Showing Your Emotions
Chapter 1: Draco Changes
Draco Malfoy was sitting up in one of the many towers at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He was just sitting there, doing nothing but stare at the sky. You're probably wondering why the hell he was sitting in the tower, huh? Well, the answer is quite simple. It was the only place where he could go to think clearly.
Not a single person, students or teachers, knew that he had a problem. In fact, he had a big problem. He was depressed. Not the 'Oh I'm gonna cry' kind of depressed, but the 'I want to kill myself' kind of depressed. And he did. He wanted to die, but he couldn't bring himself to take his own life. So instead, he just sat on the windowsill, thinking about his life and how screwed up it was.
See, his father had never really liked him. In fact, he had taken to beating Draco to help relieve his anger and frustration about other things. His mother was no help either because she always took his father's side in things. Also, he had an entirely different secret that he did not want to get out. He, Draco Malfoy, was gay. Now this in itself was not so bad, but he had done something completely unthinkable. He had fallen in love with Harry Potter. He had fallen for the enemy. His nemesis. After all of the bickering and insults, he had to go and fall in love with the one person he could never be with. He cringed at the thought. What would his father say if he ever found out? He would probably cast the kill spell right then and there. Although, he supposed that would be a blessing. It would save him the trouble of doing the deed himself.
He sighed as he saw the first light of dawn creeping over the horizon. He stood and silently made his way down to the main hall. He took a seat at his table and waited for the rest of the Slytherin to arrive. It didn't take very long. About ten minutes later everyone was present and, after a few words from Dumbledore, the food was served. He didn't really eat much, he just picked at a few things. He was lost too deep in thought to notice somebody standing behind him and looked up only when Professor Snape cleared his throat.
"I need a word with you Malfoy," he said evenly, motioning for Draco to follow him. He did as he was told followed Snape out of the main hall and into the entryway.
"Yes Professor?" he asked, pretending to be curious. Snape eyed him coolly for a minute before replying.
"It has been brought to my attention that you have been missing from the dormitory at night for the past week or so. Would you care to explain why?"
"No sir, I wouldn't," Draco replied calmly. Snape looked a little taken aback but he regained his composure a moment later and looked Malfoy in the eyes.
"Then you will have to serve detention and I will have to inform Dumbledore about your actions."
"That's fine. Can I go now?" asked Draco indifferently. Snape nodded.
"You may go." He waved his hand in dismissal.
Malfoy turned to leave. Had he looked closely enough, he would have noticed the look of concern on Snape's face. Malfoy sighed. Instead of heading back into the dining hall he walked out into the yard and headed toward the greenhouses. There were no classes that day, so he could basically do whatever he wanted. Upon reaching the third greenhouse, he circled around behind them and sat down on the hill overlooking the lake. It was a beautiful view but Draco wasn't really seeing anything. He was thinking to hard to notice anything around him. A werewolf could have come bounding out of the forest and up the hill and attacked him and he probably wouldn't have noticed. In fact, something similar did happen. A werewolf didn't come bounding up the hill but Harry Potter and his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, did. They stopped when they saw Malfoy and Ron snickered. He couldn't pass up such an opportunity to insult the other boy.
"Why so glum Malfoy? Did somebody die?" he asked in mock concern.
"His father, hopefully," added Hermione with a laugh.
Draco didn't reply. He just sat there; chin resting on his drawn up knees, staring out over the lake. He had stopped caring what other people thought or said about him a long time ago. The two Gryffindors seemed surprised by his lack of response and looked at each other in confusion. Ron opened his mouth to say something to goad Malfoy into responding but Harry cut him off.
"Come on guys. Hagrid's expecting us," he said, ushering them down the hill and toward Hagrid's cabin on the edge of the forest. Harry spared one backwards glance and almost stopped dead in his tracks. He wasn't sure if what he saw shocked or horrified him more. Draco Malfoy was crying. He wasn't making a single sound but tears were streaming in little rivulets down his face. He couldn't believe how different his nemesis now was. Come to think of it, he had noticed a lot of changes in Malfoy lately. He had stopped taunting him and his friends, and everyone else for that matter. He had lost some weight probably because he didn't seem to be eating anymore. And he was more pale than usual and he had big black circles under his eyes, like he hadn't slept in a long time.
Harry decided right then and there that he wanted to try and help the other boy. As much as they had argued and insulted one another, Harry really did like the other boy. So now he just had to find out what was wrong and maybe he could help.
~* change of scene~*
Malfoy sat patiently waiting for Dumbledore to see him. Snape had been true to his word and reported his actions to the headmaster. It was about one o'clock when he had been called to Dumbledore's office and now he was just waiting for the old wizard to arrive. After waiting for twenty minutes, he was startled to hear a voice speak from behind him.
"I'm sorry about the wait Malfoy. Minerva had some trouble with a few of her first year Gryffindors."
Malfoy nodded but said nothing.
"Now then," continued Dumbledore. "Snape tells me that you seem to be missing from your dormitory every night for the past few weeks. And that you refuse to tell him why. Is that true?"
"Yes sir," he replied almost automatically.
"Do you want to tell me why you disappear every night?"
"No sir, not really."
"Well, why don't you tell me anyway." When Draco remained silent he continued. "I really don't want to have to use a truth potion of you. Why don't you just tell me." Draco sighed in defeat.
"I want to think and I can't do it in the dormitory."
"So where do you go to think? I won't tell anyone," he hastily added when Malfoy shot him a suspicious look. Draco looked at him and then out the window.
"The east tower," he said. Damn. Now he'd have to find a new place to go.
"What do you think about so late at night? Why do you feel the need to sneak away in the middle of the night?"
"I want to be alone," was the simple answer.
"You know, I have noticed a few things about you lately. You've been rather distant and more quiet than usual. Does this behavior have anything to do with your late night thinking?"
"Yes sir," he replied slowly.
"Come one Draco. You can trust me you know. I won't bite."
"I know sir. But I've never talked to anyone about any of my problems before. I guess I'm a little frightened."
"There's no need to be afraid. I'm only trying to help you. Now, what's been troubling you lately?" Draco looked at the old wizard and sighed.
"Practically everything," he began. He told Dumbledore everything about his father and then paused before continuing. "Professor, I've done something totally unthinkable. My father will kill me if he ever finds out."
"What's that?" prompted Dumbledore. Draco took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He looked at the old wizard then shifted his gaze to the floor.
"I…I fell…in love…with…with Harry Potter," he said around the lump in his throat. Dumbledore's eyes widened as realization set in.
"Oh my. I see," was the only intelligent thing he could say. Draco sighed dejectedly.
"Can I go now," he pleaded.
"Of course. Is it alright if I tell Professor Snape about this situation so he doesn't go punishing you every five minutes?"
"I…I guess so. Thank you Professor."
"Your welcome. If there's anything Professor Snape or I can do for you, please let us know. We are here to help."
Draco nodded and left to head down to the Slytherin common room. He slid inside and went unnoticed up to his bedroom. Throwing himself onto the bed he proceeded to stare blankly at the ceiling. He was a little startled when somebody knocked on his door. He hadn't thought that anyone knew he was there.
"Come in," he called." The door opened to reveal a rather odd looking Snape. He looked nicer somehow. There was an air of genuine kindness surrounding the usually cruel potions teacher.
(A/N. I bet you didn't see that one coming. Snape is gonna actually be nice. Oh, the horror!!! ^_^)
"You detention has been cancelled," he said by way of greeting.
"Oh." They stared at each other for a minute before Malfoy spoke.
"Did…did he tell you everything?" he asked, resuming his staring contest with the ceiling. Snape sat down on the edge of his bed and nodded.
"Yes," he answered slowly. "You know, you could have told me. I wouldn't have judged you." Malfoy looked a little surprised.
"You don't mind the whole Potter thing?" Snape raised his eyebrow in amusement.
"Mind? Why would I mind?"
"I thought you hated Potter."
"No, I don't hate Harry. I hated his father. I just have a bad habit of taking my hate out on his son."
"That makes sense, I think. It's kind of like the Weasley's. They hate my father but they assume I'm like him and take their hate out on me."
"Exactly," said Snape. He looked at Malfoy, who was still staring at the ceiling, for a minute. "You shouldn't bottle everything up inside. It's really not healthy."
Malfoy glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.
"It's hard. I'm not used to showing emotions. My father never approved of it. He said if it wasn't anger or hate then it made you look weak."
"Well it certainly does not make you look weak," said Snape fiercely. "It takes a lot of guts to show what you're feeling. And don't you dare let anyone else tell you any different. You got it?"
"Yeah," replied Draco a little shocked by the intensity of Snape's statement.
"Ok then. I have to go and help some students with a potions test they need to make up. But, if you need anything, anything at all, please don't hesitate to tell me." Draco gave him a small half-hearted grin.
"Thank you Professor."
Snape nodded and then disappeared out the door. Draco returned his gaze to the ceiling and took some time to think about what had just happened. Snape had been helpful and had told him he could go to him for anything. His day had suddenly gotten very strange.
A/N. Ok. I've had the idea for this story sitting in my brain, so I decided to write it down and clear some space out for other ideas to gather in. Anyway, what do you think? Good? Bad? Mediocre? Please review. If I don't get at least five reviews I might not continue. So let me know what you think. Thanx for reading.
~YamatoLuv7~
Chapter 1: Draco Changes
Draco Malfoy was sitting up in one of the many towers at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. He was just sitting there, doing nothing but stare at the sky. You're probably wondering why the hell he was sitting in the tower, huh? Well, the answer is quite simple. It was the only place where he could go to think clearly.
Not a single person, students or teachers, knew that he had a problem. In fact, he had a big problem. He was depressed. Not the 'Oh I'm gonna cry' kind of depressed, but the 'I want to kill myself' kind of depressed. And he did. He wanted to die, but he couldn't bring himself to take his own life. So instead, he just sat on the windowsill, thinking about his life and how screwed up it was.
See, his father had never really liked him. In fact, he had taken to beating Draco to help relieve his anger and frustration about other things. His mother was no help either because she always took his father's side in things. Also, he had an entirely different secret that he did not want to get out. He, Draco Malfoy, was gay. Now this in itself was not so bad, but he had done something completely unthinkable. He had fallen in love with Harry Potter. He had fallen for the enemy. His nemesis. After all of the bickering and insults, he had to go and fall in love with the one person he could never be with. He cringed at the thought. What would his father say if he ever found out? He would probably cast the kill spell right then and there. Although, he supposed that would be a blessing. It would save him the trouble of doing the deed himself.
He sighed as he saw the first light of dawn creeping over the horizon. He stood and silently made his way down to the main hall. He took a seat at his table and waited for the rest of the Slytherin to arrive. It didn't take very long. About ten minutes later everyone was present and, after a few words from Dumbledore, the food was served. He didn't really eat much, he just picked at a few things. He was lost too deep in thought to notice somebody standing behind him and looked up only when Professor Snape cleared his throat.
"I need a word with you Malfoy," he said evenly, motioning for Draco to follow him. He did as he was told followed Snape out of the main hall and into the entryway.
"Yes Professor?" he asked, pretending to be curious. Snape eyed him coolly for a minute before replying.
"It has been brought to my attention that you have been missing from the dormitory at night for the past week or so. Would you care to explain why?"
"No sir, I wouldn't," Draco replied calmly. Snape looked a little taken aback but he regained his composure a moment later and looked Malfoy in the eyes.
"Then you will have to serve detention and I will have to inform Dumbledore about your actions."
"That's fine. Can I go now?" asked Draco indifferently. Snape nodded.
"You may go." He waved his hand in dismissal.
Malfoy turned to leave. Had he looked closely enough, he would have noticed the look of concern on Snape's face. Malfoy sighed. Instead of heading back into the dining hall he walked out into the yard and headed toward the greenhouses. There were no classes that day, so he could basically do whatever he wanted. Upon reaching the third greenhouse, he circled around behind them and sat down on the hill overlooking the lake. It was a beautiful view but Draco wasn't really seeing anything. He was thinking to hard to notice anything around him. A werewolf could have come bounding out of the forest and up the hill and attacked him and he probably wouldn't have noticed. In fact, something similar did happen. A werewolf didn't come bounding up the hill but Harry Potter and his two best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger, did. They stopped when they saw Malfoy and Ron snickered. He couldn't pass up such an opportunity to insult the other boy.
"Why so glum Malfoy? Did somebody die?" he asked in mock concern.
"His father, hopefully," added Hermione with a laugh.
Draco didn't reply. He just sat there; chin resting on his drawn up knees, staring out over the lake. He had stopped caring what other people thought or said about him a long time ago. The two Gryffindors seemed surprised by his lack of response and looked at each other in confusion. Ron opened his mouth to say something to goad Malfoy into responding but Harry cut him off.
"Come on guys. Hagrid's expecting us," he said, ushering them down the hill and toward Hagrid's cabin on the edge of the forest. Harry spared one backwards glance and almost stopped dead in his tracks. He wasn't sure if what he saw shocked or horrified him more. Draco Malfoy was crying. He wasn't making a single sound but tears were streaming in little rivulets down his face. He couldn't believe how different his nemesis now was. Come to think of it, he had noticed a lot of changes in Malfoy lately. He had stopped taunting him and his friends, and everyone else for that matter. He had lost some weight probably because he didn't seem to be eating anymore. And he was more pale than usual and he had big black circles under his eyes, like he hadn't slept in a long time.
Harry decided right then and there that he wanted to try and help the other boy. As much as they had argued and insulted one another, Harry really did like the other boy. So now he just had to find out what was wrong and maybe he could help.
~* change of scene~*
Malfoy sat patiently waiting for Dumbledore to see him. Snape had been true to his word and reported his actions to the headmaster. It was about one o'clock when he had been called to Dumbledore's office and now he was just waiting for the old wizard to arrive. After waiting for twenty minutes, he was startled to hear a voice speak from behind him.
"I'm sorry about the wait Malfoy. Minerva had some trouble with a few of her first year Gryffindors."
Malfoy nodded but said nothing.
"Now then," continued Dumbledore. "Snape tells me that you seem to be missing from your dormitory every night for the past few weeks. And that you refuse to tell him why. Is that true?"
"Yes sir," he replied almost automatically.
"Do you want to tell me why you disappear every night?"
"No sir, not really."
"Well, why don't you tell me anyway." When Draco remained silent he continued. "I really don't want to have to use a truth potion of you. Why don't you just tell me." Draco sighed in defeat.
"I want to think and I can't do it in the dormitory."
"So where do you go to think? I won't tell anyone," he hastily added when Malfoy shot him a suspicious look. Draco looked at him and then out the window.
"The east tower," he said. Damn. Now he'd have to find a new place to go.
"What do you think about so late at night? Why do you feel the need to sneak away in the middle of the night?"
"I want to be alone," was the simple answer.
"You know, I have noticed a few things about you lately. You've been rather distant and more quiet than usual. Does this behavior have anything to do with your late night thinking?"
"Yes sir," he replied slowly.
"Come one Draco. You can trust me you know. I won't bite."
"I know sir. But I've never talked to anyone about any of my problems before. I guess I'm a little frightened."
"There's no need to be afraid. I'm only trying to help you. Now, what's been troubling you lately?" Draco looked at the old wizard and sighed.
"Practically everything," he began. He told Dumbledore everything about his father and then paused before continuing. "Professor, I've done something totally unthinkable. My father will kill me if he ever finds out."
"What's that?" prompted Dumbledore. Draco took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. He looked at the old wizard then shifted his gaze to the floor.
"I…I fell…in love…with…with Harry Potter," he said around the lump in his throat. Dumbledore's eyes widened as realization set in.
"Oh my. I see," was the only intelligent thing he could say. Draco sighed dejectedly.
"Can I go now," he pleaded.
"Of course. Is it alright if I tell Professor Snape about this situation so he doesn't go punishing you every five minutes?"
"I…I guess so. Thank you Professor."
"Your welcome. If there's anything Professor Snape or I can do for you, please let us know. We are here to help."
Draco nodded and left to head down to the Slytherin common room. He slid inside and went unnoticed up to his bedroom. Throwing himself onto the bed he proceeded to stare blankly at the ceiling. He was a little startled when somebody knocked on his door. He hadn't thought that anyone knew he was there.
"Come in," he called." The door opened to reveal a rather odd looking Snape. He looked nicer somehow. There was an air of genuine kindness surrounding the usually cruel potions teacher.
(A/N. I bet you didn't see that one coming. Snape is gonna actually be nice. Oh, the horror!!! ^_^)
"You detention has been cancelled," he said by way of greeting.
"Oh." They stared at each other for a minute before Malfoy spoke.
"Did…did he tell you everything?" he asked, resuming his staring contest with the ceiling. Snape sat down on the edge of his bed and nodded.
"Yes," he answered slowly. "You know, you could have told me. I wouldn't have judged you." Malfoy looked a little surprised.
"You don't mind the whole Potter thing?" Snape raised his eyebrow in amusement.
"Mind? Why would I mind?"
"I thought you hated Potter."
"No, I don't hate Harry. I hated his father. I just have a bad habit of taking my hate out on his son."
"That makes sense, I think. It's kind of like the Weasley's. They hate my father but they assume I'm like him and take their hate out on me."
"Exactly," said Snape. He looked at Malfoy, who was still staring at the ceiling, for a minute. "You shouldn't bottle everything up inside. It's really not healthy."
Malfoy glanced at him out of the corner of his eye.
"It's hard. I'm not used to showing emotions. My father never approved of it. He said if it wasn't anger or hate then it made you look weak."
"Well it certainly does not make you look weak," said Snape fiercely. "It takes a lot of guts to show what you're feeling. And don't you dare let anyone else tell you any different. You got it?"
"Yeah," replied Draco a little shocked by the intensity of Snape's statement.
"Ok then. I have to go and help some students with a potions test they need to make up. But, if you need anything, anything at all, please don't hesitate to tell me." Draco gave him a small half-hearted grin.
"Thank you Professor."
Snape nodded and then disappeared out the door. Draco returned his gaze to the ceiling and took some time to think about what had just happened. Snape had been helpful and had told him he could go to him for anything. His day had suddenly gotten very strange.
A/N. Ok. I've had the idea for this story sitting in my brain, so I decided to write it down and clear some space out for other ideas to gather in. Anyway, what do you think? Good? Bad? Mediocre? Please review. If I don't get at least five reviews I might not continue. So let me know what you think. Thanx for reading.
~YamatoLuv7~