Disclaimer: Angel and all related characters are the property of Mutant Enemy Productions, Inc., Sandollar Television, Kuzui Enterprises and Twentieth Century-Fox Television. No copyright infringement is intended. This work of fiction is for entertainment purposes only and no money has changed hands. The story and all original characters are the sole property of the author and may not be used or archived without permission.

Author's Note: "Birthday" gave me kind of a weird idea. This story is based on the show Actress Cordelia might have had in the Alternate Universe, so it's heavily AU itself. It's not a real script format, but it's written in realtime and there are some additions that will give you the simulated feel of watching a TV show. Feedback appreciated, even if you hate it.

Cordy!

By Darrin Colbourne

"'Cordy!' follows the traditions of many sitcoms that have taken a hilarious look at the inner workings of Hollywood. Cordelia Chase plays Cordy Chapman, a young, ambitious writer for a popular teen horror drama, who spends her days trying to survive cutthroat bosses, zany co-workers, and the flighty machinations of Sarah (Sarah Michelle Gellar, portraying Herself in a recurring role), the star of the fictional drama, and her free time trying to balance the madness with quality time with her boyfriend, Jake (David Boreanaz). The core cast has a great chemistry and is led ably by Chase, and with a popular screen and TV actress like Gellar adding star power to the ensemble the WB may have finally struck gold. 'Cordy!' looks to be one of the big hits of the new season"

--TV Guide, Fall Preview Issue

"Cordy! (WB) (TV14) (CC): Cordy has her sights set on a big future after she lands a famous guest star for the show (Hinton Battle), but Sarah's clumsiness could bring her dreams crashing to the ground. Sarah: Sarah Michelle Gellar."

--TV Guide listing

Intro Scene, Opening Credits roll:

It's late evening, and Cordy and her boyfriend Jake walk into a busy music store. Cordy starts looking around as Jake speaks:

"Okay, explain it to me again." He says. "Why can't your boss buy his own CDs?"

"I told you I'm not just buying CDs." She says. "The boss asked all the writers to help him out with some music ideas for a special episode so I suggested he might get inspired by listening to a variety of new music. He liked the idea and told me to go with it, so that's why we're here." She picks up a CD and examines it. "Maybe he can use this one for inspiration."

Jake looks over her shoulder at it and chuckles. "Oh, yeah. I can just see the most whitebread cast on the network getting their 'Freak' on to Snoop Dogg."

Cordy gets an exasperated look and gives him a light backhand to the gut. "Can't you stop riding my work for two minutes?"

"I'm sorry, Cordy. Look, I know you're a terrific writer. I just wish you had a better showcase for your talent. That show is drek. The characters are all stereotypes and they all have such non-problems, and it's all part of the least realistic premise I've ever heard of."

"Why does everything have to be so realistic with you? Y'know, you might be a happier person if you added a little operatic drama to your work."

"Cordy, I direct documentaries for PBS! What am I supposed to do, say 'Hey, destitute farmers! Couldja try to look even more disconsolate and try not to cry until we're halfway through the tour of your barren fields? My girlfriend thinks it would add some operatic drama to the installment of 'Frontline' we're doing about your plight!'"

"Oh, stop it!" She scolds as she puts the CD down. "I keep telling you that the horrors they face each week are metaphors for what all young people face in the world. Bullies, peer pressure, addiction, grief, loss--we cover more real anguish in one episode than 'Frontline' covers in a season. We just do it with prettier people and lots of cartoon-like violence."

"Makes you wonder why you don't win more Emmys, huh?" Jake says, then chuckles as Cordy shakes her head and continues her search. She picks up another CD and looks it over.

"It's jazz." She says. "I love listening to this stuff but I'm no expert on it." She spots someone else looking at other jazz CDs nearby and taps him on the shoulder. "Excuse me, how much do you know about jazz?

"I've been known to dabble in it now and then." The man says as he turns, and Cordy's eyes go wide when she realizes who it is.

"Oh my God! You're Hinton Battle! I'm such a huge fan! I've followed your career since you did 'The Wiz' here in L.A.! Stupid me! Of course, you know everything about jazz! And singing, and modern dance and on and on!"

"Well, not everything." Hinton says. "I'm still trying to figure out how Michael Bolton got to be such a household name."

Cordy chuckles as she introduces herself. "I'm Cordy Chapman. This is my boyfriend Jake Parsons."

"What are you doing nowadays?" Jake asks.

"Mainly I teach song and dance courses here in L.A., but I'm also working on a one man show that I'd like to bring to the stage."

"Are you looking for music for that now?" Cordy asks.

"No, I just come here to keep up on the competition. It's cheaper than bugging all their studios and paying their agents for information."

Everyone chuckles at that, until Cordy's eyes go wide again. "Wait a minute! I've just had a vision!"

"Uh-oh! Stand back, Hinton! This could get ugly!" Jake says with mock seriousness.

"You keep out of this! Hinton, you've done some television, right?"

"Some, yes."

"How'd you like a guest appearance on a top-rated show? I think you'd be perfect for an episode of the show I write for, 'Buffy, The Vampire Slayer'!"

"Never heard of it. What's it about?"

Cordy and Jake just stand for a moment looking at each other, then at Hinton, then Jake speaks before Cordy can.

"Does the phrase 'self-explanatory' mean anything to you?"

Cordy swats him in the back of the head, then talks to Hinton. "It's about an average girl who finds out she's destined to protect the world from evil--well, mainly vampires, but other stuff, too. We're working on a musical episode right now, and I think..."

"Wait a second." Hinton says. "A vampire slayer musical?"

"See? Gettin' ugly." Jake says.

"Ignore him," Cordy says, then gives Hinton a business card. "And don't say 'no' yet. That has the address of my company on it. Come in, talk with Joss, hear his plans for the episode. I guarantee you won't be disappointed."

"Well..." Hinton says, "how can I say 'no' to such a pretty face. I'll look into it."

"Beautiful!" Cordy says, beaming. "I'll see you there." With that, Hinton heads off, leaving Cordy and Jake alone.

"Honey," Cordy says, still smiling, "you are looking at the next Story Editor on 'Buffy'! This find is going to be my ticket up!"

"Oh, sure!" Jake says. "And what better way to boost a man's career than by putting him in bad makeup and having him dance around with tone-deaf pretty people engaging in cartoon-like violence? It's a win-win situation!"

She hits him again as they exit the music store.

Cue theme (Short 'Bumper' version), cut to commercial