, my heart slowly returning to normal. "How did you know Jimmy caused the accident?"

"Because I know everything you know Myrsky, you knew as soon as Harry told you there wasn't a mare in trouble that you'd been set up, you knew it was O'Phelan that set it all up," He sighed lightly. "I'm only a figment of your fractured mind ihana, so is everything around us, you brought us here, to this time and place because you were never fully ready to left us go"

I choked my tears and let my head drop slightly, my thoughts running to Filip and how worried, scared and angry he must be. "Where's Kai?"

"Getting ready for school"

I nodded lightly and felt my throat constrict painfully, pain shooting through my right knee and across my body in several places causing me to cry out. "Why does it hurt so god damn much?" I bit out.

Niko pushed back the loose strands of damp hair and sighed softly. "You're body took a beating ihana, you're still connected to it so you'll still feel the pain at random times, it'll be different each time it happens" He pulled me close holding me tightly rocking me in his arms.

"Isä What's wrong with äiti?"

I felt tears prick my eyes again as Kai entered to kitchen; he looked down at both of us on the floor and cocked his head to the side slightly. "I'm fine Kai" I managed to choke out before tears rolled down my cheeks as the memory flashed through my mind, the image of him lying on his bedroom floor neck slit from ear to ear.

He knelt down in front of me and opened his arms hugging me tightly. "It's ok äiti, there's nothing to worry about anymore, you're here with us, you'll stay won't you? You'll stay with us here, you won't go back to that other place will you?"

I exhaled slowly looking between Niko and Kai, my heart stalling in my chest before slowly beginning to beat again. I flicked my eyes between both of them as I tried to process everything that was going on.

"You need to choose Myrsky, stay here with us or finally let us go and move on with your life"

"I have moved on" I murmured brokenly.

"No, no you haven't," Niko turned my face towards him. "You ran from the pain, guilt and hate, you ran from it instead of stopping and facing it, instead of healing the bloody wounds you kept picking at them," He brushed the pad of his thumb over my cheek. "You're turning them into scars"

I looked between him and Kai again who was holding onto me tightly, a childish look in his eyes twisting around my heart making me feel all that guilt and self hate all over again. "I… I…" I stumbled over my words; I didn't want to voice my thoughts. "I… I…" I looked into Kai's eyes again before sorrow swept over me as I shook my head. "I can't stay Kai; I need to go back to Charming, back to Filip, Tig and my pets"

Kai pouted before beginning to cry. "I want you to stay äiti, you'd be happy here"

I shook my head. "No," I choked on my words that I couldn't believe I was even going to be saying. "No I wouldn't"

"But I want you to stay" He cried out.

"I want to stay with you too sweetheart but I can't," I said as I shook my head lightly. "I can't stay here, at least not forever but I'll stay as long as I can"

"You really love him don't you Myrsky?"

I looked to Niko and nodded through my tears. "I don't want to leave him, I love what my life has turned into," I murmured. "That job offer from Elliot was like a god damn blessing and to find someone like Filip…" I trailed off sighing deeply.

"I know Myrsky," He chuckled softly. "You know I never planned on going out the night we met, I just wanted to pick up some smokes and head home," He smiled resting his hand on my cheek. "Guess it was fate that I decided to stop at the bar to pick them up"

I nodded memorizing his face, it was just the way it had been the morning I'd left to go to work, the morning of the last day of his life. "I'm sorry I can't stay"

"Don't be sorry ihana, you've come to terms with our deaths," He smiled brokenly. "You're a strong, beautiful, courageous and all round amazing woman Myrsky," He traced the scar over my eye. "You fought through the worst days of your life and came out stronger from them, Chibs deserves his happiness with you and you deserve to be happy with him"

I felt another wave of tears wash over me and let my head drop onto his shoulder as he held me while I held Kai close. This is me letting go, letting go of all the pain, all the self hate, all the anger and all the sadness. This is me moving on and forgiving myself for not being able to stop what happened to them. It will kill me to lose them again but I couldn't hold onto them forever, they deserve to be laid to rest. I can break the promise I made to myself all those years ago, I can move on and be happy with Filip, I don't need to kill Koivu for what he did. I sighed lightly stroking Kai's hair back behind his ears. My misery has held me back from jumping in fully with Filip; it's held me back from moving on with my life. I shifted slightly looking at both Niko and Kai again. Goodbye and rest in peace. I shut my eyes and exhaled slowly letting go of everything.

Ihana = Beautiful

Isä = dad

äiti = mum

First part is done! Yay! It's going to take me a while to get going, running at half speed right now, it'll pick up soon. I promise.

Ok so I was watching season 6 of Criminal Minds and low and behold who do I see? None other the Keith McGee, well the guy that played him at least. He was playing an Irish criminal from a rogue IRA fraction, first time I saw him I took a double take and was like, Hey, isn't that the guy that played McGee? Anywho, next part may be up tomorrow, if not I'll try and get it up the day after.